I feel so conflicted on the 'marital home'

[usedtobebear]

Gawd I feel crazy, last night I started second guessing my decision to sell my house, I have been for sure going to sell it and split the equity with DH 50/50, but last night I started thinking maybe I should keep it. ugh!

Did anyone here decide to stay and buy DH out of the equity? Was it wierd being in the house that you shared with DH?

We've lived there 10 years, no kids. It's a great house. My Dad has been helping me fix up random stuff to get it ready to list. When he was leaving last night I just looked around and realized that it is a great house and I'm feeling more comfortable there every day. One of my main reasons was not wanting my DH to always know where I am, but I figure if he wanted to find me he would be able to, regardless if I lived there or not. My other issue is our dogs, 2 90lb Lab's and if my house sells I am going to have a hard time finding a rental, I want to buy but worried I'm not going to afford anything nicer and I do love my house. I just have had bad feelings there the past few months, but they are starting to subside I think.

I text my realtor at 10 pm last night that I was having a mini melt down and maybe can't deal with selling my house. Yesterday I text him the zip codes I'm interested in buying in. I'm so conflicted and just all around feeling crazy about this.

Divorce is hard.

[doriswe]

I was soooo back and forth about selling our house and actually had a realtor come over and assess it and was actually out looking for apartments. I couldn't make up my mind because I couldn't imagine staying in "our" house. We had no equity in the house, so that was never up for discussion.

Thankfully, the rentals (big enough for my family) was a little less than my mortgage, so I said "fuck it" and stayed put....and have never been happier! I repainted and redecorated, so that helped make it more me and less us.

((Hugs))

[usedtobebear]

Jul 17, 2012 10:24:44 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I was soooo back and forth about selling our house and actually had a realtor come over and assess it and was actually out looking for apartments. I couldn't make up my mind because I couldn't imagine staying in "our" house. We had no equity in the house, so that was never up for discussion.

Thankfully, the rentals (big enough for my family) was a little less than my mortgage, so I said "fuck it" and stayed put....and have never been happier! I repainted and redecorated, so that helped make it more me and less us.

((Hugs))

Oh my goodness Doris, that is so nice to hear. I was up all night thinking how I would paint my living room grayish blue and yellow above my fireplace and make it chic and fabulous. I also have an amazing garden that I'm very attached to. Thank you for sharing your story, it helps to know I'm not alone in going back and forth and feeling crazy.

[doriswe]

I'll also add, XH is entitled to equity from his first XW's home, but she doesn't have to pay it to him until their last kid is 18. That's how the courts set it up.

P.S. I bought an amazing red couch after he moved out, repainted the living room, dining room and some bedrooms and added a fire pit in the backyard. I looovveeee that it's MINE!!!

[roselis]

I stayed in our marital home. XH couldn't afford it and I could. The amount of debt he would have taken on in the split (half of the debt on my credit card) was about the same as the equity he would have received so we agreed that I kept the debt and the house.

Same as doriswe, I am just redecorating it to make it mine.
I have kept the living room the same so far. I am unsure as to what I want to do with it. DS's room is staying the same as well because I love it.
First, I am redoing the bedroom. Painting it finally and replacing the bedframe (which I had bought specifically for us). Most of the rooms in the house were still not painted from when we moved in, so it's easy to redo.
I am turning the basement into a pirate bar/party area when my brother moves out.

[explorer2001]

I'm still in my house. Because I bought when ex and I were engaged I never lived there alone before the divorce. However he was entitled to any hypothetical equity. Timing wide with the market ranking there wasn't any equity anyway. Now I've lived there longer alone than I had with him. I've done tons of work, decorated some, replaced the roof, windows, garage door, etc. It feels like MY home. I've worked hard for it and I love it.

Although all this talk is making me want to paint.

[formerlyak]

Our marital house was a rental, but it was a nice house none the less. I stayed in it because I wanted to keep a sense of stability for ds and I knew ex couldn't afford to stay in the house. It was hard at first, because I would find things here and there that he forgot to take with him. For a while I would make him boxes of the stuff I found and give them to him when he picked up ds. After a few months I started tossing that stuff as I'd find it figuring if he didn't miss it yet, he didn't remember he had it -- that was fun

[Bernadine]

I think I'll probably end up keeping the house. We'd most likely lose money if we tried to sell it. I can afford it on my own, he can't.

Once I can get his ass out of there, I plan on going through and scrubbing from top to bottom, painting, and probably adding some new decorations.

[udscoobychick]

BF kept his marital home. He did a lot of painting, which was very therapeutic for him! I've seen pictures of how it was before, and you wouldn't believe that it's the same house! It was so white. His living room is now red, and the bedroom is orange (very warm tones, so they're not as overwhelming as they sound). He got a new couch, new coffee table, new TV, and we're in the process of building a new bed. He has really made the place his own.

[aliciar6]

i got the house becaues he couldn't afford it, we couldn't sell it with out losing money so i'm renting it at the moment and living with FI.

[Deleted]

He stayed and I left with the kids.I moved away. He is still in the house 10 years later. He bought me out.

[Deleted]

We were in a rental...he stayed I moved into a new apt. I'm happy here because it's mine and there are no memories of him here. It's my own peaceful space. But I do know plenty of people that kept their marital house and are happy. Do what's best for you! If you stay reprint and redecorate!

[margaritagirl]

I am in the marital home b/c we would probably be undewater if we sold a year ago. I am hoping to sell next year if the market continues to improve a bit. I don't mind it, but it's a temporary fix. I could afford the mortgage (barely) and he couldn't, do I didn't have to buy him out.

I repainted my bedroom and redecorated that pronto. Other than that, I haven't been able to do much, but it's OK. I have a DD and it's her home, and that was important to keep her in her known place for the time being.