How to deal with the back and forth

[ro]

I know I've made the decision to go ahead with this separation, but how do I deal with the back and forth from DH?
He's completely unstable at the moment. One of the reasons this is happening. One day he'll be telling me all day that he hates me and that the only reason I'm doing this is because I want to sleep with everyone in town and he's scared for me because he knows I'm just going to get hurt, etc. And then the next (today, he knows I'm seeing my lawyer today) it's all 'Please don't do this. I'm going to change. We can figure this out. This is going way too far'.
OMG, it's driving me crazy. I can't deal anymore. I've given him more than enough chances, like a year of chances, and he still hasn't done what he said he was going to do. Is it my fault that he hasn't stepped up like he said he would? No.
Ugh. Sorry, just a little vent. But really, I'm not really responding to him when he does this stuff, but I can't handle him texting me all day while I'm at work and then saying things all night at home.

[explorer2001]

You deal with it by realizing what he is doing is crazymaking and manipulative. He is desperately trying everything he can think of to get what he wants. Stay true to yourself. Hang in there hugs.

[Bernadine]

I think ignoring him is the best route. That's what I ended up having to do with my ex. It will get better.

[mandimija]

Yep. He's crazymaking. My XH did this shit for *months*. He tried it even after the divorce was final. He's hurt, and desperate and doing anything and everything that crosses his little pea brain to get what he wants, which is to stop you leaving. Given, it's ineffective, but the man either won't or is incapable of seeing that in his present state.

Eventually, your 'give a damn' will get busted. I know mine did. Hang in there. It does get better. I promise.

[ro]

Thanks. I know it's all bs and his way of trying to get what he wants, still. It's hard because this is not how I thought it would go, but he's giving me no choice. I'm in counselling which has helped me be able to see through it, but it's still a mental game that is exhausting.

[dakotadangerdog]

Yep I had a solid month of this with my XH, except I felt like I couldn't just say fuck it, let's get divorced, so every time he would be mad at me and want to divorce I'd be PUMPED and then the next day when he wanted to stay together I'd be miserable. Ugh it was terrible.

[bookworm]

Ugh I'm sorry. I'm still kind of going through that about a month later. Luckily we don't live together so it's been a little better. One night he tried to call me over 30 times, ridiculous.

Is there any way that you can move out?

My H and I are still in contact via email because we have bills and other stuff to take care of and sometimes he'll start with the begging but I just stand firm and repeat myself about how things just aren't working out for us to be married. It's hard, but I always remember the horrible things he has said and done, so it's a good reminder that I'm making the right decision.

Stay strong!

[usedtobebear]

Oh hun, I'm going through the same thing, basically trying to divorce someone unstable... the back and forth is so hard on me too. I will be doing so good for days when doesn't contact me and then the second he sends a text or call I just get pulled back into his craziness and get so overwhlemed with anxiety. It's hard not to feel bad for them and wonder if you should have done more. I would just keep trying to not communicate with him and trust yourself. I keep saying to myself that I know my own truth and this is the best decision for me, life is too short to not be happy. But, it's so hard. There is nothing my stbx could say at this point to get back together, so I'm finally over that hurdle, but I've said I wanted a divorce many times over the years and never followed through with it. Hang in there!

[Deleted]

You dont answer him at all while you are at work and move out now if you can,.