WDYT - grandparent involvement

[mrsg123]

My parents live in another state, and we see them just a few times per year. Dd1, 4.5, has had a huge week with multiple big ballet performances and the last day of preschool. This feels like a big deal to me and DH. We haven't heard from my parents all week and my feelings are hurt. Do you expect phone calls for these types of things, or am I expecting too much? TIA.

[zarapipe]

Probably after the fact they will ask how they went, but that's probably about it. That's just how we are thought. If they usually call for stuff like that I would be annoyed.

Dd has her recital next Saturday. I expect my mom to call that evening, maybe sunday to ask how it went and want a picture sent her way. If she didn't I wouldn't be upset or disappointed at all.

[cricketwife]

You're the mom, so it's a big deal for you. But really, there's nothing "big" about a 4 yr old dance performance unless it's on Broadway. And the last day of preschool? I just don't see this as a card/gift or even phone call kind of occasion. I wouldn't interpret their behavior as a lack of caring in this case.

[gibbinator]

My mom, Nana and ILs would call, but they call every week anyway. My dad & stepmother would not (and they only live an hour away). No big deal, they're just not really involved in Ds's life and I don't much expect them to be since they're shy introverts like me.

[Deleted]

May 23, 2014 16:26:17 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

You're the mom, so it's a big deal for you. But really, there's nothing "big" about a 4 yr old dance performance unless it's on Broadway. And the last day of preschool? I just don't see this as a card/gift or even phone call kind of occasion. I wouldn't interpret their behavior as a lack of caring in this case.

I'm here. My inlaws are local and I don't even expect them to show up or care about such things (though they do most of the time). My parents are farther away and my mom will wait until a big week is over and then call to see how it all went. She doesn't want to be annoying with 4363464 and if we're busy she won't catch us anyways. 

Even as my own kids' mother I don't get super excited about such events deep down, (is that terrible?) so I don't expect anyone else too either.

[auntie]

This is one of those bigger deal to the parents than anyone else thing.

If they're the sort who are interested, send them a clip of the recital. Last day of preschool? Is this a thing? I don't think DH attended DS's last day of preschool.

[bronxgirl]

If I want to talk to my parents I call them. I don't see the point in not reaching out to them , but getting hurt when they don't call.

[cinco]

I only expect them to call on their birthdays. So far, we 're good. For holidays, we generally call first.

[dragonfly08]

My mom would call, but that's the way she is. My MIL likely wouldn't, she'd probably just ask about it the next time we spoke whenever that was. I don't have a problem either way. Those things are big to us, as parents, but really don't even make it on to anybody else's radar most of the time. I adore my niece and nephews, but I've got way too much on my own plate to remember when niece has a cheer competition, or nephews are playing in a big baseball tournament, or when their last day of school is. My sister updates me when necessary or I comment on the FB pics, I say the right things, and that's it. Doesn't mean I love them any less.

[ECB]

My ILs don't even know Ds "graduated" from preschool yesterday.

I think you're expecting too much too.

[momof2boys]

My mother would call, actually in our case my parents live in town so would likely come to the event. When they can't make something (sporting event etc) they always text during the event to see how its going and ask my kids to call them after so they can talk to them.
My MIL would not call.

[anna7602]

We invited all the grandparents to come up for DD's dance recital next week. They all live out of state and are coming.

It was a big deal for DD and she requested their presence. So, I guess it depends on how big of a deal it is to your DD. But couldn't you just call and then let DD tell them about the events of her week? That's what would matter to my DD, not who called whom first.

[Marmee]

My parents do not care about that kind of thing. If they were close they might come (MIL does if we invite her) but they probably wouldnt really actually care much about it. So i think you are expecting too much. My DD3s last day if preschool is Friday & I have spent exactly zero minutes thinking about it until now.

[water*drop]

Personally, I'd have DD skype/call the grandparents to tell them about her recital or whatever if she was super excited and wanted to tell them how it went. Otherwise, we talk to or text our parents once a week or so, so we'd tell them how it went during those conversations. I wouldn't expect them to call specifically to ask about that type of stuff.

[speckledfrog]

I would not expect a phone call from my parents but my ILs would call. It wouldn't bother me for my parents to not call, it's just not the way we roll.