Moms who choose to never BF

[eddy]

I totally get it. Although I was a BFing mom I 100% understand the desire to FF. And if we are being honest since I have done both FF is easier and this is coming from someone who didn't have any issues BFing. Just even sharing the waking/feeding load makes it easier. And not having the pressure to be the food source is a big thing. After pregnancy I am always anxious to get my body back to just being mine.
So I do not judge and can relate to someone who has the desire to go straight to FF.

[vanillacourage]

Simple answer - because they don't want to. I don't get what's not to get?

[mollybrown]

Who cares? I breast fed one child for 8 months, and the other never would latch properly, and received pumped breast milk for 1 month.

There are pros and cons to both. I actually bonded faster to my non breast fed child. I was so stressed out and in pain nursing the first child, and I resented him often. I would have enjoyed his first 6 months a hell of a lot more if I had formula fed.

I'm proud that I made it to past 6 months with my first child, but I didn't love anything about breast feeding. Especially not the pumping part. If I have another child I will try to BF, but I'm not going to put any ridiculous pressure on myself. I found formula feeding much easier, and not that much more expensive when you factor in lactation consulting fees, hospital grade pump rental fees, and pump accessories. I spent $600 trying to (unsuccessfully) breast feed my daughter! That's like 9-10 months of formula for us.

[housegeek]

I'm judgey about it. But I realize that I'm stupid to be judgey about it. I'm human.

[eddy]

Molly-I had a similar experience as far as enjoyment level once I started to FF. I finally started to sit back and enjoy my son once he was weaned. I wasn't as stressed and I was just pleasant again. It got old ever time you held your child and all they wanted to do was eat. It was like he finally looked up and realized I had a face and wasn't just a pair of boobs to him lol. And I realized I could do more with him than just sit there and feed him.

[omalley]

May 15, 2012 9:01:39 GMT -5 dcrunnergirl said:

How do you know they didn't try? And really what difference did it make? Between my milk barely coming in, and the stress of BFing and caring for two newborns, and after having just spent the past 14 weeks on bedrest all led to BFing just making my PPD skyrocket. I admittedly didn't give it my best effort, but I have no guilt about it. I needed to do what was necessary to keep us all happy and healthy. And for us, that meant formula feeding.

This describes us exactly. Except for the bolded part...I did feel guilty but mostly b/c I knew people would judge me (as identified by a few posts here)

[mollybrown]

May 15, 2012 10:28:21 GMT -5 eddy said:

Molly-I had a similar experience as far as enjoyment level once I started to FF. I finally started to sit back and enjoy my son once he was weaned. I wasn't as stressed and I was just pleasant again. It got old ever time you held your child and all they wanted to do was eat. It was like he finally looked up and realized I had a face and wasn't just a pair of boobs to him lol. And I realized I could do more with him than just sit there and feed him.

I totally agree. My son wanted to be attached to my boobs at all times, even when he wasn't eating. It was like being a hostage sometimes

[nonsenseabound]

I gave my son a couple formula bottle in the hospital. He was STARVING and mildly jaundiced and my milk had not yet come in, so he was nursing and nursing and getting mad. He is now b/f for the past 5 months.

I'm a big believer in give it a whirl but if it doesn't work then don't feel bad. Just feed your kid.

An atty friend recently was GAL for a newborn. There was recently a newborn was was 7+ lbs at birth and less than a month later was done to 3 lbs. Mom wasn't feeding the kid. Social services swooped in and after one weekend witha foster parent, the kid was up one lb. It absolutely breaks my heart. I reserve my judgment for that mom. Not for nonbreastfeeding ones.

[lala]

I have wondered the same thing because I do know someone who chose way before she was even pregnant to not try to BF. She wasn't interested, thought it was gross. She didn't try, doesn't have a medical reason. She did share this with me, so I do, "know." I agree that she should get to make that choice and she needn't be judged for it, but I do understand the wondering why part. Why is that she thinks it is gross?

After being around her more when we both had babies and I was BFing as well as around other EBFing Moms it seemed that she was woefully uninformed. Now, was she uniformed b/c she had chosen not to BF so she never researched it? Or was she never informed therefore she chose not to BF?

I wish we could discuss this topic some - from a more objective place, more abstractly I guess I mean?

I do wonder, if more people breastfed to one year exclusively if the rate would continue to climb over generations. The more education and exposure people have, more more normalized it would be once again. I want to say I read a story about a primate who hadn't been around another female primate so she had no exposure to nursing, so even though it was natural, etc. w/o seeing and having support so to speak there was concern that she would/could nurse. So, they had human mothers nurse around her, outside of her enclosure, to expose her and familiarize her with it. I'll have to try to look for that to see how accurate that it. Point being, if you aren't exposed, educated, supported, it makes it very difficult - but instead of rushing straight to, "it's a choice to not bf," we should also be concerned that continual low BFing rates will lead to less exposure, education, etc.

I feel like every post related to this needs a disclaimer about how yes, there are some medical reasons or medication that you can't BF with, and yes adoptive parents shouldn't have to induce lactation, etc.

ETA: Here is a link to that story I mentioned about the gorilla: upallnight5210.blogspot.com/2012/03/dont-kill-your-kid.html

[jenny1223]

This is the kind of shit that made me feel so guilty that we had to start supplementing with formula at two weeks because of DS's tongue tie (which wasn't diagnosed until weeks later).

Formula isn't poison and it's not my place to judge how other women choose to feed their babies.

[lala]

May 15, 2012 11:25:58 GMT -5 jenny1223 said:

This is the kind of shit that made me feel so guilty that we had to start supplementing with formula at two weeks because of DS's tongue tie (which wasn't diagnosed until weeks later).

Formula isn't poison and it's not my place to judge how other women choose to feed their babies.

But no one is talking about that. No one said formal is evil. Without it, plenty of babies would have died over the years. I, too, had to supplement the entire time I breastfed my daughter and I'm doing it again this time b/c I have insufficient glandular tissue. I literally don't have enough of the milk making tissue. It shouldn't make you feel guilty at all. You did the absolute best that you could. Tongue Tie, IGT, former breast reductions, etc. all fall under medical reasons that make it difficult or impossible to BF.

[jenny1223]

May 15, 2012 11:34:10 GMT -5 lala said:

May 15, 2012 11:25:58 GMT -5 jenny1223 said:

This is the kind of shit that made me feel so guilty that we had to start supplementing with formula at two weeks because of DS's tongue tie (which wasn't diagnosed until weeks later).

Formula isn't poison and it's not my place to judge how other women choose to feed their babies.

But no one is talking about that. No one said formal is evil. Without it, plenty of babies would have died over the years. I, too, had to supplement the entire time I breastfed my daughter and I'm doing it again this time b/c I have insufficient glandular tissue. I literally don't have enough of the milk making tissue. It shouldn't make you feel guilty at all. You did the absolute best that you could. Tongue Tie, IGT, former breast reductions, etc. all fall under medical reasons that make it difficult or impossible to BF.

Sorry, I'm kind of sensitive about the issue. It's just the generally judginess about formula that made me feel guilty (I'm over the guilt now!). I always felt like I wasn't doing enough: I could be pumping more, taking more supplements/drugs to increase milk supply, putting DS to the breast even more, etc.

There are a lot of reasons why a woman won't breastfeed and even if that reason is she just doesn't want to, I don't think it's anyone's place to judge that.

[lala]

May 15, 2012 11:41:32 GMT -5 jenny1223 said:

May 15, 2012 11:34:10 GMT -5 lala said:

But no one is talking about that. No one said formal is evil. Without it, plenty of babies would have died over the years. I, too, had to supplement the entire time I breastfed my daughter and I'm doing it again this time b/c I have insufficient glandular tissue. I literally don't have enough of the milk making tissue. It shouldn't make you feel guilty at all. You did the absolute best that you could. Tongue Tie, IGT, former breast reductions, etc. all fall under medical reasons that make it difficult or impossible to BF.

Sorry, I'm kind of sensitive about the issue. It's just the generally judginess about formula that made me feel guilty (I'm over the guilt now!). I always felt like I wasn't doing enough: I could be pumping more, taking more supplements/drugs to increase milk supply, putting DS to the breast even more, etc.

There are a lot of reasons why a woman won't breastfeed and even if that reason is she just doesn't want to, I don't think it's anyone's place to judge that.

Oh, I know about that guilt. Forgetting my fenugreek or my super pricey "more milk special blend." And agonizing over the pumping. In the end, I'm glad I spent the time I did hyper focusing on getting the BFing to work, but it was hard.

[froggy76]

I feel bad admitting it, but I'm with OP. She is not talking about women who couldn't BF or who had to supplement. She's talking about women who just say, "Nah, don't feel like it!" I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that a woman would be producing colostrum and BM that is so beneficial for their baby, and instead of feeding it to them, they purposely dry it up and give formula instead.

I'm really surprised to find myself feeling this way because I always assumed I'd FF until I was actually pg and decided to give BFing a shot. And, I have to buy into the amazing health benefits of BFing because it is SO much work and I need a way to justify all this effort I'm putting in!

I also think the attitude of most posters in this thread is detrimental to BFing. If FF is just as good, and BFing is so much work, then why bother, right? 6 months in, I'm struggling to find the motivation to keep going with BFing/pumping, and if it were just the norm in the US to BF to 1 year, it definitely wouldn't be as hard for me to stay motivated and I wouldn't have people telling me not to feel bad if I decide not to continue.

[mallen34]

May 15, 2012 10:19:27 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Simple answer - because they don't want to. I don't get what's not to get?

This exactly. I had no other reason to not BF outside of - I did not want to. My DD is a good sleeper, I got to share the feeding experience with my DH, and my DD is perfectly healthy. I'm happy with my choice to FF.

[Deleted]

Well I tried but ds never got any BM & was exclusively ff until we started solids.

Factors

1 ) DS was born with low blood sugar & spent 24 hours in the NICU, where he had to be ff every three hours in order to maintain his blood sugar. BTW this doesn't just happen to tiny babies. Large babies are at risk for low blood sugar as well.

2) despite this I pumped every 2-3 hours & met with a lc 3 times before we left the hospital. Ds latched on right away using a nipple shield ( I have inverted nipples) but nothing ever came out. No colostrum nothing

3) I could feel the mounting ppd/ ppa during my hospital stay, & I was eager for an rx for Prozac which I had taken before pregnancy.

All in all I made the right choice for our family. I never engorged at all, despite pumping for two days pp, and Ds latching several times. I was all prepared with sports bras and cabbage leaves and Tylenol, and nothing ever happened.

DS has severe reflux & a protien allergy & with elemental formula has stayed on his growth curve & is off the charts for height & 93 percent for weight. I wish I could have had those bonding experience with ds , but we are bonded none the less. Each woman needs to make the right choice for HER family.

[Mrs.Syntax]

I don't really judge. I have many friends in many different circumstances. All have started off trying to BF, but most switched to formula at some point (mostly due to lack of success with pumping at work.) Their babies are 100% healthy, probably not going to be serial killers, etc.

I do admit that a week or so ago, my cousin's daughter posted a picture on FB of her day-old baby with one of those ready-made bottles of formula in his mouth (the kind you can get from the hospital.) I was kind of like, "Aw, man" but not really because I was judging her personally... that part of my family is a little bit different, socioeconomically speaking, and no one even tries to BF. Formula is the norm, and I just feel a general disappointment that BFing is not socially acceptable to them. (I was at a family event when DD was a few weeks old - several people offered to feed the baby, I had to explain that I BF'd, and they were like, "Ew, you're kidding."

[ECB]

May 15, 2012 12:03:29 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

I also think the attitude of most posters in this thread is detrimental to BFing. If FF is just as good, and BFing is so much work, then why bother, right? 6 months in, I'm struggling to find the motivation to keep going with BFing/pumping, and if it were just the norm in the US to BF to 1 year, it definitely wouldn't be as hard for me to stay motivated and I wouldn't have people telling me not to feel bad if I decide not to continue.

THis is what I ultimately don't get. why are they tied together? You're tying your motivation to the fact that people choose to FF, and I've known people (myself included) who feel guilty when they go to formula because they feel the "have" to BF.

Why are they tied to one another at all? My choice to stop BFing shouldn't have anything to do w/ any other woman's choice to BF or FF, just as your motivation to BF shouldn't have anything to do w/ anyone's choice to FF.

Why are they related at all?

[hannamarin]

And my breasts de perkified without breastfeeding! Sad face.

[partiallysunny]

May 15, 2012 12:30:38 GMT -5 ECB said:

May 15, 2012 12:03:29 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

I also think the attitude of most posters in this thread is detrimental to BFing. If FF is just as good, and BFing is so much work, then why bother, right? 6 months in, I'm struggling to find the motivation to keep going with BFing/pumping, and if it were just the norm in the US to BF to 1 year, it definitely wouldn't be as hard for me to stay motivated and I wouldn't have people telling me not to feel bad if I decide not to continue.

THis is what I ultimately don't get. why are they tied together? You're tying your motivation to the fact that people choose to FF, and I've known people (myself included) who feel guilty when they go to formula because they feel the "have" to BF.

Why are they tied to one another at all? My choice to stop BFing shouldn't have anything to do w/ any other woman's choice to BF or FF, just as your motivation to BF shouldn't have anything to do w/ anyone's choice to FF.

Why are they related at all?

Yes!

[karinothing]

May 15, 2012 12:30:38 GMT -5 ECB said:

May 15, 2012 12:03:29 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

I also think the attitude of most posters in this thread is detrimental to BFing. If FF is just as good, and BFing is so much work, then why bother, right? 6 months in, I'm struggling to find the motivation to keep going with BFing/pumping, and if it were just the norm in the US to BF to 1 year, it definitely wouldn't be as hard for me to stay motivated and I wouldn't have people telling me not to feel bad if I decide not to continue.

THis is what I ultimately don't get. why are they tied together? You're tying your motivation to the fact that people choose to FF, and I've known people (myself included) who feel guilty when they go to formula because they feel the "have" to BF.

Why are they tied to one another at all? My choice to stop BFing shouldn't have anything to do w/ any other woman's choice to BF or FF, just as your motivation to BF shouldn't have anything to do w/ anyone's choice to FF.

Why are they related at all?

I THINK what she is saying is that she tries and tries but all she hears is to give up because FF is just as good. And the number one sucess factor in BFing is having a good support group. So, if you had a problem and everyone kept telling you it didn't matter because the other option was just as good ..would you keep trying?

[Deleted]

May 15, 2012 12:03:29 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

I
I also think the attitude of most posters in this thread is detrimental to BFing. If FF is just as good, and BFing is so much work, then why bother, right? 6 months in, I'm struggling to find the motivation to keep going with BFing/pumping, and if it were just the norm in the US to BF to 1 year, it definitely wouldn't be as hard for me to stay motivated and I wouldn't have people telling me not to feel bad if I decide not to continue.

I don't think most people think FF is just as good. Everyone knows breast is best. But formula isn't poison and most FF babies are perfectly healthy. But if you are going to be high and mighty about BF, you better make sure you are not hypocritical and never give your child sugar, anything not organic, etc etc etc. There are a lot of components to having a healthy kid. BF is just one of them.

I am very "do whatever the hell you need to do to feed your kid" and I EBF for a year. And I had a lot of trouble at first. I decided it was something important to me, but I dont blame others for quitting, especially because I know how hard it is.

[h]

May 15, 2012 12:49:03 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

I don't think most people think FF is just as good. Everyone knows breast is best. But formula isn't poison and most FF babies are perfectly healthy. But if you are going to be high and mighty about BF, you better make sure you are not hypocritical and never give your child sugar, anything not organic, etc etc etc. There are a lot of components to having a healthy kid. BF is just one of them.

Exactly. The AAP and every major public health organization will tell you that breastfeeding is optimal and that moms should do it if possible. Most moms know that is true. But we cannot and should not require parents to make optimal parenting decisions all the time. Most parents, myself included, make all kinds of non-optimal choices for their kid every day, whether that means feeding their non-infant children less than optimal nutrition, spending less than optimal time with their kids, using less than optimal discipline methods, etc.

Formula is a good alternative to breastmilk, which is the optimal food for babies. If we are going to judge moms anytime they use a good alternative to an optimal choice, we are going to have to do a lot of judging...

[liveintheville]

I bf and supplimented with formula with both kids. I'm sure many people thought they were only ff and judged me for it, which sucks because I tried everything and still had guilt about not ebf even though I nursed each kid for a year.

[ilikedonuts]

May 15, 2012 12:49:03 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

May 15, 2012 12:03:29 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

I
I also think the attitude of most posters in this thread is detrimental to BFing. If FF is just as good, and BFing is so much work, then why bother, right? 6 months in, I'm struggling to find the motivation to keep going with BFing/pumping, and if it were just the norm in the US to BF to 1 year, it definitely wouldn't be as hard for me to stay motivated and I wouldn't have people telling me not to feel bad if I decide not to continue.

I don't think most people think FF is just as good. Everyone knows breast is best. But formula isn't poison and most FF babies are perfectly healthy. But if you are going to be high and mighty about BF, you better make sure you are not hypocritical and never give your child sugar, anything not organic, etc etc etc. There are a lot of components to having a healthy kid. BF is just one of them.

I think this sums it up perfectly.

[lmb5109]

I hope to BF but may have to go on additional meds with my Crohn's that would allow me not to BF. I'm actually pretty pissed about it, but I have to what's best for my health and the baby right now.

[froggy76]

May 15, 2012 12:49:03 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

May 15, 2012 12:03:29 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

I
I also think the attitude of most posters in this thread is detrimental to BFing. If FF is just as good, and BFing is so much work, then why bother, right? 6 months in, I'm struggling to find the motivation to keep going with BFing/pumping, and if it were just the norm in the US to BF to 1 year, it definitely wouldn't be as hard for me to stay motivated and I wouldn't have people telling me not to feel bad if I decide not to continue.

I don't think most people think FF is just as good. Everyone knows breast is best. But formula isn't poison and most FF babies are perfectly healthy. But if you are going to be high and mighty about BF, you better make sure you are not hypocritical and never give your child sugar, anything not organic, etc etc etc. There are a lot of components to having a healthy kid. BF is just one of them.

I'm not trying to be high and mighty, I'm trying to be honest about my opinions. What's the point of a discussion if we all agree? And "just as good" was a poor choice of words, but it's clear that most of the posters here think formula is perfectly fine if you don't feel like BFing.

I stand my opinion that, as a BFing mom, it's tough to stay motivated when the prevailing attitude in this country is, "Hey, do whatever works for you... as long as your baby is fed." BFing/pumping is hard work, and it's even harder in a FF society when you're the exception to the rule. Instead of people assuming that I am still BFing, or encouraging me to continue as long as possible, people wonder why the heck I'm still BFing... because lots of other babies are FF and they are fine!

[karinothing]

Froggy - if you ever need BFing encouragement please feel free to PM me!

[Deleted]

May 15, 2012 14:21:21 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

May 15, 2012 12:49:03 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

I don't think most people think FF is just as good. Everyone knows breast is best. But formula isn't poison and most FF babies are perfectly healthy. But if you are going to be high and mighty about BF, you better make sure you are not hypocritical and never give your child sugar, anything not organic, etc etc etc. There are a lot of components to having a healthy kid. BF is just one of them.

I'm not trying to be high and mighty, I'm trying to be honest about my opinions. What's the point of a discussion if we all agree? And "just as good" was a poor choice of words, but it's clear that most of the posters here think formula is perfectly fine if you don't feel like BFing.

I stand my opinion that, as a BFing mom, it's tough to stay motivated when the prevailing attitude in this country is, "Hey, do whatever works for you... as long as your baby is fed." BFing/pumping is hard work, and it's even harder in a FF society when you're the exception to the rule. Instead of people assuming that I am still BFing, or encouraging me to continue as long as possible, people wonder why the heck I'm still BFing... because lots of other babies are FF and they are fine!

As a (former) BFing mom I understand how hard it is. believe me I do, I had to EP for 3 months bc DD didnt latch. I pumped at work, I had thrush- the whole 9 yards. I get it. I BF for a year until I had to go back on medication that wasn't compatible with it.

But telling a mom who is on the verge of a nervous breakdown that her choice to FF is wrong isn't helping either. And like I said, unless you fully plan on never allowing a french fry to touch your kid's lips, its hypocritical to exclaim that BF is the only way to go.

I also don't see the point in mommy wars and judging others for their choices, either way.

Find a support group if you feel frustrated. LLL was so helpful, and it was also great that a close friend was BFing her DD at the same time. We could vent to each other. Don't worry what other people are doing.

Its better to try to educate people, and advocate the health benefits of BFing, rather than shaming those who don't.

[GailGoldie]

I'm more shocked that anyone would judge in this way than anything.... babies are being fed- that is what matters.

My one friend wouldn't even try b/c she felt it was gross - her boobs were sexual to her- and she didn't want a baby sucking on them. That's her thing- and I respect that.

I nursed all 3 of my boys but also supplimented with bottles of formula while in the hospital - so all these people you are judging with pics of bottles might actually BE nursing, too- so your quick judgement call is quite naieve. My boys all had jaundice and we needed to make sure they were eating enough to get it out - so I'd nurse, then give some bottle. I ended up EPing once I left the hospital b/c i simply LIKED bottle feeding more - I was not a fan of nursing and didn't need it to bond with my boys. I preferred to look at their faces while they were eating - not have it smooshed under my boob... i liked knowing how much they were eating, etc. They got my milk for a while when i EP'd and that was great- but if not- they would do fine with all formula, too.

I have zero guilt nor do i ever judge anyone for "not even trying".... some just don't want to - and that's reason enough.