Experience working different hours than SO?

[thinklikeajellyfish]

I have an interview tomorrow with an emergency/specialty animal hospital. They are likely hiring for evening or overnight hours. MH works the typical 8a-6p and I've always had similar hours. Does anyone have experience with working different shifts than your SO? Is it miserable? How do you make it work so that you are still able to spend time together? Thanks for any insight!

[cajunmom]

DH and I worked opposite shifts for a year. He worked overnight (7p-7a) and I worked 7 am- 3 pm. Plus, I was pregnant and we had a 2.5 year old...we conceived the week before he started working overnights so I basically went through the pregnancy on my own since we barely saw each other. It sucked but we got through it. It definitely would have been easier if we hadn't had any kids for that time period.

[Susie]

We did a few years ago. I work normal (long) hours in a typical law firm setting. When Calvin was a new prosecutor, he had to start in the local courts, which take place in the evening. A typical work day for him would run mid-afternoon through 10pm, or later depending on which court he was at that day (some were busier, and went til midnight).

I was lucky in that my firm is pretty flexible. I fell into a 9am or 10am to 9pm or so habit. That let us eat dinner together late most nights. That made it bearable, because otherwise I'd really never have seen him. We didn't have any kids, and I wasn't training for anything then, so that helped too. It's not something I'd go back to unless we had no choice, or there was some serious benefit to it.

[noodleoo]

I do not have experience working off hours, but I think I'd hate it. H and I do everything together, so I think it would wear on me. But your personalities might be different, maybe you will enjoy having alone time. Although overall, I don't think I'd ever want to work nights because I imagine it would really mess up my sleep schedule.

[mrssavy42112]

Right now DH works 2p-8p about 3x a week and I work 8a-6 or 10p. So there are a lot of days where the first time we see each other is after 10p and it’s only for a few minutes before we go to bed. It sucks, but it’s what we have to do right now to improve our financial situation. We’re hoping that things will change soon. We try to set aside some time on Sunday evenings to spend together. It’s not easy, but doable. I wouldn’t recommend it for long-term. I can see it drawing us apart if this went on for years.

[badtzmaru22]

We only worked days together the first year of our marriage. He has worked all manner of crazy hours and different jobs since then, and my best advice is to make the time you do have together sacred. Don't be pulled into helping friends move or going to family functions you won't really enjoy. Just try to make the most of that time, and enjoy it. You can divvy up the household tasks and do that stuff in your alone time.

Right now, I work 8-5 and DH works 11ish to 8ish and has a 40 minute commute. I like seeing him for a bit in the evening, especially since we have a baby now, and she's still up when he gets home. He used to not get home until after 11, and I never saw him except on weekends then.

It's not horrible. Plan dinner with your friends one night a week, or get involved in a club or activity. I also just enjoy quiet time to myself at home (well, before bebe). It's harder with kids, but I'm used to it.

[thinklikeajellyfish]

Thanks for the examples so far. IF they offer me the job the shift would likely be 4p-12a or 12a to 8a. I'm a night owl, so I don't think night shift would bother my sleep schedule too much. Of course I've never done it, so who knows! I'm thinking that I would prefer the 12a to 8a because I could sleep until H comes home and we could spend the evening together before I go to work. I'm sure there are unforseen kinks to that plan, though

One HUGE benefit to taking this job would be I could leave the job I have now. ;D Currently I never know how many hours I'm going to get each day when I go in to work, and the hours at this hospital would be much more stable. (Just to name one reason why a new job would be preferable to my current one - there are many!)

I'm mostly worried that not seeing much of each other would be a strain. We are hoping to be able to move to WA in a year, so I'm sure we can handle anything until then.

Of course, all of this is putting the cart before the horse. I need a job offer first.

[honeybee]

We work opposite shifts. I come into work most days from 8 am - 4 pm.

He goes into work at 8 pm - 7 am (he's a cop).

To be honest I don't mind the hours. I see him for an hour in the morning. We usually have breakfast together. He goes to bed and wakes up about the time that I get home. We do dinner, he gets ready for work and I tend to get ready for bed once he leaves. Our dog loves it, she's never alone.

What sucked was when he worked the evening shift (3pm - 2 am). Then we only saw each other on off days or when the other one was sleeping.

[vtdiamond]

My FI and I have opposite schedules as he is a chef so typically works until at least 10pm most nights and works a lot of weekends. I work a typcial M-F, 8-4:30. It is definitely tough, but I try my best to schedule other things to keep me busy when he is not around, and I do enjoy a good amount of alone time. For the days he does have off we try to make the most of them, and typically go out for dinner those nights as it gives us face to face time without all the distractions at home. I'll also sometime meet up with my FI and friends for drinks after he gets out of work. For now it works as we have no kids, and I have told him I rather he has this schedule now then later.

[kellbell191]

We did it for a few years. DH worked 4pm-2 am and I was in law school. Things that helped: we texted all the time, the nights off we had we planned so they would be special and we could look forward to them, we would try to meet for lunch a few days a week. I like working the same schedule better, but we just made sure to talk every day and when we spent time together to make sure it was really good quality time. We've talked about doing it again if the right job came along for DH.

[Deleted]

DH works 7pm to 7am, and I leave for work about 7:40 and get home between 5:30 and 6 most days.

We just try to make the most of the days he's off, and I've learned to have low expectations for the days he works. We see each other for a few minutes in the morning and at night, but one of us is getting ready for work so conversations are really "in passing" rather than any sort of quality time. We don't often eat together on those days either.

At first it was hard. I felt like we never saw each other and when we did, we barely talked and fought a lot. I think it really came down to the fact that DH wasn't on a good sleep schedule yet and was too tired to be pleasant when he was home. Once he figured out a better schedule for resting things got much better.

Now I actually don't mind it. We've never been the type to be glued to one another 24/7 and it has been nice having my own time in the evenings and getting the bed to myself since I'm a poor sleeper. I think he also likes having some time to himself during the days when I'm at work. Then when we're both off, we can hang out and it becomes a nice balance of life together and life on our own. I think we both have pretty independent personalities though and I know not everyone would enjoy the alone time as much as we both do.

With that said, I do want there to be an end point to this sometime. It is hard to make plans since he works every Friday night and every other Saturday, and if we ever have kids we're going to want more family time/help in the evenings. But for now it works and the shift differential is definitely a nice bonus.

[KaraOrNot]

We have worked opposite shifts our entire marriage. He works from 10p to 6a (w/ a 1 hour commute each way) and I work from 7:45a to 4:30p. He also works 12 days on w/ 2 off. We rarely see each other. The only time we see each other during the week is a few minutes in the morning (I don't see him if he is running late) and maybe an hour or two at night. It is really hard and while I have gotten used to not seeing him much, it is still really hard. I know that he also has a hard time getting acculmated to a "normal" schedule on weekends.

[mlvmd]

We work opposite shifts and he works weekends. Personally I love having my own time so that part if it doesn't bother me. I also enjoy sleeping alone so him working nights isn't a problem. It is hard having DS. He didn't sleep through the night for 18 months and I had to deal with it alone. Having DS all weekend alone can be tough, since DH is sleeping during the day.
Overall it works for us though.

[hannamaren]

Ditto bucky bells. We just made the most of our days off.
I used to work 4-midnight a few nights a week and work every other weekend. I could go a couple days without seeing my husband except while one of us was sleeping. We managed. I hated the weekends more than the odd hours. It was all okay as long as we had days off together.
We also talked a lot over msn (if you are a regular person, you could text)

[ladybrettashley]

DH and I have opposite hours. I work normal hours 8-5, and DH works 3p-11p Tues - Sat. It sucks that we basically only see each other 2 days a week. We have a 16 mo old son and it works great for our finances because C only needs child care 16 hours a week, but the hardest part is feeling like a single parent. I get pretty exhausted working all day and then taking care of a toddler with no help. It's tough but the key is to really make good use of that precious time you do get to spend together. We've been married for 5 years and have had opposite schedules for most of that time. It can be done.

[315bride]

We have pretty much have never had the same schedule so I guess I should say that I am used to it. It gets to me sometimes. Some times I enjoy the alone time, to work, get stuff done, and have peace and quiet. Other times, I miss my H or I dislike eating dinner solo all the time. The worst is that we don't have the same days off. We sometimes go days without even seeing each other awake.

Texting and chatting regularly via phone makes it work better for us.