Mine: after noodleoo 's post this morning, I got an email from a new person asking me to do some busy work that is not in my job description. Instead of just doing it, I wrote him back a nice long explanation of how to do it himself. It probably took longer in the end, but it sets the right expectation about our roles going forward.
Rocking at: Starting our firms first Women's affinity group. I am learning a ton more about other parts of the company and oh yes the visibility is pretty solid.
Struggling with: Delegating. My calendar is absolutely batshit, and I can NOT continue at this pace, when I am back-to-back-to-back. Plus the work travel. So, maybe (ironically) "leaning out" of things that are not mission critical.
Rocking at: my core job. Next week I get to go to Paris to present!
Struggling with: The fact that my actual job now isn't so much the core job as teaching others to do the core job. And hiring others for the core job. And managing others doing the core job. It's a new and different challenge, but it doesn't come as naturally.
Rocking: Asking my boss to help write content for a new document, working on updating old documents today / yesterday and being proactive for our new fiscal year. Making connections and learning about the industry / community.
Struggling: Asking too many questions - I'm still learning so I ask a lot - but I need to be better at gathering them or seeking out the answer myself. It's just so easy because the girl who was in my position prior is across the room. I've been much better the last 1-2 weeks.
Rocking at: presenting in 2 weeks at a national conference. it's going to be great!
Struggling at: remaining energized and keeping a positive attitude about my core responsibilities. I want out of here so bad, but then I wonder if I should just wait and do this role (which is easy and I'm good at) through this pregnancy and after the child arrives. That might be less stress than job searching and learning a new role during this time. That "this might be easier" makes me feel bad though, because I should be more motivated. I CAN DO THIS!
Rocking/status quo - keeping business contained for our current core customer. I should finish up all the work for our current PO on Friday. I've rolled with all the scope creep up to this point.
Learning, but getting better - business development. I had a lunch meeting yesterday with someone (regarding the potential Nepal trip that I mentioned before) to determine what exactly and how many people they needed. I also had the balls to say that I wasn't an expert in the exact area that they needed but would be able to get up to speed in time for the trip using one of our colleagues as a home base support. I'm trying to work this so that I get to go on the trip, because I did the BD background for this. That part went well.
What didn't go well was that the BD manager at lunch was mildly flirty, opened his car door for me on the way to lunch and moaned on and on about how his wife didn't understand him and he needed to talk to someone. It's hard to say "Wow, sorry to hear that. Do you need a computer scientist or just an IT support person on this trip?"
Ooh this is timely for a Leaning in thread! - from the Harvard Business Review
Why Women Don’t Negotiate Their Job Offers
Research shows that women are more reticent than men to negotiate their salary offers. For instance, one study of graduating MBA students found that half of the men had negotiated their job offers as compared to only one eighth of the women. This general pattern has been replicated in survey studies of working adults and in laboratory experiments. It begs the question: Why? Is this a “confidence” problem? Is negotiation a skill for which men are simply better socialized than women? Why leave money on the table?
Researchers have examined the why, and the answer has more to do with how women are treated when they negotiate than it has to do with their general confidence or skills at negotiation. Numerous studies have been conducted in which participants rate their impressions of employees who negotiate for pay and of employees who let the same opportunity to negotiate pass them by. The researchers then compared people’s willingness to work with that employee after evaluators saw him or her negotiate, or not. If evaluators were less inclined to work with the same employee after seeing him or negotiate, we deemed that the “social cost” of negotiation.
In repeated studies, the social cost of negotiating for higher pay has been found to be greater for women than it is for men. Men can certainly overplay their hand and alienate negotiating counterparts. However, in most published studies, the social cost of negotiating for pay is not significant for men, while it is significant for women.
The results of this research are important to understand before one criticizes a woman — or a woman criticizes herself — for being reluctant to negotiate for more pay. Their reticence is based on an accurate read of the social environment. Women get a nervous feeling about negotiating for higher pay because they are intuiting — correctly — that self-advocating for higher pay would present a socially difficult situation for them — more so than for men.
But here’s a twist: we love it when women negotiate assertively for others. It’s just when women are negotiating assertively for themselves — particularly around pay — where we find a backlash. Unsurprisingly, research also shows that women perform better (e.g., negotiate higher salaries) when their role is to advocate for others as opposed to negotiating for more for themselves. Men’s behavior and the ensuing social effects don’t shift much depending on whether they are advocating for themselves or others.
OK. So, we shouldn’t blame women for being more reticent than men to negotiate for higher pay. But, is there anything that women can do about it? Thankfully, yes.
The answer is to use a “relational account” — or what I have learned from Sheryl Sandberg to call a “think personally, act communally” strategy. Using a “relational account” or “I-We” strategy involves asking for what you want while signaling to your negotiating counterpart that you are also taking their perspective. So, how does it work?
First, you want to explain to your negotiating counterpart why — in their eyes — it’s legitimate for you to be negotiating (i.e., appropriate or justified under the circumstances). Sheryl says that in her negotiations with Facebook, she told them, “Of course you realize that you’re hiring me to run your deal team so you want me to be a good negotiator.” Sandberg wanted Facebook to see her negotiating as legitimate because, if she didn’t negotiate, they should be worried about whether they’d made the right hire.
Second, you want to signal to your negotiating counterpart that you care about organizational relationships. After pointing out that they should want her to be a good negotiator, Sheryl recounts saying, “This is the only time you and I will ever be on opposite sides of the table.” In other words, “I am clear that we’re on the same team here.”
In experimental research testing evaluators’ impressions of alternative negotiating scripts, we found that relational accounts helped women both get what they wanted and make the impression that they wanted to make. For instance, one successful relational account that we tested was very similar to Sheryl’s, but was written for a more junior employee: “I don’t know how typical it is for people at my level to negotiate, but I’m hopeful that you’ll see my skill at negotiating as something important that I can bring to the job.” Note that I’m not suggesting that women use these scripts word-for-word. Come up with an “I-We strategy” that makes sense in context and feels authentic to you.
When the explanation for why the woman was negotiating seemed legitimate, people were more inclined to grant her compensation request (as compared to when she was simply negotiating for a higher salary without that explanation). When her script communicated concern for organizational relationships, evaluators were more inclined to work with her. Indeed, there was no significant difference in the willingness to work with a female employee who negotiated using a relational account (“I-We” strategy) as compared to female employees who let the opportunity to negotiate for a raise pass. Variation in the negotiation scripts did not significantly influence the evaluations of male negotiators.
I should highlight that not every legitimate explanation for negotiating helped women. For instance, conventional wisdom in the negotiation community has been to negotiate for a raise when you have another job offer. We tested multiple negotiation scripts based on an outside offer — even ones suggesting that the offer just dropped in the employee’s lap. Unfortunately, in all of the outside-offer scripts we tested, the suggestion that the employee would leave if the offer were not matched seemed to undermine the impression that the employee cared about organizational relationships. As a result, evaluators reported being more willing to grant a woman with an outside offer a raise, but they were disinclined to work with her (as compared to if she let the opportunity to negotiate pass). The outside-offer scripts had no significant effects on the evaluation of male negotiators.
The key to a relational account (or “I-We”) strategy is to explain why your counterpart should perceive your negotiating as legitimate in terms that also communicate your concern for organizational relationships.
I should acknowledge that this idea of using “relational accounts” or “I-We” strategies drives some women crazy. It makes them feel like they are bending to unjust stereotypes or simply being inauthentic. I sympathize with that reaction. We were surprised while doing the research that it would be so hard to make the backlash effects go away. But, every movement needs its idealists and pragmatists, and I am playing the pragmatist here.
It is good advice for any negotiator – male or female — to ask for what they want in terms that their counterparts will perceive as legitimate and mutually beneficial. But for women, it is especially helpful because it unburdens them from the social costs of self-advocating. By sharing this research, I hope to shed light on this bias. Most people don’t want to discriminate. With more self-awareness as negotiators and evaluators, we can work to close this gender gap.
Rocking at - a $40k project that I'm heading up, which should net my company some major business opportunities. My company just sent me a visa gift card for my work so far, and a thank you note, which isn't a raise, but I'll take it.
Struggling at - same as above. It's new and different territory and everyone wants it NOW NOW NOW, but I'm learning to delegate and clearly communicate realistic deadlines. And this will be a great resume booster.
Rocking: Got asked to represent the company at a big meeting that our European team can't make it to. They only asked 4 very senior people and then me on the email. I'm also moving offices and have an awesome opportunity in front of me.
Struggling: One of my bosses is an ahole who is bad at his job. This means I'm doing both of our work. Additionally I'm in the process of a long distance move for work and I don't have time to both move and put in all the work that needs to be done for my projects.
Rocking: Getting a new job at a different agency that is a huge bump in title. I will have a huge team to manage and a lot more responsibility, but oddly much less work than I have now.
Not Rocking: I couldn't negotiate higher pay or anything because of how the gov works. But I'm still cool with it. The upside is my FMLA status transfers as well as my huge amount if leave and they were totally cool with my upcoming child.
Post by explorer2001 on Jun 19, 2014 18:34:23 GMT -5
Rocking: Asking for more of what would make my job easier (company credit card, extra bookcase, etc) and getting it.
Having long term vision conversations with one of the founders about evaluating other staff, communication, training, where we see me and the company in 1 - X years.
Brought up the equity question. I wasn't shot down, but also was told it wasn't in the short term plan. Basically I planted the seed for thought and further discussion and set myself up for more leverage in the future.
Struggling: Delegating/leveraging my skills with those of others
Setting limits for myself/making time for vacations, doctors appointments, sleep
Apparently not giving myself enough credit and being told a position I thought I might step into would in their eyes be a step down for me and that they see me as more valuable in another role - largely related to conflicting time commitments they saw but I didn't.
Overall it has been a very enlightening few days/weeks, especially re how the founder(s) see me in relationship to others who have historically been above me in the org chart and their vision for my future.
Rocking: was SAHM until December when an old employer called out of the blue to see if I had interest in returning part time. I'm there 3 days/week and really enjoying being back at work. In March, they asked me to consider a full time manager role in my choice of two departments BUT they wanted me to spend time in both and get a feel for both jobs before I decide on even considering it. I meet with my director each week and she shows me the types of responsibilities I'd have, problems I'd encounter, day to day stuff. It's been really cool that they have taken so much time to show me the ropes and really coach me. They've never done this before. Taking this job would double my salary and present other opportunities for growth within the company. It's nice been wanted...so really these past six months have rocked.
Struggle: worrying about how my new role will be received by certain members of the team.
Rocking at: Invoiced over 400k last month! That is crazy high for someone with my title. Struggling with: Burnout on my largest (and notorious) client. I need a break from them (but not their revenue) and just found out that break might be very short. Sigh. So I need to work on my attitude.
Post by wanderlustmom on Jun 19, 2014 19:06:08 GMT -5
Great thread. I am in private practice mental health and I only have one insurance company I accept. The rest of my clients are full fee. Seven years ago it was six insurances. I have been strategically dropping them and in 2015--I will take no insurance. It's risky but its already paying off. By next year, I should be able to double my income as long as I market myself. I've never been happier because being a therapist is so emotionally gratifying, it's flexible (three days a week) and now it's becoming lucrative.
Struggling at being a people pleaser. I still feel bad charging more money.
Post by spunkarella on Jun 19, 2014 19:18:26 GMT -5
Rocking: I got a substantial raise at my annual review about a month ago. We talked about aspects of my job that I love most and I asked for more work doing things I really enjoy. In the past month, I have been assigned to two big, exciting projects and will be facilitating some training for other people in my department. Fun stuff!
Struggling: My motivation level for the not fun, tedious parts of my job has been pretty awful lately. I need to keep my eye on the big picture and remember that the boring stuff is still essential and worth doing well.
Rocking: managing a unheard of (for our office - most other agencies would scoff at it) amount of money. Getting ready to hold a briefing where I'll be webcast all over the world. Also, less leaning in and more leadership - I'm trying to make a better effort at giving kudos to ppl. Especially those that save my ass - like the guy Tuesday when I basically said "this is a failure to plan on my part, but can you do it by Thursday?" (see also, wonder if I gave up on MM?)
Rocking: Have an interview on Tuesday with a new company, new position, would open some great new doors
Struggling: The position would require me to actually go into an office every day (commute would be 20 mins so not horrible) but I've WFH for over 8 years now, and gulp... But I'm leaning in for this opportunity.
Post by sarapocalypse on Jun 19, 2014 20:36:57 GMT -5
Rocking: Taking on more responsibility and helping with some high-profile stuff at my job this week. Put in a good bit of extra hours this week. Balancing the craziness that has popped up this week while maintaining all my daily duties.
Struggling: Staying focused and trying not to get ahead of myself when I have a million things pop up at once.
Rocking: Mentoring some junior team members and pretending I am a team lead.
Struggling with: Knowing that I actually have no room for career growth and I need to leave. Not having a network here to help break into local companies.
Rocking- completely not related to my current job but figure this is a good post to brag. Maybe I wasn't such a bad lawyer after all- I found out today that I won a huge appeal. We won summary judgment below but lost on a damages issue, so we cross-moved on that issue when the other side appealed everything. We won the cross appeal and the good decision below was upheld. It was my client and I argued the winning SJ motion last year. Only thing I didn't do was the appellate oral argument since I had already left, but I wrote the brief.
Ah this reminded me how much I hated litigation. Lol
Rocking: I made the first cut for a job I applied for! It's the same title, but in a city-county government that serves 500,000 people. My current position serves 35,000, lol! It would also come with a 55% pay raise and a move to a community with much cheaper housing. I have to fill out a supplemental questionnaire by next Tuesday and all five questions are right in my wheelhouse.
Struggling with: Keeping my eye on the ball in my current position. H has an interview on Monday and 2 other strong applications out there. Chances are high I won't be here in 6 months.
Rocking: I was handed a nightmare project that wouldn't go away. It had been passed through a lot of people and nobody would own it. I took charge, even though I was swamped with other work, and I got it done. We are waiting for final approval 3 months before my colleagues thought it would be completed and it should net us $50k.
Will work on: Being more focused and efficient with my time. I have tons of other life events going on and I don't want them to distract me from my work.
Rocking: being the go-to-person for my position. My boss is really happy with me. There is a good harmony among my staff.
Not so good: I feel like I'm struggling with focusing. I have so many irons in the fire. I feel like it's hard for me to do anything well. I also need to figure out how to move my career forward. I really need to switch positions I think. I've been in one place too long and I think from here it gets harder for me to move. I think my boss wants to help me, but she doesn't have any solid leads for me. Maybe I need a mentor.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Jun 20, 2014 8:30:00 GMT -5
Rocking: Getting more of the projects I want to work on (mostly my ideas to improve our system) approved so I can actually work on them. Kind of a big deal to me as so much of our work is driven by what the clinical users ask for, which isn't the most interesting thing to DO as an analyst. Most of the analyst suggestions for improving the system are denied because, "our users aren't complaining that much about that shortcoming." Granted, mine are mostly based on stuff that's been requested by clinical users in the past and we had to deny because nobody could think of a way to handle the request until I made my proposal, but it sure beats beating my head against the wall trying to accommodate current requests that nobody can think of a good solution for.
Not Rocking: Now that I have permission to do projects I want to do, I'm having more trouble than usual staying motivated to complete the additional work I need to do but find uninteresting. I need to buckle down and do it, but I'm torn because I also really want to rock my new projects so that hopefully I get more work in the future like the new projects and they decide that the boring projects could be handled by someone less creative in the future.
Lean in frustration: I had a presentation accepted to a conference, but my boss doesn't want me to go because I'll be almost 32 weeks pregnant and she thinks I'll be too uncomfortable. While I can imagine that would be true for a woman who was less excited about presenting at the conference than I am, it's pissing me off. But there's nothing to do about it now except worry, as my request to attend hasn't been approved or denied yet (nor has anyone else's as far as I know), beyond what I've already done, which is confirm with my midwife that she thinks it's fine, and let my boss know my midwife is okay with it and I want to go even though I'll be so pregnant.