We're due for a leaning in thread

[lightbulbsun]

I don't feel like I'm rocking at anything right now. I'm actually feeling really stuck at my job.

Struggling with: feeling stuck, not getting responsibilities, being a workhorse/support person. The main problem is that I'm in grad school right now for my MBA, and my company is paying for part of it, so I'm stuck. All other jobs available are in cities with at least a 1 hour commute each way, and with school I don't have extra time to spend commuting (I currently live 2 miles from my office). It's so not the right time to get a new job, but I'm really not happy right now. I just keep telling myself to stick it out because of the location, good pay, I get along with my coworkers, and it's only 2 more years. But it's still frustrating.

I am still trying to lean in, though. I have been participating in a group at my work for people interested in management, and the "let's talk" lunches at my company, and obviously working on an MBA.

[vanillacourage]

Jun 20, 2014 8:30:00 GMT -5 sillygoosegirl said:

Lean in frustration: I had a presentation accepted to a conference, but my boss doesn't want me to go because I'll be almost 32 weeks pregnant and she thinks I'll be too uncomfortable. While I can imagine that would be true for a woman who was less excited about presenting at the conference than I am, it's pissing me off. But there's nothing to do about it now except worry, as my request to attend hasn't been approved or denied yet (nor has anyone else's as far as I know), beyond what I've already done, which is confirm with my midwife that she thinks it's fine, and let my boss know my midwife is okay with it and I want to go even though I'll be so pregnant.

Whaaa? I hope you've put it to her in clear enough terms to help her realize she's dangerously close to pregnancy discrimination.

[Balki.Bartokomous]

Jun 20, 2014 9:05:42 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Jun 20, 2014 8:30:00 GMT -5 sillygoosegirl said:

Lean in frustration: I had a presentation accepted to a conference, but my boss doesn't want me to go because I'll be almost 32 weeks pregnant and she thinks I'll be too uncomfortable. While I can imagine that would be true for a woman who was less excited about presenting at the conference than I am, it's pissing me off. But there's nothing to do about it now except worry, as my request to attend hasn't been approved or denied yet (nor has anyone else's as far as I know), beyond what I've already done, which is confirm with my midwife that she thinks it's fine, and let my boss know my midwife is okay with it and I want to go even though I'll be so pregnant.

Whaaa? I hope you've put it to her in clear enough terms to help her realize she's dangerously close to pregnancy discrimination.

Seriously! I'd actually throw that word around. "My medical care provider says it's ok for me to go, so I'd like that opportunity. I really don't want to be discriminated against because I'm pregnant." And then go silent & see how she reacts.

Rocking: managing my new team. We've had our new team member for a month now & we are doing much better at prioritizing & eliminating needless work.

Struggling with: getting a routine process under control. We have a new IT infrastructure to support an acquisition that we did & it's caused our month end process to go from being a few days to two weeks. Every time we think we've made progress we find some sort of error in the data at the last minute that others forgot to tell us about. My solution to this is to pair up with 2 directors in other departments to help us get executive buy in on making this a company priority.

[rubytue]

Jun 19, 2014 14:17:42 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

Rocking at: Starting our firms first Women's affinity group. I am learning a ton more about other parts of the company and oh yes the visibility is pretty solid.

Struggling with: Delegating. My calendar is absolutely batshit, and I can NOT continue at this pace, when I am back-to-back-to-back. Plus the work travel. So, maybe (ironically) "leaning out" of things that are not mission critical.

Regarding "leaning out" - I've started doing the more lately. For so many year, I said yes, took on anything, and then did other stuff for fun. Like, at the same time I was managing big projects, I'm also doing the office admin work bc we didn't have an admin. It just got to be too much. I've been shedding projects lately, and it feels good. Even though I don't have a ton of confidence in the person I shed one to, it needed to happen. Both because she needs the opportunity to try/learn and bc I can't just continue as subject matter expert on this one forever. I actually said no to the two most recent quick-turn-around analyses I was asked if I was available for. It's really nice to be able to focus on a few things and try to do them well, than trying to everything, but only giving 10% to each.

For reference, I went from managing 3 projects and being lead SME in 5 other areas, down to 2 projects, one lead SME, and just a reference on the other areas (someone else fields the questions and technical work, I just consult as needed). So far, I've found it's working really well. By having more time and effort to devote to a few things, I'm actually getting more visibility because the projects have enough of my time to DO something with them.

[sillygoosegirl]

Jun 20, 2014 9:27:07 GMT -5 Balki.Bartokomous said:

Jun 20, 2014 9:05:42 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Whaaa? I hope you've put it to her in clear enough terms to help her realize she's dangerously close to pregnancy discrimination.

Seriously! I'd actually throw that word around. "My medical care provider says it's ok for me to go, so I'd like that opportunity. I really don't want to be discriminated against because I'm pregnant." And then go silent & see how she reacts.

I'm struggling with it for a few reasons. I mean, see the post above about social costs of negotiations. And on top of that, I have a somewhat strained relationship with my manager to begin with. She thinks I don't trust her enough. I think she's given me reason not to trust her. Although she has eventually made good on her commitments to me so far, some of them took much longer than expected with me feeling like I needed to fight harder than I should have. Though she maintains I was too quick in jumping to the conclusion that she wasn't planning to follow through. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that she's not actually planning to exclude me until I actually know otherwise.

Though she really shouldn't have said that, especially not in writing. While as far as I know, they always do send people who've had presentations accepted, officially policy is that it isn't a guarentee. But now that she's made the comment (in email) about me being pregnant, I think it would make it very hard for her not send me and claim it was actually for other reasons.

[lime]

I am simply stunned at the pregnancy discrimination. She's not very smart if she put that in writing, either.

[explorer2001]

Jun 20, 2014 11:41:14 GMT -5 lime said:

I am simply stunned at the pregnancy discrimination. She's not very smart if she put that in writing, either.

I totally agree. I'm shocked.

I've had my bosses ground me and cancel a planned conference trip. That was because I had emergency surgery less than a week before the trip, would have been flying with the surgical drain still in, and they were really worried about something happening to me while I was on the other side of the country where I knew no one. I'm sure there were liability concerns too. But that situation was a legitimate reason to ground me and cancel the trip.

Pregnancy is not a medical emergency. It is normal and healthy. If you were insanely high risk and arguing that you should go against medical advice that might make what they are doing not insane, but that's not the case and they are nuts.