new here - seeking advice

[cooked]

I've been lurking here and on the other boards, but could really use some help. My DH of almost 10 years recently told me he "thought" he wanted a divorce. He is currently going through a ton of stress at work and we have 2 small children that are hard, plus he doesn't really have any friends in our current city. I feel like he's in a depression/mid life crisis. He hates to talk about issues and his feelings and tends to bottle things up but has mentioned no real "problem" just feels like we are more roommates than husband/wife. He agreed to marital counseling and I believe he's taking it seriously, but I refuse to keep my head in the sand since I have children to protect. We are currently in a bit of a standstill until we complete preliminary counseling.

DH makes a lot of money and has stated he will agree to alimony and child support (when he said he wanted the divorce). I don't doubt him on this but want to make sure I'm legally covered in case he changes his mind in the future. He also originally wanted me to stay in our current home but I stated that wasn't an option since that would be too hard on me emotionally, plus it's too large for a single mom. I have been a SAHM for since our children were born and gave up a lucrative career to do so with his support. I've moved with him several times for his career.

I have decided that I should go back to work to protect myself, regardless of the counseling efforts, and have hired a resume writer to help me with those efforts. I have considered having a few initial meetings with lawyers so I know what to do in my state just in case. I currently handle all of the finances in our home, so I have no worries there at the moment and have secured statements and the like if needed. I have one credit card of my own but am considering applying for another and a separate bank account.

In my situation, is there anything else I should do right now? Would you meet with lawyers yet? I don't want to alienate him, but my children are my first concern. I intend to move on with my life if he can't pull it together, since one of us has to be an adult for the kids. It's so hard - my kids love their daddy and I love my DH. Life is hard and he just doesn't seem to want to fight for it.

[wrathofkuus]

It can't hurt to know your rights and options.

[explorer2001]

It sounds like you have your head on straight and ate taking all the right steps.

[Bernadine]

I think it would be worth it to go ahead and consult with a lawyer. As kuus said, it can't hurt.

[doriswe]

I think you've got your priorities in order, however, I can't help but ask....do you want to make it work? You comment that you don't think he wants to fight for it....but what about you? Do you want to fight for it?

[cooked]

I do want to make it work. I can't even imagine separating my children from their father and I do love him. However, he's not acting very rationally right now and I am really hurt by his sudden giving up with no discussion or fighting for us. I feel like crawling in a ball and crying, but I have to make sure I'm putting the kids first even if he isn't. I will do everything I can but I have to plan for the worst