how would you deal with this?

[Deleted]

Honestly I'm not really sure what can be done. I doubt after all these years his opinion will change without some therapy on his end. To me it sounds like he is projecting his fears of becoming an alcoholic onto you.

[explorer2001]

I would have one last talk with him. His friends have a drinking problem. He might having drinking issues. I say this because it sounds like he binge drinks with his buddies and doesn't have a healthy relationship/understanding about your normal healthy alcohol consumption. Whether its a drinking issue or a personal issue where he could sort it out with a Counselor, he needs to stop projecting this on you when you aren't the problem and he wont confront 3 DUI boy.

Let him know this treatment of you isn't ok and that it needs to stop. If he makes a honest effort, see where it goes. If not be willing to know.that sometimes good people aren't good for each other and you deserve better.

Sorry that sucks. Hugs.

[dakotadangerdog]

Yeah, I think you guys need to have a lot serious talk about it, because that would drive me real crazy real fast. I don't know how you have managed to not slap him already.

[jojoandleo]

My father is an alcoholic. He got arrested while driving us to grandma's house when we were kids because he was drinking while driving (literally, he had a 6 pack in the center consul). I didn't drink until I was 21 and was pretty judgy of people who did (I was convinced drinking=alcoholism). Al Anon worked wonders for me. It taught me that drinking is okay if you aren't an alcoholic and that those who ARE alcoholics, you can't change, they have to want to change.

Suggest Al Anon, if nothing else, it may teach him he can't change you.

If he refuses any help, I'd dump him. I could not date someone who would judge me like that, and if he won't even try to change, then you can't change him.

[roselis]

You already got some great advice, so I will just wish you luck

[wrathofkuus]

Wait a damn minute. HE drinks with his friends? This isn't about his past, then. It's control, pure and simple.

[starryfish]

Jul 20, 2012 10:47:12 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Wait a damn minute. HE drinks with his friends? This isn't about his past, then. It's control, pure and simple.

Yea I think this too. If he didnt drink, then I would say its his past...but this is a little messed up....

[jade28]

This seems off to me. It sounds like he does have a problem with alcohol. He is surrounding himself with friends who can't control themselves and lets them drive drunk? That is not cool. And he seems to be obsessed with what and when he drinks and what and when you drink.

He is obviously projecting on you and the fact that he lets his friends do whatever they want and he does whatever he wants yet he comments on your behavior, makes this sound more like a control issue. Definitely don't let him control your actions. You enjoy that glass of wine!

You know him best though and a good conversation about this is definitely a good idea. Keep us posted!

[Lauren88]

I'm wondering how long you guys have been together and is this a major issue, to you, in your relationship? Are there other issues as well?

I'm asking because if it hasn't been long, I don't know if I would suggest putting up with this. Personally, unless I was really serious or married to someone who was acting this way, I'd be breaking up with him.

I don't see this getting any better and with the way he is binge drinking and having a dad with alcoholism, things could get a lot worse before they get better. Is it worth it to you to stay with him?

[starburst604]

Jul 20, 2012 10:47:12 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Wait a damn minute. HE drinks with his friends? This isn't about his past, then. It's control, pure and simple.

You've gotten some great advice, but I was thinking this as well. He wants to control you. If it isnt alcohol, it will be something else. The fact that he drinks but gives you shit is absolute BS.

[aerochyck]

Jul 20, 2012 11:26:59 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Jul 20, 2012 10:47:12 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Wait a damn minute. HE drinks with his friends? This isn't about his past, then. It's control, pure and simple.

You've gotten some great advice, but I was thinking this as well. He wants to control you. If it isnt alcohol, it will be something else. The fact that he drinks but gives you shit is absolute BS.

I have dealt with this before and Al Anon really helped the individual.

Like you mention, they drank socially and were relaxed with some of their friends but jumped on others for a sip. They later explained that Al Anon helped them to realise they didn't worry about themselves because they knew their limits but that the excessive fear and judgement on others was harmful.

Good luck with your talk.