Gay, Mormon and Happily Married with Children

[pixy0stix]

abcnews.go.com/US/gay-mormon-happily-married-husband-father-puts-faith/story?id=16806146#.UAiIAqDoqOk

Josh and Laurel "Lolly" Weed seem to have it all -- three beautiful kids, a wonderful home and a deep and unflinching devotion to their Mormon faith.

But on their tenth wedding anniversary this summer, they decided it was time to unleash a secret so sensitive, so personal, they weren't sure what the church's reaction would be.

"I just thought, 'he is wanting to be more authentic about this part of his life,'" Lolly said, and remembered telling her husband, "I think you need--you want, to be more open about this."

So in a 6,000-word posting on Josh's website, a blog written mostly for friends and family, the Weeds announced to the world that Josh was gay.

"I am gay, I am Mormon, I am married to a woman. I am happy every single day. My life is filled with joy. I have wonderful sex life. All of these things are true whether your mind allows you to believe them or not," Josh wrote.

Watch the full story on "Nightline" tonight at 11:35 p.m. ET/PT

This is where a seemingly normal family turns into a social experiment that challenges what it means to be a faithful member of the Mormon church, what it means to be gay and live in a heterosexual marriage.

Weed's announcement has also touched off a debate among other gay Mormons, who see The Church Of Latter Day Saints slowly evolving on the issue of homosexuality. Some worry that this unorthodox couple is sending a dangerous message to other families dealing with gay loved ones that living a "straight" lifestyle is possible.

Coming Out

Josh and Laurel have known each other since they were 4 years old. Josh said he also knew something else at an early age -- that he is gay.

Josh said he first came out to his parents when he was 13 years old and that both parents were supportive and promised to love him, no matter what decision he made for himself. Three years later, he revealed his sexuality to Lolly.

As they grew up, Josh and Lolly said they realized they were the best friends who couldn't stand to be apart. They decided that Josh being gay wouldn't be an obstacle in their relationship and the couple began dating in high school. They said they then began discussing the possibility of spending the rest of their lives together.

"It was just like a progression to where I started thinking that I didn't want anybody else," Lolly said, "The thought of marrying somebody else and having it not be Josh was painful to me."

In 2002, after both had returned from two-year-long Mormon missions, Josh and Lolly were married in a private wedding inside the Church of Latter Day Saints Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah.

A wedding inside a Mormon temple is a religious ceremony considered so sacred, only close family members in good standing in the Mormon church are allowed to attend.

By now several members of both families knew Josh's secret. Lolly said some of her relatives and friends approached her, concerned over what would happen on their wedding night. Lolly said she even became physically ill during the wedding reception.

"Some of them were confused because they were like, 'did you go into this thinking you were just going to have a platonic relationship?'" she said.

But after a decade of marriage, the Weeds said their sex life is "great."

.........More at link

[Deleted]

Am I missing something because uhm, I think if you enjoy having sex with a woman but are attracted to men too, you're bisexual, yes? No? Maybe?

[pixy0stix]

The whole article feels like they're trying to force everyone to believe that everything is hunky dory. My personal theory is that someone outed them to the church, and now they're doing damage control to try to stay in the community. As such, the church is *also* trying to do PR damage control because of the Prop 8 fiasco and are using them as their poster children. "Look how happy Mormons can be if they use their faith to hide their baser tendencies!"

[basilosaurus]

Haven't we discussed them before, or at least someone just like them? I feel like this story was going around about a month ago.

[pixy0stix]

Jul 19, 2012 17:37:56 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Haven't we discussed them before, or at least someone just like them? I feel like this story was going around about a month ago.

Maybe. I just checked the date and it was posted today. They could have been in other news.

[AJL]

If it works for them, fine. However, I can't understand why you would cling so hard and fast to your faith by staying in a marriage with a woman when you're a gay man. It makes me think he's not so much gay as bi.

[heyjude]

The Mormons have straight training for gay folks right? Didn't I read that somewhere. (Or see it on big love, lol) If so, this can't come as a surprise that a gay lds man married a straight Lds woman. They have a whole institute for these purposes!

[StrawberryBlondie]

Jul 19, 2012 17:37:56 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Haven't we discussed them before, or at least someone just like them? I feel like this story was going around about a month ago.

I remember one about a transexual evangelical couple.

[ChillyMcFreeze]

Jul 19, 2012 17:40:49 GMT -5 heyjude said:

The Mormons have straight training for gay folks right? Didn't I read that somewhere. (Or see it on big love, lol) If so, this can't come as a surprise that a gay lds man married a straight Lds woman. They have a whole institute for these purposes!

I assume everything I saw on Big Love is factual. Is that wrong?? :-(

[basilosaurus]

Yep, June 10. www.lifesitenews.com/news/club-unicorn-i-am-a-gay-devout-mormon-happily-married-to-a-woman-with-three

[heyjude]

Some info:
www.ldsresources.info/

[heyjude]

Jul 19, 2012 17:47:04 GMT -5 ChillyMcFreeze said:

Jul 19, 2012 17:40:49 GMT -5 heyjude said:

The Mormons have straight training for gay folks right? Didn't I read that somewhere. (Or see it on big love, lol) If so, this can't come as a surprise that a gay lds man married a straight Lds woman. They have a whole institute for these purposes!

I assume everything I saw on Big Love is factual. Is that wrong??

Never!

[Deleted]

Anyone who thinks Mormons will come around any time soon is delusional. This is a church that wouldn't allow blacks into the priesthood until the mid seventies.

[heyjude]

Jul 19, 2012 17:52:32 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Anyone who thinks Mormons will come around any time soon is delusional. This is a church that wouldn't allow blacks into the priesthood until the mid seventies.

Totally agree!

[emilyj]

So....he's gay...but he's married to a woman. And they have a good sex life? I'm thinking he's bi more than gay.

Nowhere in this article does it talk about if he actually acts on his gay feelings. Does he have a boyfriend? A secret male lover?

They can call him 'gay' all they want, but if he is married to a woman, has sex with a woman, and just 'has feelings' for other men, then I have a hard time calling him a gay man. Sorry.

[Deleted]

Also, the name Lolly Weed is hilarious.

[basilosaurus]

Jul 19, 2012 18:16:36 GMT -5 emilyj said:

So....he's gay...but he's married to a woman. And they have a good sex life? I'm thinking he's bi more than gay.

Actually, I believe him in the sense that I think he's so far into his delusion he doesn't know what good sex is.

I base this on having had many frank conversations with my former roommate, an ex-ex-gay. We also had a group of ex-ex-gays over at my house screening a new film (Fish Don't Fly, about ex-gay ministries), and a very interesting conversation after.

Most had gone to ex-gay camps, quite a few were married. Their partners knew of their gay "tendencies" and committed to helping them through it. My roommate was married 12 years, in what he thought was a happy fulfilling marriage at the time. He even thought he liked sex. Now that he's openly gay again, he admits he never let himself think about how bad it actually was.

He mentioned having a crush on a guy at church. That guy was killed in a car wreck on his wedding night. My roommate internalized this as god punishing him for his attraction.

So, yeah, I totally buy into the power of delusion. It's not something I think that can sustain itself forever, but add in a supportive spouse and the pressure of the church, and I believe that this guy believes his story. That's what's so awful about it.

[llama]

Yeah, either he enjoys the sex and also desires to have sex with men and is bisexual or pansexual or sexually fluid, or he is lying about enjoying the sex as part of the pretending to be straight/ex gay thing and he is actually gay.

I am guessing it's more the latter. He is just another self-loathing, religious gay who buys the ex gay therapy party line and has spent the majority of his adult life lying to himself and others about how successful he is at subjugating his sinful sexual desires. And she is just another fundie virgin who got married too young and doesn't know what sex is supposed to be like with someone who is sexually attracted to her. I feel sorry for both of them.

[marie427]

Jul 19, 2012 18:16:36 GMT -5 emilyj said:

So....he's gay...but he's married to a woman. And they have a good sex life? I'm thinking he's bi more than gay.

Nowhere in this article does it talk about if he actually acts on his gay feelings. Does he have a boyfriend? A secret male lover?

They can call him 'gay' all they want, but if he is married to a woman, has sex with a woman, and just 'has feelings' for other men, then I have a hard time calling him a gay man. Sorry.

All of this. I can't imagine them having a great sex life if he weren't attracted to women or even just his wife, which makes him bi if he does like men too. Or he is gay and they are lying liars who lie about their sex life, how their kids were conceived etx.

[EloiseWeenie]

Jul 19, 2012 17:37:56 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Haven't we discussed them before, or at least someone just like them? I feel like this story was going around about a month ago.

Yes. Someone linked the "coming out" post. It's hard to forget the name Lolly.

I agree with Habs, mormons evolve much slower than mainstream Christianity.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 17:52:32 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Anyone who thinks Mormons will come around any time soon is delusional. This is a church that wouldn't allow blacks into the priesthood until the mid seventies.

"And I believe/that in 1978 God changed His mind about black people/"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHEqCXY2B-w

[basilosaurus]

Jul 19, 2012 18:27:59 GMT -5 llama said:

I am guessing it's more the latter. He is just another self-loathing, religious gay who buys the ex gay therapy party line and has spent the majority of his adult life lying to himself and others about how successful he is at subjugating his sinful sexual desires. And she is just another fundie virgin who got married too young and doesn't know what sex is supposed to be like with someone who is sexually attracted to her. I feel sorry for both of them.

This is exactly what I was trying to get at. Unfortunately, that situation is entirely too plausible and common.

[marynjoe]

I get that they truly love each other, are best friends, enjoy sharing their lives together, and enjoy sharing children together. I just don't get how they can have a great sex life.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 20:55:54 GMT -5 marynjoe said:

I get that they truly love each other, are best friends, enjoy sharing their lives together, and enjoy sharing children together. I just don't get how they can have a great sex life.

If you've never known anything else, I can see how you might think it's great.

[marynjoe]

Jul 19, 2012 20:58:44 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley said:

Jul 19, 2012 20:55:54 GMT -5 marynjoe said:

I get that they truly love each other, are best friends, enjoy sharing their lives together, and enjoy sharing children together. I just don't get how they can have a great sex life.

If you've never known anything else, I can see how you might think it's great.

True. And I know some people in really odd relationships that don't make sense to anyone else, but it works for them.

[ttt]

Whatever, dude.

[karinothing]

Jul 19, 2012 17:37:56 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Haven't we discussed them before, or at least someone just like them? I feel like this story was going around about a month ago.

I posted it on MM a while back.

[wawa]

I'm...I dunno. The religious aspect of all this definitely complicates it. It's hard to say you are comfortable with your sexuality if you also firmly commit yourself to a faith that says it's totally wrong. I get the contradiction there.

But...my mom would call herself gay, not bi. But she was married to my dad for 10 years and claims (to the point of telling extremely TMI tidbits to me while slightly tipsy) that they had a great sex life. She occasionally finds a man attractive, but hasn't dated any men in the 20 years since my dad died, and refers to herself as a lesbian. Not bi. Not "mostly gay." Just gay.

I really dislike the idea that sexual orientation is a matter of self-identification, unless somebody has the nerve to be both mormon and married to a woman, in which case they are CLEARLY not what they say they are. I understand the kneejerk scoffing reaction, but it makes me uncomfortable. We only take people at their word on their inner feelings if we agree with their religion now?

[pescalita]

Jul 19, 2012 18:17:27 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Also, the name Lolly Weed is hilarious.

Lolly Lolly Lolly get your adverbs here...

I mean, I do think he's at least definitionally bi, if I'm taking what he's saying at face value. I do think it's probable that it's all a lie, including to themselves.

But I also think its plausible that this is how they feel and this is what works for them. And I think everyone should have the choice to live the way they want. Even if it's an invalid choice for others.

ETA: Ditto wawa, much better said.