An Open Letter to Crazy Brides

[WOT?*]

A friend posted this on FB and of course I had to share because hey, we all started on The Knot, right? And it's oh, so true. Right on down to the black muumuu.

www.huffingtonpost.com/ingrid-haas/an-open-letter-to-crazy-brides_b_985556.html


An Open Letter to Crazy Brides
Posted: 10/03/11 01:44 AM ET


I've heard it time and time again: "my wedding is going to be soooo different." Sadly, no, it probably won't be. I love that you've found "the one." I love you, and I love him, and I'm a huge fan of love -- really, I am! But here's what's irking me: You've lost your damn mind, woman! You bitch and complain about having to go to all these showers, bachelorettes, engagement parties and weddings and yet, when yours comes around, you do all the same things. Probably because you've spent so much money, that when your turn comes around, you want pay-back. I worry that I, too, might want pay-back if I ever get married. But I'm nowhere near that, so I, unlike you, have a clear head about weddings right now. So listen up foo's!

There are several wedding-related things that are in desperate need of both updating and downsizing. Let's be real with each other so you can have the wedding of the century! Or maybe just a very cool and casual party that celebrates your union? A friend can dream.

THE BRIDAL SHOWER

Showers are parties for presents, and I don't want anything to do with them. First of all: what would I know about getting you a starter-wife present? I guess I could show up with a Costco-sized supply of Aleve, but I have a feeling that Betty in the corner might take offense. Also: I have better things to do on a Sunday morning than to drink mimosas and not get drunk. I'd rather be drinking mimosas and getting wasted, for one! For two? I was probably drunk last night, so let me sleep in on a Sunday!

Also, please tell me what to do with that blank recipe card that came with the invitation because, news flash: I don't cook, I have no recipes to dole out. What year is this? I thought we were modern women, but the best thing you can come up with is a recipe book and the popular "toilet paper wedding gown" game? First of all, the whole toilet paper thing is terrible for the environment. Second of all: it's a real bitch to clean up. Also? It's way more fun for your mom's friends than for your friends. So leave us out of it! Showers are best used for washing your hair, cleaning your body and sometimes peeing. Let's keep it that way.

THE ONE-OF-A-KIND WEDDING GOWN

Every girl says the same thing: "my dress is going to be different." Let me guess what it might look like: a white gown in a fancy, maybe shiny, maybe lacy material that is tight on the top and lose on the bottom? Yeah! I've seen it before! Every single time, actually. Unless you're walking down the aisle in a black muumuu that says "I Really Slutted Myself Around College" they all look exactly same.

THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY

I'm sorry, what? There's a pre-party to your big party and it doesn't involve being in a big field with cans of Bud Light? I don't get it! We're toasting the idea of you two getting married? That's a sweet thing to do. Wait, I have to spend how much on a gift? And then double that for the wedding? I don't get it! Why? Why more gifts? Why can't you just get married and let me party like a rock star all night long in honor of that? Stop the insanity!

THE BRIDESMAID DRESS

Friends don't make friends be their bridesmaids. Why am I being punished for being such a good friend? I love you! I want to support you through this exciting time in your life, but stop bossing me around! You saw the movie right? You know how stupid grown women of different shapes and sizes look wearing the same thing, right? Why are you suddenly telling me, not asking me, to buy a dress for two hundred dollars as if it ain't no thang? Let it be said: it's a thang. And also? You didn't choose a color that looks great on me. You chose a color that matches your expensive floral arrangements. This wedding has changed you, Cindy... It's made you a liar (believe me: I'm not the only one who thinks no one looks good in champagne).

I've been to thirteen weddings in two years, and I'm exhausted. My feet hurt, my bank account is dangling somewhere between overdraft and non-existent and I'm bloated from all the cheap champagne and stuffed ravioli. Quite frankly my closet has more brightly-colored cocktail dresses than it does jeans, and for a girl in her mid-twenties, that is a real life tragedy.

The cycle of madness needs to end. Women: rise up and make the wedding shenanigans that have somehow become the norm completely extinct. And with that? I bid many of my friendships adieu.

Love,

Your Bestie

[karmasabiotch]

This is the highest form of excellent.

[DefenseAgainstTheDarkArts22]

This is fantastic. I told one of my friends that I would do whatever she wanted to help her plan and I would be happy to be a guest at her wedding. When her man asked why I didn't want to be a bridesmaid I believe it came out as "that shit expensive!"

[silverhammer]

Today my friend posted a photo on facebook of a milk jug that expires on her wedding day. And updated her status with how many days until her wedding (which she's been doing for a month). And then another status with "2 WEEKS!" repeatedly. Like, a paragraph.

This woman in 26 YEARS OLD! I fucking hate brides.

[salimoo]

I'm gonna go against the grain and roll my eyes at this. I like showers and parties. Find a fucking recipe on the internet. It's not like the bride plans the shower.

I like being a bridesmaid. And FFS, it's loose.

[awick14]

Jul 20, 2012 0:21:31 GMT -5 neener said:

I enjoyed being MOH for my bff. I think the author needs to be OK with saying "no." Don't go to every wedding you're invited to if you are tired of going to weddings! RSVP no to the shower if you don't like going to showers. It's not that hard.

(never been a bridesmaid, but been to many weddings)

I agree with the above. If you don't like the parties/weddings don't go. Also you can say no to being in a bridal party!

The bride doesn't usually plan a lot of those parties anyway so why blame her?

[Deleted]

This is beautiful

[janiejones]

Jul 19, 2012 23:20:06 GMT -5 salimoo said:

I'm gonna go against the grain and roll my eyes at this. I like showers and parties. Find a fucking recipe on the internet. It's not like the bride plans the shower.

I like being a bridesmaid. And FFS, it's loose.

Besties.

I like weddings. And showers. And all that shit.

[Cayl]

Jul 20, 2012 0:40:19 GMT -5 awick14 said:

Jul 20, 2012 0:21:31 GMT -5 neener said:

I enjoyed being MOH for my bff. I think the author needs to be OK with saying "no." Don't go to every wedding you're invited to if you are tired of going to weddings! RSVP no to the shower if you don't like going to showers. It's not that hard.

(never been a bridesmaid, but been to many weddings)

I agree with the above. If you don't like the parties/weddings don't go. Also you can say no to being in a bridal party!

The bride doesn't usually plan a lot of those parties anyway so why blame her?

I'm hoping that the knot just somehow attracts the crazies, but a good amount of the women on there have crazy demands for their showers/parties and would stop being friends with you if you declined to be in the bridal party. Not that those people would be bad to lose as friends, but if they're a representation of what the norm is changing to then things definitely need to come back down to reality.

I've only had one friend who went nuts when it came to her wedding, and this article would have been good for her to read. For the rest of my friends who were reasonable I didn't mind at all going to the showers or parties and celebrating with them.

[cleo29]

Jul 19, 2012 23:20:06 GMT -5 salimoo said:

I'm gonna go against the grain and roll my eyes at this. I like showers and parties. Find a fucking recipe on the internet. It's not like the bride plans the shower.

I like being a bridesmaid. And FFS, it's loose.

I'm with you. The writer here comes off as bitter. I can understand the not bossing your friends around part (something I am proud to say I never did to any of my friends/family in my wedding party), but the rest is just kind of dumb.

Not all wedding dresses look the exact same, to say so is annoying immature over statement and since when did it become a crime to be excited about your wedding day? Something she has been planning for a year most likely.

I don't know, I have been genuinely excited for each of my friends who got married and happy to join in all the celebrations for them.

[Deleted]

I like showers and weddings, but I think a big part of that has to do with the fact that no one I know has ever had mutliple showers I've been obligated to attend, or an engagement party.

The thing I hate hate hate is when brides take their bridesmaids to a bridal shop for their dresses and then say, "It's a classic cut, you can wear it again!" No. You can't. Stop it.

The anger I still harbor over a $300 dress for a friend's wedding is why I had my bridesmaids get this for their dresses:


It cost $25 from Ann Taylor. It did its job. They've all worn it since.

This? Not reusable. You're lying.

[vicky]

The engagement party and the shower I'm okay with. The specific hair stylist that cost 100 dollars, the 200 dollar dress with matching $100 shoes, the destination bachelorette party, and the in town spa day before the wedding that goes with being a bridesmaid annoys me.

Maybe it's because we said fuck all of this shit and JOP'd, but it's too much!

[kellbell191]

I'm in a bitter spot b.c. I'm in a wedding that is really expensive for someone who does keep tabs and apparently bitched behind my back how expensive mine was. (Mine was much cheaper than hers). And the dress looks heinous on me and cost a small fortune.

I'm not a big wedding, shower person but I have two friends getting married to people who are perfect for them and that makes me really excited for them and for their weddings.

[cleo29]

And I do think it is really crappy when brides pick dresses with little thought to their friends who have to pay for said dress, not to mention the other stuff.

The one thing that annoyed me about two of my friends was how casually they were dressed for my wedding. The ceremony was at three, but it was an evening reception. And what kills me, is they get all dressed to the nines for their other friend's weddings. These are the same friends i have been having issues with. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. The point is they were there to share that moment with me.

[mypunkinpie]

Jul 20, 2012 9:13:58 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

And I do think it is really crappy when brides pick dresses with little thought to their friends who have to pay for said dress, not to mention the other stuff.

The one thing that annoyed me about two of my friends was how casually they were dressed for my wedding. The ceremony was at three, but it was an evening reception. And what kills me, is they get all dressed to the nines for their other friend's weddings. These are the same friends i have been having issues with. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. The point is they were there to share that moment with me.

Then why are you still annoyed at the way they were dressed, FFS?

[sprky79]

Jul 19, 2012 23:20:06 GMT -5 salimoo said:

I'm gonna go against the grain and roll my eyes at this. I like showers and parties. Find a fucking recipe on the internet. It's not like the bride plans the shower.

I like being a bridesmaid. And FFS, it's loose.

Me too. I have only ever been in one wedding that was a true pain in the ass. Mostly because the bride had these ideas about what she wanted, but no idea on how to make them happen. I have donned my 27 dresses happily over the years, and think the author needs some fiber and a good boning.

[cleo29]

Jul 20, 2012 9:16:36 GMT -5 mypunkinpie said:

Jul 20, 2012 9:13:58 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

And I do think it is really crappy when brides pick dresses with little thought to their friends who have to pay for said dress, not to mention the other stuff.

The one thing that annoyed me about two of my friends was how casually they were dressed for my wedding. The ceremony was at three, but it was an evening reception. And what kills me, is they get all dressed to the nines for their other friend's weddings. These are the same friends i have been having issues with. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. The point is they were there to share that moment with me.

Then why are you still annoyed at the way they were dressed, FFS?

I said it annoyed me. past tense. And I was just listing something that annoyed me about my friends in regards to my wedding. Am I not allowed to mention that?

[scotty]

This is a little too cynical, even for me. lol.

[bleubook]

I like weddings and showers.
I didn't want my wedding to be "different" I wanted it to be classic. And I wanted to have a big party, feed all my friends and family the same chicken and get them blackout drunk by the end of the night. Same with my gown, I just wanted to look kinda skinny and pretty.
And receiving an invitation is just that...its not a command punishable by death, you don't want to go to a party? Don't. You prefer not to be a bridesmaid? Then demur.

[melindafelinda]

Jul 20, 2012 8:02:36 GMT -5 @feinicstine said:

This? Not reusable. You're lying.

These were the dresses I wanted my BMs to wear!!! But I let them pick and they picked different dresses. I would wear the shit out of this dress!

[hubes]

I hate the smug "I went against the grain for my wedding. Screw you materialism!"

I hate weddings too, and I even thought this letter was pretty dumb.

[Jalapeñomel]

I think it's funny how bitter she is.

[Mrs.Beagle]

She's going to go all beebee when she gets married, and justify it as payback.

[Deleted]

Yes, there are bridzillas out there but to the author:
1) you dont have to go to the showers
2) you dont have to go to the engagement partys
3) you can say NO when asked to be in a wedding

When I got married I let the wedding party pick the dress and color. They picked dresses more expensive than I would have and I felt bad they were spending so much money!
I expected NOTHING from them.
There was no special hair do for them to have, no special shoes to wear, no specific jewelry to wear etc......

[Nicole]

Jul 19, 2012 23:20:06 GMT -5 salimoo said:

I'm gonna go against the grain and roll my eyes at this. I like showers and parties. Find a fucking recipe on the internet. It's not like the bride plans the shower.

I like being a bridesmaid. And FFS, it's loose.

yep.

and I am SO EXCITED for my BFFs bachelorette party. Only a shitty ass friend wouldn't put their own Eore attitude aside and be happy to celebrate with a friend.