Can I spew some bad shit here? I don't want to say it to my H. He needs a break.
I am so MFing angry that our life now revolves around a man (let's face it you already know it's the FIL) who has only asked us for help since we are at the bottom of his resource "barrel". We have been busting our asses for a couple of weeks now and he will never say thank you or appreciate any of it. He will come down here, be pissy and snippy and give me dirty looks. He treats Mr. Pom like shit and is so fucking demanding and rude. Nothing ever suits him or makes him happy. UGGGGGHHHHH. I hate this whole fucking mess. He got really snotty with Mr. Pom the other day on the phone and finally, I think it drove home to Mr. P that there is no way to please him. So why try? The three of us can be miserable or just FIL, so we took a vote and FIL lost.
Still here we are with so much shit ahead of us and I don't want to deal with any of it. I am a selfish monster. Vent over.
I am doing this for my husband. I am doing this for my husband. I am doing this for my husband.......
Please, someone come in and share. Let your bitterness out.
Post by orangeblossom on Jul 8, 2014 15:28:06 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think you and Mr. P are on the right track and choosing how you respond to him, and let FIL be miserable. It's easier said than done, but it's good to put boundaries.
I'm not particularly resentful of anything at this moment. I'm not particularly happy to be jobless again and making moves for DH, but it is what it is and has been coming. I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity to take time and figure out what I want school vs. work vs. baby.
Hugs Pom. You are amazing for doing all this for your husband.
I'm tired of entertaining the IL's. We host every.freaking.holiday. And the times we put our foot down and say we just can't do it, someone else will host and it will suck, or no one will and then MIL complains we're ruining <insert holiday> this year it was Mother's day b/c we had just hosted E's birthday the weekend before.
Usually we're OOT for July 4th, but this year we were here. We invited MIL and her husband, FIL, and my BIL and his cunexttuesday wife. BIL of course made excuses to not come and see his only niece, MIL and FIL never showed.
MIL blamed it on DH for not confirming with her b/c of the hurricane. DH didn't even talk to FIL until Sunday when he called him again (basically to make sure he wasn't dead) and FIL never mentioned it or apologized.
And yet these people gave birth to DH, who is amazing. Great husband and father. And we're supposed to what, just brush it off again and again? What if E was old enough to know what was going on? What are we going to do then?
I have had my own office for 4 years now. There is a big pillar built into one corner that takes up a lot of room, and another big pillar right outside the door which makes me feel like I'm not a part of anything going on outside. There is a slightly bigger, nicer office right next door. At first my coworker, who had much more experience, was in that office, which was fine. Then she left, and before I could ask to move into the bigger office, her old assistant was promoted and moved in. Same thing again when he left. The last guy in the office, well, I never liked him much, so as soon my boss told me he had been fired I was like, "Oh too bad, so sad. Can I have his office?" She promised to ask the office services people, or whoever is in charge. Months pass, with the office being used for visitors from other offices. Then the other day, a coworker who started out as an intern 2 years ago was promoted and got that office. And I'm happy for her promotion, she is amazing and it was totally well-deserved. But dammit, why couldn't she get the crappy office? I asked my boss about it and she just said "well, I was excited for Susie & wanted to let her choose which office she wanted."
I HATE this specialist I'm waiting to see. Every time I come to get checked I'm here for 2+ hours. I don't have time for this shit, get your act together.
That used to happen to me all the time with one particular specialist. Then I was 15 minutes late one day and got reamed out by the office staff. That was the last straw for me and I never went back.
:drink: :beer: (heart) Bless you all for sharing your own gripes with me. I want to be mad for all of you too. It helps and I don't know if I would have made it without this place lately.
You're doing a great job, Pom. I think my H would be pissed at me if my FIL were similarly situated, because I do not think I could handle it with such grace.
I know that is not the case. From what I know of you here, @songforyou, you are always so very kind and totally one of my MM favs. Me, I don't feel like I am enduring this with any grace at all. (wilted) I promise I will stop bitching about this vortex of crap I seem to be in ASAP.
Hugs Pom. You are amazing for doing all this for your husband.
I'm tired of entertaining the IL's. We host every.freaking.holiday. And the times we put our foot down and say we just can't do it, someone else will host and it will suck, or no one will and then MIL complains we're ruining <insert holiday> this year it was Mother's day b/c we had just hosted E's birthday the weekend before.
Usually we're OOT for July 4th, but this year we were here. We invited MIL and her husband, FIL, and my BIL and his cunexttuesday wife. BIL of course made excuses to not come and see his only niece, MIL and FIL never showed.
MIL blamed it on DH for not confirming with her b/c of the hurricane. DH didn't even talk to FIL until Sunday when he called him again (basically to make sure he wasn't dead) and FIL never mentioned it or apologized.
And yet these people gave birth to DH, who is amazing. Great husband and father. And we're supposed to what, just brush it off again and again? What if E was old enough to know what was going on? What are we going to do then?
I don't tell my kids certain relatives are coming until they show up and then its a surprise! I have unreliable family members and it sucks!
I think you are handling it well. I would be aggravated too and probably tell him to go to hell. Of course I don't recommend that. lol The older I get the less time for bull shit I have.
I am resentful at my life even though I should be grateful. I can't seem to figure out working full time, taking care of the kids, working out and eating well at the same time. So inevitably one thing goes well and the rest of it sucks. Why can't I achieve balance???!!!!!
Post by hopenotlost on Jul 8, 2014 16:32:24 GMT -5
My MIL has 8 grandkids, but only spends time with 3. They happen to be my worthless BIL's kids, with his worthless gf. She is in their business nonstop (I am thankful she doesn't get NEAR my relationship with DH, but maybe that's because she knows I would lose my shit on her if she tried), but she also goes there all the time, takes them to the zoo, here, there, whatever.
I would say that she spends all her time with them because they live in the same town as MIL, and we live about 20 miles away, but the thing is, when she rarely is around my kids, she never once takes a pic of them, and yet when she is with BIL's kids, her phone is out and she is snapping pictures constantly. You could look at her facebook and think she only has 3 grandkids.
I'm resentful of this, because my kids deserve better. My oldest is 7, and she asks me why her grandma doesn't spend time with her. What do I say to that? I just say I am not sure, and she says it hurts her feelings. My heart aches.
Dang, Pom, that's rough. We are dealing with something similar with my grandparents and it is just so shocking to me that they do not express gratitude for the help, ever. They think it's family duty to staff help at their house 16+ hours per day. They would actually prefer that someone quit their job to move in with them, because it's disloyal that we (not THEY) are paying for additional help. These things can't go on forever, though, right?
My complaint is that I've been invited to a "Grandma baby shower." What the F is that? Well, it's a shower, for the grandma, to outfit her house for times when the baby comes over. The baby/mom live about 2 hours away, and it would be a lot of work for them to have to lug all that baby stuff with them for visits. So, someone is throwing her a Grandma Shower. This is ridiculous, but she's coming to my shower, so now I feel obligated.
Pom.....you are amazing. Just, wow. You know you are also earning untold amounts of "amazing wife" points which will be useful when occasions for spoiling occur....not just limited to holidays, but back rubs, breakfast in bed, I'm just sayin....
I am feisty at my family right now, but in a different way. I am the only one in immediate family who left Michigan. My parents, siblings, and siblings so's hang out, do family dinners, and I feel like I am not an important family member anymore. I feel like they have sort of forgotten me.
My MIL has 8 grandkids, but only spends time with 3. They happen to be my worthless BIL's kids, with his worthless gf. She is in their business nonstop (I am thankful she doesn't get NEAR my relationship with DH, but maybe that's because she knows I would lose my shit on her if she tried), but she also goes there all the time, takes them to the zoo, here, there, whatever.
I would say that she spends all her time with them because they live in the same town as MIL, and we live about 20 miles away, but the thing is, when she rarely is around my kids, she never once takes a pic of them, and yet when she is with BIL's kids, her phone is out and she is snapping pictures constantly. You could look at her facebook and think she only has 3 grandkids.
I'm resentful of this, because my kids deserve better. My oldest is 7, and she asks me why her grandma doesn't spend time with her. What do I say to that? I just say I am not sure, and she says it hurts her feelings. My heart aches.
OMG. What a bitch. FWIW, my sister's kids got treated like this by their dad's mother. She is nuts, so I don't think it's all that much of a loss in the end. They are 25 and 35 now and have nothing to do with her while they dote on my mom. Her loss.
Dude, Pom, you are not selfish. If I do a quarter as much for MIL when the time comes I will consider myself a damn saint.
My gripe is with work people in high pay grades (i.e., higher than mine) totally unwilling to be proactive or own anything. Meanwhile I am drowning by trying to basically do two jobs. Ugh.
jewel, grandma baby shower!?!? What the actual Fuck.
Right? I feel like I'm in a bizzaro world, because no one else seems to think it's weird. How can I be the only one who's never heard of a grandma shower? It's a work thing, and everyone loves this lady (myself included), but I can't get over how tacky and self-centered it feels.
I am feisty at my family right now, but in a different way. I am the only one in immediate family who left Michigan. My parents, siblings, and siblings so's hang out, do family dinners, and I feel like I am not an important family member anymore. I feel like they have sort of forgotten me.
I'll volunteer to be your non-Michigan family. We moved away from there too and I think you're the best. (hugs)
jewel, grandma baby shower!?!? What the actual Fuck.
Right? I feel like I'm in a bizzaro world, because no one else seems to think it's weird. How can I be the only one who's never heard of a grandma shower? It's a work thing, and everyone loves this lady (myself included), but I can't get over how tacky and self-centered it feels.
No, this is one of the most bullshit gimme moves I have ever heard of.
I got mini-flamed once for judging a sprinkle that I had to attend...but this is beyond the pale. Wowie.
Holy Fuck I hope there aren't terrible games!! Wow.
I am feisty at my family right now, but in a different way. I am the only one in immediate family who left Michigan. My parents, siblings, and siblings so's hang out, do family dinners, and I feel like I am not an important family member anymore. I feel like they have sort of forgotten me.
I'll volunteer to be your non-Michigan family. We moved away from there too and I think you're the best. (hugs)
You better watch out because I know you are such a good host! I'll be all up in your joint ;D visiting my new family!!!
I resent that we have really good insurance and according to our plan documents virtually "everything" is covered, except it isn't. I'm sick and tired to getting up early to call the company (they are only there 7am-2:30 pm local time) to ask why things that are in the plan brochure as "covered, 100%" actually cost $112.50.
And I know that I have it better than most. DH is a federal employee, he gets great benefits and by default, so do I. However, he pays a good amount out of each paycheck for those benefits. I hate that I have to scrutinize every bill and EOB and fight them. It usually works out in the end, but it's so time consuming and frustrating. I'm also sick of hearing "well, it was coded as XYZ but it needs to be coded as WXYZ to be covered".
my gripe is that I find it annoying to play parent at the age of 24.
my sister needs a cosigner for her college loans, and I don't think my dad's credit or my mom's salary will make the cut. we're going to sit down next week and figure it out. we're also fronting brocom the money for his first/last month's rent and security deposit this week. we also pay for everything every time our family gets together (our fault for setting this expectation), and it gets old quickly.
the idea of taking care of my siblings in my 20s, my own kids in my 30s, my parents in my 40s+ is frustrating. I want to be a SCRU.
No, this is one of the most bullshit gimme moves I have ever heard of.
I got mini-flamed once for judging a sprinkle that I had to attend...but this is beyond the pale. Wowie.
Holy Fuck I hope there aren't terrible games!! Wow.
I cringe a little at 2nd+ showers, but I usually still go without too much complaint.
I think I'll have to call in sick on grandma shower day. I just can't sit there, 8 months pregnant, and pretend that it's the best way to spend my lunch. Although, there will be cake.
Sometimes I like to give mom gifts at baby showers, so maybe I'll make up a basket for her: "I know how much your feet hurt, you're tired, etc. Here's a little pampering to ease the day. Oh wait..." LOL. Actually, I just had a good idea - I think I'll just re-gift something that I don't like. I'm running with the idea that it's no more tacky than the shower itself, right?
Pom, you're amazing and I hope the good karma finds you someday. Seriously, you're a saint. I'll pass on a lesson I learned from a friend: Have no expectations when it comes to family. Not high expectations, not low expectations, just no expectations. Take what comes and roll with it. That mantra has gotten me through a lot of long weekends
I'm resentful of my current boss for so damaging my self confidence at work that I have to seriously psych myself up for this interview next week. I took Ask A Manager's advice and went through the job description line by line and wrote out how I met or exceed each of the qualifications, had experience handling the tasks, and would excel within the organization. It was a really helpful way to remind myself that I AM good at what I do and I AM competent.
One of my best friends' birthdays is this weekend. He wants to do something low-key. Sounds good so far, right?
Well, his boyfriend came up with the idea of birthday drinks on birthday boy's roof this Sunday. (During the World Cup finals.) And somehow me offering to help him out has kind of turned into me throwing the party, because I'm in charge of inviting all of the straights (including the task of compiling a list of current coworkers to invite and inviting them, even though I've never met any of them) and boyfriend has said "go ahead and start without me" because he will be out of town on Sunday until after the party start time.
I am feisty at my family right now, but in a different way. I am the only one in immediate family who left Michigan. My parents, siblings, and siblings so's hang out, do family dinners, and I feel like I am not an important family member anymore. I feel like they have sort of forgotten me.
This is how my DH and I feel right now. We moved a year ago (and are the only ones who have left) and no one from DH's family really calls, emails, etc. We've been back twice and no one has come to see us, even when we've offered a free place to stay, will pay for plane tickets, whatever. This weekend was my birthday and none of my IL's called or even wrote on my damn Facebook wall. I thought I was pretty close to them, so it made me sad.