"Let me know if you need anything"

[rbp]

I have received this offer countless times since I fell. I really appreciate people's kindness and that they probably don't know what specific help to offer since they don't know exactly what I need. But when I do need something, I sort of hate going back to people and saying, "remember when you offered to help? I'd like to redeem it now."

My H is on call tomorrow, so I'll be on my own for a few hours in the morning. (He never knows how long rounds will take, but I would ballpark 8 am - 1 pm.) A girl from my Bible study group--she just joined so I don't know her well--just e-mailed me to ask if she could come over tomorrow and help out around the house and/or bring dinner. I may be able to find some things for her to help out with, but I really just want someone to stop by with lunch and maybe hang out for a little bit. (I like this girl just fine, we are just not close friends.) Is this request ok? How do you request specific things from people who have vaguely offered help?

[sicilygirl]

I know what you mean. It can be awkward. I would probably respond with "Are you free around 11 tomorrow morning? Would you like to stop by with some lunch and we could just hang out for a while? Luckily, I think we have most of the household stuff taken care of right now but some company would be great!"

[jerseyjaybird]

Your request is totally okay. I make this kind of vague offer frequently, and it is a huge relief when a friend can identify what s/he needs and ask for it.

[niq]

The Seattle board used Mealbaby to set up home cooking delivery to someone who had twins.

mealbaby.com/

I wish there was something like this for people coming to do dishes & laundry and watch the kids while the parents nap!!

[rbp]

Jul 11, 2014 12:54:20 GMT -5 RockNVoll said:

By the way, how did you break your ankle? I think I totally missed the story.

I didn't talk about it much here because I've been in self-pity mode since it happened, and I felt like I'd write a novel about my ankle woes. Three weeks ago, I slipped on wet grass while I was taking Biscuit outside. (It was also on a pretty steep hill.) I fell on my butt and nothing else hurt, but I almost passed out from the pain in my ankle. H had already left for work, but my mom had come for a two-day visit the night before. Luckily I had my cell phone with me, so I called her and told her that I had really hurt my ankle and I couldn't get up. She ran outside and we went to the ER. I broke my fibula in five places.  (wilted) I had surgery six days later, so now my ankle is the proud home of a 10-cm titanium plate, eight screws, and a "tightrope" that I think holds the fibula, talus, and tibia in the proper orientation? I'm on the mend now, but I am completely non-weight-bearing on my left ankle for at least four more weeks (i.e., my due date), then partially-weight-bearing for another four weeks after that. Le sigh.

The good news through all of this is that the baby is completely fine. My mom's two-day visit turned into three weeks, and she's been taking amazing care of me. She coddles quite a lot, which I don't necessarily mind at this point. She drove home for the weekend to take care of some things, but she'll be back on Monday and likely stay until after the baby is born and I can at least sort-of walk.

I'm trying to have a good attitude about the recovery (it's temporary, baby's ok, my mom is [mostly] happy to help), but most of the time I'm really frustrated about it. Not that there's ever a good time for an injury, but this is a particularly bad time. 

[Deleted]

definitely take her up on the offer!!! Tell her that her offer came at the perfect time and tell her what you need. She will be so happy that she asked and you accepted!!!

[shortstax]

Jul 11, 2014 13:15:55 GMT -5 rbp said:

Jul 11, 2014 12:54:20 GMT -5 RockNVoll said:

By the way, how did you break your ankle? I think I totally missed the story.

I didn't talk about it much here because I've been in self-pity mode since it happened, and I felt like I'd write a novel about my ankle woes. Three weeks ago, I slipped on wet grass while I was taking Biscuit outside. (It was also on a pretty steep hill.) I fell on my butt and nothing else hurt, but I almost passed out from the pain in my ankle. H had already left for work, but my mom had come for a two-day visit the night before. Luckily I had my cell phone with me, so I called her and told her that I had really hurt my ankle and I couldn't get up. She ran outside and we went to the ER. I broke my fibula in five places.  (wilted) I had surgery six days later, so now my ankle is the proud home of a 10-cm titanium plate, eight screws, and a "tightrope" that I think holds the fibula, talus, and tibia in the proper orientation? I'm on the mend now, but I am completely non-weight-bearing on my left ankle for at least four more weeks (i.e., my due date), then partially-weight-bearing for another four weeks after that. Le sigh.

The good news through all of this is that the baby is completely fine. My mom's two-day visit turned into three weeks, and she's been taking amazing care of me. She coddles quite a lot, which I don't necessarily mind at this point. She drove home for the weekend to take care of some things, but she'll be back on Monday and likely stay until after the baby is born and I can at least sort-of walk.

I'm trying to have a good attitude about the recovery (it's temporary, baby's ok, my mom is [mostly] happy to help), but most of the time I'm really frustrated about it. Not that there's ever a good time for an injury, but this is a particularly bad time. 

Woah, RBP I'm so sorry!   (hug)   

I had a similar injury 4 years ago (although not pregnant) and I wish I would have taken up more people on their offers for help. Go ahead and ask them if they offer!

PS - My leg is as good as new now, and yours will be too!  PT is your friend

[gt7301b]

I'm sure she'll be happier to have lunch with you than do your laundry or clean your toliets:) A quick email telling her you'd love it if she just grabbed lunch and stopped by would be fine.

[gibbinator]

I'd ask for help with lunch, I don't think that's unreasonable. Especially since she literally just offered. Since having a kid (especially a newborn) I always say yes to food offers.

I didn't read about your fall before now. Did you break something? Hope you heal quickly!
Eta: just saw your update. Ugh, that sucks. But the least you should be somewhat mobile again when the baby arrives.

[womet]

Definitely take the bible study friend up on her offer for a meal and company. I know you just complained about this, but seriously I would be happy to help you out if you need anything. Even if you have me take Biscuit for a walk and pick up his poop. Hang in there!

[sa]

Oh man rbp I didn't realize that's what happened. What an ordeal. I hope you're recovering well and glad the baby is ok.
My friend tore a ligament in her knee and broke her foot while pregnant too. Fortunately, she was mobile enough by the time the baby came. I hope it continues to get better.

I know what you mean about offers and asking for help. I wish people would just say, let me do this for you and do it. I appreciate the offers but I always feel bad asking for specific things.

In this case I think what you're asking is perfectly fine.

[ESF]

Ugh, I'm really sorry and glad you and the baby are OK.

FWIW, a friend of mine recently had surgery. I did the whole "let me know if you need anything" thing, and her response was, "I'll take you for lunch if you'll bring me to my follow up doctor's appointment." Which I did. I would have done it without the offer for free lunch, but free lunch is good.

So if you want people do to things for you, bribe them with free shit. People will do anything for free shit.

[mie]

I'm so sorry that happened. I hope the recovery is smooth and yes, definitely take that girl up on her offer to help.

[Pom]

I hope your ankle is mended perfectly and soon. (((hugs)))

[M]

She wouldn't have taken the time to email you or specify that she wanted to come over tomorrow if she didn't really want to help you. I think you're totally fine asking her for what you need.

Most people who don't actually want to help are vague and only mention it in passing just to appear nice. She sounds genuine.

Hope you are better soon!

[Deleted]

Damn, that sucks. Hope it heals quickly!

[Deleted]

Your request sounds perfect--as the person on the other side, I'd be happy to oblige and probably plan on making sure everything was cleaned up nicely on the flip side.

Sorry about your ankle

[imojoebunny]

When I offer to help, I usually offer pretty specific things, like pick up lunch at Candler Park Market, here's the menu, let me know what I can drop off for you at 12:00, driving to doctors appointments, watching kids during a particular time of day, like after school, until your DH gets home, but sometimes, I don't know what to offer. I don't offer, if I am not actually willing to help, so assuming that I don't have a conflict, I would be glad to do what it is you ask.

People helped my a lot when I injured my neck after DS was born and couldn't lift him in and out of the car or push the stroller up the hill at the park. Random people in parking lots when I was out, and my neighbors when I was home. It's a pretty helpless feeling to be standing in a parking lot waiting on someone to come by who looks like they can give you a hand, but I got over it pretty quick, and everyone I ask was very nice about it. Thank goodness for Tommy at the Publix on ponce. I even had one childless guy who had a lot of vacation days, and would go with me to take the kids more adventurous places. I really found that people want to be helpful, if your flexible and make it easy.

[boiler717]

I'm so sorry about your injury!

I had a friend on bed rest recently and they sent out a list of specific things they needed with with for all the people who have offered. I think people were happy to get specific ideas because they want to help. Asking for company is great! You can also ask for dog walks, watering plants, someone to bring food, if someone knows of a mobile spa service to come fix your hair, etc.

[Deleted]

Awww rbp I hadn't heard the full story ever, so glad you are ok though now (well, healing.)

Redeem her offer to help, she sounds genuine!!

[DirtySouth]

If someone has offered to help, then I'm sure they want to know exactly what you need. Definitely be specific with her and I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

[tacom]

rbp, so sorry that happened to you. Yikes. I think your request is perfectly fine!

[sweetnsour]

I am sorry that happened to you! Definitely take her up on it. I helped a friend out when she was on bed rest and she just told me what to do and I did it. I put away the dishes and filled the dishwasher back, wiped down the counters and brought over meals. She was happy and I was happy to do it!

[DarcyLongfellow]

Oh my goodness -- I hadn't heard about your fall. I'm so sorry! I had the worst balance when I was pregnant (not saying you fell because you were clumsy or anything). I hope the time flies by for you.

I think your request is perfect -- I'm sure she'll be more than happy to help.

[bostonmichelle]

I'm so sorry about your fall. That seems like a completely normal request so don't worry about it.

[jackie011]

Jul 11, 2014 13:35:19 GMT -5 gt7301b said:

I'm sure she'll be happier to have lunch with you than do your laundry or clean your toliets:) A quick email telling her you'd love it if she just grabbed lunch and stopped by would be fine.

I was just thinking that! I mean what if you called her and said. " you know it would really help us out if you could mow the lawn tomorrow." She'd probably be all "whaaaatttt??" Having her pick up Chipotle and chit chatting for an hour or so is a completely acceptable request.

[SJ]

I hope you take her up on it!

I have been thinking about you. I'm so glad to hear that your mom was able to stay and has been taking good care of you.

[rbp]

Thanks ladies! I did ask the friend if she could come over around noon with lunch, and she said that was fine. She brought a whole pan of baked pasta, salad, bread, and brownies, so H had lunch when he got home and we've got leftovers for another meal as well! She loaded the dishwasher and then we hung out for a bit. It was nice to see her as I had been on my own all morning.

I guess my difficulty is that it can be hard to tell whether people genuinely want to come over and do unglamorous stuff for me (like the dishes) or if they're just saying that because they think they should. When make specific offers or ask several times, I do feel more comfortable taking them up. 

[jackie011]

I've been on maternity leave since April. At first there were a lot of offers but I quickly learned that most people wanted to come over and cuddle with a newborn, not throw a load of laundry in the washing machine. Most people who wanted baby time brought food, which was helpful. In time I've learned who I can call to do things vs just hold the baby.

[thejen626]

rbp I'm so sorry to hear about your ankle! My DH broke his leg in February. He broke his tibia and fibula, and tore his ligaments in his ankle. It was really hard for him, and for our whole family. We have 2 young kids...and we were in the middle of selling our house and moving...ugh. He had surgery on 3/12, we moved on 3/20, he was non weight bearing until MAY 10th. He has a huge rod, 8 screws, big scars on both sides of his legs, etc.

Then he was on crutches for a few weeks, then one crutch for a few weeks, and then only an ankle brace. His ankle was so big he had to buy EEEE wide shoes (which are so ugly...and expensive!).

So, my point, is that we just went to the beach last week, and he was up walking around with only a very slight limp, honestly you wouldn't be able to tell that just a few months ago he was couch bound. And now he's wearing flip flops and walking around the neighborhood like nothing ever happened!

Accept help from your friends. Our friends were so helpful with bringing over dinners, watching my kids so I could take DH to his appointments, etc.

I hope you heal quickly and don't get too down on yourself! This too shall pass.