Post by bananapancakes on Jul 17, 2014 11:22:03 GMT -5
I'll take any and all advice that you may have!
I've been doing this whole solo parenting thing for 7 weeks now and I am so, so exhausted. L is 3 months old now and he is still waking every 2-3 hours overnight. When he was just bitty, it didn't bother me so much because I knew he little tummy was tiny and he needed to eat so frequently but now I think I'm just being punked! Physiologically, a 3 month old doesn't need to eat every 2-3 hours anymore, right? He has done a 5 hour stretch on three different occasions but I didn't go to bed right when he did so I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row since March!
I've also done every single diaper with the exception of one and every single feeding except for one for 7 long weeks. I've been with the little guy 24/7 except for 2.5 hours this whole time too. I stayed with my parents for 2 weeks with the promise of help and my mom watched him for one afternoon and when I got back she was all, "So glad you're back, we barely made it." She never offered and I never asked again.
I'm just so burnt out. I need him to sleep longer stretches but I don't know how to make that happen. Help!
Post by catsarecute on Jul 17, 2014 11:28:23 GMT -5
Oh man, I am so so sorry! Babies are tricky! And I'm sorry your mom hasn't offered to watch him again. Is there any way you can ask her to watch him for a really short time so it isn't as intimating for her? Maybe just 1-2 hours so you can get some rest or a little time off?
What time is he getting his last feeding before you put him down for the night? I was reading people saying they fed their baby as late as 10 so they slept longer but man, I have a hard time staying up that late so for us, it was a trade-off of feeding her sooner (8-8:30), putting her to bed and waking up earlier. I've also learned to just go to sleep when she does. It sucks and I always want to stay up to get some things done or just have some time to myself at home but I'm so scared of her having a bad night and regretting not getting enough sleep.
I feel like none of this is helpful for you and I'm sorry. I suck at advice. I hope you get some relief soon and little dude can get some longer stretches of sleep!!
First: read up here: www.troublesometots.com/3-6-month-baby-sleep-survival-guide/ It's not magic, but there is some good advice there. Sorry to say my nearly 1 year old is often still up twice at night. Things often don't improve until you can sleep train, and then they may not improve as much as you like. I have had a few nights where I slept more than 3 hours in a row in the last 3 years, but it's probably not more than I can count on my fingers.
Can you seek out something that would give you breathing room? A gym with daycare, even? A standing date with a sitter? A friend that would come over on a Saturday morning and watch the baby from 7-10 am so you can sleep in (or seriously, look for a sitter or post-partum doula and pay for this - it's the most amazing feeing ever to sleep those hours, even if you've been up 3 times before that).
I've been doing this whole solo parenting thing for 7 weeks now and I am so, so exhausted. L is 3 months old now and he is still waking every 2-3 hours overnight. When he was just bitty, it didn't bother me so much because I knew he little tummy was tiny and he needed to eat so frequently but now I think I'm just being punked! Physiologically, a 3 month old doesn't need to eat every 2-3 hours anymore, right? He has done a 5 hour stretch on three different occasions but I didn't go to bed right when he did so I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row since March!
I've also done every single diaper with the exception of one and every single feeding except for one for 7 long weeks. I've been with the little guy 24/7 except for 2.5 hours this whole time too. I stayed with my parents for 2 weeks with the promise of help and my mom watched him for one afternoon and when I got back she was all, "So glad you're back, we barely made it." She never offered and I never asked again.
I'm just so burnt out. I need him to sleep longer stretches but I don't know how to make that happen. Help!
Your Mom is being AWFUL. She offered to help and then didn't. NO. Why did you stay with her if she didn't help? WTF? Is there anyone else you can call ( a MIL, a sister or SIL, Aunt, Cousin, Friend?) Can you afford to hire a sitter and then just go to bed. Even if it's just a few hours once a week?
Post by gibbinator on Jul 17, 2014 11:42:28 GMT -5
Ugh that sounds really tough. Unfortunately that's pretty normal sleep for a 3 month old. Is there anyone that would be willing to just do a short visit to help? Either come early in the morning so you can feed the baby (can't remember if you bf or ff) then sleep in, or in the late evening so they can take the first shift and let you have a break? Hire a babysitter once a week to come let you sleep? I'd maybe ask your mom again, but for a shorter period of time. Hopefully she's not offered again more out of absent-mindedness than unwillingness.
I haaaate bedsharing (just not my thing) but it got us through the really hard times (3-4 months, where he was eating every 2-3 hours). At that point his head control was good enough that he basically just nursed side-lying half the night while I dozed.
Post by howardandbear on Jul 17, 2014 11:45:12 GMT -5
The sleep issues are unfortunately normal. I agree with others in hiring a sitter for a break. You can go to bed and sleep the day away while the sitter sits in the other room changing diapers.
I can definitely commiserate with you on the every 3 hours still, but going solo is rough. Do you have any local mom meetups where you can at least have adult interaction? I'm sorry it's rough right now, I hope this phase passes soon.
Post by zeewifeandmama on Jul 17, 2014 11:52:23 GMT -5
I'm so sorry! Very rough spot to be in. I have to echo the other ladies. You must get a sitter or someone to come & give you a break. Have.to. It's hard, but without it you are going to snap! :: hugs :: I know how this feels!!
Post by bananapancakes on Jul 17, 2014 11:56:50 GMT -5
My parents live 2 hours away which is why I needed to go stay with them in order to get the minimal help I got. It was nice to have someone watch him so I could shower but it wasn't as helpful as I hoped.
My inlaws live 30 minutes away and come to visit about twice a week but have said that they don't want to be alone with him. They like to visit but I still do 100% of the caregiving when they are here.
I don't have any friends in my town but do have friends 20-45 minutes away. We get lots of visitors but I'm not good at asking for help. I need to work on that, I know. We have a tiny house so I don't even know if I could sleep while someone else watches him, especially if he's crying but I suppose I could try.
My H is gone until the end of November so we are only 1/4 of the way through. He is coming for a weekend visit at the beginning of August so I might get more sleep then.
I EBF and L has only had a bottle 3 times. He isn't a huge fan and doesn't take it easily, hence my mom's "we barely made it" comment.
Post by AlpineSlide on Jul 17, 2014 11:58:31 GMT -5
First of all, I'm sorry you're struggling.
Secondly, I recommend bedsharing. It saved my life. My DH works nights 6 days a week so I'm solo every night. I couldn't bedshare when my baby was under 2 months old b/c I was too scared I would smoosh him, but once he got bigger. It became awesome. Look up ways to do it safely- bedrail, no pillows, no blankets, etc.
I don't have advice on how to get more sleep but I just wanted to say I can't imagine how hard that is! Never having a break would push anyone to their limit. ((Hugs))
Could you hire a mother's helper? Someone to help during the day so you could take a nap?
Eta: I didn't realize you were breastfeeding. Knowing that I absolutely recommend bedsharing. It saved my sanity with J. He was up constantly the entire first year. Neve slept more than 2 hrs. I would just pop him on and go back to sleep.
Post by barefootcontessa on Jul 17, 2014 12:05:48 GMT -5
I would work on getting more calories during the day. So I would feed him every 2 hours during the day and try to get him to take as much as I could. Try exposing him to morning light as well to help get his bioclock on a day-night schedule. does he take a pacifier? that might help with night waking. see if he will take the pacifier in lieu of nursing. last suggestion (disclaimer: I know this is not recommended): tummy sleeping helped my babies sleep at night. I think a lot of wake-ups are gas related. I am sure you know you can put a monitor on the bed that detects a lack of movement. GL.
BP, I can't offer much advice, but I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Having a new baby is hard enough, but doing it all on your own right now must be so overwhelming. Your parents and in laws are making me a little ragey. Seriously? Your ILs know that their son is away and you're on your own and they can't offer to watch L while you nap for a bit, take a shower, go in the next room to read a book? That pisses me off.
If there's any way you can hire a sitter or someone to help you, that seems more than fair given what you're dealing with. (Hugs)
I'm so sorry! Last week, my solo week, I kept thinking "you can do this bananapancakes is doing this for months!!"
Is there any way to throw money at the problem? Hire someone to come in and even try to bottle feed him? I know DS (3.5 months) takes a bottle better from DH and it's even better when I'm not home. Heck, even hire someone to come hold him and play with him for a little bit!
We're going through the same sleep issues. He'll sleep for a longer stretch and then it's every 2 hours. I though we would be past that by now!
Post by cricketwife on Jul 17, 2014 12:29:11 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that you aredealing with this In the lo g run it would probablybe helpful for him to take a bottle. I would ty to work on that for your future sanity. Also is he happy to play alone? DS was at that age a d he loved the mobile. Could you put him down in the crib awake while you grab a little sleep or just some time to yourself?
I'm sorry. That sounds rough. I think you should ask for help. Friends, family... Can you get your H to ask his parents to help you more? Even if you could get a friend or family member (or hire someone) to come over for an hour or two a week, just so you could go for a walk or sit somewhere alone, I think it would help. Also, it gets better soon. The first 3 months were really, really hard for us. Things got a lot better every month after that.
Are there any baby-friendly groups/activities in your area? I find that, when I'm home alone with DD, it is helpful to go out to playgroups, library storytimes and the like, just to be around other adults (DD likes to be around the other babies too, so it's a win win). You son will be big enough for this sort of thing soon. When DD was itty bitty, I went to breastfeeding support groups, just to get out of the house.
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. I'd be really disappointed about the family help too. I agree with the suggestion to hire someone to help for a few hoursa week if at all possible. Also if you have people in your life who you think would be more helpful don't be afraid to ask. Most people want to help but are afraid to ask or don't know what would be usefull!
My babies sleep both got much better right around 12 weeks without me doing much - so have faith it could happen soon just due to maturation!. Letting in daylight and keeping it calm and dark at night seemed to help also.
Post by Jalapeñomel on Jul 17, 2014 12:51:36 GMT -5
My DS also ate every 2.5 hours for 3 months, and it was so hard. But I also had someone to help change diapers and hold him a lot, so I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to not have a break ever. Many hugs to you.
Post by curbsideprophet on Jul 17, 2014 12:57:00 GMT -5
I'm sorry. I was also going to suggest trying to get more calories in during the day or a dream feed. Are you swaddling/using white noise at night? You may need to go to bed as soon as he does. What time are you putting him down at night?
Sorry your family is not helpful. Would your ILs be willing to watch him if you are still in the house? Can you feed him then hand him off to your mom so you can nap?
DD was never great at taking a bottle. Not sure I would worry about that right now if you are going to be the one trying to get him to take it.
What in the fuck with your parents and ILs? Like... WHAT.THE.FUCK.
I'm sorry. I don't have a lot of helpful advice, other than to ditto finding a babysitter for a few hours a week minimum. Also have you looked for a moms group in your town? It might be nice just to get out PLUS you might make a friend who will understand your situation and babysit here and there.
This is where I am. Your baby sounds totally normal, but your parents and ILs sound like selfish assholes (assuming they are physically capable of babysitting). Who on earth would not watch their grandkid for a few hours to give their poor solo parenting DD/DIL a much needed break? I feel so bad for you that the people in your life are not stepping up to help you out at least a little bit. But given that they aren't I would absolutely find a regular babysitter. And seeking out local moms who could provide some companionship sounds like a great idea.
Post by bananapancakes on Jul 17, 2014 13:12:44 GMT -5
My inlaws are really lovely people. They just aren't comfortable with the baby stage. He's the first grandchild on their side so hopefully they will become more comfortable soon.
Part of the problem is me. I'm not great at asking for help so I know I need to work on that. I'm also a tad overprotective. We had such a rough start and almost lost him at birth and he's my baaaaaaaby! I can't imagine leaving him with some random I find I care.com. There are a few friends that I would trust but I feel bad asking. We have lots of people who come to visit but I feel that I need to "visit" and not pawn off my baby on them. I know I need to work on this.
We are members of the Y so that is an option I will look into as well.
Mostly, I just really miss my H and wish he was here with us. I don't want him to worry about us though as he has enough on his plate right now so I try not to let on that I'm struggling a bit.
My inlaws are really lovely people. They just aren't comfortable with the baby stage. He's the first grandchild on their side so hopefully they will become more comfortable soon.
Part of the problem is me. I'm not great at asking for help so I know I need to work on that. I'm also a tad overprotective. We had such a rough start and almost lost him at birth and he's my baaaaaaaby! I can't imagine leaving him with some random I find I care.com. There are a few friends that I would trust but I feel bad asking. We have lots of people who come to visit but I feel that I need to "visit" and not pawn off my baby on them. I know I need to work on this.
We are members of the Y so that is an option I will look into as well.
Mostly, I just really miss my H and wish he was here with us. I don't want him to worry about us though as he has enough on his plate right now so I try not to let on that I'm struggling a bit.
You do but I get it. I felt that way with my first. I had no babysitters outside of my parents and IL's.
But now I leave them with sitters all the time. Even ones I haven't met before! Lol. Last weekend my sitter canceled on me last minute but had a recommendation for another girl. I took her up on it real quick!