custody question

[pinkhighheels]

If you have shared custody, how much contact do you have with your children while they are with your ex? We are discussing 50/50 custody alternating weeks of 5 days with one parent and 2 with the other. Would it be unreasonable for me to have something written stating I will be able to skype with ds each night before bed when he is with stbx?

[sweetchix]

We have something in our agreement about this. During our regular weekly time, we don't talk to DDs while they're with the other parent because it's really only 1 full day we don't see them (aside from weekends which is then 2 days). It doesn't mean we can't though. We do, however, plan times for them to talk to the other parent during our week long visitiatons over the summer.

FYI, we share 50/50 custody and follow a 2/2/3 schedule.

[tiffany81]

I think that the 5/2 rotation would work out to being 7 days in a row each ultimately. Does that work with school? Can you both get him there in the morning. I know some people who are doing this now but the child is only 4.

You can write practically anything in your parenting plan. But remeber that he can impose the same stuff on you. So think through how intrusive some of this could be if its mandatory.

I think we put in some vague language about our son having phone access and being encouraged to communicate with the absent parent. I ask DS on occassion if he wants to call his dad and he usually says no. And if exH calls for DS and DS doesnt want to talk, we never make him.

[pinkhighheels]

I'm not really set on the 5/2, it seems like a big adjustment considering I'm currently a sahm and ds is always with me. Stbx is suggesting the 5/2 schedule, I'm still looking into other options. Honestly I would prefer to have him most of the time and maybe do a 65/35 or 70/30 split. Ds isn't of school age yet so only daycare (he will start going once I find a job) would be a concern at this point.

[pinkhighheels]

sweetchix how is the 2/2/3 schedule working for you? Have your children adjusted well to it? I'm a bit worried about moving ds from house to house every few days. I would prefer not to go long stretches without seeing him though so the 2/2/3 might be a better option for us.

[sweetchix]

Jul 18, 2014 22:41:21 GMT -5 pinkhighheels said:

sweetchix how is the 2/2/3 schedule working for you? Have your children adjusted well to it? I'm a bit worried about moving ds from house to house every few days. I would prefer not to go long stretches without seeing him though so the 2/2/3 might be a better option for us.

I love it. We're very fortunate in that both DDs have adjusted very well to going back and forth. I also like it because it gives both XH and me the opportunity to be responsible for, and attend, any of their extracurricular activities. They have gymnastics on Monday nights, so every other week I take them and every other week XH takes them. If we had done where we each have certain days, then gymnastics would only fall on my day (for example). We really only go one full day during the week that we don't see them and then 2 days on the weekend. Here's an example (m=mom, d=dad):

Week 1:
Monday: m until d picks up at 4:30 (our switch time is set for 3pm, but we both work so we actually pick them up later. We use the 3pm as a guideline for days off).
Tuesday: d all day
Wednesday: d until m picks up at 5:30
Thursday: m all day
Friday: m until d picks up at 4:30
Saturday: d all day
Sunday: d all day

Week 2:
Monday: d until m picks up at 5:30
Tuesday: m all day
Wednesday: m until d picks up at 4:30
Thursday: d all day
Friday: d until m picks up at 5:30
Saturday: m all day
Sunday: m all day

Week 3: repeat of week 1

Week 4: repeat of week 2

[sweetchix]

I should also add that we are both allowed to attend any and all of DDs' extracurricular activities, I just meant that on my Monday, I'm responsible for getting them to and from and XH is on his Mondays.

Also, we each have a week of uninterrupted time with the girls in both July and August. Because of the long time away from the other parent, we coordinate times for the other parent to call and talk/FaceTime with DDs at least once during that week's time.

[mel]

You can have practically anything you want written in your parenting plan. We split 50/50 and do one week on one week off. Ours states that it allows for reasonable amount of communication during reasonable hours of the days. So yes you can put in there that you want to be able to communicate with DS while he's with your stbx, however I would caution you that having it say that you can skype every single night at bedtime may not go over well and you may have do something similar to what I did. That way it is very generalized and stbx can't say you are abusing the parenting plan when it comes to communication if you contact him everyday.

[tiffany81]

I felt the same as you and wanted DS as much as possible. I ended up having him every sunday through thursday night and every other weekend. ExH gets him overnight every other friday and saturday. He also gets him after school/daycare every tuesday and thursday until 7:30pm. So he sees him 2x per week minimum but I have him every school night and morning so he has a consistent routine.

[DirtySouth]

We have 50/50 custody and do week on week off with the other parent having one overnight in the middle of their off week. XH and I are very cooperative with contact.  If we want to talk to our son, we just text the other parent and that parent has DS call.  That said, Skype every single night is a bit much.  I'm going to guess that your son is pretty young, because as he gets older and in activities and stuff, doing skype every single night with the other parent would get tough.  

[cuddlyevil]

We consider ourselves as having 50/50, but I have them Sunday night through Friday morning and he's got them Friday eve to Sunday eve. But we're flexible with each other (say if family is visiting or we want to go on vacation, etc).

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

When XH and I both lived in the same city, we did 2/2/3 and it worked really well. I thought it would be chaotic but it wasn't a hard adjustment. We didn't have anything specifically in our custody agreement about communicating daily, but we still do nightly phone calls so that our kid can talk to whichever parent he's not with that night. Now, I live about an hour and a half away, so DS stays with me during the week and XH on the weekends.

[lemon360]

Our neighbor has a 2-2-3 schedule with her 4 year old and it seems to be working out well. They plan to switch to a 5/2 or 3/4 schedule when he gets a little older but for little ones their child psychologist recommended more frequent contact with both parents. I know that they Skype at least once when one parent goes on vacation because she came to our house to Skype because she couldn't get it to work on her laptop. I think it was reassuring for her little boy to see her since it was a whole week away. He seemed excited to show her some things he got on vacation. I think if they skyped everyday it may seem like a chore rather than something special.

[whattheheck]

Jul 21, 2014 13:26:01 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

We consider ourselves as having 50/50, but I have them Sunday night through Friday morning and he's got them Friday eve to Sunday eve. But we're flexible with each other (say if family is visiting or we want to go on vacation, etc).

So your has the kids pretty much every single weekend?