How to handle DD's sick friend.

[gibbinator]

She's 9 or so right? Other than avoiding him altogether when he's sick, I think the only thing you can really do is give her vitamins (or make sure her diet is quite healthy), make sure she's physically active, and instruct her in good hygiene. Washing hands frequently (after toileting, before eating, after helping with cleaning him), not touching her face, and using hand sanitizer when he's clearly sick.

[teatimefor2]

This is really difficult. If he has CP, he may also have a weaken immune system. How old are your kids?

I'll be honest, as someone who professionally worked within LD (now SAH), your friend probably desperately wants her son to have friends engaging in normal activities. If he's her only child, she also might not to aware that he child is more ill than normal or she is just not thinking about it in the same way. It may be viewed as his regular 'state'.

I might spend her a text before your next play date cheerfully asking how her DS is and is he well enough for a play date. Keep it light and airy, I might text:

Hi! Looking forward to our play date. Last time DS was under the weather, I hope he's feeling well today. If not, let me know and we can reschedule for later this week/next week. See you soon!

As for your DD, I think it's fantastic for her to be exposed to someone with a LD. She is not only teaching him, but he is teaching her as well. I would make sure that you always wash her hands immediately upon leaving -- even if it's just with hand sanitizer. And make sure she knows you have it available during the play date.

It's a rock and a hard place, I know. But I would hate for their friendship to end over this. I would try these steps to see if the situation improves.

[cricketwife]

If she's a really good friend, I think you just need to have an honest conversation with her. I would mention that you love your friendship and the friendship between your children, and that it's important to keep everyone healthy. So may not be aware that your dd got sick the last two times they got together. I would tell her. I think it can be said kindly. Tell her you're always happy to reschedule if he's sick but that you don't want your dd to get sick. Plus, long term, is she going to want to keep playing with him if she gets sick every time. I think she's hitting an age where she'll be able to put cause and effect together soon and may start to avoid him.

[teatimefor2]

Jul 19, 2014 18:34:19 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

Jul 19, 2014 18:07:39 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

This is really difficult. If he has CP, he may also have a weaken immune system. How old are your kids?

I'll be honest, as someone who professionally worked within LD (now SAH), your friend probably desperately wants her son to have friends engaging in normal activities. If he's her only child, she also might not to aware that he child is more ill than normal or she is just not thinking about it in the same way. It may be viewed as his regular 'state'.

I might spend her a text before your next play date cheerfully asking how her DS is and is he well enough for a play date. Keep it light and airy, I might text:

Hi! Looking forward to our play date. Last time DS was under the weather, I hope he's feeling well today. If not, let me know and we can reschedule for later this week/next week. See you soon!

As for your DD, I think it's fantastic for her to be exposed to someone with a LD. She is not only teaching him, but he is teaching her as well. I would make sure that you always wash her hands immediately upon leaving -- even if it's just with hand sanitizer. And make sure she knows you have it available during the play date.

It's a rock and a hard place, I know. But I would hate for their friendship to end over this. I would try these steps to see if the situation improves.

Thank you!  Yes, she is learning from him too.. I love their friendship.  What is LD?  I'm not familiar with the terminology.

If I were to send friend that text, I know she'd take it too personally. She's having a VERY hard time with all this.  Yes, it's her only child.  She's been in denial since his birth and is now finally acknowledging a bit.  He's non-verbal and it's amazing to see the relationship DD and he has formed.

LD is short hand for learning disability.

Okay, this makes a bit more sense, especially the fact that he's non verbal. If he's non verbal, he most likely has a severe case. Autism is not my speciality, but I know a far bit about it. Most children have some verbal limitations, but are verbal.

If she's having a hard time accepting, than that text would be difficult for her to take. I know some parents who accept their child's LD quickly and adjust, I know others who have a 20 year old and are still struggling.

Given the extra information, I would talk to my daughter about the importance if good hygiene, not only for her, but for your friend's son as well. Before the play date, make sure her hands are washed and after use hot soapy water, even if it's right before you leave. Just ask to use her bathroom.

That's really all you can do. A positive is this exposure to his germs will also build up her immune system, which will be robust and stronger over time.

This is going to be a judgement call on your side. To you this means that resultantly your child is getting sick. To your friend, this is huge. This is a regular play date, normalcy - being a 'regular' mom. This might be one of her bright spots in their week. Not trying to add pressure, but to demonstrate both points of view.

Good luck with everything.

[redheadk]

I really don't know what I'd say to the mom but if it is happening repeatedly (like more than twice), I would absolutely think twice. It's great that she enjoys playing with him but pneumonia is no small thing. How often has mom discovered a fever after you leave? If it's more than twice, I think you have to say something, even if it hurts her feelings or she doesn't take it well because it's not okay to take advantage of your DD or put her health at risk. I know in my circle we are very careful to keep sick kids home from playdates and whatnot, even if we are pretty sure it's nothing contagious. I know kids catch things and I'd definitely up the hand washing and go over hygiene with DD (don't put your hands in your mouth, nose, or touch eyes, wash hands before eating anything, etc) but it does seem a little suspicious and like mom isn't a good judge of sick or not.

[soxin2]

This is my family. My niece and nephew aren't healthy (for assorted reasons and diagnoses) - they catch *everything* and my family just thinks it's normal for them, because sadly, it is.

Due to distance and other stuff, we don't visit often, but they never tell us in advance if something is up, so that we can reschedule our travel (2h one way)

I have no advice. *hugs*