Preparing Older Child for Sibling

[llamamama]

I have a question.  Do any of the 2nd time moms have advice to share?  My dd has a strong preference for a sister.  I am due in December and have the gender ultrasound on August 1st.  I'm planning on taking her with us so she can get used to the idea of a brother or sister.  The only thing is she is really against the idea of having a brother.  I think it is caused by her obsession with the movie Frozen.  She keeps telling me she is Elsa and her little sister will be Anna.  If anyone even mentions that it might be a boy.  She says "No.  I am having a sister."  She is 4 and will be 4 1/2 when the baby comes.  I know this is probably an age thing but I have this fear that if we find out I am having a boy, she will be so upset.  My dh and I do not have a preference but she definitely does!  How can we help prepare her if we find out we are having a boy?  I don't want her to dislike her brother (if she has one)!

[speckledfrog]

I don't think I would take her to the ultrasound. It sounds like you may have to deal with an upset kiddo in the middle of the procedure, which would be no fun at all.

[jeaniebueller]

Jul 20, 2014 12:55:54 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I don't think I would take her to the ultrasound. It sounds like you may have to deal with an upset kiddo in the middle of the procedure, which would be no fun at all.

Ditto. If it is a boy, I would probably take the emphasis off of the sex of the baby and try to get her excited about being a big sister and helping, etc.

[pupcake]

Another vote for not taking her to the ultrasound. No matter what I would talk about all the fun things you can do with a sibling in general. I assure you that if it's a boy he will not be the only boy that had to be Anna to his big sisters Elsa.

[Deleted]

Another vote for don't take her to the ultrasound. It's a medicinal procedure and the technician needs to concentrate. It's not only to determine gender, but to check heart, brain, liver, kidneys, etc. there's a reason it takes so long to do. If DD wants to see the baby, you can do an elective ultrasound at the mall later.

As far as the gender preference, if it's a boy I think she'll come around in time. You could say he's Prince Charming (or whoever), or Flynn from Tangled. You can say she will protect him with her Elsa powers.

[thejen626]

Don't take her to the ultrasound!!! Bad idea, especially if there's a 50% certainty that she'll throw a huge fit.

We got lots of "big sister" books, and we played up the fact that we would bring balloons home for DD1 and that's how she would know if it's a brother or sister, of it was blue or pink balloons. Also when I was in the hospital, we packed a "present from the new baby" which in our case was some really cool barbies. She loved that and thought it was very nice of new baby to bring her toys

[teatimefor2]

Don't take her to the ultrasound and you might not be allowed it. Our didn't allow children younger than seven in the room as it's a medical procedure.

Ditto the PP that said focus on her bring a big sister and helping. Not the gender of the baby, but her role with the baby.

[jsillyfun]

I got a little brother when I was 5. I had my heart set on a sister named Samantha. I cried when my mom said it was a boy but I got over it. I mean I still wish I had a sister but I wouldn't trade my brother in or anything

[dragonfly08]

We took #1 to the u/s (well-behaved siblings were welcome) but she didn't have a gender preference. She just wanted to see "her baby" and I really think it helped her identify/bond with her little sister. But at the same time you don't want to risk a tantrum in the room if your DD has a definite preference and might be disappointed.

If you still want to bring her, something you could consider is have the tech write down "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" and give the message to you on a folded piece of paper, rather than have it announced in the room. That way you can find out at home and not risk any disappointment during the procedure. You could even let your DD be the one to open the paper, make her a big part of the reveal and hopefully the excitement might outweigh any negative feelings if it turns out to be a boy. (IMO, the paper idea is sort of fun and makes a great keepsake...I have one from DD #1 b/c DH could not be at my anatomy scan but I wanted to find out the gender at the same time he did...the tech wrote it down, sealed the envelope, and I opened it that night while on the phone with DH).

[statlerwaldorf]

My kids are 5 years apart. I wouldn't bring her to the ultrasound. It's long and you never know how she will react. I had to bring dd to a few ultrasounds because I didn't have a babysitter and I really don't think it helped her connect with the idea of a sibling. I don't think she really understood what she was looking at and was a little disappointed he looked like a skeleton instead of a real baby.

She wanted a sister. She was a little disappointed, but didn't throw a fit. I think it helps that she has a few friends that have little brothers. She adores her little brother although we will have to see when the novelty wears off. She asked me if I could get pregnant again when ds was 5 days old to try for a sister.

I think it helped to give her things she can do with the baby. She is really looking forward to teaching him how to crawl. She likes to show him her toys and read him books. She likes to give him his pacifier and help me with breastfeeding by stroking his head or using a wash cloth to keep him awake. We also talk about things she can do when he's older like teach him to ride a bike. It's hard because her friends have sisters closer in age and she'd love to have someone close in age to play with.

I was 5 when my brother was born. I was disappointed he was a boy. Then I was really disappointed when my youngest brother was also a boy. I dressed him up like a girl until he was a preschooler. Lol I still love my brothers (most days...)