I'm stewing, help me to stop

[purplecow0206]

So, FIL has always given us health information (usually asked for, sometimes not) as he's a retired family physician. He and H were talking today and he said something that just really annoyed me. He basically said that we're starving A. He's basing this on vacation, where A wanted to be fed more often because I was there, and the fact that she was 13 lbs, 2 oz at her 6 month appointment. She's hitting all her milestones, has been having plenty of wet/dirty diapers since birth, and the pediatrician had no problems with her weight at the appointment. Neither H nor I are particularly tall (We're both 5'5", so while I'm not short, H definitely is) so we're probably not going to have a big child.

I'd love to hear about other people who have tiny babies that are doing just fine now, so I can shut down his voice in my head.

[bunch]

Well, I would not be concerned about her weight, though that is small, but what do you mean she wanted to be fed more often because you were around? I'm a pretty feed on demand person, so I think if a baby wants to eat, she should be offered milk or food.

[winemaker06]

Don't let it get to you!
My kid's 6-month appt isn't until next week but he should be right at 13 lbs. He's never even been on the growth charts, but he follows his own little curve.
The doctor wasn't thrilled it took so long to get him to birth weight, but since then she has no concerns as long as he's happy and growing steadily.
Your baby would let you know with no uncertainty if she wasn't getting enough.

[mainelyfoolish]

Has she been staying on the same growth curve? My DD was 6 lbs. 2oz. at birth and around 12 lbs. at six months, and she was formula fed. She's now a normal weight six year old.

[purplecow0206]

Jul 20, 2014 18:46:14 GMT -5 bunch said:

Well, I would not be concerned about her weight, though that is small, but what do you mean she wanted to be fed more often because you were around? I'm a pretty feed on demand person, so I think if a baby wants to eat, she should be offered milk or food.

She can go 2.5-3 hours at daycare, but when I'm around, she's pretty much an "eat every 2 hours", and won't be dissuaded if I'm there. I always check diaper first, and see if she just wants to be held, but if she's diving for the boob, I know she's not going to take no for an answer, and I don't want to make her do that at this age.

[winemaker06]

DS also asks for food more often around me. He goes 3 hours or more at daycare but will start fussing at the 2-hour mark sometimes for me. We're out and about a lot, so some of it is comfort nursing if he gets overstimulated. So I vote totally normal for that too.

[purplecow0206]

Jul 20, 2014 18:59:55 GMT -5 winemaker06 said:

DS also asks for food more often around me. He goes 3 hours or more at daycare but will start fussing at the 2-hour mark sometimes for me. We're out and about a lot, so some of it is comfort nursing if he gets overstimulated. So I vote totally normal for that too.

I think this was part of it as well. One day, where she nursed a LOT more than normal, was when she met most of the family for the first time, including her cousins who were very "in her face" all day. I know meeting H's family the first time was overwhelming to me, it HAD to be overwhelming for her.

[crazygame]

My daughter was about 14 lbs at her 5 month. Her percentile for weight was consistent from birth on, so her pediatrician was not concerned, although she is small.

I wouldn't stew anymore, although I know it's hard.

[bunch]

Jul 20, 2014 18:55:02 GMT -5 purplecow0206 said:

Jul 20, 2014 18:46:14 GMT -5 bunch said:

Well, I would not be concerned about her weight, though that is small, but what do you mean she wanted to be fed more often because you were around? I'm a pretty feed on demand person, so I think if a baby wants to eat, she should be offered milk or food.

She can go 2.5-3 hours at daycare, but when I'm around, she's pretty much an "eat every 2 hours", and won't be dissuaded if I'm there. I always check diaper first, and see if she just wants to be held, but if she's diving for the boob, I know she's not going to take no for an answer, and I don't want to make her do that at this age.

Wait, so his concern was that she was feeding too frequently or not enough?  Both my kids have been the eat every 2 hrs type for a looooong time. I thought you meant that she wanted to be fed and that you were refusing her.

[laurenh]

DD is 22 lbs at 22 months and has been in the 5th percentile since birth. The ped has only mentioned making sure we get enough fat in her because of MSPI but other than that has no concerns as long as she stays on her curve. I know it's really hard but try not to worry - some babies have to fall lower in the percentiles just like others are at the top

[purplecow0206]

Jul 20, 2014 19:36:15 GMT -5 bunch said:

Jul 20, 2014 18:55:02 GMT -5 purplecow0206 said:

She can go 2.5-3 hours at daycare, but when I'm around, she's pretty much an "eat every 2 hours", and won't be dissuaded if I'm there. I always check diaper first, and see if she just wants to be held, but if she's diving for the boob, I know she's not going to take no for an answer, and I don't want to make her do that at this age.

Wait, so his concern was that she was feeding too frequently or not enough?  Both my kids have been the eat every 2 hrs type for a looooong time. I thought you meant that she wanted to be fed and that you were refusing her.

No, he thought I was feeding her too frequently.

I think part of the thing is my SIL and BIL (who is on kid #3) use Babywise, so by 6 months, their kids were going every 3 hours and were on a very strict schedule. I'm much more on demand with my feeding, which leads to a much more un-scheduled eating pattern.

[mae141]

We switched doctors because DD was going to someone that sounds like your FIL (just doesn't get BF on demand). It was a family practice, and they were freaking out about her weight. I had met with 3 different lactation consultants and gotten the same instructions from all of them- BF on demand and then supplement with an ounce or so after each session until she got back to birth weight. The doctor kept telling me to give her 3-4 ounces of formula at each feeding even if I was BF. When we switched doctors I got a copy of her records and they basically said I was starving her and only feeding her one ounce per feeding and that I refused to feed her more. I know people take babies to family doctors all the time, but I will be sticking with an actual pediatrician from now on.

My DD also wants to nurse all the time when she's with me, especially when other people are around. I think it's just a comfort thing.

[bowies]

I have a small baby but he's younger than yours. We've seen a few pedis at our practice and none have raised the alarm at his size beyond when he dropped more than 10% in the first few days after birth. And even then, we were just told to supplement with formula for a while - there weren't any accusations or melodrama. Ever since the pedis have told us he looks healthy and we're doing a good job.

My H and I aren't big people either. I was 6 lb 9 oz at birth (born past EDD) and H was 6 lb 11 oz. We weren't going to bust out a 10 pounder. (DS was 6 lb 6 oz, born at 38.5w.)

[curbsideprophet]

I am confused. He thought you were feeding too often but that she was not eating enough? If he thought she was not getting enough wouldn't the logical thing be to suggest feeding her more, not less? He does not even make any sense. If your pedi is not concerned about it, I would not worry about it.

[megs193]

I have a small baby which has put me on the receiving end of many unsolicited comments. I always smile and say that our pediatrician is happy with his weight gain, growth and development and then I give them my best "bless your heart" smile. Unfortunately this will not be the last time someone says something. My son is 2 years old and 23 pounds. People always want to tell me about how there 1 year old is bigger than him.

[purplecow0206]

Jul 20, 2014 19:58:56 GMT -5 megs193 said:

I have a small baby which has put me on the receiving end of many unsolicited comments. I always smile and say that our pediatrician is happy with his weight gain, growth and development and then I give them my best "bless your heart" smile. Unfortunately this will not be the last time someone says something. My son is 2 years old and 23 pounds. People always want to tell me about how there 1 year old is bigger than him.

I know, there was a comment about how the dress we had A in (a hand-me-down from my SIL) fit her cousin when she was 2 months old and she only got to wear it once. A's worn it 3-4 times so far and still fits in it. This was the first time we've really gotten any coments about her being small, so it kind of hit me hard.

[purplecow0206]

Jul 20, 2014 19:55:50 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

I am confused. He thought you were feeding too often but that she was not eating enough? If he thought she was not getting enough wouldn't the logical thing be to suggest feeding her more, not less? He does not even make any sense. If your pedi is not concerned about it, I would not worry about it.

He basically thought she was "snacking" instead of getting a full meal. If I fed her less often, I guess that she'd eat more at each feeding...? Maybe that was what he was going for?

[bina]

No advice because I think your doing fine. DO has been solidly tenth percentile for height and weight since birth and he's completely normal. I do get lots of unsolicited comments that are just so much fun.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using proboards

[awick14]

Having a family member who is/was a doctor can be hard. He probably believes he isn't doing anything wrong and means well but maybe have your H talk to him about it.

[drloretta]

I have no idea what DD's weight was at 6 months, but she's always been on the small side. She started out at 6 lb 12 oz and wore nb clothes until she was 13 weeks old. She got all these cute 3-6 month summer clothes at our shower that she never wore, because they were too big.

I say keep on keeping on. And discuss with your H how you're going to cope with your FIL's unsolicited comments. It sounds like he's going to dish this out from here on out.

[curbsideprophet]

Jul 20, 2014 20:05:09 GMT -5 purplecow0206 said:

Jul 20, 2014 19:55:50 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

I am confused. He thought you were feeding too often but that she was not eating enough? If he thought she was not getting enough wouldn't the logical thing be to suggest feeding her more, not less? He does not even make any sense. If your pedi is not concerned about it, I would not worry about it.

He basically thought she was "snacking" instead of getting a full meal. If I fed her less often, I guess that she'd eat more at each feeding...? Maybe that was what he was going for?

Maybe? Sorry he was giving you a hard time about her weight.

[h]

Wait, he is concerned that you are starving her by feeding on demand which, as far as I am aware, has never been linked to starvation or failure to thrive? Yet he would prefer you use Babywise like BIL/SIL, which has actually been linked to failure to thrive? Ignore him.

[Deleted]

Don't worry about it. If your baby is happy and hitting milestones, you are good! There has to be some babies on the bottom end of the growth charts. There is a range of healthy weights. Also, if your baby were big and chubby, you would be getting comments on how fat your baby is. People have loads of opinions on baby weight!

[babyrn]

My DD is small too. She was 13 pounds even at her 6 month appointment. She has stayed on her growth curve so her pedi hasn't worried. She's always been in the 5-10% range. At that age she ate around every 2-3 hours.

As long as your LO is staying on her growth curve I wouldn't worry about it.

[sporklemotion]

My DD was just under 13 pounds at 6 months. She has hovered between 3-7% since birth. The pedi is a bit concerned, because her percentiles go down slightly (like 1%) each time, but all she did was suggest that we push solid food in between nursing sessions/bottles. People occasionally comment, but she is very alert and active, so I think it's hard to argue that we are starving her. She's only a little older than yours, so I don't know how it will play out, but we aren't worried yet.

[purplecow0206]

Thanks for everyone's comments. The comments were made directly to H, and he told me because HE was stewing, so FIL didn't tell me this directly. We've been taking the stance that we take the advice he gives that makes sense and ignore the advice that doesn't, though I think we need to rethink that stance.

As an aside, he was also telling us that we should give her formula before my milk comes in so she "wasn't so hungry". She was fine with the colostrum, my milk came in normally after she was born, but he still thought we should give her formula before my milk came in.

[mrshandy]

Feed your baby whenever you feel like it. It is NO ONE's concern.

I really hate when grandparents weigh in on shit they don't understand.

[barefootcontessa]

what he is saying makes no sense. to keep the peace I would say something like, "mmm ... that is interesting. I will talk to the doctor about that the next time we see her." and then completely disregard.

[barefootcontessa]

Jul 20, 2014 20:02:50 GMT -5 purplecow0206 said:

Jul 20, 2014 19:58:56 GMT -5 megs193 said:

I have a small baby which has put me on the receiving end of many unsolicited comments. I always smile and say that our pediatrician is happy with his weight gain, growth and development and then I give them my best "bless your heart" smile. Unfortunately this will not be the last time someone says something. My son is 2 years old and 23 pounds. People always want to tell me about how there 1 year old is bigger than him.

I know, there was a comment about how the dress we had A in (a hand-me-down from my SIL) fit her cousin when she was 2 months old and she only got to wear it once. A's worn it 3-4 times so far and still fits in it. This was the first time we've really gotten any coments about her being small, so it kind of hit me hard.

okay, SIL wins because her baby weighs more?  my MIL used to talk all the time about how big my SIL's (her daughter) kids were as babies and how skinny my babies are.  megs has a great idea with how to reply.  do not let it get you down.