I've since learned that 90% of these dickfaces really do think women want to hear it. They really think it's complimentary.
Another example, from the same neighborhood: I was trying to cross the street, just waiting for traffic to clear. A car full of men stopped in the middle of the road and flagged for me to cross in front of them. There were no other cars around, so I would have been able to safely cross if they had driven passed and I kept waving them on, but they wouldn't move. So I crossed. As as I passed the car, they started whistling and shit. So I flipped them off with both hands and called them names in Spanish again. I shit you not, ALL of them looked SHOCKED at my reaction. Like, REALLY!? I'm fucking 14 years old! So gross.
Well I don't mind benign and sincere compliments on my looks. It's the invasive stuff that bothered me- one old man told me he wished it was his baby inside of me, another told me my pregnant body looked "lush and inviting", and I think the most infuriating time was when this guy didn't realize my husband was within earshot when he started telling me how sexy he found pregnant women and he'd feed me ice cream all day (I was buying ice cream at a Stop and Shop). I got upset, my husband popped back around the corner and was like "WTF" and the guy apologized to my husband but not to me.
I didn't realize that I live in an area with pregnancy fetishizers but it was pretty fucked up. It had been a while since I'd been harassed like that with frequency.
since having a baby no one has catcalled me, as i was hoping would happen.
it used to happen frequently before and i found it to be frightening, not attention-seeking. i usually just death glare or walk quickly away out of fear or feeling uncomfortable. i have been stalked, followed and grabbed before as well.
some men are disgusting assholes. i wish i was feisty enough to yell back at them.
Sometimes I tell women I think their hair is awesome, that I love their outfit, or that their makeup is perfection and OMG what eyeliner do they use? Apparently these comments are not welcome, either, sewf?
If a dude tells me my hair looks great, I don't find that demeaning or rude. Saying "hey baby" or anything sexual? That's rude & unwelcome. I don't understand where the line is, according to this thread. LOL.
If it's a sincere compliment, that's one thing. But one day I was walking to work, and two guys stood in my path and told me I looked good today, while looking me up and down. They let me pass, but I was still looking over my shoulder, making sure they didn't see that I had just come out of my house, and they weren't following me to work.
Tone and presentation means a lot in these situations. And a feeling of fear should not be imposed on anyone for just existing.
Maybe I am projecting, since it has been drilled into my head that walking alone is dangerous (my mom was assaulted when I was young).
I don't consider men complimenting my shoes or purse to be cat calling, as long as they are being polite and not creepy.
If you're yelling, "ohh look at that ass" out the window of your car or making smacking sounds with your lips as I walk by I am going to consider you an asshole.
Well I don't mind benign and sincere compliments on my looks. It's the invasive stuff that bothered me- one old man told me he wished it was his baby inside of me, another told me my pregnant body looked "lush and inviting", and I think the most infuriating time was when this guy didn't realize my husband was within earshot when he started telling me how sexy he found pregnant women and he'd feed me ice cream all day (I was buying ice cream at a Stop and Shop). I got upset, my husband popped back around the corner and was like "WTF" and the guy apologized to my husband but not to me.
I didn't realize that I live in an area with pregnancy fetishizers but it was pretty fucked up. It had been a while since I'd been harassed like that with frequency.
OH HELL NO. I totally would have called him out on that.
But, given his misogynistic "complimenting," I'm not at all shocked that he did that.
Ok, mp, I should have said no one ever has the right to comment on my appearance in a lewd manner. Sure, tell someone their hair looks nice. Don't tell a stranger their ass looks nice.
Sometimes I tell women I think their hair is awesome, that I love their outfit, or that their makeup is perfection and OMG what eyeliner do they use? Apparently these comments are not welcome, either, sewf?
If a dude tells me my hair looks great, I don't find that demeaning or rude. Saying "hey baby" or anything sexual? That's rude & unwelcome. I don't understand where the line is, according to this thread. LOL.
If it's a sincere compliment, that's one thing. But one day I was walking to work, and two guys stood in my path and told me I looked good today, while looking me up and down. They let me pass, but I was still looking over my shoulder, making sure they didn't see that I had just come out of my house, and they weren't following me to work.
Tone and presentation means a lot in these situations. And a feeling of fear should not be imposed on anyone for just existing.
Maybe I am projecting, since it has been drilled into my head that walking alone is dangerous (my mom was assaulted when I was young).
This is a pretty good example of schrodinger's rapist and you have nothing to feel sorry or bad about, nor is it an overreaction. Men should not approach women they don't know in situations that could make a woman feel unsafe. The onus is on men to accommodate women in this regard since men are statistically overwhelmingly more likely to be a violent aggressor and women overwhelmingly likely to be the victim, and men who aren't assholes do this accommodating gladly and without resentment.
Like someone said above - catcalling is not about complimenting someone. It's a power play. It's a "I see you as an object to own/appreciate". I doubt anyone here mistakes behavior like that to be a compliment.
I think the line is whatever makes one personally feel uncomfortable. I think it's reasonable that some women may think "you look pretty today" in certain instances is perfectly okay and inoffensive, but other women may bristle at that no matter who says it, where or when. Neither is wrong.
Stop being reasonable!
I like nic's definition, too. I added in the same sex, because, well, it could happen.
I wouldn't take a nice hair compliment from a man or a woman as indecent. I would if they were licking their lips or winking at me. Context.
The feminist side of me says :shut up asshole, I am not a thing created for your eye's enjoyment, have some respect. The desperate for attention side of me says: oh yes baby, I am still hot.
But it is a moot point because it basically never happens.
Post by scribellesam on Jul 22, 2014 16:33:53 GMT -5
It never happened to me all that often but I hated it. I brought my lunch almost every day back when I worked in the downtown area because I dreaded having to leave the building during the day and possibly get catcalled. It makes me feel uncomfortable and scared.
It's happened to me maybe once since DS was born because I'm almost always in suburbia and/or with my kid. I'm so happy that I don't have to deal with it anymore.
When I was 21 and in Vegas with a girlfriend for my birthday, some sick asshole yelled out his car window "BJ 20!?" At first I had no idea what that meant. (Yes I was naïve) but when he came back around again and yelled "40!?" I was sick to my stomach. Mortified actually. I will never forget how awful that felt.
Cat calling is disgusting on its own, but propositioned as a prostitute? GNARLY.
I do think it can be a fine line. Even though saying "smile" to someone isn't in and of itself offensive, the suggestion that I should completely drop whatever mood I'm in to make my face more pleasing for a stranger is presumptuous and rude. Even if something isn't a cat call, it can still be rude.
Yea, I agree, catcalling is gross. I just ignore and keep walking or glare at them.
Two summers ago, when I was pregnant, H was out of town for work a lot. I went on walks after work almost every day and a few times I was legit scared. Creepers would yell at me or drive by multiple times and my heart would start racing, I would try to walk faster and would get my phone ready to dial. It was a really awful feeling. Being pregnant with H out of town made it worse and sometimes my imagination would get the best of me. It always happened on quieter streets. After that I made sure to stay in my neighborhood or walk on streets where more people were around.
When I was 21 and in Vegas with a girlfriend for my birthday, some sick asshole yelled out his car window "BJ 20!?" At first I had no idea what that meant. (Yes I was naïve) but when he came back around again and yelled "40!?" I was sick to my stomach. Mortified actually. I will never forget how awful that felt.
Cat calling is disgusting on its own, but propositioned as a prostitute? GNARLY.
Fun fact: I have been propositioned BY a prostitute and AS a prostitute :/
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby