Have we discussed cat calling?

[Deleted]

Especially the woman in MN who is videotaping the men and giving them cards?

I think she's pretty badass. I never have the guts to say anything back.

jezebel.com/woman-confronts-catcallers-and-secretly-films-their-rea-1608516447

[malibu]

I just read about this on CEP.

I don't have to worry about it. I don't get cat called.

[Saint Monica]

I opened this thinking it would be about how noisy kitties can be.

[RoxMonster]

While I would also be annoyed/offended if people cat-called me on a regular basis, I don't know that I would stop and have a full-blown conversation and hand out a card to them. I watched the video clips and some of the guys, you can tell, still think they did nothing wrong and will not change their ways.

Not saying it isn't worth it to try, but I don't know that I would give them what they want (attention for their behavior).

[Deleted]

It usually happens to me when I'm running or on my way to yoga.

Because wearing tight fitting clothes or running shorts is obviously an invitation to give opinions about my body.

[jane6672]

Jul 22, 2014 15:22:47 GMT -5 cjoy said:

The last time I remember discussing this on the board, somebody told me that as a mom in my 30's I should just feel lucky that men bother at all.

[nerdicorn]

I get cat called and I get told to smile a lot.

While I was heavily pregnant one of the more disturbing things that happened a lot was older men harassing me, like, in the grocery store. I always put a disgusted look on my face and loudly say "what is WRONG with you? Leave me alone." For whatever reason raising my voice seems to shock them into leaving or spluttering an apology. But yeah, old men felt like it was totally cool to say inappropriate things about my body while pregnant.

It's super annoying and not at all flattering.

[lime]

Not that I am recommending this, but I tend to react to these sorts of things with aggression/anger.

Men that use intimidation tactics generally realize that I won't be intimidated and they back down.

[Serenity9]

I was just thinking this morning that the next time a stranger tells me to "smile" I am actually going to stop and tell them that it is rude and intrusive of them to say that.

[open24hours]

I hate it, in a really viceral way.

[Deleted]

I kind of want to get the "Minnesota Nice" themed card in case I'm ever feeling feisty.

[agnes]

It happens often when I run. When I was younger I use to flip dudes off for cat calling. Now I listen to music while I run, so I have no idea if it's still happening.

Hopefully, she'll get through to at least some of the guys doing it.

[amberlyrose]

I've had a few (usually while out drinking but it definitely isn't every day or every month), but recently I had 3 separate instances where I've been complimented by men when walking down the street and I didn't really know how to react. I just smiled and said thank you.

[Deleted]

I don't get cat called so I can't say 100% what my reaction would be, but ideally I'd like to think I'd shut it down.

[Deleted]

I HATE when guys catcall and or comment when I am walking down the street, but I either ignore it or just say thank you (if it is of the far less demeaning nature) and keep walking. I don't engage crazy. In New York, engaging crazy is a bad, bad idea.

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2014 15:40:27 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

I've had a few (usually while out drinking but it definitely isn't every day or every month), but recently I had 3 separate instances where I've been complimented by men when walking down the street and I didn't really know how to react. I just smiled and said thank you.

You thanked them? Huh. And none of the men with you said anything at all? That's sad.

[Deleted]

I think I can count on one hand the times that this has happened to me.

And two of those times were when I was pregnant. :?

[cuddlyevil]

It hasn't happened in a long time.

The closest in recent memory was a guy leering at me when I was walking back from the bathroom at a bar in Nashville.

[sequins]

I've only been catcalled once in the US and that was in tenderloin in SF. Of course, I ignore and walk away and the guy says, say thank  you, bitch.     I walk faster and then at my workplace, I tell my friend about it and she says, of course you have to thank them, silly!! He paid you a compliment!! 


Back home though, if the catcalling is from older, sinister looking guys, I walk away. But if they were youngish, college type guys, I ask them to shut up and usually they do.  I've never thanked anyone though and I have developed a great resting bitchface now.

[Deleted]

Ugh, I HATE cat calling. I usually give them a nasty look and/or tell them to fuck off. I've been called a prude and a snob, because it's totally my problem that I don't want to hear "nice ass" or whatever. It's disgusting.

[amberlyrose]

Jul 22, 2014 15:51:11 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Jul 22, 2014 15:40:27 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

I've had a few (usually while out drinking but it definitely isn't every day or every month), but recently I had 3 separate instances where I've been complimented by men when walking down the street and I didn't really know how to react. I just smiled and said thank you.

You thanked them? Huh. And none of the men with you said anything at all? That's sad.

Huh? I was walking by myself. And yes, I did say thank you. None of it was super demeaning. One guy said I looked very put together and professional, another said I looked beautiful and to have a nice day, and the third was something about my hair (it was very pretty or something?) I was weirded out by the comments on my looks, but sometimes, not everyone is trying to hit on me. 

[trixiedicksnatch]

I'm sorry to say this but I don't mind. It usually happen on days where I feel like shit about how I look and while I get how gross and disrespectful it can be it gives me a little ego boost.

Not that everyone should feel this way because really it's very piggish behaviour but I'm insecure as fuck about my looks.

That was truth time with Trixie.

Ps I'm sorry my fellow women folk please don't hate me.

[amberlyrose]

Jul 22, 2014 15:55:12 GMT -5 @stpete said:

Jul 22, 2014 15:40:27 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

I've had a few (usually while out drinking but it definitely isn't every day or every month), but recently I had 3 separate instances where I've been complimented by men when walking down the street and I didn't really know how to react. I just smiled and said thank you.

I guess I'm misunderstanding you. You say they complimented you, did you feel like it was a friendly and welcomed compliment to you or did you feel cat called?

I think it fell in a gray area. So I'm not sure how I felt. Plus, this almost NEVER happens to me, so to have 3 so close together was weird too.

[sewf]

NO ONE has a right to comment on how I look, or if I'm smiling, or what I am wearing. When I am walking the four blocks to work, I'd like to be able to get there without someone yelling at me or honking. And yes, it happens at least once every two weeks. It's demeaning, none of their business, and makes women feel unsafe, especially when they are by themselves.

I obviously feel very strongly about this. Lol!

[berbles]

I distinctly remember in 7th grade, asking my Spanish-speaking friends how to say FUCK OFF or GO FUCK YOURSELF in Spanish, because I walked to/from school and dealt with it every day. One time (in HS), a guy followed my BFF and me for like 3 blocks, cat calling in Spanish. We tried to ignore, but I finally turned around and said, "Puta madre, chupa mi penga, pendejo," and he hustled off. (Translation: Mutherfucker, suck my dick asshole)

[amberlyrose]

Jul 22, 2014 16:05:09 GMT -5 @stpete said:

Someone being sincere and respectfully giving a compliment isn't a cat call. It's completely unrelated to this conversation

A cat call is a man harassing and and yelling at a woman. Often being crude in the process.

Many women feel that a cat call is any comment on your looks from a stranger, usually of the opposite sex. Some are nicer than others.

[sequins]

Jul 22, 2014 16:07:05 GMT -5 berbles said:

Impressive.

[sewf]

It comes down to respect. You're not respecting me when you are talking about my tits looking amazing in my shirt or calling me a bitch for not responding. It makes me uncomfortable, and is degrading.

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2014 16:05:09 GMT -5 @stpete said:

Someone being sincere and respectfully giving a compliment isn't a cat call. It's completely unrelated to this conversation

A cat call is a man harassing and and yelling at a woman. Often being crude in the process.

I think sometimes the line can be blurry though.  Okay, so we can all agree that it is not okay to whistle or honk at a woman.  I'd guess we'd all agree that "nice ass" is also not okay from a passerby (no matter how sincere the thought was).  What about "wow, you're sexy?"  Probably still not okay?  But then is it okay for a skeevy guy to say something like "Damn, you're gorgeous" or to mutter "Wow, beautiful" to a random woman walking by?  Even if it makes her feel self-conscious or small?

Even though those last few are sincere and the comments themselves aren't demeaning, I think they're still not all that often given respectfully in the context of a woman just passing by a guy on the street. 

Stop me in the checkout line to compliment my shoes, though?  Awesome.

[amberlyrose]

Jul 22, 2014 16:02:32 GMT -5 cjoy said:

Jul 22, 2014 15:56:18 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Huh? I was walking by myself. And yes, I did say thank you. None of it was super demeaning. One guy said I looked very put together and professional, another said I looked beautiful and to have a nice day, and the third was something about my hair (it was very pretty or something?) I was weirded out by the comments on my looks, but sometimes, not everyone is trying to hit on me. 

Obviously you were asking for trouble because you were a woman walking alone. Next time take a big strong man to protect you.

I'll just never leave the house again. Scheduling with my man friends is just too time consuming.