sympathy card/donation ? (warning: possible trigger)

[sjh722]

Warning: infant stillbirth mentioned

A close friend of my H's from his fire department and his wife lost a baby last week. She was stillborn around 7-8 months gestation (and had trisomy, so they were not sure if she would have lived after birth even if she had been full term). The parents had a memorial service and funeral on Saturday, and chose a cause for donations in her honor in lieu of flowers.

When you send a sympathy card, do you make a note, like "A donation in honor of X has been made", or does the organization give them a list? (I know when my Grandma passed away, my mom got a stack of cards from the funeral home showing who gave memorial donations and to whom.) I'm not looking for "credit" for the donation, I just want them to know it was made as they requested. Is that tacky? Other suggestions on how to word that?

[everafter07]

I'm not sure about the donation, but I'd call the funeral home and ask if they provide something to the family.

We had this happen to a family, so so sad. We sent a freezer-ready meal to them. If they're close, that may be a good gesture.

[Deleted]

Definitely write in the card.
The problem with donations to charity is if they send a list of who all donated, it could be months after the fact. I know H and I ran into this with Hope. Then we were left struggling to send a thank you note back 4 months later that looked tacky as could be as a result and when we thought we were through that phase, kwim?

And if you want send something personal breakfast items are awesome! We had visitors every weekend for months after. It was great to just pop cinnamon rolls in or chop fruit to go with an egg bake someone sent.