Post by sillygoosegirl on Jul 26, 2014 1:07:49 GMT -5
Prompted by my needing to know how crazy my MIL is: Is your DH planning to be at the hospital (or wherever you give birth) the whole time, or will he go home to sleep if it's a long labor?
(MIL thinks it's inappropriate for me to expect DH to sleep on the couch provided--explicitly for that purpose--in the birthing room.)
Nope. Though our room has a fold out couch and accommodations for a partner staying with us. I think your MIL is as nuts as mine. But then again there was a time when men weren't at the hospital during the birth, or waited in the waiting room outside. Maybe she's coming from that antiquated view?
If he leaves me I will not be very happy. We will have someone else staying at our house to take care of the pup and kitty do he should be with me. There would be no reason for him to come home.
Wtf? Go home and sleep?! Before the baby is born?? No. Lol. Like pp said, I wouldn't care if he ran out to talk to his mom (who apparently plans to be in the waiting room for the duration of my labor) or get food or something. Or even go home and take care of the dogs if we were sure it would be a while. But not just to get some shut-eye while I'm in freaking labor. Lol
Nope. Though our room has a fold out couch and accommodations for a partner staying with us. I think your MIL is as nuts as mine. But then again there was a time when men weren't at the hospital during the birth, or waited in the waiting room outside. Maybe she's coming from that antiquated view?
Could be. She has an odd assortment of antiquated and modern views. She thinks moms who SAH are lazy bums, and it was a super big deal to her that FIL was going to be there for DH's birth via scheduled c-section (back at a time when father's were never present for c-sections, FIL was going to be the first father present for a c-section in the state, if things had gone according to plan), but she also gives me crap about lifting stuff (like my sewing machine, which couldn't weigh more than 15-20 lbs, when I routinely lifted things at 2-3x as heavy before getting pregnant and my midwives at both practices I've been going to have encouraged me to keep up with all regular activities, without any weight restrictions even though I'm a backpacker), and always seems to forget that I know how to use tools and don't always need DH to do every single fix-it thing around the house for me.
Mostly we get along, but having her staying with us and me 24 weeks pregnant is... A little difficult. Honestly, I don't mind when she gives me advise (and there's been plenty of that), but it's all this stuff where it's not even given as advise but as God given fact that are pissing me off.
During labor? No, with the exception of running to get food or something. With dd I was induced and he ran out and got lunch and dinner for himself. Lunc off hospital campus and dinner in the cafeteria. He didn't he didn't miss anything.
The only reason DH left during my 4 day stay were to either get one of us food or to go to the NICU. This time I'm sure he'll leave for a few hours to go see DD at some point, but not until the babies are born and I'm mobile.
He's welcome leave to get food in town (there's no cafeteria for non patients), but unless we lived next door to the hospital I would not be pleased if he went home. As it is, it's 45 mins to get to the hospital so a lot can happen in a 1.5hr round trip.
Last time, after being awake for 30 hours, he fell asleep in a wooden chair, bent over my bed, hands on my back mid massage because my mom showed up uninvited and hogged the recliner.
He'll probably go home a few hours after the birth since we have a 2yr old to think of now, and then visit sporadically during my stay.
Post by loskadoodle on Jul 26, 2014 6:12:30 GMT -5
Mine left during the day for a bit after the baby was already born and we were moved to go home and shower and nap. I had no problem with it. He spent the night at the hospital though.
The hell if he's going to go home to sleep if I'm in labor, lol! I'm sure he'll step out to get food or whatnot. After, I'd like him to stay overnight with me.
DH will probably go home to check on the dogs and nephew after the baby is born, but I can't imagine him leaving while I'm in labor. The pace of labor can change quickly, and what if he misses the birth? What if I need an emergency c-section? No way would he (or I) want to take those chances.
ETA: I'm also planning to labor at home as long as possible, so hopefully I won't be laboring at the hospital long enough that he'll even need to sleep. Not that things always go according to plan, though.
Plus I'm planning on a med-free birth, and DH and I want him to be the only one in the room, so I'll need his support.
Post by flamingeaux on Jul 26, 2014 7:46:05 GMT -5
your MIL is crazy. Though, for the cutest nanosecond, DH thought he would be in the waiting room. I told him he can stay close to my head, and not watch the whole bloody show, but his butt was going to be in there.
I was induced overnight and he slept in the room that night.
He also slept in the room the night after C was born because I was nervous and sore and it was late when he came.
He did go home to sleep on the third night because the couch was not comfortable and I was more confident and less of a basket case. Plus he needed to go check on the cats.
We were lucky enough to get a single maternity room. Most are double at our hospital (DD born 07/01). Because so many kids were being born, the hospital was full and turning away patients. In the double occupancy rooms, the dads are not allowed to stay overnight and DH was panicky about being forced to leave...but we lucked out.
Post by scribellesam on Jul 26, 2014 8:47:15 GMT -5
He didn't leave the first time except to get food in the cafeteria. I'm fairly certain he'll stay this time as well unless he needs to go see DS1 at home for some reason.
No way. We talked about allowing our moms in the labor room before things really get going so one of them could get food at the cafe with H, and the other could stay with me. I expect him to come right back.
The first time Dh stayed with me throughout my entire induction (2 days) and then the resulting 5 day hospital stay post c-section. He only left to get additional clothes, take out the trash and get some outside hospital food.
He slept on the pull out chair/ extra bed the entire time.
No idea what Dh will do this time. Depends on if I have a vbac with a short hospital stay or a RCS with a long hospital stay. But either way he will be with me the entire time before the baby is born and most of the time after.
We have both my mom and his planning on heading up the minute they know I am in labor (my mom driving and his mom flying). The only reason H would leave the hospital is on the off-chance his mom makes it here first and he has to drive the two minutes to the mass transportation station to pick her up. Come to think of it, I may ask my aunt or uncle to pick her up. I do not want to labor alone.
My H will definitely sit in on the c-section and is planning to stay the nights to support me/baby. He may occasionally leave during the day, but not for long periods. We'll see.
DH had to leave this time to pick up DS1 but we really didn't have a choice. I ended up getting my epidural without him there but I was so loopy from narcotics at that point that I didn't care. No way would I have let him go home to sleep just for the hell of it though. DS1 was born a at 2:30am, anything can happen!
Post by shekels1222 on Jul 26, 2014 10:24:15 GMT -5
DH stayed the entire time barring 30 minutes after we first got to the hospital because he hadn't eaten all day.
Of course that was the exact moment my contractions ramped up and I needed him to be there with me! He wanted to be with his wife and new baby. I didn't ask him or expect him. He wanted to be there.
Post by estrellita on Jul 26, 2014 10:27:40 GMT -5
No, I'd prefer he stay. We'll probably load the cats up on food before we leave and he can come back after baby is born to check on them. Or we'll send someone over.
No. My first labor was 34 hours. H stayed with me the whole time, even though it meant sleeping on the floor at one point. 2nd labor was shorter, but he was there.
Hell no, DH would not be leaving me while I was in labor.
He did, however, sleep at home the second night after A was born. We both had barely slept in the past 48 hours, the couch for him was super uncomfy, and I had planned to send A to the nursery anyways for a few hours. He was going home around 11pm to let our dog out, so I told him just to stay home and sleep. He said he got home and was too tired to even walk upstairs, so he passed out on the couch, and came back in at 6am so he could be there when my midwife stopped by. It worked out fine for us.