Mom's of 2+, hospital visits

[gibbinator]

Last week dh, ds and I all went to one of my prenatal appointments together. I thought it would be a good opportunity for him to see a Dr without anything happening to him personally (he hates strangers touching him, so any specialist appointments are awful experiences).

He was super happy and fine with the whole thing right up until I had to lay down to get my belly checked. Cue huge tears of fear, screaming for mommy, etc. Then he was fine again once I was back on my feet. For the next 2 days everytime we got ready to go in the car he'd just say "no doctor, no doctor" until we assured him we were not going to the doctor

So my question is, how did you prepare your older child(ren) for visiting you and the new baby in the hospital? I know a number of nurses etc will be in and out all day long. Any ideas on how to make it a not scary experience?

[JakJak]

Aw, poor guy! Do you have family coming in to stay with him while you're in the hospital? We just made sure to make it seem like a special day with grandma when I had DS2. DS1 was 19 months old, and she took him out for donuts that morning and walked around the hospital gardens with him. We also let him pick out a little present for his brother so he was excited to give him that. He was too much in awe of the new baby/too happy to see me to really be scared of anything. He was definitely clingier than usual while visiting but was happy getting to sit in bed with me.

[brit1017]

DS didn't come to visit in the hospital. I asked to be discharged right at 24 hours after birth (earliest it was allowed) so I was in the hospital less than 36 hours total. It was easiest for me to have the time at the hospital me just for DD and to see DS when I got home.

DS didn't have any .particular issue with doctors/hospitals, so if I had ended up needing a c/s or having to stay longer for some reason, we would have dealt with that as it came.

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[6fsn]

I made sure to explain what all they would see when they came- IV's, gowns, monitors, etc. I also told them I'd be hurting but I would be better in no time.

I also had gifts the could open and special snacks. My mom was there too take them out if needed.

[Deleted]

He might be an entirely different kid with whoever brings him?

Do you have the Courdoroy Goes to the Dr. book? It's short and simple but DD loves the dr. as a result.
The Daniel Tiger app where you get to play dr. and Daniel explains everything that's happening is another success here.

Literally, last week I took her for a checkup and she hopped right up by the dr. and started chatting away.

If he's really upset by it though, I'd consider just seeing him when you get home. No sense in stressing everyone out. We brought DD up to the hospital for DS and she was more excited about the fish tank in the lobby than anything..so no magical first time moments here..ha.

[gibbinator]

Jul 27, 2014 14:14:46 GMT -5 JakJak said:

Aw, poor guy! Do you have family coming in to stay with him while you're in the hospital.?

Yup. ILs (who he loves) are on call to babysit while I'm there, in labour and probably the first night. If I end up staying longer dh will go home with him.

[pescalita]

A was 21 mo, so explaining ahead of time wasn't really applicable. He came with my MIL and my mom and I think grandma and aunt were all in the room the first time. He was super shy and quiet and I think a lot of that did have to do with the fact that I was in bed, all hooked up, and I had lost a good amount of blood so my color was off too. He opened up after a few minutes and was bouncing off the walls with all his grandmas. We were there for four days and they came every day, he was fine the rest of the time.

[ilikedonuts]

DD1 came to every single appt except ultrasounds (other than my elective one). We didn't do anything to prepare her for the hospital. She just wanted to explore. She's super social so she loved all my appts and when I was in the hospital because there were lots of people to talk to.

Maybe get him a bag of fun stuff that he'll get to play with in the hospital?

My kids are exactly 2 years apart.

[ryry]

Do you have to bring him? DD1 never had an issue with doctors /hospitals, but I was really nervous about her visit in at the hospital when DD2 was born. I thought it would be really confusing for her to see me with her new sister, and then leave, while I stayed with the baby. I didn't want her to feel like I wanted to be with the baby, not her.

In the end, it was fine and she was totally okay, but I think bringing younger kids to the hospital can be a scary or confusing experience, so if he's already experiencing hesitation, I'd just wait and have him meet the new LO at home.

[gibbinator]

ryry I want to plan for him to visit just in case it's a long stay (emergency c/s is minimum 4 days for example). If I might be out in 24 hours, we may skip him coming.

bailarina There wasn't any chair to recline, just the standard exam table to lie on. That sounds like a great adaptation for pregnant patients though. The Dr has to help pull me back up upright these days.

I'm definitely going to make them wait to come up for several hours so I'm showered, dressed, and more or less looking normal.

[erbear]

My mom brought DD1 to the hospital to meet DD2. We got her a present, which helped.

If you can, plan to have your husband leave with your older child. Mine was pretty unhappy about the fact that she was going home, but mama was staying in the hospital (I had a c-section), but once she realized daddy was leaving, it was ok. And if you have a section, ask them to take out your IV for a few hours so LO doesn't see mom hooked up to a bunch of equipment.

[mrsg123]

MIL brought DD1 the day DD2 was born, and brought her on day 2 so we could all go home together. She was fine but was possibly older, was 3.

[statlerwaldorf]

We took dd to a sibling class at the hospital to help prepare her. There was a good discussion and they took the kids on a tour. They recommended waiting until after you have your iv out and got changed into your own clothes before having the sibling visit. I guess even the hospital gown can freak kids out. We also read a lot of books.

[lolo]

@ukyankee, I think you have tips on helping kids cope in this situation no?

[MadamePresident]

Well I was in my house when the baby was born, but Nods came to all my appointments, except for the ultrasound. She is now into measuring bellys. Meting her new brother was pretty uneventful. She saw him and liked him, but didn't want to touch.

[lilac05]

Check out the library for books about new siblings, doctors' offices, hospitals, etc. Talk a lot about it, as honestly and positively as possible. Call your hospital & see if they will give you two a tour. DS LOVED that! It made things more concrete for him & he kind of knew what to expect (he was 2 1/2).

DS1 was the opposite. He went to all OB appts with me & was friends w/ the doctors & nurses. He is super social and loves going on "adventures" and exploring. My mom brought him to the hospital just a few hours after delivery (easy delivery w/o complications).

[badtzmaru22]

DD is 2.5 and my ILs brought her to visit. She is apparently fine with doctors if they aren't for her. She came with DH and me when I had to go in early for preterm contractions, and she was SO GOOD the whole time. She would chat with the nurses who came in, and talked about how the dr was going to check on baby brother in mommy's belly.

She did so well meeting him for the first time as well. My ILs brought her up and DH went out to get her first so she could get situated. Then he went and got them after DD gave me a hug and we showed her the baby. We had a present for her as well, and she was happily distracted with that for a bit. She's been very clingy on me though, but it helps to have other people around, bc she likes to show off as well. She's very sweet to her brother so far.

[laurenh]

badtzmaru22 whoa, I completely missed that he had arrived! Congratulations!!

[badtzmaru22]

Jul 28, 2014 7:50:27 GMT -5 laurenh said:

badtzmaru22 whoa, I completely missed that he had arrived! Congratulations!!

This reply was my first post about it! It was kind of a whirlwind entrance, but we are home now! Thanks!

[hocus2]

I never had my older child at the hospital. I know it is less common to skip that but personally I didn't think that a hospital environment is great for a young child and I didn't think my child would understand what was happening or have any interest in the baby.

[galaxy8227]

Jul 27, 2014 17:46:02 GMT -5 @246baje said:

I had a repeat c-section so I was hooked up to the IV and generally looked like shit the first day.

DS didn't come to see me until the following day when I was in my own clothes and could get out of bed.

DS didn't come to see me the first day either (he had a cold) so when he saw me I was still in the gown but could move around more and looked better. He honestly was more excited about the fridge of snacks that the nurses kept for dad's and siblings when they came to visit. He sat on the bed with me but didn't ask anything and just hung out with our family. He didn't even flinch when he left either--my parents were taking him out for pizza so he practically ran to the elevator.

DH and I thought he'd have a lot of questions about the machines (he understood we were having the baby and that she would be there) but he didn't really look at them.

[curbsideprophet]

Our hospital had a big brother/big sister class which included a small tour. That was pretty much all we did beforehand. Nana brought DD to the hospital for a short visit. We came home the next day so she did not spend much time at the hospital.