Moms shouldn't throw showers, but I'm not going to hate on someone who doesn't have another friend or family member step up.
Side note, not relevant to OP: The bolded was what I told my mom for my wedding. According to her, it was tradition in our family, which she didn't tell me until months later after fighting with me multiple times over it. She is still bitter 7 years later about it. So when I finally got pregnant, practically the first words out of my mouth were, "You can throw the shower if you want!" Etiquette be damned in my case, LOL. So now my mom and MIL (and if my mom grows up and lets her, my step-mom too) are throwing my main shower.
No. Sorry. Still tacky. Registry info is never included.
This is probably regional. People in my area would be super frustrated if you didn't include registry information. I got 2 angry calls last time I planned a baby shower because we forgot to put the registry tags in.
Moms shouldn't throw showers, but I'm not going to hate on someone who doesn't have another friend or family member step up.
Side note, not relevant to OP: The bolded was what I told my mom for my wedding. According to her, it was tradition in our family, which she didn't tell me until months later, after fighting with me multiple times over it. She is still bitter 7 years later about it. So when I finally got pregnant, practically the first words out of my mouth were, "You can throw the shower if you want!" Etiquette be damned in my case, LOL. So now my mom and MIL (and if my mom grows up and let's her, my step-mom too) are throwing my main shower.
My mom is also co-hosting my shower and did for my wedding. It's the norm here. I don't really know many people who had someone other than their family throwing showers.
Side note, not relevant to OP: The bolded was what I told my mom for my wedding. According to her, it was tradition in our family, which she didn't tell me until months later, after fighting with me multiple times over it. She is still bitter 7 years later about it. So when I finally got pregnant, practically the first words out of my mouth were, "You can throw the shower if you want!" Etiquette be damned in my case, LOL. So now my mom and MIL (and if my mom grows up and let's her, my step-mom too) are throwing my main shower.
My mom is also co-hosting my shower and did for my wedding. It's the norm here. I don't really know many people who had someone other than their family throwing showers.
I was the first in my friends and family to get married so I really hadn't paid attention to it before but yeah, that's honestly been the norm in the years since in my circle. Oh well, live and learn. Mom is beyond thrilled to be doing this and will actually be visiting me this weekend and is excited to talk shower, lol. I can't believe how fast time is flying.
My mom hosted my shower AND put registry info on the invite.
The Dowager Countess is not impressed.
I will never think registry info in shower invites is tacky. As a guest, thank you for letting me know where to shop. I don't want to guess.
Now if you put it in your wedding invite, I will side eye the ever loving hell out of you. Especially in my world, wedding gifts = cash while showers = gifts.
My mom hosted my shower AND put registry info on the invite.
The Dowager Countess is not impressed.
I will never think registry info in shower invites is tacky. As a guest, thank you for letting me know where to shop. I don't want to guess.
Now if you put it in your wedding invite, I will side eye the ever loving hell out of you. Especially in my world, wedding gifts = cash while showers = gifts.
Well and the whole POINT of a shower is gifts, as someone already mentioned. The point of a wedding is ostensibly to witness the union of 2 souls (even though you betta bring a salad spinner too, bitch).
I completely agree with (most) PPs. Registry info in a shower invite (bridal or wedding) is completely fine, as you're showering her with gifts - that's the whole point! No registry info in a wedding invite - I would definitely clutch my pearls at that.
I would be annoyed to get a shower invitation with no registry information, as I'd either have to contact the hostess or search for a registry at all the likely stores, both of which create more work for me unnecessarily.
And on the original issue, Team Mom. The "hipster" registry sounds fine for shopping online, but like a giant pain for shopping in store. No way do I want to wander around BRU trying to figure out which of your preferred items they carry.
I'm sorry centralsquare, but you are sounding kind of ridiculous on this issue. I get that asking for gifts can be kind of squicky, but like every else has said, gift-giving is the whole point of a shower. No sense in making things more difficult for the people who know they're going to a gift-giving occasion.
Odonata, no need to make sure every item is available in-store. I think that some items is fine. I can relate as many of my mom's friends who came to the shower in my hometown don't *do* online shopping LOL. My mom is a Facebook fiend but as never ordered anything online. This was complicated by the fact that they live in a small town with no BRU or BBB within 100 miles, so I registered at Target so that there would at least be a local place to shop. Some people bought in-person from Target, some ordered online from my BBB or Amazon registries, and others bought off-registry. There was only one gift that I really didn't like, but obviously they were all very much appreciated.
I most prefer when people have robust Amazon registries. Then I can find things cheaper elsewhere and easily cross them off or just be lazy and use my prime.
Don't do what my BFF did--somehow she managed to get her previous name associated with her Target and Amazon registries and no one could find them. It was super weird.
I would be annoyed to get a shower invitation with no registry information, as I'd either have to contact the hostess or search for a registry at all the likely stores, both of which create more work for me unnecessarily.
And on the original issue, Team Mom. The "hipster" registry sounds fine for shopping online, but like a giant pain for shopping in store. No way do I want to wander around BRU trying to figure out which of your preferred items they carry.
Same! And then I'd be annoyed that this generic hipster list is what I found, and now I have to go searching for specific items, and/or figure out what blankets or bottles a person might like.
Seriously, make it easy for your guests. Many people will purchase items off of the registry. Those that want to pick out their own cute little things will do that. I'd take on a shit ton of work and annoyance before I'd want my guests to feel put off. I know you feel like this is an issue with your mom, but it really would be a nice thing to do for your guests. OR, if you are really committed to the generic list idea, then stick to that and shut down the conversation with your mom.
But, my mom is throwing my family shower, and including registry information, AND sending out evites! So...my standards are apparently very low.
I guess I don't see an issue with the grandma throwing a shower (my mom and sister did for my wedding) or putting registry info on a shower invitation. I'd rather have the info right there than bug the host or mom to find out where they are registered. As the mom, I'd rather I don't get a million phone calls/texts/FB messages either, haha. But I don't care that much about certain etiquette things that IMO aren't a big deal. *shrug*
Post by centralsquare on Aug 1, 2014 13:07:47 GMT -5
You are welcome to proceed how you like. I will continue to not include registry information on an invitation, b/c traditionally, it's viewed as gauche.
I was taught to just pick up the phone to find out where my friend had registered. Presumably, I'm close enough to the guest of honor to ask someone in the know. I'm sure there are other things where I've breeched traditional etiquette, sometimes intentionally. But this one matters to me. ::shrug::
Sharknado is likely right that there's a regional element to this one as well. It's not like I'd recoil in horror and not go if I received it. But I do think it gives off a distasteful vibe. Again, that's my upbringing. Yours may be different, and that's fine.
That's a recent change. It's certainly better than printing it on the invitation.
That said, for this kind of stuff, I'm super-traditional, so I'm gonna stand by no registry info. But you can choose what you like!
LOL, well clearly everyone can choose to do whatever they'd like. Baby showers aside, plenty of people choose to be ridiculously tacky all the time.
That said, "I wouldn't, but to each his own" is a little different than "OMG, I would never. That is SO TACKY. Clutching my pearls." KWIM? It's just in your delivery.
I see it along the same lines as wearing black or red as a wedding guest. 95% of people think of it as a silly old tradition that has fallen by the wayside, but there are still some who see it as an atrocity. *shrug* Life is too short to get panties in a twist, I think!
OK, so I made a new one at BBBaby. It didn't take as much time as the first one b/c I guess I knew what I was doing this time around.
As for the etiquette stuff - I have to say that in my life and all the baby showers I've gone to (including family and friends since I was little)
1) mother and MIL were hosts/co-hosts. I have yet to attend one where a friend hosted. There were a few where a sister hosted - but I have no sisters. 2) registry was in the invite
Actually, the only time I gave a little side eye was for my friend's shower a few weeks ago - her husband was one of the RSVP contacts along with her mother. I don't think he was hosting at all, but still....
At any rate, the first I heard of this faux pas was on discussion boards like these. I guess since it's such the norm here (where I live) no one bats an eye. Actually, it's so normal that I've had friends ask "so when is your mom planning to hold your shower?" before she even offered.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Aug 1, 2014 21:10:40 GMT -5
I guess I'm in the minority, but I prefer generic registries, since the sorts of stores people typically register at are not the sorts of stores I like to visit. I also appreciate knowing when the person wants "this EXACT thing" or just "something that serves this function." That makes it a lot easier to know what I can be free to just pick out if I can't or don't want to go to the selected store.
My registry is at Amazon, since of the 3 registries I had when I got married, the Amazon one seemed to work the best (the REI one was the most popular--but REI doesn't sell anything I want for the baby at this juncture). I like that I can add specific items (and get a completion discount if I end up buying the item for myself), generic items, and items from external websites to it. As well as put in comments about the items.
Though incidentally, I wouldn't register for blankets even on a generic registry. It seems like people give way too many blankets at showers whether they've been registered for or not, so I don't see the point encouraging it. In my experience, a lot of off-registry clothes get purchased too, so I'm not registering for those either.
I expect to get crap about my registry too, once anyone gets around to looking at it. I already have most of the "normal" stuff, since I wanted it early for my 15 month old niece's recent visit: crib, mattress, some bedding, stroller, car seat. And then SIL and MIL already bought me stuff: boppies, bouncy seat, some toys, some clothes. And SIL and sister (both recently done having kids) have given me a ton of hand-me-downs: baby bath, nursing bras, bike trailer, breast pump and bottles, sleep sacks, swaddling blankets, high chair, more toys, cloth diapers (although we're thinking about a diaper service instead, if EC doesn't work out), and probably more stuff I've forgotten about. So my registry is almost more a list of all the stuff I already have than a list of the stuff I need. I think half the stuff I'm asking for (at least by value) are baby carriers and skin-to-skin shirts, since neither sister was into that.
sillygoosegirl The motivation behind that kind of registry mostly had to do with my lifestyle and personal beliefs - those being of an environmentalist and minimalist (to the best of my ability). I've been invited to many "hand me down" showers of friends that share the same views as me.
encorebaby.com is a general registry site where you can put specific items on there, but then generic things like "long sleeve onsies". The idea is that the recipient really doesn't mind any hand-me-down and isn't following any color scheme but is more than happy to take anything that can be recycled. I'm the last of my friends and family to have a baby, and there are so many things people want to give away now that the kids are older. My thought is why buy new things when I can just use their old stuff? Saves money and reduces needless purchase of new resources. Also, that means someone can go to another place, like Target, and get some of the general stuff and whatever happens to be on sale. They aren't tied to one store.
What's cool about it is that for each item I can select if I prefer it to be purchased new or not. Also, if someone is going to gift me something that is not a new purchase, they can also click a box that lets me know they would like it back when I am done with it.
Really, the only generic things on there were "fall/winter clothing 0 - 6 months" "spring/summer clothing 6-12 months" for anyone who had those boxed up somewhere and wanted to give them away as a shower gift. I think I also had "bath towels".
BUT - that's just too crunchy for my family. My friends are all on board because that is how their showers went,but my family thinks I'm nuts (and maybe I am) and are not willing to follow along with my style. So we'll do it their way because they are buying things FOR me, after all. I can save the crunchy lifestyle for when the baby is here.