It's been a full day and I'm still irritated, so I'm going to post this now. This is going to be long. Sorry.
I called my mom yesterday to tell her that I'm pregnant. Exciting news, right? Yeah, she had to go and ruin it.
First, I told her that I don't want to tell my sister until I'm at least 8 weeks. A) because I KNOW she'll blab to people, and B) because we literally are telling our parents and two very close friends (well, and you guys ). She flipped out, saying how my sister had recently been saying really sweet things about be (she is a very sweet kid, but we are NOT close and she is super immature) and I needed to tell her and yadda yadda. I told her that we would tell the rest of the family in September and my sister would hear the news at the same time. She would not let it drop!
I also explained that part of the reason we aren't telling very many people is because I don't want to have to worry about telling a bunch of people that I've miscarried, since that probability is significantly higher prior to being 10 weeks. She basically told me I was being really negative and why would I think that way, etc. I told her that wasn't her concern and she just needed to respect my wishes on it.
Then she starts talking about when I go into labor and how she's only a couple hours away by plane and could even drive here if need be. You guys! I think she wants to be in the delivery room. OMG. That is going to be a significant battle later on and will involve a lot of hurt feelings on her end. I literally only want my DH at the hospital.
She basically made the whole thing about my sister and her feelings and made me feel like an idiot for having concerns about telling a bunch of people right away. Telling my MIL and dad was so amazing. My MIL screamed and was so excited and completely appropriate in her questions. She never once questioned why we wanted to wait to tell people and only said that she was so happy to know, but was going to have a hard time not being able to tell anyone. My dad cried and also completely agreed about not telling my sister. It was so fun to tell both of them and the conversations were great. My mother, not so much. And the best part is, she told me last month that I'm not empathetic. So, I'm not empathetic, but you telling me that I'm ridiculous for being concerned about something that happens to 25% of pregnancies, right when I'm sharing the big news, is totally cool? Ok. Got it.
Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent.
tl;dr: My mom is a bitch and has to make everything about herself and her feelings even when everything should be happy and exciting.
you need to set boundaries with her STAT. If she's like this when you just told her you were pregnant, I'm scared for you what she'll be like when her grandchild is born.
Post by kristinschmistin on Aug 1, 2014 17:49:27 GMT -5
Breathe.
Everything will turn out ok. I understand your anxiety about the way she's acting right now.
Easy solution? Don't call her until after the baby is out and you've had some time to yourself to bond. Then be all "wow he/she came so quick, we had no time!" easy peasy. Nobody gets hurt feelings, you get the environment you want.
I am sorry. Blame it on the hospital - dad/spouses only. When I had the twins, it was a shit show and too many people in my room. With my son, I put my foot down, and husband did not call anyone until we were out of recovery and I was awake and ready in my room = so much better.
I'm sorry she sucked the fun out of telling her. My MIL and FIL acted like we just told them we were going to the grocery store. It sucked. Set boundaries now and don't tell her you're in labor. Call her when you're ready for visitors.
Post by thinkofthesoldiers on Aug 1, 2014 17:55:33 GMT -5
This much drama early on is partly on you both. You could have predicted her reaction (or at least I could with my own family) and you can only control how *YOU* react. Let it roll off your back or you are going to deal with at least 25 years of BS from her.
I get where you're coming from. My mom said I was too old and didn't have the finances for a child.
It was a defining moment in my life. After that I realized (and started focusing on) that I have my own family now and no longer need to A) tell her anything I don't want to, and B) seek her approval. I was 41. Sad, I know.
Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I will definitely work on setting these boundaries. I know how she is. I just wish it wasn't like this and she would respond appropriately instead of being so fucking dramatic all the time.
@misoangry, you're totally right. But I knew if I told my dad and MIL and if she found out from them that she would flip out even more. This was better than that would have been. But I totally dreaded calling her.
She also brought up that she was glad I called and told her myself so she wouldn't have to find out on fb (DH posted something on twitter right after the proposal). We were young and dumb and it was 5 years ago! Get over it already!
Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I will definitely work on setting these boundaries. I know how she is. I just wish it wasn't like this and she would respond appropriately instead of being so fucking dramatic all the time.
@misoangry, you're totally right. But I knew if I told my dad and MIL and if she found out from them that she would flip out even more. This was better than that would have been. But I totally dreaded calling her.
She also brought up that she was glad I called and told her myself so she wouldn't have to find out on fb (DH posted something on twitter right after the proposal). We were young and dumb and it was 5 years ago! Get over it already!
But that's the thing.
You could anticipate her reaction, and, while it is a tad sad to withhold the information from everybody, it probably would've been the smoothest path to wait until the second trimester to break the news to everyone (even those whom you could trust with the news).
But keep your head up. You're not in the wrong. It's a happy, exciting time, and you are surrounded by other supportive people!