I have an H gripe. Also shoe related.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

I'm starting a job soon where I will be on my feet a lot. Business casual attire. I'm picky enough about shoes as it is, but I know I'm being even pickier about this. I don't want to just wear sneakers or my gym shoes because they don't go with my business casual wardrobe. I need something that has a flat dress shoe look, but is comfortable as fuck, closed toe, closed heel, suitable for a warehouse environment. Like I said, picky.

Anyway, onto H and why he's about to get shanked. Because he worked a dock for a trucking company for a few years he thinks he knows everything about being on your feet all day (completely putting aside my years of work experience). And he keeps giving me shit because I won't just pick a pair of ugly as fuck workboots because that's what he wore when he worked the dock.

Then he tells me to just wear my gym shoes. My smelly, been through a mud run, gross gym shoes. Or spend money on a pair of shoes to get me by until I can drive 30 minutes up the road to a bigger city with more shoe options than what our town has. First of all, 30 minutes is not that far away, and second, why in the hell am I going to spend money for temporary shoes? So now he's giving me shit for wanting to drive to the bigger city instead of sitting around the house and doing nothing all day.

OMFGSTFUTYVM.


TL;DR: H is lecturing me because I want to shop the right pair of shoes for my new job and not just the first pair I see in the first store I go to.

[Deleted]

I know a lot of folks who are on their feet all day wear those strange looking clogs. I think LHC has a pair?

Just try to get the most normal looking ones.

[Deleted]

And your H is being ridiculous.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Aug 9, 2014 12:59:56 GMT -5 @jezebel said:

You don't need his permission to go shopping.

You're completely right.

It's just I've been a SAHM for four years and I have a hard time telling him I need money for things, which is totally my issue, I'll own that.

[mskitkat]

Aug 9, 2014 13:07:45 GMT -5 @amoosed said:

I know a lot of folks who are on their feet all day wear those strange looking clogs. I think LHC has a pair?

Just try to get the most normal looking ones.

Danskos? Highly recommended! So good for being on your feet all day.

[shoeless]

Well if your H doesn't want you to drive 30 minutes might I suggest you 'shop online' buying 5-10 pairs with expedited shipping so you can test them all? (Ok, not totally helpful for this situation......maybe?)

[vanillacourage]

I wear these a lot. You can't see the rubber edging when they're on.

m.payless.com/deflex-comfort/74507.html

[shopgirl07]

Is he your Dad? I'm not asking for permission to buy shoes FFS.

Also, have you heard of the internet? Lots of shoe options there.

[kristie]

Danskos, sanitas, there are other names. I wear danskos, used to wear new balances at work and i was hurting by the end. Danskos have been awesome for me. Black, plain, look fine with pants, etc....

[Deleted]

Ew at your H. Just fuck his advice in the ear. Buy new shoes in the big city and grab a new H while you are at it.

[bonnie]

Zappos.com is your friend here. They have free shipping both ways.

[dexteroni]

Why do you have to ask him for the money? Do you not have access to it?

[W.T.Faulkner]

I wonder which set of shoes will be most helpful in putting your foot up his ass.

[RoxMonster]

You SAH but don't you get to spend some of the money too? Does he consider it "his" money because he is the one working? I would have a COW if my H thought that way.

I understand wanting to try them on in person if you don't want to shop online (though that's also a good option as PPs said). I frankly think you should just go whether he likes it or not.

[auntie]

Aug 9, 2014 13:15:01 GMT -5 mskitkat said:

Aug 9, 2014 13:07:45 GMT -5 @amoosed said:

I know a lot of folks who are on their feet all day wear those strange looking clogs. I think LHC has a pair?

Just try to get the most normal looking ones.

Danskos? Highly recommended! So good for being on your feet all day.

I like my Danskos for standing, but not for walking. They have a few new styles that look less cloggy and more like shoes-


www.thewalkingcompany.com/dansko-olivia-leopard-hair-calf/35484?kpid=372963&gclid=CIPJx4-Jh8ACFSbl7Aod53wA8w

[thejen626]

This would be a non issue for me because I already would have driven to the next town, tried on 3-4 pairs, and bought new shoes. And I'm a sahm with two young kids.

What's stopping you from doing that? I don't understand.

[adhdfashion]

Dude, go buy shoes. Your needs matter.

[trixiedicksnatch]

I understand the having a hard time asking for money sentiment

I was like that a lot with my xh. Even when I was working I still felt weird to ask for money for things I couldn't afford with just my pay.

It's hard to get over, even when fi and I started living together and our finances where semi combined I would still ask if it was ok if I bought stuff.

He thought it was super fucking weird so we made an agreement that anything under 200 is fair game. I still find myself slipping back into the asking permission now that I sahm

[blondemoment123]

Flameful: I handle our finances but still catch myself asking H for permission to buy things at times. Your H doesn't need to be a jerk, but no flames from me.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Back from the bigger city with new shoes for my new job.


I guess I should clarify, it's not that I don't have access to money, we just run purchases by each other. Most of the time he's great and doesn't want/need me to justify to him why I need/want something. I know it's our money and he knows that it's our money, but I get weird about it because being dependent on another person for everything is still, even after four years, uncomfortable for me. My issue, I know.

Anyway, most of the shit he's been giving me hasn't been about spending money, it's been about how much time I was taking to shop for shoes or that I was looking at shoes that he didn't think were appropriate (which he got an earful about, trust) for the job.

Sheesh, I am so long-winded, I wish I had miso's ability to be concise.

[pretzel]

so what did you buy?

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Aug 9, 2014 19:26:04 GMT -5 Que? said:

I can't even imagine a world in which my H had an opinion on my shoes, much less one that he expressed with any conviction.
I also don't have to ask him for money, so there's that. I know that every marriage is different, but this SAH thing wouldn't work for me if he considered our money 'his'.

He normally doesn't give a crap about my shoes, but for some reason because I'm going back to work he decided to fixate on this. Part of why I wanted to stab him.

[pretzel]

and you are suspiciously silent on your shoe choice. Is he stalking you on here?

C'mon! Dansko, clarks, naots, CROCS!!! Inquiring minds are watching Hellboy for the 40th time right now....

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Aug 9, 2014 19:24:18 GMT -5 pretzel said:

so what did you buy?

I can't find them on their site, but these in a neutral khaki:

www.skechers.com/style/13723/skechers-on-the-go-stray/blk


They are really comfortable and seem like they'll be good for running around a warehouse.

ETA: I though about Crocs too, but they didn't feel quite right.

[pretzel]

LIKE!!! I spent an hour online shoe shopping today, so I feel solidarity....

[curtains]

Aug 9, 2014 19:34:36 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Aug 9, 2014 19:24:18 GMT -5 pretzel said:

so what did you buy?

I can't find them on their site, but these in a neutral khaki:

www.skechers.com/style/13723/skechers-on-the-go-stray/blk


They are really comfortable and seem like they'll be good for running around a warehouse.

ETA: I though about Crocs too, but they didn't feel quite right.

Those are really cute.

Please report back after a week of being on your feet. I would totally buy them if they stay comfortable after 40 hours on your feet.

[bab]

I'm glad you got your shoes. I must say, I don't quite comprehend this notion of running purchases by your spouse. it's not just you, I've seen other people post this. My H would be WTFing all over the place if I called to tell him I'm getting a pair of shoes.