Your Decision to have #2 - previous issues ttc

[autumnfire]

If this is the wrong place to post please feel free to remove. (Sorry I thought I put this in Getting Pregnant)

As some may or may not know, H and I spent 4 years ttc in 2012 after starting clomid and being put on metformin we were finally getting pregnant but not sustaining. In 2012 we experienced 4 losses. One of which was after our first IUI (inject cycle). We found out I have not only PCOS but also APS. After our 3rd IUI and medication during pregnancy we were blessed to have our daughter.

We're discussing the thoughts of #2 and seem to find ourselves on the fence about #2 a lot of that we found comes from our 'fear' of the process.  If we can't have another for whatever reason we'll be perfectly happy with just A.

Infertility took a lot out of us and took us to a place I'd rather not go at least not for as long as last time. We've set up an appointment with our RE in October so that we can kind of figure out what our options are and their suggestions to perhaps help us in deciding if we're one and done or if we should have another.

I know this is a deeply personal decision and it's one my H and I will have to make on our own. But for curiosity's sake, for what reasons did you and your partner decide to have another child? If you had troubles TTC, how did the second time go? Any suggestions?

If we did have another we'd go right for clomid IUI or injects (again something we'll discuss with our RE)

Is there anyone with APS? I have a few questions regarding ttc etc.

[Deleted]

A little different in that, I didn't have trouble getting pregnant, but had a hell of a time staying pg. Which I know is not the same, but we still weighed the options of number two because of the mental exhaustion it took to get number 1. Anywho, DH had originally always wanted to have them close together. I was honest with him, that I need a physical break, but I also needed a HUGE mental break. It took me a long time to get off the mental merry go round of EVERY MONTH paying attention to everything my body was doing, what went into it, how many days, the when should we how should we game, etc.

When DS1 was two we both agreed that we were going to try again, but we were not going to put ourselves through what we went through the first time. We set a timeline, and expectations of how many times we were willing to try, and went in with our eyes a lot more open than the last time.

We were fortunate that it worked out for us the second time, but that is definitely it for us.

I would try my best to set dates that you think you and DH might want to reevaluate and do your best to put it out of your head the months in between.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[badtzmaru22]

We had some TTTC due to my PCOS, as well as a m/c before we had DD. I understand not wanting to go through everything again to try to have another. After I weaned DD and finally had a period again, we were totally on the fence about whether or not to try again. We decided to wait until my annual to decide if I'd go back on birth control. I continued charting though, and that's how I figured out I was pregnant again- when we had just decided for sure for me to get an IUD.

Honestly, I was shocked. I've ovulated on my own maybe five times in as many years, so I automatically thought it wouldn't last bc I hadn't been seeing the RE, wasn't on progesterone or baby aspirin or metformin, and hadn't been "trying". I was really depressed for a bit, between worrying about the pregnancy, and worrying we'd ruined DD's life. It all worked out though, and I'm so happy we have DS now, but it wasn't without it's own kind of stress.

I'm 100% sure if it hadn't happened like this, we wouldn't ever have tried for #2. Before TTC in the first place, we wanted two kids, but we would not have regretted a thing if we had only had DD.

[autumnfire]

Aug 18, 2014 9:26:11 GMT -5 @drewly said:

A little different in that, I didn't have trouble getting pregnant, but had a hell of a time staying pg. Which I know is not the same, but we still weighed the options of number two because of the mental exhaustion it took to get number 1. Anywho, DH had originally always wanted to have them close together. I was honest with him, that I need a physical break, but I also needed a HUGE mental break. It took me a long time to get off the mental merry go round of EVERY MONTH paying attention to everything my body was doing, what went into it, how many days, the when should we how should we game, etc.

When DS1 was two we both agreed that we were going to try again, but we were not going to put ourselves through what we went through the first time. We set a timeline, and expectations of how many times we were willing to try, and went in with our eyes a lot more open than the last time.

We were fortunate that it worked out for us the second time, but that is definitely it for us.

I would try my best to set dates that you think you and DH might want to reevaluate and do your best to put it out of your head the months in between.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Big hugs. I can relate completely to how you were feeling. M/C's are so so so very hard to deal with more so when there's more than one loss. Big congrats to you on your second time being an easier one on you both.

I feel you on reeling from emotional rollercoaster and wanting a break. I'm the opposite in that I want this part of my life to have some finality to it. Meaning more of a now or never approach; H agrees. I don't want the lingering thoughts of having to deal with this further on down the road.

Thank you for the advice about time lines. We've evaluated that side of things and said no longer than July (start in June) and really only do 3 IUI's pending on our new insurance coverage, something we'll address in October as well. At the end of next year if we decide to not have another this year we'll use next year as our evaluation then I'll get my tubes tied if it's something we truly want. With my APS all of my pregnancies never had a chance to make it to 4 weeks. One that did I lost at 16dpo. My RE informed me that without my Lovenox, hcg boosters, intralipids, low dose aspirin and progesterone protocol (also metformin for PCOS) it would be too late for us to start a protocol after a positive as that's when I'd need everything in my system to help with placental development and to help keep away the clots and keep my natural killer cells 'calm'. So with that I don't want to have to worry about an oopsie pregnancy that we know will more than likely end in another loss, again without the proper protocol.

Another reason why I asked if anyone else has APS so that maybe they can shine a light of hope that perhaps I don't have to go this permanent route if we choose not to have another (something we'll also be discussing with our RE again). (just had a duh moment... why not do an IUD!)

[autumnfire]

Aug 18, 2014 9:28:00 GMT -5 badtzmaru22 said:

We had some TTTC due to my PCOS, as well as a m/c before we had DD. I understand not wanting to go through everything again to try to have another. After I weaned DD and finally had a period again, we were totally on the fence about whether or not to try again. We decided to wait until my annual to decide if I'd go back on birth control. I continued charting though, and that's how I figured out I was pregnant again- when we had just decided for sure for me to get an IUD.

Honestly, I was shocked. I've ovulated on my own maybe five times in as many years, so I automatically thought it wouldn't last bc I hadn't been seeing the RE, wasn't on progesterone or baby aspirin or metformin, and hadn't been "trying". I was really depressed for a bit, between worrying about the pregnancy, and worrying we'd ruined DD's life. It all worked out though, and I'm so happy we have DS now, but it wasn't without it's own kind of stress.

I'm 100% sure if it hadn't happened like this, we wouldn't ever have tried for #2. Before TTC in the first place, we wanted two kids, but we would not have regretted a thing if we had only had DD.

Oh wow! Thank you for sharing. Congrats on your Son and sorry about the stress that came on finding out about his soon to be arrival. It's certainly crazy how somethings turn out and help make a decision for us even if we thought we'd made a different one.

I'm worried about the medication big time. Part of the reason if we're done I'd like to go with getting my tubes tied. Or I guess an IUD would probably be better, why I didn't think of that I don't know. That would offer us some time to think about things more but not having to 'really' worry about an oppsie. Although I know it does happen with IUD's.

[Deleted]

autumnfire

Big hugs for you. I hate that something like adding to a family has to be such a fight. Good luck with whatever you decide and your journey. 

[ginkgoleaf]

Having our first was easy, this second time TTC is much harder for us. We're starting IUI #3, second cycle with Clomid, this month. My advice is to start with the RE again as soon as you want to try, let yourself take breaks if it's too much, and maybe try to decide at what point to stop, though I know I can't even answer that question myself. Personally, we starting TTC #2 once we felt we could handle DS and a baby at the same time. That wasn't until he was 2.5 and we're still trying almost a year later. If we decide to ever have a 3rd, we've already agreed to start as soon as I've weaned theoretical #2.

[spankswife]

I am sorry you have to go through all of this.

We have a 4 yo, and we got pregnant on the first try with her. But then when we tried for number 2 last "year" we had a CP (Dec) and a MMC at 10 weeks (Feb). We took a few months off, and started again this month. We decided if it doesn't happen in our "window" (work/life balance window) this "year" (our window is Aug-Jan/Feb) will probably be OAD. Also, if we have another loss, IDK if DH can handle it, so that could be a factor as well, also depending on timing.

It's hard.


ETA: I know a lady who has APS, and she has had several MCs, but she does have 2 healthy grown up sons So it is possible.