Women with body issues

[cheeseandcrackers]

I feel really ridiculous for posting this because I am so happy that I am pregnant but at the same time I am SO down on my body it's unhealthy. I went up and down with my weight over the years ranging 60 pounds. Earlier in April I was around my happy weight.. but since my miscarriage in May and having dealt with depression I put on some extra weight.

I never lost the weight from when I was depressed and now I have been pregnant a little over 8 weeks and I am terrified to know what I weigh now.. I feel like I put on weight way too much and way too quick for being this early. I haven't weighed myself but I can see it and none of my clothes fit. Obviously, I am not dieting and i'm always eating when i'm hungry (which is a lot!), so that is contributing.

But if you had body images in that past, how did you deal through the pregnancy? Of course my rational side is all like "get over it, it's a small part of your life, you will be able to get in shape later on". All of it is worth it for a baby!

I feel so dumb for posting, so I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

[scribellesam]

It's a lot easier for me to deal with if I avoid weighing myself as much as possible. I don't even look at the OB's office, and they just tell me that my weight gain is fine. Then I can't fixate on the number and just let my body do it's thing.

[Odonata]

I was shocked at how much my changing body affected me. I had a lot of issues accepting my weight gain, which struck me as odd because I would never understand pregnant women who would say things about getting bigger. I was always like "you're pregnant, chill". But I got really depressed about it and it didn't help I have a BIL who also decided to fat shame me.

I guess maybe it's normal because we go though changes so fast and though we know it's irrational to be upset about it, we are. Our bodies get sacrificed for the baby, but culture tells us otherwise.

I'm still not over it but I just have to keep reminding myself that my Dr. says my weight is OK and I eat as healthy as I can. I also have other mommies around me who proudly show their wrinkly stomach pouchs and strech marks in a bikini after giving birth and so it gives me some more gumption to be like "whatever, so my body isn't ever going to be the same - I made a baby". But still, I don't 100% feel confident in my appearance or what I will look like after.

[krystee]

I am extremely overweight. I have spent my whole life trying to minimize my stomach and suck it in, and I am having a really hard time knowing it will be sticking out and will be emphasized in maternity clothes. And I'm petrified that I'll just look extremely obese rather than pregnant.

[motzie]

I think pregnancy is a body/mindfuck for anyone, existing body issues or not. I know last time I found it hard to cope with the numbers on the scale by the end of my pregnancy. It was wasn't "me" even though I knew it was healthy

Try to relax and work with your doctor, and trust your body. Feed yourself and your baby. The beginning of pregnancy sucks anyway because you just feel bloated. It's easier to accept the changes when you look more visibly pregnant.

[cheeseandcrackers]

Aug 18, 2014 22:48:35 GMT -5 motzie said:

I think pregnancy is a body/mindfuck for anyone, existing body issues or not. I know last time I found it hard to cope with the numbers on the scale by the end of my pregnancy. It was wasn't "me" even though I knew it was healthy

Try to relax and work with your doctor, and trust your body. Feed yourself and your baby. The beginning of pregnancy sucks anyway because you just feel bloated. It's easier to accept the changes when you look more visibly pregnant.

Yes.. I am in the phase where I just look like I gained weight versus actually pregnant. Maybe once I hit 2nd trimester. Thanks.

[mrspost08]

I am 9 months pregnant & just look like I gained weight. I never got the baby belly. I started off heavier than I wanted due to a lot of health issues in 2013. I had a lot of body issues & sometimes still do. I tried for 5 years to get preg. I feel kind of guilty for having these bad feelings about my body.

I look in my closet & wonder if I will ever be able to wear those clothes again. I worked very hard to lose 80 pounds. Now seeing the scale goes up causes some anxiety.

I try to take a deep breath & think of my baby when I get anxious. Eventually I will get back to my pre baby weight. I didn't gain a lot of weight since I got pregnant. I now understand why some women freak out when they start gaining.

[nextbigthing]

I'm so glad you posted this, I totally get it! I cried on Saturday when shorts that were always loose hurt to button. Then I felt like a big jerk for being upset about that when I'm growing because I'm growing a tiny person. I've been up and down the same 30lbs for years and weight stuff is hard.

I mentioned it to my doctor last week and she said it's common.

No real advice but you're totally not alone. I'm trying to eat healthy as best I can and continue to work out for now.

[ringstrue]

This might sound dumb but a good fix for me was to wear real maternity clothes. They are made for a pg body and can help you to "look" pg since they allow for the belly to be big instead of being tight against it.

I tend to see pg, especially the first, as almost like a 2nd puberty. I looked in the mirror A LOT getting used to how different I looked and making sure I looked how I liked. I felt like an unsure 12 year old again for a while.

What also helped over time was just being so freakin uncomfortable that I stopped caring how I looked and started caring about taking care of me the best I could. Half the time I feel like I look like mrs. Piggy, but fuck it, it's temporary - I have the whole rest of my life to care about looking how I really want. But right now I'm struggling to be clean an rested and fed and productive and that's what's important.

[llamamama]

I lost 15 pounds right before I got pregnant. I wanted to lose about 10 more but didn't quite make it. Now I have probably put on about 20 pounds. At first it was discouraging but it is going to happen I guess! I know I will probably gain another 10-15 pounds at least. I will just work on losing weight after the baby comes. I know how to do it now at least!

[imimahoney]

I know exactly how you feel. Before I got pregnant with my first I had lost about 45 lbs and then gained about 47 back with that pregnancy.

When I got pregnant this time I was close to my first son's pre-preg weight but not there exactly. Then I went to Europe and gained 7 lbs. Add that to my preg weight gain at 11 weeks and I'm up about 11 lbs.

It is so hard to deal with but asking my ob to NOT discuss my weight really helped. I stood on the scale backwards at the ob office and just tried to make healthy decisions and work out as much as I could.

As your pregnancy progresses it should get easier. Make healthy choices and just do what you can. If you do find your self obsessing about your weight please talk to your ob. Pregnancy anxiety can happen and can get a lot worse after the baby comes unless you deal with it now.

Hugs!

[Alwaysabridesmaidf]

I think it is totally normal for anyone to feel a bit uncomfortable with the weight gain. As someone who has stuggled with my weight for a while now, I think it is 10x's worse during pregnancy. It's really hard to "let" yourself gain weight. Even if it is for a wonderful reason. I just don't weigh myself and when they weigh me at the doctor's I try not to get too hung up on it or to even look at it. My body is doing what it needs to do and I can deal with the weight after the baby is born. The stretch marks really hit me hard too because unlike the weight, I don't think I can get rid of them. I have a plan in place for after the baby. Meal prep and weight watchers have always helped me so that is what I plan on doing.
Just know that you are not alone and it will all be worth it in the end.

[estrellita]

I already had a poochy belly, so I feel like I'm not going to look pregnant for a while. I'm definitely thicker in the middle now, but it really just looks like I've been eating too much fast food (although that's probably true..). I admit I'm worried I won't get the cute, round baby belly and I'll just look like a blob or something. As for the actual weight gain, I just keep telling myself it's just the baby, not me. I haven't gained much yet, but I'm hoping this works when I start gaining more!

[linz]

I think all your feelings are common. I went thru this during my first tri. I was about 10 lbs heavier when I got pregnant then I wanted to be. Which doesn't seem like much, but it made me unhappy. I was hungry all.the.time during the first tri and gained 5 lbs. I was scared that I would blow up when pregnant. It does slow down though and I had to remind myself that first trimester is all about survival. I tried to eat healthy but I knew that I needed to eat a lot to avoid feeling sick.

One thing that finally helped me was putting away the scale. I used to weigh myself each week and sometimes I would be up and then the following week go back down. It was such a mindfuck that I decided to just go off the Dr scale and I've been so much better since.

[Deleted]

I so get this. It's women of all sizes too - I'm 4 ft 10 inches and started off at 103 lbs. I've gained about 22 lbs so far, and my boobs are huge at almost 28wks. I feel gross, cellulitely, and not beautiful or cute...and guilty that I feel this way after 3.5 years trying to get pregnant, 8 IUIs, etc. WTF.

Just because I'm having a baby doesn't mean that I instantly "give up" my vanity, LOL. I have lots of cute non - PG clothes that I finally just packed away bc I'm depressed about my PG wardrobe. I'm trying to be MM with not spending a ton of money on maternity clothes but I feel SO much better about myself in the few cute clothes that I do have. Maybe a suggestion is to buy a couple of cute things - whether it's tops or shoes or necklaces?

[magdala]

I have been overweight my whole life. I had a miscarriage and a failed IVF cycle before successfully getting pregnant. If I concentrated on the number on the scale, I would get depressed so I concentrated on how I felt (which was good) and eating super healthy. I was one of those women who carried her pregnancy weight all over. When I brought my baby girl to the office to sign some paperwork, many people were shocked because they never realized I was pregnancy...just thought I had gained more weight. It happened and I have let it go and decided to enjoy my daughter. And yes I am still in therapy from the miscarriage and failed IVF. I know I sound like a broken record; but therapy does help you process all the crap and move forward.

[Alwaysabridesmaidf]

I have also convinced myself (and my husband) that I can totally get a tummy tuck or some other procedure if I am still struggling with the weigh years later. It's not even that I WOULD necessarily do it, but I am keeping it in my back pocket as a motivator/fall back plan.

[genet313]

Another guilty IFer signing in.  Plus, I was overweight in high school, but lost quite a bit of weight in college and afterwards, so I've always paid very close attention to my weight and have largely maintained for years because of it.  But I'm definitely obsessed with the numbers, body image, etc.  I was a couple lbs over my "comfortable" number and then I started IVF which caused some gain/bloating and it's been downhill ever since.  I'm up about 13-14 lbs at 17 weeks.

For me, what helps the most is continuing to exercise - my stomach may be shot to hell, but I can try to maintain some tone in my arms, legs and maybe even butt.  I don't eat perfectly (way too much sugar), but I try to make sure I eat whole grains, fruits and veggies and lean protein every day.     

I'm slowing coming to accept that the weight gain is inevitable, and I'm doing my best to stay fit so that it's easy to lose after the baby is here.  But for now, I'm trying my best to accept it - I want this baby!  I want to gain weight!  I want to look pregnant!  That's what I affirm.

Also, my OB told me to throw out my scale.  Seriously.  She said "your body is going to do what it's going to do.  Eat as healthy as you can, stay as active as you can, and don't look at the scale.  We'll weigh you and tell you if there's a problem."   I can't quite get that far, but I do weigh myself way less, and that's helped.

[lillaguma]

genet313 - I'm very similar to you. Was overweight in high school and most of college, then lost a fair amount of weight and have kept it off, so gaining back is going to be interesting. I'm still very early on, but already worried about trying to make sure I don't gain too much, but also trying to reassure myself that it will all be okay. I've lost weight before, I know I can do it again.

[genet313]

Aug 19, 2014 11:39:17 GMT -5 lillaguma said:

genet313 - I'm very similar to you. Was overweight in high school and most of college, then lost a fair amount of weight and have kept it off, so gaining back is going to be interesting. I'm still very early on, but already worried about trying to make sure I don't gain too much, but also trying to reassure myself that it will all be okay. I've lost weight before, I know I can do it again.

yeah, it's tough when you've been maintaining at a healthy weight after a loss.  i still remember my general HS weight and i'm only 5-10 lbs away from that right now, so i know i'll hit that barring anything crazy.  i've just accepted it and will deal with it after the baby comes.  

[cheeseandcrackers]

Glad i'm not the only one.. I felt so guilty for feeling like this. I'm used to gaining and losing, but i have been maintaining for years, so this has been hard.

[bethaboo]

I am not sure if this helps you at all, but I know people who have gained 50+ pounds during their pregnancy. All of them eventually lost all of the weight (and a few are actually in much better shape than pre-pregnancy). It took them months (and even a year or two), but eventually they lost it. When I start to feel overwhelmed with weight gain through my pregnancy, I think of them and try to remember that, eventually, I will lose it too.