Hi and welcome! One of the hardest things for me about being widowed was dealing with my guilt about how quickly I genuinely wanted to move on, not just to numb the pain but because my marriage wasn't meeting my needs and I felt ready. Go get laid as much as you want! Enjoy it!
When did your husband die? I'm sorry you're having a tough time. How old is your kiddo?
And because you threw it out there, what do you mean that sex wasn't part of your marriage?
he died less than 6 months ago...it's wildly inappropriate for me to be dating someone else already but I'm in a real f-it place right now. My kid is five. He had ED and never did anything to make it better. I took vows, took them seriously and was willing to concede that for all the wonderful parts of our relationship, I had to give up on sex.
I havent read all the replies yet but Ijust needed to jump in and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. It sounds like our situations are different, but I've been widowed for four years plus, and I promise it gets easier. Can I also mention, regarding the timeframe, I dont think you need to judge yourself for "wildly inappropriate" behavior. It sounds like your marriage (well, the sexual aspect of your marriage, I mean) died a long, long time ago, and I suspect you've already spent a great deal of time mourning that. You know what happens when you're widowed and you're ready to date before the end of what some asshole thinks is an approriate grieving period? You do what the heck is best for YOU and tell that asshole to myob. There's actually a bunch of widows on the board; I wont call them out because like I said, I havent actually read all the replies and they may have stopped by aleady. Please feel free to pm me if you need anything.
this is going to make you feel really shitty for asking this, I love dogs...my dog died of bone cancer three weeks after my husband. Life is a real bitch sometimes.
There aren't enough ((Hugs)) in the world. I can't even imagine what you've been through.
he died less than 6 months ago...it's wildly inappropriate for me to be dating someone else already but I'm in a real f-it place right now. My kid is five. He had ED and never did anything to make it better. I took vows, took them seriously and was willing to concede that for all the wonderful parts of our relationship, I had to give up on sex.
I havent read all the replies yet but Ijust needed to jump in and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. It sounds like our situations are different, but I've been widowed for four years plus, and I promise it gets easier. Can I also mention, regarding the timeframe, I dont think you need to judge yourself for "wildly inappropriate" behavior. It sounds like your marriage (well, the sexual aspect of your marriage, I mean) died a long, long time ago, and I suspect you've already spent a great deal of time mourning that. You know what happens when you're widowed and you're ready to date before the end of what some asshole thinks is an approriate grieving period? You do what the heck is best for YOU and tell that asshole to myob. There's actually a bunch of widows on the board; I wont call them out because like I said, I havent actually read all the replies and they may have stopped by aleady. Please feel free to pm me if you need anything.
A-MEN to doing what is best for you and ignoring the timelines. I'm happier than I've ever been and IDGAF if that makes anyone uncomfortable.
In case you don't know my story, I was unhappily married but trying to work on things when my first H died. I started dating again after a few months and now, less than 2 years later, I am happily remarried to a guy who is a much better fit for me. I took some flak on here (SO board, not MM or ML) for dating so soon, although people who knew me IRL all gave full support. I regret nothing! There's no one-size-fits-all way to handle things. You just do what makes you happy and forget the judgment! Life is for the living.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Six months? It's still very fresh, isn't it. I understand your wanting to go out and get some. I did the same thing, and I figured DH would have done it too, if only to help with the pain. A Band-Aid of sorts.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Hello! I'm another one on "team life has no timetable for how things should be done".
My dearest friend was widowed suddenly almost 2 years ago, with two young daughters. About 7 or 8 months after her H passed she met a guy at a friend's birthday party. She liked him, he made her laugh, he let her cry to him about her husband...at first she just wanted to get laid and just feel like a non widow again.
Their relationship has slowly grown (understandably she's still afraid of loving someone again 100%) and now she's pregnant (which was a big shock for her-but a good one) and extremely happy.
There are still a lot of people judging her and I just want to smack them. I would never want to go through what she did and I would never begrudge anyone their happiness in that situation.
My EXH's niece became a widow at 25 while she was 32+ weeks pregnant. They were set to be married the next month. Her child is now 4 months old and has found a man similar to what the above poster's friend found: he loves her and both of her kids and was also a friend of her fiance's. I know she is getting some slack over it but I told her that haters were going to hate and she needs to do what's best for her and her kids.
If you don't want to reactivate your profile, download Whis.per. It's a complete time suck and you can chat with people all over the world. Some use it as a hook up site but I still think it's fun to waste some time on.
What happened to your husband? My worst nightmare is that mine would die. You don't have to answer this, obviously, if you don't want to. i'm really sorry for your loss. You sound like you are doing pretty well, all things considered.
I'm going to go with the short answer...car accident
I am so sorry for your loss. I will admit I am curious about "short answer."
I'm going to go with the short answer...car accident
I am so sorry for your loss. I will admit I am curious about "short answer."
There was an unknown medical condition that caused an accident, car accident then exacerbated said condition to the point of no return, he died 12 hours after accident.
Do you know @jermys? Really, honestly, met in person know jermys? Because that would overcome my deep seated skepticism.
I for reals know Jermys, we live on opposite sides of the country so it has been a virtual friendship but we go way back and even exchange Christmas cards every year I'm legit
If Jermys vouches for you, you're golden. Welcome to ML!
I am so sorry for your loss. I will admit I am curious about "short answer."
There was an unknown medical condition that caused an accident, car accident then exacerbated said condition to the point of no return, he died 12 hours after accident.
Was it epilepsy (sp?)? My cousin had a seizure when she was driving and got into an accident, it was the first time she ever had problems, she was like 19.
I have no rules about shoes in my house (except that they not be on the couch) but I respect other's shoe rules without question or judgment. Personally I prefer to be barefoot all the time...I would be Britney Spears in the gas station bathroom barefoot but I do care about norms of society.
There was an unknown medical condition that caused an accident, car accident then exacerbated said condition to the point of no return, he died 12 hours after accident.
Was it epilepsy (sp?)? My cousin had a seizure when she was driving and got into an accident, it was the first time she ever had problems, she was like 19.
Post by camelblossom on Aug 19, 2014 12:00:19 GMT -5
Hey girl hey. I'm mostly a lurker here too but- Also in NorCal, also sowing more oats than is wildly appropriate (post separation). Let's get drunk and weird?
Hey girl hey. I'm mostly a lurker here too but- Also in NorCal, also sowing more oats than is wildly appropriate (post separation). Let's get drunk and weird?
I have no rules about shoes in my house (except that they not be on the couch) but I respect other's shoe rules without question or judgment. Personally I prefer to be barefoot all the time...I would be Britney Spears in the gas station bathroom barefoot but I do care about norms of society.
Can I just say that while I have no idea of what this pop culture reference means, my toes curled, literally curled, at the thought of being bare in a gas station bathroom. Go shoes, even fug ones!