Post by jennistarr1 on Aug 22, 2014 13:50:30 GMT -5
I think we're ready...last time we waited and it ended up being a miscarriage. So on one hand, it was great that we didn't have to get them all happy just to bring them down again. On the other hand...we never told them so it feels like we're keeping this huge secret that we're not even meaning to keep, just didn't see the sense of telling them bad news when they never got to hear good news.
So now, I have seen a heart beat I think we want to tell them (though I had a bleeding episode before my first appointment) and spotting since.
I know it's a personal decision. My family has been through a lot this year and I just don't want to disappoint. I'll be about 9 weeks when I tell them. Too soon?
Post by nextbigthing on Aug 22, 2014 13:59:55 GMT -5
We told my parents right away and my in laws at 6w. Started telling a few others at 10 and will probably go full public in another 3-4 weeks (I'm 12.5w now)
My parents I told right away only b/c they knew I did IVF. In laws did not know, and still don't know. We told them at 11 weeks which was when we also announced to family. MIL can't keep a secret so I knew once we told her the whole family would know.
We told right around 5w, the Saturday after Christmas. It was very soon but we had some interesting circumstances. My dad was going in for surgery right after the new year, we wanted him to know beforehand, and DH and I wanted to tell both sets of parents together. The day we told them was the only time before my dad's surgery to do so. We told the rest of my family at 14.5w and DH's family a week later. We would have told our extended families sooner except my ILs were in SE Asia for basically all of February and wanted us to wait until they returned to tell DH's family.
I ended up telling my parents super early - 4.5 weeks. We live 3 hours apart and I happened to be in town to help my mom who was having surgery the next day. She was going on and on about saying a prayer for her in case this was the end so figured I would help brighten the mood with some good news!
I think it's very sweet of you to not want to "disappoint" them, but assuming you have a good relationship with your parents, I really wouldn't worry about that. I had two m/cs before my son and my mom and the ILs knew each time. It meant a lot to have their love and support when I really needed it.
This time we told my mom at 8w and the ILs at 9w. We would have told earlier but they live OOT and I wanted to tell them in person.
After the 11w appointment. First grandkid on both sides, plus H is very private. I'd happily have told at least my mom earlier, but we decided to wait. We don't live anywhere near them, so it was 'easy' to hide. Though my dad said he thought something was up because our conversations during that month were a little stilted. I hate hiding things!
Pretty much immediately. On Christmas Eve (4w) we told ILs and H's siblings since it was the only time everyone was all together. We told my family at Christmas breakfast the next day. We had a traumatic loss right before this pg and didn't tell anyone that time. It was too much having to tell our parents that I was pregnant, having an ectopic, and needed emergency surgery all at once the last time, so we wanted their support no matter the outcome with this one. Plus, I had always dreamed of a Christmas announcement and it was so fun to see everyone's reactions
We told both sets of parents Father's Day weekend. I was about 10.5 weeks, but my second appt.(the first time to hear the hb) was a few days after we told. We figured by that point we would tell them if anything happened and it was a good weekend to tell them.
With DD we told everyone within about 2 weeks of finding out but they all knew we were doing fertility treatments. With our second pregnancy we told right away again only to end in a miscarriage a week later. With this one we told our moms right away but waited til after we saw a heartbeat to tell the rest of our families.
I think it's very sweet of you to not want to "disappoint" them, but assuming you have a good relationship with your parents, I really wouldn't worry about that. I had two m/cs before my son and my mom and the ILs knew each time. It meant a lot to have their love and support when I really needed it.
This time we told my mom at 8w and the ILs at 9w. We would have told earlier but they live OOT and I wanted to tell them in person.
My mom is going through Chemo and her tumor markers have been up so she's been stressed so on the one hand, good news would be really awesome for her...but bad news will be equally devastating, ya know what mean
IL's are old fashioned and I seem to recall when my SIL told them is was before 14 weeks and her commenting to me "technically you're supposed to wait". I know she'll also immediately say "don't find out the sex" which I actually don't want to but I want some response like "it's not your decision"
We told our parents as soon as we got the positive beta back from the RE and kept them updated on progress throughout. We first started trying 2 years ago, told them around 6w and then had a miscarriage, so they knew we were trying. I then had to have surgery and do fertility treatments, so both sets knew pretty much the full history.
IF is soooo not a private experience, so there was no point in trying to keep any privacy between DH and I once we were in the thick of it.
I think it's very sweet of you to not want to "disappoint" them, but assuming you have a good relationship with your parents, I really wouldn't worry about that. I had two m/cs before my son and my mom and the ILs knew each time. It meant a lot to have their love and support when I really needed it.
This time we told my mom at 8w and the ILs at 9w. We would have told earlier but they live OOT and I wanted to tell them in person.
My mom is going through Chemo and her tumor markers have been up so she's been stressed so on the one hand, good news would be really awesome for her...but bad news will be equally devastating, ya know what mean
IL's are old fashioned and I seem to recall when my SIL told them is was before 14 weeks and her commenting to me "technically you're supposed to wait". I know she'll also immediately say "don't find out the sex" which I actually don't want to but I want some response like "it's not your decision"
That's a perfect answer. You could also just say "we haven't decided what we're going to do yet" and change the subject. I've gotten so much crap from my family for staying team green. OMG! "we paid to find out early!" and "you just don't want me to buy clothes, do you?!" and "why wouldn't you want to know!?!?!" and "can I see the u/s picture? maybe I can see genitals".
To answer your OP, we told around 6.5 weeks after the first u/s and we saw the heartbeat, and my family was all in town. IL's right at 7 weeks when we went out to dinner for DH's birthday.
Post by scribellesam on Aug 22, 2014 15:11:11 GMT -5
I texted my mom a photo of my BFP practically before the pee was dry. We told my ILs that day too. I guess this is kind of unusual. Everyone else had to wait until we saw the heartbeat at 10w.
Post by estrellita on Aug 22, 2014 15:15:32 GMT -5
I wanted to wait until my first appointment but decided to tell them before that. I was just about 8 weeks. I figured if something happened, I would want my mom to know.
We did IVF, so we told my parents right after my beta came back positive. Along with my two BFFs and my brother, since they all knew we were doing IVF that month.
I had gotten positive HPTs for a few days before that, but I didn't tell anyone except H until after the beta, because it didn't seem real until then.
We had been TTC for 3.5 years and had three m/c, so we didn't tell anyone else we were pregnant until 13-14 weeks. Including H's family, which made me feel a little guilty, but they didn't (still don't) know our TTTC history and I didn't want to explain why I was so neurotic all of first tri.
We told at about 7 weeks, after seeing a heartbeat at our first ultrasound. I went back and forth about it for a long time- I get what you're saying about not wanting to disappoint them (especially because this is the first grandchild on both sides and we knew they would completely flip out, which they did), but on the other hand, my parents unfortunately went through years of infertility and several miscarriages themselves, so if anything had gone wrong I would have wanted their support. We told the rest of the family at about 11 weeks, because we were seeing a lot of them in person, which is rare. We don't live near any of our family, so we told our parents over Skype by holding up the ultrasound picture. That was a big hit and obviously that specific method wouldn't have worked any earlier .
Post by christy082 on Aug 22, 2014 15:53:11 GMT -5
We told my parents at 9 weeks and his parents at 14 weeks. MIL and SIL have big mouths, so we wanted to wait as long as possible to tell them so the whole family wouldn't know our business if something went wrong.
With DS we told everyone, not just our parents almost straight away.
With my second pregnancy we told our parents about a week after finding out, and a few close friends. We also told DS. We lost that pregnancy at 13w6d. That was a hard lesson, especially explaining to our then 5 year old that the baby had died.
With this pregnancy I told my mom at 4w3d because I needed the support. The same day I found out I was pregnant I started bleeding bright red blood and passing clots. And my mom and I talk everyday. She would have known something was up. I told 1 friend and one other friend had guessed. My youngest sister read my Whatsapp messages on my mom's phone so she knew, and I decided to tell my middle sister then too. Then after my 12 week scan we told DS, my dad and IL's. And after that we told everyone else.
Post by Monica Geller on Aug 22, 2014 16:55:50 GMT -5
We've been going through IF. I've been pretty open with both of our families about it for about a year. When we got the BFP and then the betas back, I wanted to call everyone then. They knew we were doing a treatment cycle. H wanted to wait and tell everyone in person because so much of this has not gone the way we originally thought it would and he wanted something to be special. I can understand that.
So we just told my family last weekend right before my 8w u/s. We haven't told ILs yet because we have yet to see them. I'm not sure when we'll tell my ILs at this rate, but I'm trying to be understanding of H's feelings right now.
Besides, I know there will be a battle over something else later that I will want to win, and I'm going to keep this in my back pocket until then
I always feel guilty answering these because I feel like a debbie downer, but since I had regrets, I'm hoping I can help others avoid them...
First pg we told our parents around 10w after we first saw the HB. Then we found out at the NT scan that things were not right and I really regretted telling that early.
Next pg I told my mom right away because I couldn't keep my trap shut and she was so freaking supportive after the first loss. DH was understandably upset about that slip up. We waited to tell his parents (and everyone else) until after the NT scan and cffDNA blood test results. I really drug my feet on telling people in general - still haven't FB announced at 24w.
It's such a personal thing, though. Everyone grieves differently with a loss and some people are just more private than others.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Aug 22, 2014 20:49:33 GMT -5
We told my parents at around 5.5 weeks, before any prenatal visits or tests other than the home pee test. I wanted their advice on finding a provider.
OTOH, I really didn't think they'd be too upset if I was to miscarry. According to my sister, they didn't care at all when my she was pregnant. In hindsight though, it might have been better to wait... They were a lot more excited about it than my sister led me to expect. (I don't think they are more excited about my pregnancy than hers, but I think she had very different expectations for how excited grandparents-to-be should be than I did.)
I had a lot of mc. I waited to tell my parents until I was 9 weeks. We told inlaws at 14 weeks. I usually told my mom right away bc she always supportive.