I got an email from his teacher. For the second time in a row he punched a kid in line. This time it was because the other kid said he was spitting on him and Jack's feelings were hurt because he wasn't spitting. So he punched him.
Cue going to the principals office and missing morning recess. He has been slightly aggressive with kids all day. Pushing their arms off his desk etc. he then missed a second recess, which doesn't make things better. He needs the physical release to run around. But punishment is punishment.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
He can be a bit handsy with kids but never hitting. Ugh, maybe he is just struggling with being in 1st grade. Like adjusting to K was a breeze so now we are havng 2nd year remorse.
I am feeling like a crappy parent today. Being kind to other kids is a HUGE deal for me. All week he has had a no fucks given attitude. I am afraid he is going to end up with no friends.
I am leaving work early to go pick him up and bring the hammer down before I have to pick Leo up. One one hand I am concerned about why he is acting out. On the other hand I am just really freaking pissed he is being such a little jerk this week.
Maybe come in here and tell me about how your kids are jerks to make me feel better.
Ugh, I feel you. My nearly 3 yr old was almost Craigslisted last night for being a terror. I agree with noodleskooze about the laps - are there some outdoor/physical chores he could do tonight (age appropriate of course) at the grandparents house? Two birds with one stone - he gets to work out some energy and stuff gets done?
I will talk to them about the recess if this because habitual, which god help me if it does. I really will need to be put on anxiety medication if he keeps this up.
Parenting him is such a foreign experience for me. I was such a goody goody in school. Like a meek little mouse. And Jack....is nothing like that. He is bold, and confident, and sometimes way to much of a dominent personality.
Also I get easily frustrated and now I think I have caused him to not be able to handle frustration. I keep running that 80s drug commercial through my head where the kid says "I learned it from you daaaaaad."
I'm going to ditto @letshike, we can't take away recess here either. We could do an alternate rececess and have tem walk laps around the playground though. I'd talk to admin and see if that's an option. He needs the release of the physical activity.
Make him run laps or is that only appropriate for my 7th graders?
H makes David do that when they practice soccer in the backyard. It's effective as hell. And he gets exercise. And they're not LONG laps, we know his capapbilities.
I'm sorry eddy. You are not a crap parent at all, you are an awesome parent. The first few weeks of school is so hard on them sometimes. We had so many issues at the beginning of last year, and will another year, I'm sure. And this year, and sometime in between.
How about discussing other ways he could handle his frustration later. Like better ways to react to being unfairly accused without hitting? Sort of "when x said this to you, what could you have done differently?"
He's a first grader, keep that in perspective...in no way is it ok to hit, but it happens and trust that he probably isn't the only kid having a rough day. You're a good mama and it will all be ok.
Post by shopgirl07 on Aug 29, 2014 15:10:52 GMT -5
Yeah, I don't think you should necessarily punish him either. Maybe you could take him for an early dinner or something with just the two of you and have a talk with him. Discuss his feelings and frustrations and how he can better handle them. Of course, I don't think it's bad idea to tell him that you're upset and disappointed.
Can you talk to the school about punishments? We weren't allowed to take recess away because of the release the kids need. I know this isn't the main point right now but it might be helpful in the future if you can see if there is another way to deal with it.
If this keeps up, I'd consider talking to the school as well. I was just at my first grader's curriculum night last night and the teachers discussed their discipline options and let parents know that although they might take part of a recess away from a child, they also implement activity as part of getting kids to behave. Like, you're obviously having trouble settling down, go hop down the hall and back two times and we'll see if you feel better and can do your math.
It isn't framed as punishment and it's not like "drop and give me 20!" More like a sensory break or something that they might use as a strategy with a child with SN, only for any kid who needs it.
It was nice to see the recognition that taking away activity can make things worse instead of better and that giving kids a physical break can be a reasonable strategy for improving behavior.
He's a first grader, keep that in perspective...in no way is it ok to hit, but it happens and trust that he probably isn't the only kid having a rough day. You're a good mama and it will all be ok.
I think this is part of my issue is I have no concept of what is normal in a typical day.
I have struggled with how to ask the teacher "on a scale of 1 to 10 how jerky is my kid"
Or maybe I don't want to know the answer.
Really he is the type of kid who needs a lot of running around. He starts soccer next week and maybe we need to make sure in addition to morning walks we go on bike rides or something at night.
That sucks. More protein a la Sue sue? I don't know.
My 2.5 year old is being a terror at daycare. She rarely skips nap there, but we are 4 for 4 this week at skipping nap and she is being a beast because of it. I'm yet to hear if she napped today. I feel bad for daycare lady but not sure what to do about it.
just to make you feel better, i will add that jonah bit the shit out of a kid for cutting in line at the water fountain in first grade. the teacher said it was probably a frustration response because he couldn't quite figure out how to verbalize to the kid that he didn't like being jumped in line.
Jack takes lines so fucking serious. Both punching incidents this week have been over someone cutting in line and then this spitting thing.
My DS is little but he physically lashes out if he gets upset and hasn't had enough physical activity. I posted about it a few weeks ago and started taking him to the park to play and its been a huge improvement. I wish they hadn't taken his recess away, it sounds like he really needs that.
Can you get him a little exercise before school? You mentioned a half mile walk. Is there anyway that he can ride bikes for 10 minutes before school?
Also, obviously talk to him about self-control and give him some tactics how to maintain composure when he's irritated. Like, do some jumping jacks or jump up-and-down, Will they let him have a stress ball in his pocket? Something he can just squeeze and physically release some of that tension?
Definitely talk to them about recess. They cannot take that away anymore. Have to think of something else.
Also, just consider the screen time he's getting. Screen time in general makes my children aggressive. If they're watching something like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it makes them 10 times more aggressive.
I'm going to ditto @letshike, we can't take away recess here either. We could do an alternate rececess and have tem walk laps around the playground though. I'd talk to admin and see if that's an option. He needs the release of the physical activity.
Same at my school, though they could choose to stand out if they preferred.
I will talk to them about the recess if this because habitual, which god help me if it does.
A suggestion about recess if it comes to that point. At several schools I've seen kids in trouble having to walk laps during recess. So they still get some time to move their body and release energy, but they're still punished by not being able to play with their friends.
He's testing boundaries which is of course totally normal. Now comes the sucky part of having to enforce the boundary.
My DS (4th grade) was being a major turd towards me yesterday and spent most of the afternoon in his room. The first week of school seems to bring the drama out in my kids.
I don't remember how old your boy is, could you ask the teacher that instead of missing an entire recess he can personally call you and he can tell you what happened?
I also read an article about the male brain (school aged kids) and how one way to calm down after an outburst us to drink water and the teacher, principal or parent takes them on a walk. Because you are right he needs a physical release.
We're having similar issues with W. He's in K3, but we're getting daily notes home about his behavior. He just isn't ready for the structure the teacher is implementing in the K3 room. He can't sit "criss cross apple sauce" for 20 minutes while the teacher does a lesson. Apparently the other children can, but mine can't. Or he'll act out and thwack a classmate over a sharing issue. Everyone tells me he will catch up and not be a serial killer, and I believe them. And yours will too.
(Sidenote, but W is at a Catholic school. They do religion lessons. Yesterday's was about God's love. W was having nothing to do with the lesson and was totally over things after about 5 minutes of sitting. So his teacher asks him about how great God's love is. William (according the the note the teacher sent home) screams at the top of his lungs, "I don't want God in my heart!!!!" I am sure this was supposed to break my heart, but oh my god I laughed like mad at that.)
We're having similar issues with W. He's in K3, but we're getting daily notes home about his behavior. He just isn't ready for the structure the teacher is implementing in the K3 room. He can't sit "criss cross apple sauce" for 20 minutes while the teacher does a lesson. Apparently the other children can, but mine can't. Or he'll act out and thwack a classmate over a sharing issue. Everyone tells me he will catch up and not be a serial killer, and I believe them. And yours will too.
(Sidenote, but W is at a Catholic school. They do religion lessons. Yesterday's was about God's love. W was having nothing to do with the lesson and was totally over things after about 5 minutes of sitting. So his teacher asks him about how great God's love is. William (according the the note the teacher sent home) screams at the top of his lungs, "I don't want God in my heart!!!!" I am sure this was supposed to break my heart, but oh my god I laughed like mad at that.)
20 minutes for a kindergartener? No. Too long. Of course your kid can't handle it. It's not appropriate.