I am so freaking annoyed. How do I handle this?

[glitzyglow]

So, back in June, a head count was taken as to who could all attend a bachelorette party in September. Roughly 7 said definitely, 2 said no, and 2 never responded. After looking at hotel availability, which was already slim in June, we (myself and the co-host) booked the hotel for 2 rooms. All hotels that were available (which was only a few minus those that were in rough areas) were clear that they had a non-refundable, no-changes policy. We figured that should be no issue since at least 7 said they were coming, right?

Wrong. Tonight as I was suggesting restaurants for dinner that weekend because I need to make reservations ASAP, 3 of the 7 suddenly can't come and JUST NOW MADE THIS KNOWN. So we are down to 5 (including the bride-to-be, but obviously she isn't paying), 5 not coming, and 2 still haven't said anything (though I can see them reading the messages).

How am I supposed to handle the money for this? The rooms are non-refundable so I am not even going to try to call and ask to drop a room because we knew this at booking.

I'm going to have to eat the cost for this, aren't I?

[1confused1]

Wait. The bride to be can't come? Did you not talk to her first?

[glitzyglow]

No, the bride is coming. 3 guests who previously said they could come just told me today that they can't make it. We went from a group of 8 including the bride to a group of 5 including the bride. Assuming the 2 girls who just stalk the messages and never say anything aren't coming, we don't need two rooms anymore, but are locked into it. Is it wrong to ask the 3 who backed out to still chip in for the cost of the rooms?

[1confused1]

So two rooms, 5 girls? Assuming two queen beds I think 2 rooms is totally ok.

[glitzyglow]

It's not the rooms per say, but the price increases if just 4 of us are paying for 2 rooms than if 7 of us were splitting the room. We would not have booked two rooms if just 5 were attending.

[glitzyglow]

Sorry if I'm not clear. The reason I am up is because there is an unpleasant pain on the left side of my tail bone (top of left butt cheek basically) that is hurting so much that it is shooting down my leg. Thus why I am awake and probably more annoyed than I normally would be.

[marina007]

I get that you're annoyed, but 5 girls in one hotel room would not work in my opinion, thus two rooms are necessary. It sucks that it's now more expensive, but I think you should still split the cost between the ones attending.

Also, I don't know what's the norm with you guys, but when I got married, I totally paid for my share of the large overheads at my b-party (dinner, activities) even though it was a surprise - but everyone bought me drinks.

[glitzyglow]

I'll say with the 5 who are attending, we would have been fine in one room. We have all grown up together and shared beds forever (and I would have a rollaway in the room so it would just be two to a bed). I just shared a bed with one of them two weeks ago, actually, lol. It's pretty normal for us. I think that's why I'm also irked: the price that the 4 of us have to split now that the 3 backed out is equal to what we would have paid for a swankier room right in the heart of downtown.

If the lurkers decide to unlurk and come, then it will be good to have two rooms since they know the bride and not the rest of us. At the core of this I am just mad at the 3 who were all, "Yeah, definitely will be there, can't wait!" but then waited until two weeks before to mention, only because I brought it up, that they aren't coming.

[livinitup]

You did the nice thing by securing a room, in your name, for the party. But people who don't use it aren't going to feel compelled to give you money for it. And yeah, groups and money suck. 

[mcc]

If you let them know beforehand that the rooms were nonrefundable, they should still pay you. If not, it looks like everyone will have to eat the cost. For things like that, I try as hard as I can to get the money upfront. I'm sorry

[glitzyglow]

We told the 3 who backed out that it was non-refundable.

At the end of the day, I'll eat the cost. I'm not going to cause bad feeling considering I have to spend 4 days in the mountains with the people who skipped out on me come November. It sucks, but I'll live.

[doriswe]

How much is the difference?

[moonlight]

I agree with the others, if they knew it was non refundable and still said yes, they should expect to put up money even though they mysteriously changed their minds when prompted (hate when that happens). And I agree about the lurkers...put them on the spot! This sounds stressful, sorry.

[glitzyglow]

Lol, I did call out the lurkers! One finally responded that she is not coming. The other has yet to say anything...but I can see that she read the message.

[Deleted]

If they knew it was no refundable they need to pay.

[WinterIsComing]

Sept 2, 2014 9:40:26 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Lol, I did call out the lurkers! One finally responded that she is not coming. The other has yet to say anything...but I can see that she read the message.

Do you have phone number for the other lurker? It might be easiest to just call and force her to give you an answer.

For the other flakes, I think you should ask them to reimburse you for the money but unfortunately you can't do much if they refuse. I would ask once, and then drop it to keep the peace. Sorry this is happening - I hate people who flake like this!

[gault]

"only" 2 to a bed. lol. That made me laugh.


I'm sorry, it sounds like a frustrating situation. Flaky people suck.

[Wanderista]

I don't really have useful advice here, I just want to say that I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I agree that flaky people suck. 

[riverpestie]

I would try calling and ask them if you can take a room off. I know it says "no changes" blah blah, but many times (especially if they're busy and it appears as though they are), you might get someone that will do it for ya.

Also, since they all knew the money was refundable, they should pay for their portion. This happened to me once, and I still paid for my part.

[Eureka1984]

Sept 2, 2014 8:47:13 GMT -5 @stpete said:

If they knew it was non-refundable and said they were coming they owe you the money. I had something similar happen two years ago and the person who backed out paid her share for the room. And stop letting the lurkers lurk ask them outright if they are attending.

This all the way.. Good luck talking with them. I know that isn't going to be easy.

[glitzyglow]

Thanks everyone. I agree with all of you. I still haven't heard from lurker and I don't have her number, but I'll try get it or have the bride ask lurker if lurker is coming.

Assuming lurker doesn't come, we will all have a bed and one will have a roll-away bed. Things could be worse, lol. I'm more frustrated with the inconsiderateness of those not attending who previously were all, "Definitely be there!" Were they going to say anything or would we have found out when they just didn't show up? Things happen, I know that, but freaking let someone know!

[onedayatatime]

I just had a similar situation on my Aruba trip - someone backed out at the last minute and we had to pay for the bigger room. We did ask the hotel first if they would make changes, and then asked the cancelee to pay the extra cost.

I would ask once, then keep the peace. Sorry this is happening to you!


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