Post by orangeglow on Sept 4, 2014 19:23:24 GMT -5
I spilled to a few family members at a cousin's wedding. I was so sick and they kept asking what was wrong so I took a few of them aside and let them know and made them promise not to say ANYTHING to the bride and groom until after. The bride and groom had NO idea and it was nice to tell some family in person.
Is this her plan since certain people will all be together and she can tell them in person?
I'd be annoyed too, but I would just be gracious and congratulate her when she makes her announcement. That way she looks like the rude one for doing it at your shower, while you'll look like the classy mama to be for being polite about it.
Post by estrellita on Sept 4, 2014 20:15:25 GMT -5
Yeah, that's rude. That's part of the reason I didn't tell my friends I was pregnant at another friend's wedding (plus it was early and I had some spotting). I agree that she will look like the jerk if you just nicely congratulate her and move on. What a weird thing to do and not even ask the guest of honor if they are ok with it.
I'd be annoyed too, but I would just be gracious and congratulate her when she makes her announcement. That way she looks like the rude one for doing it at your shower, while you'll look like the classy mama to be for being polite about it.
This.
My MIL announced at the shower she was throwing *for me* that my BIL and SIL had gotten engaged. She stood up in the middle of the circle, while I was opening a gift from someone, and made the announcement. It was such a dick move -- and she is the one who looked bad, not me.
I'm not really into "it's my day!" but I am into etiquette. And that is definitely not appropriate.
Sorry your relative isn't more thoughtful. People are nuts.
Post by rainorshine on Sept 4, 2014 21:25:38 GMT -5
I'm probably a weirdo, but I don't like being the center of attention, so I'd be okay with it. However, it probably would annoy me if the relative annoyed me in general.
And your relative sounds a bit full of herself, if the host advised against it, but she is insisting.
I found out that I was pregnant the day of my BFF's shower, but I wasn't planning on telling anyone for a few weeks.
I did feel really weird because DH and I had gotten engaged a couple of weeks before his brother's wedding and that was the first time we had seen most of their relatives. But weddings and rehearsal dinners are pretty easy where we could talk 1:1 to people so there was definitely no big announcement.
I'm probably a weirdo, but I don't like being the center of attention, so I'd be okay with it. However, it probably would annoy me if the relative annoyed me in general
This.
I would know better than to do it to someone else, too.
Post by flamingeaux on Sept 4, 2014 23:12:24 GMT -5
That's crap. She could make plans with everyone she wants to tell after the shower, and it'd be cute. They could go out for starbucks or happy hour or something afterwards. "Oh my gosh Cab's shower was so much fun, I hope you guys were taking notes, because I'm going to need one soon!"
I honestly think it would be really unusual for a wedding or shower take place without someone else's engagement or pregnancy coming up. It's good news, it's exciting, etc. Not that I think she should grand stand about it, but if it comes up? Meh. I feel weird saying people should keep these things secret.
Hopefully she can be convinced to announce after the gifts are opened and/or cake is served when no one gives a crap about anything anymore.
I had a family house warming/party at like 8 months pregnant with my first. It was a big deal that we had bought a place. My sister used the party to announce she was pregnant and did this whole bit with a cake. I thought it was rude. She would have been really upset if her own party was baby announcement bombed.
I honestly think it would be really unusual for a wedding or shower take place without someone else's engagement or pregnancy coming up. It's good news, it's exciting, etc. Not that I think she should grand stand about it, but if it comes up? Meh. I feel weird saying people should keep these things secret.
Hopefully she can be convinced to announce after the gifts are opened and/or cake is served when no one gives a crap about anything anymore.
That's normal. Like at my BFF's shower, her step sister and our other BFF were obviously pregnant too, so people would politely ask then about it and the guest of honor wanted pictures with all their bellies, etc.
I honestly think it would be really unusual for a wedding or shower take place without someone else's engagement or pregnancy coming up. It's good news, it's exciting, etc. Not that I think she should grand stand about it, but if it comes up? Meh. I feel weird saying people should keep these things secret.
Hopefully she can be convinced to announce after the gifts are opened and/or cake is served when no one gives a crap about anything anymore.
That's normal. Like at my BFF's shower, her step sister and our other BFF were obviously pregnant too, so people would politely ask then about it and the guest of honor wanted pictures with all their bellies, etc.
I agree, this is normal.
I guess it depends a little to me whether the relative is showing in this case, or if she has just found out - most people in H's family announce to everyone at like 4-6 weeks for some reason, so that is what I picture here and that is not cool to me. But I feel that if she is far enough along that she might be showing a little bit and people will likely be speculating anyhow, it would be okay to me if she said a little something. No big flashy announcement, of course.
It's incredibly rude of her, but as someone who hates being the center of attention, I might appreciate it at my own shower. But for most people, I would say that it is just insanely out of line to make a grand announcement.
Privately tell friends and family members because you're sick or actually able to see them in person is completely different than *planning* a big announcement at someone else's shower. That's extra douchey.
She is apparently showing according to my sister. She is about 4-5 mo. pregnant, and had her last baby in Feb. We saw her about a month ago and she had a bit of a belly, but since she just had her son 6 mo. ago, no one assumed she was pregnant again. So I do understand the need to get it out, and I'd say she could have announced when we were all together a month ago, but that's not my business so I won't But the problem is the attempt at a grand announcement. I'd have no issue if it were simply talked about casually during the party.
So she's at least 4 months pregnant and she has yet to tell her mom? Does she have "issues" with her mom??? If other people are asking fine tell them but to make a big deal out of it while at another family members baby shower I think that is rude.
Post by rachelgreen on Sept 5, 2014 11:45:52 GMT -5
In this scenario, with her wanting it to be a grand announcement, nope nope nope. Tacky and rude. I'm on your side with this one for sure.
Two anecdotes for you:
My stepsister announced her engagement at my bridal shower. I was not happy. At all.
I told people we were pg at my SIL's wedding this past May. SIL even encouraged a picture of me and two other bridesmaids holding our "bellies" during getting ready pics. We never made a big announcement that day though. Since we were so open with our IF and many of our friends and family were aware we were going through IVF, it was nice to tell people face to face. SIL fully supported us telling people because we live out of state and so did many of the aunts and uncles and cousins. But...completely different scenario I know
It's the big announcement that rubs me the wrong way. Like is she planning on standing up in front of everyone and announcing?
And it's not even because it'd be taking away from "my day", because I'm not one for attention anyway, it's just that she'd feel the need to make it a big production.
That being said, maybe I did commit my own faux pas.
My friend hosted a sprinkle for another one of my friends - this was her third, though it was a surprise and her first girl (so she didn't have all the baby stuff anymore).
It was just a small gathering - maybe 12 of us (including husbands). At the end of the sprinkle, I wanted to take some group shots. So H took a picture of all of my friends and me together, then said, "Ok, now just the pregnant girls" (everyone was pregnant). So I stepped away and right as people went to shoot the next photo, I hopped back in. So I guess in a way it was a me moment, but I thought with the smaller group and just close friends it was ok. I think it was ok, now I'm doubting myself.
Maybe because I was in that situation with DD1- I was about 12 weeks pregnant at my cousin's baby shower and only my immediate family knew. they wanted me to tell the rest of the family since we'd all be together, and I refused and asked them not to tell either. I was adamant that this was my cousin's day.
I called the rest of the family 1-2 weeks later and told them.