yes, absolutely. my H and i are like teenage girls at a sleepover when it comes to gossip (even insignificant gossip, lol). so, yeah. we share all info.
Gossiping is definitely one of our very, very favorite things to do.
But also, pretty much all of our close friends are close friends with both of us, so gossip about any of them tends to be of interest to both of us.
I am not great with secrets, so usually tell him anything of note. He, on the other hand, is a vault, and I know has not shared certain things (usually with friends/relatives asking him for offhand legal advice), but I've found out about them after the fact when things come to light.
I would be bothered if a friend said something like "I think your husband is an asshole, but don't tell him because it will hurt his feelings." While maybe she really doesn't like him, to say that to me would insult me... in a stable marriage, my loyalties are to him and our little team of two first, so someone speaking poorly of him is essentially speaking poorly of me. If it were a really close friend, it might give me pause on the state of my marriage, or make me back off of the friendship.
No, I won't tell my DH. This has actually caused problems before because he thinks that he deserves to know everything I know, but my philosophy is that it isn't my secret to share.
Oh, and I actually got my husband in trouble for this once. He went to a bachelor party in New Orleans and his friends were lame as usual, but the bride's brothers were INSANE and there were some awesome stories involving them. My husband told me everything. Since none of the information involved any of their friends doing anything wrong, I figured all of the boys told their wives the ridiculous stories. Um, no. When I mentioned one of the stories in passing to two of their wives who are very close friends of mine, figuring that they knew it, it turns out that their husbands hadn't told them and that it was all supposed to be a big secret because they apparently don't tell their wives things, etc. Oops. I truly didn't know that the stories about the brothers, who they had never met before and who did not reflect on the friends, were secrets according to the boys.
Yes, but sometimes H doesn't tell me and it annoys me. Don't tell me there's a secret you know about and then tell me you can't say. Grrrrrr. Just don't tell me then!
this is a huge pet peeve of mine when ANYONE does it. I have a normally sensible close friend that pulled this on me recently. She was like, "I got some really great news and some really bad news today. But I can't tell you either thing because it's not my news to tell." Well why the hell did you say anything at all?
Post by peachdragon on Sept 5, 2014 11:03:52 GMT -5
I wouldn't. Even if the friend didn't specifically tell me not to tell anyone; if it's sensitive information, it's nobody else's business but the people my friend has told.
Post by crashgizmo on Sept 5, 2014 11:10:48 GMT -5
We had the opposite issue- DH has a best friend since high school, and at the beginning DH would tell me "OK, don't tell D i told you, he'd be so embarrassed, etc" whenever he told me something about this guy. DH's BFF is kind of a train wreck, so there was lots of great gossip. I always told DH I would never say anything and he needed to chill out.
Then one night the 3 of us were hanging out and BFF mentions one of the secrets. I play dumb and he says "Oh, I just figured E had told you, you're his wife!"
I wouldn't. Even if the friend didn't specifically tell me not to tell anyone; if it's sensitive information, it's nobody else's business but the people my friend has told.
This.
I'm really surprised at how many people repeat "secrets" especially that have nothing to do with their spouse or preserving honesty with him.
I can't fathom why my spouse would give a flip that Mary is cheating on Bill with Harold. Never mine WHY Mary would tell ME, but that's aside from the point. If I came to my spouse with this he'd probably go "who is that?" or "do we have peanut butter?".
I probably wouldn't just because he wouldn't really care.
exception would be if it was something really shocking and I needed to talk it out with someone. he is perfect for this kind of thing because he has the memory of the goldfish and will probably not recall the details of the conversation if asked again in 1-2 weeks time.
Post by wanderlustmom on Sept 5, 2014 17:34:47 GMT -5
I am a counselor so a lot of friends do tell me their secrets. When it's abuse, I don't tell DH. If it's really big and private, I ask. One of my BFs cheated on her husband. Husband doesn't know. Myself and another friend know as does my DH. He is a vault though and would never tell and my friend knows this and okayed me telling him.
Otherwise, unless specifically asked, yes. We talk about everything and he seems to care about all the details.
I wouldn't. Even if the friend didn't specifically tell me not to tell anyone; if it's sensitive information, it's nobody else's business but the people my friend has told.
This.
I'm really surprised at how many people repeat "secrets" especially that have nothing to do with their spouse or preserving honesty with him.
I can't fathom why my spouse would give a flip that Mary is cheating on Bill with Harold. Never mine WHY Mary would tell ME, but that's aside from the point. If I came to my spouse with this he'd probably go "who is that?" or "do we have peanut butter?".
After dating for 15 years, chances are very good that if I'm friends with Mary, he's also friends with Mary.
I can't fathom having such separate friends groups/social lives that he wouldn't give a "flip" about one of my friends. And even if we're talking about a new friend that he hasn't met yet, I'd be really insulted if he didn't give a "flip" about them -- my friends are an important part of my life and I think he should be interested in important parts of my life.
I don't think it's really fair to ask someone to keep something from his or her spouse.
Yep. There are probably exceptions. I could see myself talking to a friend about something about my body or what not that I wouldn't want her to talk to her H about. So maybe I would specify then? If a friend confided in me about issues with her sex life and she didn't want me to mention it to H because h and her H were friends, then that would make sense. I wouldn't anyway....but I would understand being asked to keep secrets such as that.
I'm really surprised at how many people repeat "secrets" especially that have nothing to do with their spouse or preserving honesty with him.
I can't fathom why my spouse would give a flip that Mary is cheating on Bill with Harold. Never mine WHY Mary would tell ME, but that's aside from the point. If I came to my spouse with this he'd probably go "who is that?" or "do we have peanut butter?".
After dating for 15 years, chances are very good that if I'm friends with Mary, he's also friends with Mary.
I can't fathom having such separate friends groups/social lives that he wouldn't give a flip about one of my friends.
This is where I am, too. I can't think of much of anything that I would find interesting that H wouldn't. We are interested in each others lives and have the same social circles.
If we couldn't share sensitive info with each other, we would have little to talk about it. We have the same social circles and we both have jobs that involve sensitive info we cannot share with others.
I'm really surprised at how many people repeat "secrets" especially that have nothing to do with their spouse or preserving honesty with him.
I can't fathom why my spouse would give a flip that Mary is cheating on Bill with Harold. Never mine WHY Mary would tell ME, but that's aside from the point. If I came to my spouse with this he'd probably go "who is that?" or "do we have peanut butter?".
After dating for 15 years, chances are very good that if I'm friends with Mary, he's also friends with Mary.
I can't fathom having such separate friends groups/social lives that he wouldn't give a "flip" about one of my friends. And even if we're talking about a new friend that he hasn't met yet, I'd be really insulted if he didn't give a "flip" about them -- my friends are an important part of my life and I think he should be interested in important parts of my life.
I wouldn't be insulted. Just because he doesn't give a flip about gossip doesn't mean he doesn't give a flip about me. We have separate social groups, same as we did before marriage... despite being together 17 years, he still has friends I don't give a flip about and I would have zero interest in hearing their secrets.
Post by rachaelnicole on Sept 5, 2014 21:57:40 GMT -5
I didn't read all the replies, so I may be repeating here, but I always tell DH unless it's something about him that would make him feel bad or something. And usually, if someone starts to say, "Don't tell anyone this, but..." I stop them and say, "I'll probably tell DH, just so you know." And they've always told me anyway, so I feel like it's assumed that when you tell a secret, the person's spouse will find out.
Nope. But I was on the other end of this and it sucked. I confided in one of my best friends that DH and I were having trouble and going to counseling. She told her (douchebag) husband (now ExH) and the next time we were out together he said to DH "so I hear you and beefjerky are having problems and need counseling." That was a WTAF moment for me.
This topic came up when my dad was in the room, and even he chimed in with "Oh, yeah, most people would assume that keeping something private, still includes sharing it with your husband or wife." My dad is not touchy freely, but that suck with me as sweet.
H and I are each others' best friend. We tell each other everything. Soooo don't tell me anything you don't want my H to know. But we won't tell anyone else!
Post by twodogsandababy on Sept 6, 2014 9:53:44 GMT -5
I tell Him everything. Mostly because I have a big mouth and H is like a vault, so I can get it out and know it stops with him. But, I also feel like it makes us more of unit if we both know the same things. I really can't imagine not telling H things.
Yes. But I don't have too many close friends, and typically they preface it with, "Don't tell anyone....oh, you can tell husband, but no one else." Once and awhile I might get "don't tell husband," and then I don't.