Tell your H secrets?

[katlizabeth]

Yes. But I don't have too many close friends, and typically they preface it with, "Don't tell anyone....oh, you can tell husband, but no one else." Once and awhile I might get "don't tell husband," and then I don't.

[cajunmom]

Yes, I usually do. Unless they specifically ask me not to.

[beans]

I actually saw some research that basically this is a given. If you tell someone something it's very highly likely they'll tell their partner. I generally assume my friend's partners get told things.

There are some things I would never tell DH either because it's really sensitive to whomever told me or I know he would have no interest or whatever but I tell him a lot. My group of friends right now from school say a lot not to tell anyone but they really specifically mean from our program (I'll sometime ask if I can tell h if it's something that might be over the line). But my whole career is based in keeping confidentiality so I might be less of a discloser than others...? Idk

[Kore]

I don't think it's really fair to ask someone to keep something from his or her spouse.

I don't tell him if I think it'll make him think negatively of my friend. But this is a more recent (past year or so) thing, as we've not been emotionally close.

[bunch]

Yes, I can't think of anything offhand that I've withheld.

[candyland]

Yes, I usually do too.

[treedimensional]

No. Why would I bother my spouse with a friend's secret anyway? I can't imagine a friend telling me a secret that would impact my spouse, or that he would have any interest in. It's not MY secret so I'm not keeping something from him. I'd just be betraying my friend.

[Deleted]

Once I didn't tell him something and it didn't go well.

We have a friend who is a widow. She was starting to date someone and we would keep her son overnight when she went out. She didn't want anyone to know she was starting to date so I didn't tell DH. I just said she was going out with friends. Well, after keeping her son a few times DH got mad that she wasn't including me on these "girls nights out". So I finally told him. That was when I realized I need to share everything with him.

[ECB]

By and large, yes. DH and I are each others "last stop". Especially w/ news that involves "don't tell ANYONE". We tell each other so that we can at least, w/ each other, be a little "OMG! Can you believe....". And it stops there.

[Deleted]

When we did our pre-marital counseling we were told that if someone asks us not to tell anyone something we should inform them that we have to tell spouse because we can't keep secrets from them.

Anyway, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. When my brother was going through his nasty divorce I did because it was family and I knew H would care about what was going on and I needed to vent about exSIL.

If it is a random friend/acquaintance that H doesn't know very well I usually don't.

[karenj]

I always let the person telling me the secret I will tell my H. If that is a problem for the secret teller then I don't want to hear the secret


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[Deleted]

I assume everyone their spouse when I tell secrets.

I have realized I have to then remember to tell DH is something is a secret. He usually forgets anyway though.

[v]

Yes, always. Doesn't everyone assume that "don't tell anyone" means "don't tell anyone except for your spouse, who you obviously will tell"? As long as you keep it between yourselves, I think that has to be fine.

[Deleted]

Sept 5, 2014 7:36:00 GMT -5 v said:

Yes, always. Doesn't everyone assume that "don't tell anyone" means "don't tell anyone except for your spouse, who you obviously will tell"? As long as you keep it between yourselves, I think that has to be fine.

I agree, my friends and I have this understanding. 

[bk1]

BFF and I have an agreement. When we say "don't tell anyone" that means we can still tell our husbands. The only time we are to not tell our husbands is if we specifically say "don't tell anyone, even your H". That very rarely happens.

Most the time I tell DH, but once in a while I will hear a secret from someone that is so personal that I don't tell him.

[mrshandy]

I usually tell my H. But he's a steel trap so I know it would never go beyond him.

[aurora]

I'm trying to remember the last time someone told me a secret that H would be interested in. I would tell him if he wanted to know, but for example with my friend's rather personal health issues he didn't want to know the details.

[gibbinator]

I usually do, unless told specifically to exclude him as well. I pretty much assume any of my friends in committed relationships do the same with anything I might tell them.

[mbcdefg]

I've told him things (and I would assume that anyone I told a personal secret to would also tell their partner), but I don't really remember the last time that someone shared a big secret with me.

[hamster]

Usually, unless I have a good reason why I think he shouldnt know.

[Deleted]

I guess I don't hear a lot of secrets because I have not really thought about this!

We don't really have a "group" of friends... BF has met and hung out with many of my friends, but they are mostly girls (not couples) so he doesn't have a very personal relationship with anyone. So telling him a secret would probably have no impact on anything and I may as well tell him.

I think it gets stickier when there is a group friendship or you are talking couple friends. I guess I probably would tell BF because he is pretty non judgmental. But if it was going to make him dislike someone or create drama among a group of friends I may use more discretion. Idk. I wouldn't keep my own secret from him but idk if he needs to know everything about anyone who confides in me. But I haven't really encountered this as an issue yet so...idk.

[Pom]

I'd probably tell him. He probably wouldn't give a shit and he's definitely a MYOB type, so I see no chance of him bringing it up.

[ddi741]

Yes I would tell him. 

[sjh722]

Sept 5, 2014 7:10:38 GMT -5 ECB said:

By and large, yes. DH and I are each others "last stop". Especially w/ news that involves "don't tell ANYONE". We tell each other so that we can at least, w/ each other, be a little "OMG! Can you believe....". And it stops there.

Same.

I think it's understood with our friends that we tell our husbands most things. (Going both ways - I assume that my best friend's husband knows most big things I tell her - like family stuff, that I was pregnant before anyone else knew, etc.)

[Deleted]

Sure, if he would care and the friend didn't ask me not to.

I assume when I tell a married friend something it's fair game for her to tell her husband. If I don't want her to, I say so.

[charlotteandwilbur]

My best friends and I definitely have an understanding that we will share info with our DHs. I've never had one of them ask me not to share something with DH, and I can't really think of what that would even be.

[dr.girlfriend]

If it's something I would normally want to talk to my spouse about, then I would clarify with the person telling me. Usually when I do, (e.g., they say, "Don't tell anyone" and I say, "Do you mean not even SO?") they are like, "No, of course you can tell him, just not anyone else." If it's about someone he doesn't even know (e.g., pregnancy or relationship issue of a work friend) I wouldn't tell him.

[raangoli]

Sept 5, 2014 9:12:46 GMT -5 @booby said:

yes, absolutely. my H and i are like teenage girls at a sleepover when it comes to gossip (even insignificant gossip, lol). so, yeah. we share all info.

This. MH loves to gossip but would never admit it, haha.

Obviously if it was something the friend asked me not to share with him, then I wouldn't. It would probably kill me, but I wouldn't. 

[cheezer]

Sept 5, 2014 7:10:38 GMT -5 ECB said:

By and large, yes. DH and I are each others "last stop". Especially w/ news that involves "don't tell ANYONE". We tell each other so that we can at least, w/ each other, be a little "OMG! Can you believe....". And it stops there.

Yes, us too.  Except he always forgets to tell me anything (basic things like my cousin is pregnant).  So it's mostly just me telling him things so I get to tell someone but still keep the secret.

[jinkies]

Huh. No. I don't. If someone tells me something in confidence, it stops with me.

Also, my husband is awful with other people's secrets, so I don't always trust him to not say anything. His entire family is famous for having "secrets" that EVERYONE knows, but everyone was told "in confidence" so they all have to pretend they don't know.

My SIL once told me a secret and specifically asked me not to share with H (her brother) until it was public knowledge about a month later. I didn't tell him, but my SIL acted shocked later that I listened to her and actually didn't tell.

ETA: I would tell him secrets of people that he doesn't really know/ is in no danger of spreading the secret. But he's not gossipy enough to care about those people.