FIL vent

[isabel]

DH's dad is an alcoholic. This summer, he crashed his car into something while blacked out, made it home, drove through the garden on the side of the house, and bent the garage door frame so hard the door wouldn't close. MIL filed for divorce shortly after and he moved out. This kind of behavior has been going on for their entire 20-something year marriage, so the divorce thing has been a long time coming.

After a while, he declared that he was intent on reconciling and was going to go into a state-run treatment program for physicians with addiction problems. We were all very "I'll believe it when I see it," but very hopeful at the same time. MIL put the divorce proceedings on hold and told him she would give him a chance to prove he meant what he said.

DH found out from his mom yesterday that his dad refused to do the program because it requires 8-weeks of in-patient treatment.

FIL just sent DH a text asking for an address and then said "100 days sober. I'm the only one celebrating. Everyone else is doubting."

Fuck you, asshole! DH is furious and just took the dog on a walk to cool off. Needless to say, the divorce proceedings will be resuming posthaste.

I am so fucking sad for my H. So, so sad. Thanks for letting me vent.

[underwaterrhymes]

I'm so sorry.

Please make sure your H knows that this is how alcoholics manipulate.

100 days is good, but sobriety is a lifetime endeavor.

My dad is 6 years sober and my mom is 1, so I totally get this. It's so hard.

[sofamonkey]

Sounds a LOT like my FIL. DH found some great help from al-anon meetings. ((hugs))

[isabel]

Sept 7, 2014 19:52:16 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

I'm so sorry.

Please make sure your H knows that this is how alcoholics manipulate.

100 days is good, but sobriety is a lifetime endeavor.

My dad is 6 years sober and my mom is 1, so I totally get this. It's so hard.

The thing is, it's really not even that good. I mean, yes, sobriety is good, but FIL has the ability to stop drinking when he fucks up and decides he wants to. He's gone several months in the past and then decides he's "better" and starts drinking again. It's a really messed up cycle.

H knows he's being manipulated and is being very smart about it. He started typing up and email and I simply told him to think before he sends. He knows better than to fire off the cuff, but I know it's got to be really hard for him. It just makes me want to cry. He loves his dad and I know he wants him to have a relationship with our kid. If something doesn't change soon, I kind of doubt DH will even allow his dad to meet our kid when it's born.

[underwaterrhymes]

Sept 7, 2014 19:57:12 GMT -5 isabel said:

Sept 7, 2014 19:52:16 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

I'm so sorry.

Please make sure your H knows that this is how alcoholics manipulate.

100 days is good, but sobriety is a lifetime endeavor.

My dad is 6 years sober and my mom is 1, so I totally get this. It's so hard.

The thing is, it's really not even that good. I mean, yes, sobriety is good, but FIL has the ability to stop drinking when he fucks up and decides he wants to. He's gone several months in the past and then decides he's "better" and starts drinking again. It's a really messed up cycle.

H knows he's being manipulated and is being very smart about it. He started typing up and email and I simply told him to think before he sends. He knows better than to fire off the cuff, but I know it's got to be really hard for him. It just makes me want to cry. He loves his dad and I know he wants him to have a relationship with our kid. If something doesn't change soon, I kind of doubt DH will even allow his dad to meet our kid when it's born.

This is because he cannot acknowledge he is an alcoholic. Or, at least, he cannot acknowledge he is like other alcoholics. Does he go to meetings? Does he have a sponsor? This made a huge difference for my dad. My mom wasn't a fan of AA until she found a group of professional women who were able to show her that alcoholism affects all walks of life.

Do you and your H attend Al Anon? The meetings can be very helpful in helping you handle loving an alcoholic.

If you want to take this to PM, let me know. My mom didn't hit rock bottom until she was in a drunk driving accident with multiple vehicles. Both of my parents have been battling this at a level I was aware of since I was 12.

Regardless, I'm keeping you in my thoughts. It's such a tough road.