I wish I had better self esteem. My sister and my friend both think that I'm a catch but I just don't/can't see it. I think I am overweight, and by technical BMI standards I am, but I would NEVER look at another woman my size and think the way about her that I think about myself. I never even see guys give me a second look, or maybe just because of the way that I feel about myself I just can't see it. I feel like I am stuck in a self-dislike (it's not hate) spiral and I'm not entirely sure how to get out of it.
As long as your value is based on looks you'll always struggle with this. Start paying more attention to who you are and find activities that focus on your skills. What are three things you are good at?
That's another thing. I feel like I am overwhelmingly mediocre in most areas of my life. But you are right, there are things that I'm good at. I just need to focus in on that.
I'm pretty sure most of this is due to my impending period.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Sept 12, 2014 10:08:28 GMT -5
It's flameful because you met a shitbag. And invited him to your home. Where your little girl lives. It's not smart. Even if you don't give a fuck about chilling with a terrible person, I feel like you need to make better choices about inviting randoms over.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
I wish I had better self esteem. My sister and my friend both think that I'm a catch but I just don't/can't see it.
I feel like I am stuck in a self-dislike (it's not hate) spiral and I'm not entirely sure how to get out of it.
I don't have any advice but I just wanted to let you know I have these same feelings. Mine aren't related to my weight but I have hard time seeing myself as someone that a guy would/will find attractive and want to me with. Every time I tell someone how I feel they say the same things, that I'm a catch but I just have a hard time internalizing it.
Here's a flameful: after I got the notice about douche being engaged I realized the last time we were together he was cheating on the woman who is now his fi. I sent her an email and ratted him out. I think she deserved to know before she marries him. She replied asking I not contact them again with him cc'ed (no problem three) but changed her Facebook pics. They were both pics with him and now he's not there.
Not flameful. I think we did a thread where it was all "would you tell" and people were pretty split on it. I'm of the "tell" team. Girl has a right to know. If she chooses to ignore it, fine. I won't get involved, but I am not going to keep my mouth shut and be all "not my problem."
I wish I had better self esteem. My sister and my friend both think that I'm a catch but I just don't/can't see it. I think I am overweight, and by technical BMI standards I am, but I would NEVER look at another woman my size and think the way about her that I think about myself. I never even see guys give me a second look, or maybe just because of the way that I feel about myself I just can't see it. I feel like I am stuck in a self-dislike (it's not hate) spiral and I'm not entirely sure how to get out of it.
I hope this doesn't sound creepy but every single time you post a picture, I think you are gorgeous.
I know exactly how you feel though. My goal for 2014 was to stop tying my self-worth to my weight and read at least 15 book. I accomplished the second one.
XH is spending next week with my best friend's house, so that he can see our godson (BFF's son). I'm so jealous. I haven't even been to my best friend's new house, because there aren't very good flight options to get there. I know it's wonderful that he's maintaining the relationship, but a little part of me wishes I could just keep them all to myself.
And I now feel a total jerk that XH managed to make such a long visit and I haven't even been yet (nor do I have plans for a trip). Even worse, I keep thinking, "Well, XH can take more family trips, because he can travel alone more often, since his girlfriend can't afford to go so many places." So not only am I jealous of XH and judgmental of the OW, I'm also kind of blaming my boyfriend for my decision not to prioritize trips to see friends/family. I will go wallow in my shame now.
I wish I had better self esteem. My sister and my friend both think that I'm a catch but I just don't/can't see it. I think I am overweight, and by technical BMI standards I am, but I would NEVER look at another woman my size and think the way about her that I think about myself. I never even see guys give me a second look, or maybe just because of the way that I feel about myself I just can't see it. I feel like I am stuck in a self-dislike (it's not hate) spiral and I'm not entirely sure how to get out of it.
I think everyone has those days where they feel bad about their looks. If anyone doesn't, please, tell me your secret.
The thing is, how you look is not who you are, but we are judged every day based on how we look. So, it's hard to just not care about your appearance. What I find helpful is when I am having a bad self esteem day is to wear something that always makes me feel good. Or take some extra time on my makeup. Something that even if I feel bad, makes me a bit happy. This may be superficial, but, I don't really care.
I think you are adorable, personally, but you need to find a way to feel adorable yourself.
Post by achase123 on Sept 12, 2014 10:33:45 GMT -5
After all of this I just wish sometimes that I had a man to just HOLD me. It makes me kind of frustrated with myself but I feel like that would help sometimes.
Post by starburst604 on Sept 12, 2014 10:36:13 GMT -5
I can't seem to keep my mouth shut about my pregnancy. I just want to tell everyone but it's so early. I feel like a Duggar (with the early announcements, not the number of children I want).
After all of this I just wish sometimes that I had a man to just HOLD me. It makes me kind of frustrated with myself but I feel like that would help sometimes.
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It's normal to crave affection, I don't think it makes you a weak person to desire it. Not making poor decisions based on that craving is the key, but you're only human.
I can't seem to keep my mouth shut about my pregnancy. I just want to tell everyone but it's so early. I feel like a Duggar (with the early announcements, not the number of children I want).
I read an article about how you should announce early! I don't really get the stigma against it. Yeah, you may have a miscarriage, but if you TELL, then you have people to support you! Ya know?
Post by pantsoffdanceoff on Sept 12, 2014 10:45:38 GMT -5
jojoandleo - You make a really good point about being more put-together. That is definitely something I can work on. I think I take too much advantage of the fact that I don't really see any outside people during the workday. I should probably start wearing more skirts. They always make me feel good and to @stpete 's point, it will make me shave my legs more regularly
I guess my flameful is that I don't think liu's guy is that horrible. I am going to assume the second date wasn't going well or I am not sure how they would have even started chatting. A second date is pretty low commitment. If he was on a date with his girlfriend it would be another story.
Now if the date WAS going well and he just snuck off to hit on other girls and plans to keep seeing his date.... Then that's douchy.
I can't seem to keep my mouth shut about my pregnancy. I just want to tell everyone but it's so early. I feel like a Duggar (with the early announcements, not the number of children I want).
I read an article about how you should announce early! I don't really get the stigma against it. Yeah, you may have a miscarriage, but if you TELL, then you have people to support you! Ya know?
I read that too. I think the stigma for me comes more from other people than myself. Like my mom last night: "you're not tell people yet, ARE YOU?!" I mean it's my business if I want to share my excitement, and if I have to go back and tell those people I had a miscarriage, so be it.
I can't seem to keep my mouth shut about my pregnancy. I just want to tell everyone but it's so early. I feel like a Duggar (with the early announcements, not the number of children I want).
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I missed this announcement. Congrats! How far along are you? Also, if you fel like telling, do it. It's something to be super excited about, so of course you want to tell people. I understand why people don't, but if you want to, do it!
Thanks! I'll be 5 weeks on Sunday, I had great bloodwork this week and will have an ultrasound on 9/23, I think once I see that heartbeat I'll feel more confident, although I overall have a good gut feeling about this pregnancy.
Add my to the low self esteem train. No matter what I do I just feel so gross. I'm actually not even looking as forward to my vacation because of swimsuits and I just want to cover up my body.
On the self esteem topic- I get it. Objectively I look at myself and think "Girl, you're a catch!" And if I were my friend I'd have no problem really honestly believing it. But because it's me, sometimes it's hard. I let all the outside forces of life and rejection affect how I feel and it's hard. So- hugs to those that feel the same.
Self esteem is so weird. I can look at other girls and see how beautiful they are, but looking at myself, I see flaws. Flaws I don't notice on other women. It's just weird.
I guess my flameful is that I don't think liu's guy is that horrible. I am going to assume the second date wasn't going well or I am not sure how they would have even started chatting. A second date is pretty low commitment. If he was on a date with his girlfriend it would be another story.
Now if the date WAS going well and he just snuck off to hit on other girls and plans to keep seeing his date.... Then that's douchy.
No. I think if I am on a date, that should guarantee me commitment until the end of the date. It's not going well? End it. Don't sneak off and pick up another girl in the middle of it. You want to pick up a piece of ass at the end of the night? Go to a bar after our date, don't make plans with another woman during it.
You don't have to agree, but those are my standards. I would never date a guy who was all, "Yeah, so I am on a second date with that girl, but I would really like to get your number." Eww, no. Cause I can guarantee he will do the same thing to me on a date.
On the self esteem topic- I get it. Objectively I look at myself and think "Girl, you're a catch!" And if I were my friend I'd have no problem really honestly believing it. But because it's me, sometimes it's hard. I let all the outside forces of life and rejection affect how I feel and it's hard. So- hugs to those that feel the same.
Self esteem is so weird. I can look at other girls and see how beautiful they are, but looking at myself, I see flaws. Flaws I don't notice on other women. It's just weird.
It truly is so weird. I look at pictures sometimes when I smile and I see that one eye closes more than the other and I focus on that. It's the weirdest fucking thing! If a friend told me that they focused on that I would be so sad and tell them how beautiful I think they are.
jojoandleo - You make a really good point about being more put-together. That is definitely something I can work on. I think I take too much advantage of the fact that I don't really see any outside people during the workday. I should probably start wearing more skirts. They always make me feel good and to @stpete 's point, it will make me shave my legs more regularly
I keep telling myself I need to work on this too. I am so not a morning person so it is hard to make myself get up early enough to get pretty. I think it would make me feel better about myself through the day though if I put in a little more effort.
I feel like I should go play on S&B and post in the OOTDs as my motivation.
Post by shauniemae on Sept 12, 2014 11:03:50 GMT -5
I am just going to jump on the problems with self-esteem/self-image train. My issues are also tied to weight, mostly, and I just don't see what others say they see. Or how they feel about me. It's tough. It's a little better now than it had been previously, but still a daily struggle.
Self esteem is so weird. I can look at other girls and see how beautiful they are, but looking at myself, I see flaws. Flaws I don't notice on other women. It's just weird.
It truly is so weird. I look at pictures sometimes when I smile and I see that one eye closes more than the other and I focus on that. It's the weirdest fucking thing! If a friend told me that they focused on that I would be so sad and tell them how beautiful I think they are.
And I can bet you have never looked at another woman's picture and noticed that about her, so why do it to ourselves?
jojoandleo - You make a really good point about being more put-together. That is definitely something I can work on. I think I take too much advantage of the fact that I don't really see any outside people during the workday. I should probably start wearing more skirts. They always make me feel good and to @stpete 's point, it will make me shave my legs more regularly
I keep telling myself I need to work on this too. I am so not a morning person so it is hard to make myself get up early enough to get pretty. I think it would make me feel better about myself through the day though if I put in a little more effort.
I feel like I should go play on S&B and post in the OOTDs as my motivation.
I seriously want @smo to style me. Her style is more outside my comfort zone but she just looks amazing to me! I'm also a big fan of @lolstarz
No. I think if I am on a date, that should guarantee me commitment until the end of the date. It's not going well? End it. Don't sneak off and pick up another girl in the middle of it. You want to pick up a piece of ass at the end of the night? Go to a bar after our date, don't make plans with another woman during it.
You don't have to agree, but those are my standards. I would never date a guy who was all, "Yeah, so I am on a second date with that girl, but I would really like to get your number." Eww, no. Cause I can guarantee he will do the same thing to me on a date.
Even if the date wasn't going well, have some fucking respect and at least wait till I leave. I think I would be pissed/hurt if a guy I was on a date with got another girls number.
If someone came here to complain that her date picked up another girl while on a date, everyone here would jump all over what a douche the guy was.
I wish I had better self esteem. My sister and my friend both think that I'm a catch but I just don't/can't see it. I think I am overweight, and by technical BMI standards I am, but I would NEVER look at another woman my size and think the way about her that I think about myself. I never even see guys give me a second look, or maybe just because of the way that I feel about myself I just can't see it. I feel like I am stuck in a self-dislike (it's not hate) spiral and I'm not entirely sure how to get out of it.
You are definitely not alone on this. My self-esteem issues is a major reason why I decided to keep going to therapy, even though I feel like I am in an ok place with the divorce. My therapist is so great, and she actually specialized in body issues/ED's, so she knows her shit.
Honestly, objectively, I know I am pretty, and I know that I am not even "fat"...I know that logically. But there is always that voice in my head that tells me I am gross, I am fat, on and on and on. The things I say to myself and so mean, I would never say them to another person.
And for me, its hard because I also just have a pretty negative self image over all. Not just physically, but in other areas too, and I am trying to work on that. My therapist actually said Vegas was a really good thing because he does remind me of my positive attributes, and sometimes it is okay if we need external validation. Sure, it is best if we can validate ourselves on our own, but outside perspective is good too.
So, I don't have advice because I am in the same, if not worse, boat than you. It sucks, but I try to go easy on myself. I have had decades of conditioning to feel badly about myself, it will take a while to break past that.