Race related: should I be offended bc I speak well?

[Deleted]

The attending just asked about my background. I mostly mentioned how I was a military brat, so don't feel like I have I have a "home."

He said, "that makes sense that you grew up military, you seem really proper and speak well."

All I could think was umm are you saying that because I'm black??? I've gotten the "you speak well" before and I'm like uhhh...

[aurora]

It's an idiotic thing for him to say, for sure. I'd take it as racist if it wasn't paired with the military/proper part, but even with that maybe it still is. Or maybe just stupid.

[ECB]

Does he ask this question of your white colleagues who also seem proper and speak well? It's one thing for him to say that makes sense because you don't really have a clear dialect from any one part of the country. But to comment that you speak well? That's a little side-eye'ey to me. (yes, I just made up a word).

[zelda25]

The only context in which "you speak well" can be said without sounding like a an utter (racist) asshole is if you just gave the most amazing presentation ever.

[CrazyLucky]

I'm not sure I'd take this as racist. I think he was commenting more on the military background than the race. In my head, all doctors are brilliant people so of course they speak well!

[ijack]

Sept 16, 2014 9:53:38 GMT -5 zelda25 said:

The only context in which "you speak well" can be said without sounding like a an utter (racist) asshole is if you just gave the most amazing presentation ever.

I agree. I've heard people say it about athletes too - "oh, that guy actually sounded well spoken" and they don't say it because they think he's a dumb athlete, they're saying it because they expect black people to only speak ebonics or some shit.

[onomatopoeia]

One of DS's friend's mom is ex-military (and white) and the way she stands and speaks and carries herself is very, well, proper. That's exactly how I would describe her, actually. When she mentioned she was in the military it didn't surprise me one bit and in a less tactful moment I probably would have blurted out the same thing.

But I can also see it coming from a racist perspective, and why you'd be offended.

[iammalcolmx]

The only time I wasn't offended by someone telling me I spoke well was when my Grandmas ( Black) friend told me so. She specialized in speech and told me I spoke perfect English. That thought makes me so happy I can still picture it in my head.

[orangeblossom]

There isn't really a way to say this without having racist connotations, even if it's not meant that way.

[bbaggins]

OMG who still says that??*

**the telemarketer I spoke with a year ago or so asked my race, I said african american, her response was "oh! I never would have guessed". So apparently your guy and my chick.

[DirtySouth]

This is so offensive.

[NitaX]

I was at a conference this year and was speaking about some issues that we faced in TN. One of the attendees came over and told me how well spoken I was. Ummm, lady, I should be well spoken on the issue because it is my area of focus. Because I'm black, you expected what exactly? The person sitting next to me (also a non-black minority) was taken aback and asked "Do you know her?"

I imagine that folks think it's an earnest compliment rather than a back-handed compliment.

[forreals]

I don't know. It could be racist but I have been told I "speak well" because of my lack of the local accent. I am white.

I've certainly heard that comment used in a racist way however...

[Cicero]

Is the speaker a neurologist?

[Deleted]

Sept 16, 2014 10:22:59 GMT -5 Cicero said:

Is the speaker a neurologist?

Lol.

I wasn't being evaluated for aphasia!

[insominac]

Mr. Insom's attending asked him if I would cook the attending some Indian food. When he looked puzzled the attending explained that since I was Indian, I could cook Indian food.

We laughed for days over that one. (I'm black.)

Moral of the story: attendings can be stupid.

[wawa]

I've been told that I speak well in a professional setting.
Because the bar is set LOW for engineers generally.
ETA: which isn't really relevant to the OP since the same is not true of doctors.  Just sharing because I can't help myself.

[Michelle]

I think if someone speaks well at a conference as a subject matter expert, not as a motivational or professional public speaker, that person is likely receiving a genuine comment when told she is well spoken because there are SO many SMEs who know their stuff but cannot speak well in front of an audience. wandering, in you example OTOH, I would think the proper was military and well spoken was racist. I know a LOT of former military (my family) who are sound redneck country so unless someone was an officer or child of an officer (as opposed to enlisted) I would not attribute being well spoken to military life. I guess if you shared your father was an officer it might have been wholly attributed to being raised in the military bit if your gut says That's Racist! It probably was.

[Michelle]

Sorry for fat finger iPhone autocorrects above

[heyjude]

Racist. I don't think he would have said "you speak well" if you were white, regardless of military background.

[gazpacho]

People mean it to be complimentary..But, underlying that statement is that people in your group DON'T speak well...you are an exception. So, yes it is embedded in negative racial stereotypes. "You speak so well" is considered to be a racial microagression....much like, "You're so cool that I forget you're Black/White/Indian/Hispanic, etc."

[cookiemdough]

Did he learn nothing from joe Biden?

[chchchia]

My son is a military brat and has been told he speaks very well and I think it is mostly because he lacks an accent.

[elocrates]

Sept 16, 2014 10:05:51 GMT -5 @dyermaker said:

I think the proper thing is military but the speak well part was racist. I've never been told that I speak well or am articulate. If he was commenting on your lack of regional accent from moving around, that would be different.

This. I'm not sure how this couldn't be construed as racist. I really hope he just conveyed his message awkwardly and didn't actually mean what he implied. Either way I kind-of hope he is kicking himself about it now.

[pamela]

Sept 16, 2014 9:56:06 GMT -5 ijack said:

Sept 16, 2014 9:53:38 GMT -5 zelda25 said:

The only context in which "you speak well" can be said without sounding like a an utter (racist) asshole is if you just gave the most amazing presentation ever.

I agree. I've heard people say it about athletes too - "oh, that guy actually sounded well spoken" and they don't say it because they think he's a dumb athlete, they're saying it because they expect black people to only speak ebonics or some shit.

No, I expect all football players to speak poorly.  Too many blows to the head. White QB's included.

I agree with wawa and michelle on it making more sense in certain settings, but in a one on one conversation, the well-spoken part was definitely said because of race. And even then, think about how many comments then-Senator Obama got during his first big national audience speech (post-election results I think it was). He's highly educated and better speak well, but there were TONS of those comments.

[dirtyred]

My dad is also military, from the hills of eastern Kentucky. He also got the "speak well" thing because it was assumed he'd talk like a hick.

[stealthmom]

Maybe it's bc you're american. I know I've gotten my fair share of those kinds of comments when living overseas.

I also know white people who have gotten the "you're so well spoken" line too.

It's an asshole thing to say no matter what though.

[wawa]

Sept 16, 2014 12:38:29 GMT -5 pamela said:

Sept 16, 2014 9:56:06 GMT -5 ijack said:

I agree. I've heard people say it about athletes too - "oh, that guy actually sounded well spoken" and they don't say it because they think he's a dumb athlete, they're saying it because they expect black people to only speak ebonics or some shit.

No, I expect all football players to speak poorly.  Too many blows to the head. White QB's included.

I agree with wawa and michelle on it making more sense in certain settings, but in a one on one conversation, the well-spoken part was definitely said because of race. And even then, think about how many comments then-Senator Obama got during his first big national audience speech (post-election results I think it was). He's highly educated and better speak well, but there were TONS of those comments.

I was thinking more of the dumb jock stereotype, but that works too.  I can't even count the number of times the announcers during the indy-philly game last night talked about the fact that Luck is SUPER SMART and took SUPER HARD CLASSES at Stanford.  I mean...he's a 3 year guy.  there's other stuff to talk about now.  But the fact that he actually took classes and did the work and did well is remarkable.  Apparently.

(for the non-football, Luck is a white dude)

[kirra]

I've been told I speak well several times (I'm white).

I grew up in the south, still live in the south, and don't have a southern accent.

In my case, it's not racist, but still offensive because what they mean is they expected me to sound like an idiot because of where I live (I obviously don't think a southern accent makes you sound like an idiot).

[mrspez07]

Sept 16, 2014 12:38:29 GMT -5 pamela said:

Sept 16, 2014 9:56:06 GMT -5 ijack said:

I agree. I've heard people say it about athletes too - "oh, that guy actually sounded well spoken" and they don't say it because they think he's a dumb athlete, they're saying it because they expect black people to only speak ebonics or some shit.

No, I expect all football players to speak poorly.  Too many blows to the head. White QB's included.

I agree with wawa and michelle on it making more sense in certain settings, but in a one on one conversation, the well-spoken part was definitely said because of race. And even then, think about how many comments then-Senator Obama got during his first big national audience speech (post-election results I think it was). He's highly educated and better speak well, but there were TONS of those comments.

Part of the reason people were commenting on how well Obama spoke was partially because they were tired of listening to Bush for the last 8 years!  Obama is well-spoken, Bush is not, it has nothing to do with race.
It was pure joy to listen to a politician that sounds good, and maybe a small part of why I might have voted for him.