So many hugs. It's often a huge shock to the system even if you are planning it. Give him some time, but you've got to do what's right for you.
Yes yes yes.
I freaked out, big time, with both of my pregnancies, and they were 100% planned. It's shocking. It's terrifying. And you can go from being completely cool and excited about it, to HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE I/WE DONE. And then back again. Numerous times. All normal.
I hope that your talk goes well. I can distinctly remember thinking "what the fuck have I done" when we got pregnant and had been trying. I feel like if he was going to bail that would have been his initial response when you first told him.
even when L was born i still thought, "wait wtf have we done?!" she was planned and really tried for and is very wanted and loved, but it's such a shock.
i think he is going through a normal freak out process. fingers crossed for a good talk tonight.
Post by karmasabiotch on Sept 17, 2014 18:20:32 GMT -5
This Is a big change and the dust needs to settle for both of you to figure out what the new normal will be and what it will look like for each of you together and separate regardless of what choices are made.
Hugs....
And you are in my thoughts. You will be an amazing Mom. You've already started showing that.
Sending you lots of hugs. I was married for 3 years when I had a totally unplanned pregnancy, and my H (and I!) completely freaked out for a few days. I had an abortion scheduled but backed out that day calling my H in tears, which led to more freakouts. Hell, we have a 16 month old npw and still have moments of "what the hell have we gotten ourselves into?" but our kid truly is the light of my H's life and he is so excited to come home to him every night. Big hugs to you! You'll figure it out.
Post by madringal on Sept 17, 2014 19:58:52 GMT -5
I'm sorry, I'm sure that was hard to hear. But it sounds like you guys have great communication and are able to share what you are feeling without getting angry or hurting each other. ((Hugs))
Post by compassrose on Sept 17, 2014 20:13:45 GMT -5
Gah. I think you'll both have freak out moments as you go along, and that's just par for the course, as everyone else has said. I hope he takes a couple of days to process and comes around again.
Ugh, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, it's still sinking in and dawning on me every now and then and we planned this! It's, like, a lot. I really think the way he responded initially is great and a good measure of how he'll be in the end. There's just a lot of steps in between.
So many {{{hugs}}}}. I am sure it was just a moment of complete freaking out and he will be ok. Even the most planned pregnancies everyone has the ' oh fuck what did we dooooo' moment. Wishing you both the best!!!
Freaking out isn't abnormal, but him freaking out in THIS situation is so hard. Give it time. Good luck.
Unsolicited opinion you can skip: make sure, when you're able to talk about this calmly, he knows that his child will benefit from having him in his/her life immensely. I get the whole no pressure thing, I really do. You are having a baby regardless. But he sounds like a good guy and I can see with my own kids how having a father is essential for them. My guess is that you MEAN, no you don't have to get married, live together, be an exclusive couple for life, etc. And that can all be true AND he can be a regular, strong presence for his kid.
Post by thatgirl2478 on Sept 18, 2014 9:05:50 GMT -5
(((MB))) I'm sorry he's freaking out. It's understandable, but it still hurts. Remember you've had some time to come to grips with the situation. I think you're handling this very well considering the situation. (hug) (hug2)
Freaking out isn't abnormal, but him freaking out in THIS situation is so hard. Give it time. Good luck.
Unsolicited opinion you can skip: make sure, when you're able to talk about this calmly, he knows that his child will benefit from having him in his/her life immensely. I get the whole no pressure thing, I really do. You are having a baby regardless. But he sounds like a good guy and I can see with my own kids how having a father is essential for them. My guess is that you MEAN, no you don't have to get married, live together, be an exclusive couple for life, etc. And that can all be true AND he can be a regular, strong presence for his kid.
I do feel like a little bit for the guy being told he doesn't have to be involved at all. Because any decent man knows the options are 1) be a stand-up man and be involved or 2) say, "Okay! I don't want to be involved!" and basically be a shitpig.
Both the man and the woman are in this together and I think it's better to just say, "I need you to be involved." Because it IS his responsibility, too.