Your mother is going to be sick and miserable whether or not your marriage is strong or in the tank. She's going to want more than you can give, no matter how much you give. It's horribly selfish of her to demand you to play nurse rather than go to the Outer banks with your husband. But you know she's selfish and self centered. Everything you've described is a woman who thinks of herself before others. Unless you want to be a bitter and miserable person, too, you've got to carve out time for yourself and your support system. Taking your DH for granted isn't much different than the way your Mother takes you for granted. Get well. That means take a vacation with your DH. You know it's for the best.
Post by hopecounts on Sept 21, 2014 11:00:45 GMT -5
Take the trip. Your Mom is going to get upset whether you take the trip this year or next and next year she may legitimately need you this year she doesn't, go and enjoy time with your husband. Always remember the airline safety rule 'put on your oxygen mask first' you can't help your Mom effectively if you are at the end of your rope.
Post by JayhawkGirl on Sept 21, 2014 13:53:39 GMT -5
Go on the trip and don't take calls from anyone other than your brother. Tell him to call only in a life and death emergency. Then go eat, drink and be merry with your husband!!
If it were me in your shoes, I would call her psychologist myself. S/he won't be able to discuss much with you, but make sure they understand what the situation really is. Your mom may well gloss over the major stuff. I'd also call the dr on the ankle case and lay out the situation. Whether they know of additional resources/treatment options or can direct you to a social worker, your mom needs more help than you and your brother can shoulder. If it means getting her in the "system," so be it. She needs more help than you can single handedly provide.
Post by craftyesq on Sept 21, 2014 15:18:21 GMT -5
Go on the trip. If she doesn't want services or to be "in the system" then she will just have to deal with the day-to-day herself. Who knows, maybe this will show her how much you do and how much she needs outside help. Either way you need to take care of yourself and your marriage first.
You probably already mentioned this, but do you see a therapist? I have a sibling who is very similarly emotionally draining and talking to my therapist about it has really helped me cope and set up appropriate boundaries. There are still issues, but I do not obsess about her life and her decisions quite like I used to. I also have also told her on no uncertain terms that if I am going to be involved in her life then things are going to be done a certain way. I think it was empowering for both of us. She knew what to expect and had the choice to accept. I was upfront about what I'm going to do and won't do.