I'm having a rough day

[bowies]

I've been off work for 12 weeks now and the loneliness has hit me like a ton of bricks. I go back to work in about 6 weeks. I meet up with friends on a regular basis - biweekly usually, sometimes more. My H is attentive and present. And yet I'm feeling really isolated and it's making me overly sensitive and pissy.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do I get out of this funk? I'm going to a breastfeeding support group next Thursday in an attempt to connect with other moms. I need to get my usual happy go lucky self back.

[Ashley&Scott]

Are you able to make it out of the house daily? (Even if it's just a walk around the block.) Are you getting any down time without the baby? If the answer to either is no I would start there. Sorry you're having a tough time. Hugs.

[hermione]

Do you think it may get be PPD? I don't have any experience with it so I might me way off but maybe you should talk to your OB.

[marina007]

I totally get it. I feel really quite isolated if I don't meet up with other adults during the daytime at least 2-3 times a week.

I would maybe sign up for another moms group as well? My moms group was 10 women and it had 4 meets, but I clicked really well with two of the mothers and we regularly meet up for stroller walks, lunch or coffee.

Or reach out via Facebook to check if there's anyone else in your area on Mat leave? Meeting up to go for a walk with the strollers and having a cup of coffee somewhere did wonders for me. Even just meeting up with friends that work for lunch? You could come to them, where it's convenient for them to take their lunch break?

[anna7602]

(((Hugs)))bowies. Can you hand H the baby and just go somewhere by yourself for any amount of time, even just 20 minutes? Could you be feeling stir crazy?

[marina007]

I'm so sorry I obviously didn't read well enough, I didn't see that you were meeting up with friends regularly. Sorry! I thought you needed advice for 'getting out if the house' but I agree w/ PP that you should also look into if you might be experiencing pp depression.

(As an aside, I never did, but I had my share of feeling super lonely - I felt like being on mat leave can feel quite isolating unless you make a conscious effort to go out and interact with other adults)

[Deleted]

I'm sorry. Having a newborn is an incredibly isolating experience. Even if you are around other people who love you and are attentive, even if you are going through the newborn phase with your husband, I think you can still feel really isolated because it's such an overwhelming and emotional time. Even your spouse or closest friends aren't there in your head, living the same day-to-day that you are. I think this is especially true for breastfeeding moms since responsibility for all or most of the baby's sustenance falls squarely on your shoulders. It is so hard not to feel alone when you are going through that--especially at 3 AM when nobody has even posted on Facebook since the last time you were up nursing.

With my kids I tried to have an activity planned every day, even if it was just a walk outside or to the park or to Target. I am kind of a weirdo in that I am extremely outgoing and love chatting with strangers so doing those things helped me feel more normal and part of the world. It was much harder with DD1 because I wasn't friends with any neighbors, but by the time DD2 came along I was very close with my across the street neighbor and sometimes I would just call her up and go to her house in my pajamas so I could be around another human. I don't know how overwhelmed you are with baby care, but when DD2 was tiny I would assign myself tasks in the house--I would strap her to me in the Moby and organize the closet or whatever. It sounds silly because it wasn't human interaction, but it helped me feel productive and like I was actually DOING something with my time. I find that I often don't get a fundamental sense of purpose and productiveness from parenting... overall it's a purposeful and productive activity, but the day-to-day can be such a slog and having other things to give me that feeling helps me out. It may or may not help you.

Definitely try support groups, calling friends on the phone, continue getting together with friends. It can only help.

If you feel a really pervasive sense of loneliness that is really interfering with your day to day life and happiness, you may call your OB about PPD. I know in my case with DD1 loneliness and PPD were tied very closely together; I don't know if one brought about the other, but they sure did work together to make me feel horrible. Medicine and therapy helped me.

Hugs. This will be behind you soon. The first 4 months are SO hard.

[catsarecute]

Getting out of the house daily was a huge help for me. It's so easy to feel lonely. Going for walks was good too. The fresh air helped to boost my mood!

[bowies]

I do get out frequently, with and without DS. When H gets home from work I'll hand him over and go out to dinner or the bookstore or something. I think part of this is adjusting from always having interesting plans (or the option) to mostly having an infant as my human interaction.

I too am wondering if this might be PPD. My OB cleared me at my 6 week pp appointment but I think I was still in the afterglow at that point, lol.

[Deleted]

My PPD did not show up until 10-11 weeks, just for what that is worth. I thought I was in the clear but I was not.

[lg28]

Sept 20, 2014 15:08:20 GMT -5 bowies said:

I do get out frequently, with and without DS. When H gets home from work I'll hand him over and go out to dinner or the bookstore or something. I think part of this is adjusting from always having interesting plans (or the option) to mostly having an infant as my human interaction.

I too am wondering if this might be PPD. My OB cleared me at my 6 week pp appointment but I think I was still in the afterglow at that point, lol.

It could be. I have PPD and I have felt very isolated often, even though I do get out of the house with and without the kid. It's tough because your life is so different with kids.

Do you have any other feelings ie sadness, guilt, desperation, etc? If you do I would think about therapy, meds or a combination of both. PPD will just get worse if not treated. Good luck!

[chickadee77]

Yeah, my PPD showed up around 9-10 weeks, I think. Granted, I'm a recluse and get together with friends once every few weeks, so you sound good there. But it wasn't until I was able to do things I did before baby (jump in the pool, have a beer or two, read a book, etc.) around three months that I started feeling human again, and not just like a milk machine. Talk to ypur OB.

[pinotgrig]

Lots of hugs to you. Would you have any interest in going back to work on a pt basis for the rest of your ml? I was worried I would be overwhelmed once I started back and while some thing are falling through the cracks (cleaning, grocery shopping), I feel more like myself overall.

Being home alone was pretty isolating for me, as well, despite getting out pretty frequently. Being able to shift my focus to things outside the little cocoon I had built for us in those early weeks/months has been immensely helpful for me.

But I say this as someone who's been back to work for 3-ish weeks now, so it's completely possible (likely?) I still have no idea what I'm talking about, though. Good for you for recognizing your feelings, though. These early times are so hard.

[ringstrue]

How is your sleep?

Is there a specific reason you are doing 18 weeks ML instead of 12? I know a lot of times people feel like they should just milk the leave for all they can, but honestly what gave me the biggest lift was going back to work and starting back to what I knew as my "adult life" again. Otherwise I found myself looking for friendships and activities that I wouldn't be able to maintain once work started back and it felt disingenuous.

[bowies]

ML is 18w because finding daycare has been such an enormous pain. We still don't have a confirmed spot for early November though they've assured us we can likely be in at that time. There's a chance it could go longer than 18w (yikes). I know from a previous WFH stint that it's not for me. I need to be around people semi-regularly to feel happy.

I'm going to give it a couple of days and see if these feelings stick. Is Lexapro safe for BFing? I've been on that before and it worked well for me.

ETA: Sleep is still hit or miss. I've had some light insomnia lately, but last night I went to sleep easily and DS had a really good night too.

[cricketwife]

You've gotten lots of good advice. The only thing I have to add is maybe try a stroller strides class? You get to be around other none and the endorphins from exercising are good for your mood. (Obviously this wont solve ppd, if that is what you are dealing with.)

[rbp]

(((bowies)))

[JayhawkGirl]

My OB prescribed lexapro for me for my pp issues (anxiety more than depression) and I ebf. I'm doing much better and DD hasn't shown any reaction/effect from it.

I understand that isolated feeling. I'm sorry you're feeling that way.

[imimahoney]

My ppd presented a lot like your symptoms. I got out every day, did walks, ran tons of errands, saw human beings, but I was still an emotional mess and incredibly lonely. I went from seeing 115 teenagers everyday plus my teacher friends to only seeing Dh and my son.

I passed my 6 week check because I didn't really talk about my loneliness. My son also had MSPI which compounded my stress and anxiety. I started Zoloft around 8 weeks, spoke to a therapist a hand full of times and joined a moms group and finally felt human again.

I hope you feel better soon. The post partum time is so incredibly hard.

[UnderProtest]

Awww, hugs. @carmensandiego said it better than I can, but its tough going from a job with a schedule, productivity, and positive feedback to a newborn who just cries or sleeps. Please take others advice and seek help to see if it is PPD. You don't need to deal with this by yourself. Hugs.