Two guests for two weeks is more than I would tolerate. Add in two complete strangers and that would be a gigantic HELL NO in my book.
He wants to sight see? Tell him to look at hotels and lodging.
We (well, I) strongly suspect that this girl already has booked her plane ticket since MIL told her it shouldn't be a problem. We have gone back to MIL asking her to ask fiancé's son what his exact plans are so we know how many nights at our house we would be dealing with. Supposedly he wants to travel to two other countries in the 2 weeks. We can deal with a couple nights....but not 14.
I already have to be at least buzzed to deal with MIL, this is NOT helping. The only thing that is helping me hold on is that she has a bunch of kids clothes I need her to bring me......and she went shopping at Janie & Jack.
Who cares if she has booked a ticket? Tell her ass no.
Post by hopecounts on Sept 22, 2014 9:56:29 GMT -5
No is a complete sentence. You do not have the room or the desire to host 4 people in your house, just say no and send a list of hotel options in your area. It's not your problem if your MIL overstepped and said it was OK when it wasn't that's her issue to deal with she can fund the hotel room or work it out some other way with her fiancee's son's friend.
I don't get why their lack of planning means you can't still say no preemptively. Saying "love to see you all, but remember that we only have one guest room now that DS and DD are in separate rooms, so we only have room for you and FI, not son and friend" would save you what sounds like a lot of wondering and worrying and "monitoring."
We did have two guest rooms when the son booked his ticket. Its a fairly recent event that my son is in another room.
Who cares if she has booked a ticket? Tell her ass no.
Oh yeah, wait - UnderProtest in one post you say she's booked a ticket, in another you say they probably won't even come. Which is it?
Somewhere in between. I wouldn't be shocked either way with them. The way my MIL was talking, it sounded like they all thought it was fine so there would have felt okay to buy the ticket. But they can't plan, so I wouldn't be surprised if someone waited until the last minute and then could no longer get a decent priced flight. In short, they are all crazy and drive me crazy trying to keep up.
This is how my husband's family started, and they kept going until they moved into our ski house without asking. Take it from me, now is the time to set limits.
I never wanted to push the issue, because they were my husband's family, and I didn't want to come off as the bitch. I never should have let it go as far as I did, and I no longer active to the "his family, he deals with it" philosophy. If they are staying in my home are asking soothing of me/using something of mine, I sure as hell can speak up.
"I'm sorry, MIL, but that will just be too disruptive for my children. DS sleeps in our second guest room, and I am not prepared to have him vacate it for two weeks. Furthermore, I'm not comfortable having completed strangers come and go from our home, especially with the kids. There are done great hotels nearby. I'll get you the names of a few."
Next time, as soon as the idea is floated about anyone joining who wasn't invited, respond brightly, "That's so great that she will be in London at the same time! Do you know where she will be staying?"
Wow. How did you end up getting them out of your ski house?
Thank you for your suggestions. I don't mind houseguests and I didn't mind the fiancé's son because the fiancé has done a lot for us. My MIL would think nothing of it if we brought along uninvited guests. His family just thinks so completely different than mine. This has just gone one step too far. I'll talk further with my husband tonight and see what he wants to say to them. Luckily, his mom is probably his only family that will come visit and we will never live near his family. I doubt the next city we will live in will be as exciting so this shouldn't be a long term issue.
We eventually had to kick them out. It wasn't fun, but was made easier because my MIL supported us, and told BIL and SIL in no uncertain terms that they had to get out ASAP.
I, also, have always been a "more the merrier" type, and always loved having and catering to a large crowd. It was when I realized that not only wasn't what we were doing appreciated, but expected, but that they'd just start taking without asking or saying thank you that I was done. D-O-N-E, done.
In short, they are all crazy and drive me crazy trying to keep up.
They sound it. But the point that many (most?) of us are trying to make is that you don't have to keep up. Set the parameters from the get-go and let them work it out. You're both too invested, to use a favorite ML word, in their nuttiness.
Yeah....the kid and his friend are just trying to score free lodging. Maybe they could not afford to go if they actually had to pay for their hotel room for 2 weeks. That's pricey. I would not mind having friends stay with me but not people who are in it just to get a partially free trip....you aren't a youth hostel.
Uh, fuck no. FUCK no. Hotel, stat! I cannot believe that your MIL is comfortable asking this and that these strangers would be okay staying with you. How fucking awkward.
In short, they are all crazy and drive me crazy trying to keep up.
They sound it. But the point that many (most?) of us are trying to make is that you don't have to keep up. Set the parameters from the get-go and let them work it out. You're both too invested, to use a favorite ML word, in their nuttiness.
I do try not to get involved with them...hence why we live so far....but sometimes the crazy creeps in. I let it out here instead of internalizing it.
Yeah....the kid and his friend are just trying to score free lodging. Maybe they could not afford to go if they actually had to pay for their hotel room for 2 weeks. That's pricey. I would not mind having friends stay with me but not people who are in it just to get a partially free trip....you aren't a youth hostel.
Yeah, I think this is what bothers me most about it.....they aren't here to see us at all, just for the free place to stay. We have had other guests who do appreciate the free lodging but also spent time with us.
I don't get why their lack of planning means you can't still say no preemptively. Saying "love to see you all, but remember that we only have one guest room now that DS and DD are in separate rooms, so we only have room for you and FI, not son and friend" would save you what sounds like a lot of wondering and worrying and "monitoring."
We did have two guest rooms when the son booked his ticket. Its a fairly recent event that my son is in another room.
This DOES NOT MATTER! In fact, if you, DH, and both kids all slept in a bed in one room and you had 5 other open bedrooms, still wouldn't matter. Your house, your decision! It just so happens that right now, you have one guest room and you have been kind enough to let two grown adults stay there. Son and friend need to find a room of their own, stat.
And, side note, do you not find the whole, "son wants to share a bed with friend and now wants to date her" thing creepy? What if he makes a move and she says no. Is that mess going to be your issue too? Just say no and tell them to make their hotel reservations ASAP so they don't miss out on staying so close....100% serious.
And, side note, do you not find the whole, "son wants to share a bed with friend and now wants to date her" thing creepy? What if he makes a move and she says no. Is that mess going to be your issue too? Just say no and tell them to make their hotel reservations ASAP so they don't miss out on staying so close....100% serious.
Yes, I have serious problems with this. It puts this poor girl in a very awkward situation for which I would feel responsible. My mother in law doesn't see anything wrong with it at all, which garners a further side eye from me.
6 adults and 2 kids in a three bedroom house for two weeks sounds like a nightmare. OP, you crazy.
Well, it IS 4 bedrooms, so that makes it all okay, right? I generally don't mind houseguests and we did specifically pick this house so that family could come visit and not have to pay for a hotel here. The uninvited guest of an uninvited guest is a bit much for my hostess desires though.
Also, it is NEVER too late to say no. "We've done some thinking and this arrangement will not work. Please have son and friend find a hotel nearby. Thanks in advance! We are looking forward to seeing you all!"
No wiggle room, no butts, and no "well I thought..." No means no.