Poll: If your parents were yellers

[Deleted]

If your parents, parent or primary caregiver were yellers (when you weren't doing something right) when you were growing up I'd like your input.

Do you find that you yell now? When do you yell and who do you yell at?

How do you react when someone yells at you now?

[jennlin]

i have a really loud voice, because i fought back (see? i'm SO not chinese). i don't yell when i'm angry, though..unless it's with my parents.

i don't think people "yell" at me anymore?

[niq]

My parents yelled at me a decent amount (and I was spanked as a kid back when spanking was much more normal than today) and at each other.

I get loud when I try to explain things. W yells a lot when I do something wrong. I yell back when she does it because I think she's treating me like an idiot. Then she yells at me for thinking she thinks I'm an idiot. The yelling makes me sad . There was one time W's stepdad got mad at W's mom and yelled and it was very awkward.

One of my co-workers kind of yells at me when I push back on what he wants to do. But it's all in good fun anyway . I rage at idiotic things in the world but it's not to the face of anyone being an idiot usually.

[amandasw]

Jul 27, 2012 11:59:59 GMT -5 jennlin said:

i don't think people "yell" at me anymore?

LOL but kind of true - IMO when I think of people yelling it = immature (not that I don't ever do it, I just assume they are out of control)

my parents were NOT yellers, and I would consider H's mom to be a yeller. But really, I think it's also that H's mom (and H) likes to just fight stuff out whereas in my family, we would usually cool off first and either apologize or get over what happened without saying much because you both knew you were wrong.

ETA: H does have a dad, but I never mention him because he doesn't ever cause any 'problems' lol

[madDawg228]

Both of my parents were yellers. I only yell at H when he starts talking really loudly/yelling (he's a loud talker, so it can sound like yelling when he's mad). If I'm angry at H and he's not yelling, I just give him the "death glare," and speak very quietly. He knows he's in trouble then!

[amandasw]

oh, I don't think I answered the last part:

- I am not a yeller and I do not like being yelled at, at all. H isn't a yeller, but like I said, he can be more confrontational and it upsets me. He doesn't think it's a big deal obv because to him that's 'normal' so it took us a while to find a happy medium.

[hallows]

My parents were definitely yellers, and still are. I used to yell, when I was angry or upset, usually at H. I didn't really realize for a long time that yelling wasn't "normal," lol. I learned to control myself and now only yell occasionally. When someone yells at me now, I tend to get teary. I hate it.

[Deleted]

My mom is definitely a yeller and she yelled about everything, but my dad only yells when things get bad. Growing up, when my dad yelled I knew that I had crossed the line.

Before H, up until my mid 20's I was a yeller, but after H I realized that yelling wasn't "normal." Somehow, almost over night I stopped yelling.

When someone yells at me now (and the reason that I ask this is because I have been yelled at a lot this week and almost had a panic attack at work yesterday over it) I feel like curing up in the fetal position. I don't know what happened, but I just fall apart when people yell at me now.

I don't deal well with yelling. Yelling definitely doesn't make me change my behavior, but if you were to get really quiet and tell me that you were disappointed in me, I would do anything to make you not disappointed in me in a heart beat.

[emyinpink]

my mom was a total yeller. my dad never did. I yell now. DH doesn't. it frustrates me, lol.

I do hate when people yell at me. I either yell back or cry.

[Deleted]

My mother was a DEFINITE yeller.

Do you find that you yell now? When do you yell and who do you yell at? Yes :/ Mostly at the cat though. If I just say "no" to him when he's in crazy/destructive mode, it doesn't do any good. I have to yell to get his attention and make him pause in what he's destroying.

H and I on rare occasions yell when we get into a huge stupid fight.

How do you react when someone yells at you now? I get angry and super-resentful. I think it's because my mom yelled ALL the time, and something like 80% of the time I didn't deserve what I was being blamed/punished for. So when someone yells at me know, I feel my "hackles" rising, my shoulders tensing and pulling up and in to my neck and I get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

FWIW, I answered this in purposes of how you probably intended it, ie angry shouting. I have this horrible habit I can't break of saying somone is "yelling" at me as for me, it indicates the tone and raised voice, but doesn't have to mean shouting volumes.

[mkate710]

My mom was a yeller, my dad would yell if he was really hacked off with us. They were both big on spanking. I was dead if I yelled back.

Now - I'm an internalizer, to a deep fault. I almost never yell back. I get really upset if I'm yelled at or even come down on, and I will just close off. H has learned over time that if I'm upset, he has to pry it out of me. I can't bring myself to bring stuff up, because growing up, saying I was upset about something or doing anything in response to the yelling just got me more yelling and spanking. I am trying to work on it - H is NOT a yeller (I don't think his parents were, his mom is overly controlling but I don't think she yelled) and he would never yell at me. I know that, but I still have to fight really hard to get myself to tell him if I'm upset.

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2012 13:53:46 GMT -5 mkate710 said:

My mom was a yeller, my dad would yell if he was really hacked off with us. They were both big on spanking. I was dead if I yelled back.

Now - I'm an internalizer, to a deep fault. I almost never yell back. I get really upset if I'm yelled at or even come down on, and I will just close off. H has learned over time that if I'm upset, he has to pry it out of me. I can't bring myself to bring stuff up, because growing up, saying I was upset about something or doing anything in response to the yelling just got me more yelling and spanking. I am trying to work on it - H is NOT a yeller (I don't think his parents were, his mom is overly controlling but I don't think she yelled) and he would never yell at me. I know that, but I still have to fight really hard to get myself to tell him if I'm upset.

I've noticed this a lot in adults (including myself) who say they were yelled at a lot as kids. I was feeling like my "yelling bank" had already been filled when I was growing up and it's like my emotional state couldn't handle any more yelling.

I wonder if any studies have been done about this...

[hallows]

Jul 27, 2012 14:00:12 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

Jul 27, 2012 13:53:46 GMT -5 mkate710 said:

My mom was a yeller, my dad would yell if he was really hacked off with us. They were both big on spanking. I was dead if I yelled back.

Now - I'm an internalizer, to a deep fault. I almost never yell back. I get really upset if I'm yelled at or even come down on, and I will just close off. H has learned over time that if I'm upset, he has to pry it out of me. I can't bring myself to bring stuff up, because growing up, saying I was upset about something or doing anything in response to the yelling just got me more yelling and spanking. I am trying to work on it - H is NOT a yeller (I don't think his parents were, his mom is overly controlling but I don't think she yelled) and he would never yell at me. I know that, but I still have to fight really hard to get myself to tell him if I'm upset.

I've noticed this a lot in adults (including myself) who say they were yelled at a lot as kids. I was feeling like my "yelling bank" had already been filled when I was growing up and it's like my emotional state couldn't handle any more yelling.

I wonder if any studies have been done about this...

If there aren't, there should be. I know that was a big part of the move away from spanking and yelling to more quiet, teach-them-why-it's-wrong methods of parenting.

[Deleted]

Quick, Amanda! Study this for us!

[hallows]

Jul 27, 2012 14:06:20 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

Quick, Amanda! Study this for us!

:Y:

[Deleted]

Do you find that you yell now? When do you yell and who do you yell at? I try my hardest not to yell at anyone in my house. I hated when my parents yelled and I don't want to do that to E. I have yelled at my H and at E, which I am not proud of.

How do you react when someone yells at you now? I still burst into tears. I nearly kicked H out one night because he was yelling at me an calling me a child. I burst into tear and wanted to tell him to get the fuck out.

[amandasw]

Jul 27, 2012 14:07:15 GMT -5 hallows said:

Jul 27, 2012 14:06:20 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

Quick, Amanda! Study this for us!

lol - I'll see what I can do

[MrsH2010]

I don't think I was ever really yelled at. I was the good child out of my brothers and sisters.

I don't think I yell but I do lol. When I start getting upset when talking to DH my voice starts getting louder and he tells me to stop yelling. Then (in a yellling voice) I say "I"M NOT YELLING" and then realize I am yelling and stop. lol