NCEP @ vent - brithday parties

[downtoearth]

I have to vent here because it's rude to bring up to anyone who might share it around my kid's school and be as judgmental as me.

So my middle kid was just dropped off at a school mate's birthday party.  He's been looking forward to it all week and I was happy that he was finding a friend.  The party looks like it's going to be fun with superhero cartoons and a piñata and some other activities.  The parents were really friendly and took our number and asked about any pet and food allergies, but... their house was a total disaster.

I mean, they knew that the whole class was invited and parents would be coming by AND some parents staying for a kindergartener's birthday and it looked like they had decided to throw the party this morning after having another party last night.  There was clutter everywhere - a computer desk where papers were stacked all over the computer and one kid knocked them off as he walked by.  DVDs/video games lining the main wall of the living room, but also just sort of thrown at the base of the bookcases haphazardly, but still in the way of walking into the living room.  The floor needed MAJOR vacuuming and the kitchen counters were covered with every food and cleaning product I keep in the pantry (canned goods, rice, boxed foods, etc.), but it's small so maybe they don't have storage, right? You can't see the counters and the kitchen floor was pretty gross - needed to be swept for dog hair A LOT and there was food sitting on the couch - a plate from breakfast likely since it had bacon and remnants of egg.

 I should get it - we had a rental when we got to town and we hosted a birthday in it with the weird counters, ugly cabinets, and stained linoleum, but I cleaned and decluttered (or hid clutter) for parties. Tell me I'm an a-hole b/c my kid won't notice, was stoked to be there, nothing was a major safety concern, and they were nice. I just hate this part of me that was like...hmmm, future hoarders here.

[miniroller]

I get what you're saying; I've definitely been in similar situations. However, I do have a friend like this who sincerely just doesn't care/ notice/ mind how her house looks. That's great & all, but my uncomfortableness while there definitely makes me redirect gtg's to my house/ alternate venues :\

[stealthmom]

It's ok. You just described my sil's house. She and her DH are like low-mid level hoarders. I don't blame you for your feelings. But he will have fun and it doesn't matter much for your purposes today.

[jena]

I can't even imagine. I really can't. We have never been near and tidy people. Having countertops filled with crap is a really common experience on my house. But there's no way in hell I would allow people over like that, let alone invite everyone to a party! Is the party itself going to be outside at least? (Inviting people over is one of the things I do to force us to clean up, so it's just letting everyone see it all that makes me feel anxious!)

[IIOY]

Sept 27, 2014 13:56:26 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

I have to vent here because it's rude to bring up to anyone who might share it around my kid's school and be as judgmental as me.

So my middle kid was just dropped off at a school mate's birthday party.  He's been looking forward to it all week and I was happy that he was finding a friend.  The party looks like it's going to be fun with superhero cartoons and a piñata and some other activities.  The parents were really friendly and took our number and asked about any pet and food allergies, but... their house was a total disaster.

I mean, they knew that the whole class was invited and parents would be coming by AND some parents staying for a kindergartener's birthday and it looked like they had decided to throw the party this morning after having another party last night.  There was clutter everywhere - a computer desk where papers were stacked all over the computer and one kid knocked them off as he walked by.  DVDs/video games lining the main wall of the living room, but also just sort of thrown at the base of the bookcases haphazardly, but still in the way of walking into the living room.  The floor needed MAJOR vacuuming and the kitchen counters were covered with every food and cleaning product I keep in the pantry (canned goods, rice, boxed foods, etc.), but it's small so maybe they don't have storage, right? You can't see the counters and the kitchen floor was pretty gross - needed to be swept for dog hair A LOT and there was food sitting on the couch - a plate from breakfast likely since it had bacon and remnants of egg.

 I should get it - we had a rental when we got to town and we hosted a birthday in it with the weird counters, ugly cabinets, and stained linoleum, but I cleaned and decluttered (or hid clutter) for parties. Tell me I'm an a-hole b/c my kid won't notice, was stoked to be there, nothing was a major safety concern, and they were nice. I just hate this part of me that was like...hmmm, future hoarders here.

Believe it or not (and @majorwife may not), I was trying to keep an open mind and come up with possible excuses.  Then I got to the bolded and just said NOPE.

I do agree with whomever it was that said that some people just don't see clutter. I don't know if this is an innate trait or if it's like Tim Gunn's monkey house analogy, where after you live with it for a while, you just don't see the problem anymore.

[sugarglider]

I'm only judging the food on the couch.

It's taking me weeks to clean my new apartment / unpack, and I don't even have a dog, let alone kids.

[Deleted]

Sept 27, 2014 14:46:51 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

I am judging them via internet. Outdated furniture and appliances i can overlook. Dirt and clutter? Nope.

That said, your kid will have a blast and love it

I am a terrible housekeeper raised by a terrible housekeeper. When I was a child and the housekeeping was better (it got worse as I got older) we had to clean EVERY.FUCKING.THING before party time. Food was put away, laundry etc. Floors scrubbed, counters wiped down, even dusting and no one in my house ever dusted. When it got to the point where two days of cleaning couldn't make the place presentable, there was no in home birthday party.

We have my kids' birthday parties at a friend's house lolol. I could clean it up and make it presentable enough for a party if anyone is curious but our last two rentals have been terribly tiny and we don't have a dining room table here plus my dog's an asshole who hates other people.

So long story short, yes, I'm judging. 

[cookiemdough]

I hope they weren't cooking food for the party in that kitchen. I am judgey. But I also don't typically have birthday parties at my house cause I hate the prep involved.

[downtoearth]

I can't discuss the bathroom. I snooped when picking him up - everyone was outside. Hmmm - not good, very not clean. I still planned a playdate with he kiddo for next week...at our house.

[downtoearth]

Sept 27, 2014 15:42:42 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

I hope they weren't cooking food for the party in that kitchen. I am judgey. But I also don't typically have birthday parties at my house cause I hate the prep involved.

Pizza and cake from Costco.

[Deleted]

Sept 27, 2014 14:52:59 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Believe it or not (and @majorwife may not), I was trying to keep an open mind and come up with possible excuses.  Then I got to the bolded and just said NOPE.
I do agree with whomever it was that said that some people just don't see clutter. I don't know if this is an innate trait or if it's like Tim Gunn's monkey house analogy, where after you live with it for a while, you just don't see the problem anymore.

As a shitty housekeeper, I can tell you this. I don't see it day to day. All of the sudden I look up and HOLY FUCK, WHY IS THIS PLACE A SHIT FACTORY! Then I hide from it but whatever. 

But the thought of having people in my house, my child's friends and their parents? OMG, I totally see it. I see every corner. At minimum, everything would get thrown into a back bedroom with a lock and then cleaned until you could vacuum, sweep, mop, and spray two kinds of febreeze on everything.

That being said, my bathrooms and kitchen are usually clean. Just like on a day to day basis. They're part of the kids' chores, yes but I've always tried to keep both of those areas in check. It always felt to me like the difference between a bad housekeeper and a CPS case.

That's why I get extra twitchy when the kitchen and bathrooms are so fucked up as to be unusable on Hoarders. I think, okay, I get why you lack the will or interest to tackle that pile of outgrown/out of season clothed in the corner of your bedroom but don't you fuckers eat? How do you put your ass on that toilet? 

[redheadbaker]

Our place is never white-glove clean. We both work long days, and have a kid and two dogs. It starts out a little cluttered and dog-furry, and then the next thing I know, it's like WTF happened in here??? But, we almost never ever have people over.

I'm currently in purge mode, and I'm trying to get rid of a ton of stuff before the feeling passes because I know it won't come around again for a while, lol.

[kmpls]

Sept 27, 2014 16:04:35 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

Our place is never white-glove clean. We both work long days, and have a kid and two dogs. It starts out a little cluttered and dog-furry, and then the next thing I know, it's like WTF happened in here??? But, we almost never ever have people over.

I'm currently in purge mode, and I'm trying to get rid of a ton of stuff before the feeling passes because I know it won't come around again for a while, lol.

Same shit here. My house is a disaster. Nobody is coming over!

i would host a party elsewhere!

[IIOY]

Sept 27, 2014 16:04:35 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

I'm currently in purge mode, and I'm trying to get rid of a ton of stuff before the feeling passes because I know it won't come around again for a while, lol.

You are going to feel amazing with less stuff around.  About two years ago I went on a purging blaze around my house.  Nothing was safe, and I loved it.  I do think it requires a certain level of mental energy to do it, though, because the default (meh, I'll hold onto it for now) is so, so easy.

[Deleted]

Sept 27, 2014 16:25:52 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Sept 27, 2014 16:04:35 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

I'm currently in purge mode, and I'm trying to get rid of a ton of stuff before the feeling passes because I know it won't come around again for a while, lol.

You are going to feel amazing with less stuff around.  About two years ago I went on a purging blaze around my house.  Nothing was safe, and I loved it.  I do think it requires a certain level of mental energy to do it, though, because the default (meh, I'll hold onto it for now) is so, so easy.

We threw out a lot in the last two moves, not enough if you ask me but we also have a bunch of shit in the shed instead of in the house. I LOVE IT

THere is still too much stuff in this house but I'm terrible about getting shit done.

[meshaliuknits]

I see @helenabonhamcarter and I are actually sisters because she just described my house growing up & now.

Sent from my EVO

[Deleted]

Sept 27, 2014 17:09:48 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

My husband and my kids are sloppy as fuck and while I don't mind the kid stuff, the husband's stuff bugs the hell out of me. I just quit. Like four years ago or so, I quit. Toilets are clean. Tubs are clean. Kitchen is clean with stacks of paper. Beyond that, I'm over it. I can't remember the last time I mopped. Like anything.

I don't think we ever mop here. I have a shark mop the kids are supposed to use but that rarely happens. Magically, no one can find the pads when it's time to go. They think I don't see them but I KNOW, DAMMIT! But alas, I just yelled at them about homework so I'm usually in pick your battles mode. Please take some cleaner to that tomato soup you spilled but mopping? Not unless someone's coming over lol

[ringstrue]

Yeah they should have at least vacuumed. Hope he had a great time!!

[redheadbaker]

Sept 27, 2014 16:25:52 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Sept 27, 2014 16:04:35 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

I'm currently in purge mode, and I'm trying to get rid of a ton of stuff before the feeling passes because I know it won't come around again for a while, lol.

You are going to feel amazing with less stuff around.  About two years ago I went on a purging blaze around my house.  Nothing was safe, and I loved it.  I do think it requires a certain level of mental energy to do it, though, because the default (meh, I'll hold onto it for now) is so, so easy.

I filled a garbage bag with clothes from when I was 80 lbs heavier. Plus got rid of 6 pairs of shoes that I never wear.

[livinitup]

Yes, a clean house for guests was never optional when I grew up- and still isnt now in our home. I get SO surprised when I see basic cleaning has not been done for parties. That turns to complete confusion ... And down the road to judgieness ... Which I try to rally from with a "some folks don't value cleaning *shrug*". But deep down it feels wrong. And I feel bad seeing it.

[thejackpot]

Yeah, they are worthy of your disdain. Clean up when you re having people over. My house is generally in WTF status but I def clean up before events. It makes me mad at myself that I allow it to get that way.
Your child probably had a ball though.

[josieposy]

I am a crappy housekeeper too but even I go into panic mode if I know people are coming over.

[downtoearth]

Sept 27, 2014 19:42:13 GMT -5 josieposy said:

I am a crappy housekeeper too but even I go into panic mode if I know people are coming over.

Yes... Party at noon means I am a crazy cleaner at 10am. That is weird to think that many of us do that. I should accept the mess more readily bc it's real.

[KateAggie]

Sept 27, 2014 15:47:21 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Sept 27, 2014 14:52:59 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Believe it or not (and @majorwife may not), I was trying to keep an open mind and come up with possible excuses.  Then I got to the bolded and just said NOPE.
I do agree with whomever it was that said that some people just don't see clutter. I don't know if this is an innate trait or if it's like Tim Gunn's monkey house analogy, where after you live with it for a while, you just don't see the problem anymore.

As a shitty housekeeper, I can tell you this. I don't see it day to day. All of the sudden I look up and HOLY FUCK, WHY IS THIS PLACE A SHIT FACTORY! Then I hide from it but whatever. 

But the thought of having people in my house, my child's friends and their parents? OMG, I totally see it. I see every corner. At minimum, everything would get thrown into a back bedroom with a lock and then cleaned until you could vacuum, sweep, mop, and spray two kinds of febreeze on everything.

That being said, my bathrooms and kitchen are usually clean. Just like on a day to day basis. They're part of the kids' chores, yes but I've always tried to keep both of those areas in check. It always felt to me like the difference between a bad housekeeper and a CPS case.

That's why I get extra twitchy when the kitchen and bathrooms are so fucked up as to be unusable on Hoarders. I think, okay, I get why you lack the will or interest to tackle that pile of outgrown/out of season clothed in the corner of your bedroom but don't you fuckers eat? How do you put your ass on that toilet? 

You.complete.me.

[terpsfan]

I started handing out paper towels as napkins at the last 3yo bday party at home I was at. The mom (I didn't really know, her kid and mine are daycare buddies) was like "oh I need you at all my parties!"' Lady, you need better friends.

Eta- probably didn't make sense. Anyway parties at home for kids are not the norm around here. I was bracing myself for a Pinterest-bonanza and got the opposite. Sprang into my type A "napkins for all" while kids were digging into pizza.. And she was shocked someone stepped in to do that. And was a bit that the other parents I handed a paper towel to ( cause there were no napkins!?!?) were like oh thanks! Pizza, 3 yo, no napkins?

[borinquen57]

Yuck. I have a family member who keeps their home like this. Gorgeous, top of the line home and appliances, and grossness everywhere. The bathrooms are particularly nasty with the overflowing wastebaskets, dried up gunk on the mirrors and sinks, and hair everywhere. Sometimes I wonder if there's something going on with the mom because it's gotten worse the last few years.