S/O Yelling Parents - Self-esteem

[hallows]

Do you think your parents yelling had any bearing on your self-esteem as a kid? How about as an adult now?

For those whose parents weren't yellers, feel free to weigh in, too. I'm just curious because I feel like my parents yelling had a big negative impact on my self-esteem.

[niq]

It had some impact when I was a kid and teenager. But for the most part my way of dealing with it has been do distance myself from my mother emotionally since I was a senior in high school. I basically fully discount my mom's emotional state right now. It's very but it's the way I survive; otherwise it would be too much drama and I'd end up like my sister psychoanalyzing everything.

[Deleted]

As a kid, the yelling made me really angry and resentful.

As an adult, the yelling has made me internalize and hold every single small mistake I made very close to my core. I've mentioned this before, but I feel like I haven't lived up to my full potential at all. To this day, I still carry those feelings with me.

I have a very hard time receiving praise and a very easy time accepting criticism. I think I carry things with me way longer than an average person does. I play the situation over and over in my mind and scrutinize every detail. My H tells me that I'm going to die of a heart attack or stroke soon if I can't let things go quicker.

I'm not saying this is all because my parents were yellers, but I know that didn't help the situation.

[madDawg228]

I think that by my parent's being so loud and yelling a lot, it made me a very quiet and shy person. I used to be soooo shy until my Junior or Senior year at UW. It was so bad, I could barely make eye contact with most people. I'm a lot better now, but I'm still more of an introvert than an extrovert. I guess my reaction to my parents' yelling and general loudness was to be the complete opposite to them in public.

I would yell back at my parents if they yelled at me, probably starting in Middle School, but we would only yell in private (at home) not in public. I would usually just storm to my room to be alone afterward. Today I keep all the yelling in private, and only with my H, and only if he starts it. I don't talk or see my parents often enough to yell at them any more

[Deleted]

I definitely think the yelling has something to do with how quiet and shy I was growing up. I got it from 2 sets my grandparents and my mom and stepdad. There were days that I wouldn't leave my room because I was too afraid that someone would break out into a screaming match. H and I try really hard not to yell around E but there have been a few times it just came out. I don't want him going through what I went through as a kid.

[amandasw]

I'll weigh in as a child of non-yeller parents: I'm sure everyone is different, but speaking for myself and my sister, we have good self-esteem. My parents didn't do the "just because I'm the parent!", they always explained everything and then we were taught how to make good choices. That said, I was a TERRIBLE kid. I threw tantrums etc, but I think my parents realized that being strong willed =/= bad if it's re-directed. Sure it resulted in tantrums, but it also meant I was a very determined student. So it's not like I was easy to deal with, but they never thought yelling would help the situation.

[Deleted]

The only effect I'm aware of that it had on my self-esteem is that from time to time I'm still afraid to say something, or I flinch after saying something because I think I'm going to get in trouble/yelled at for it. It probably is a major contribution to my being very cautious, but the yelling itself isn't the reason for my lower self-esteem (that's due to other crap).

[mkate710]

Jul 27, 2012 14:28:44 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

As a kid, the yelling made me really angry and resentful.

As an adult, the yelling has made me internalize and hold every single small mistake I made very close to my core. I've mentioned this before, but I feel like I haven't lived up to my full potential at all. To this day, I still carry those feelings with me.

This, word for word. I'm not sure if it's entirely due to the yelling though. I'd say it's a mix of the yelling, the attitude behind the yelling and my personality.

[larzhope]

Jul 27, 2012 14:28:44 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

As a kid, the yelling made me really angry and resentful.

As an adult, the yelling has made me internalize and hold every single small mistake I made very close to my core. I've mentioned this before, but I feel like I haven't lived up to my full potential at all. To this day, I still carry those feelings with me.

I have a very hard time receiving praise and a very easy time accepting criticism. I think I carry things with me way longer than an average person does. I play the situation over and over in my mind and scrutinize every detail. My H tells me that I'm going to die of a heart attack or stroke soon if I can't let things go quicker.

I'm not saying this is all because my parents were yellers, but I know that didn't help the situation.

this exactly

[dana86]

As far as my self esteem I dont feel like the yelling did anything. My mom would only yell and argue with me and still does to this day which is why I havent talked to her in about a year.

It has made me become more aware of how I react to M and what she does. If I dont pay attention I end up yelling sometimes which I hate, so Im really trying hard to work on it and not be that person. I resent my mom for how she raised me and treated me so I dont want my daughter to feel that way about me.

[jennlin]

i would like to believe i'm perfectly normal.......... i don't even know how to say it would affected me, because i don't know how i would've turned out otherwise?

[omangie]

Hi! I'm new to GBCN, but thought I'd chime in.
My mom had an older sister and a sister-in-law who were both yellers. By the time mom had us kids, she knew that was something she didn't want to do.
That said, even though she didn't yell, I have bad self esteem
I can totally see how that could be a person's reaction to the situation though

[amandasw]

Jul 27, 2012 17:20:22 GMT -5 omangie said:

Hi! I'm new to GBCN, but thought I'd chime in.
My mom had an older sister and a sister-in-law who were both yellers. By the time mom had us kids, she knew that was something she didn't want to do.
That said, even though she didn't yell, I have bad self esteem
I can totally see how that could be a person's reaction to the situation though

hi! feel free to join in any time!

[hallows]

Jul 27, 2012 18:05:38 GMT -5 @amandasw said:

Jul 27, 2012 17:20:22 GMT -5 omangie said:

Hi! I'm new to GBCN, but thought I'd chime in.
My mom had an older sister and a sister-in-law who were both yellers. By the time mom had us kids, she knew that was something she didn't want to do.
That said, even though she didn't yell, I have bad self esteem
I can totally see how that could be a person's reaction to the situation though

hi! feel free to join in any time!

Agreed! Hi!

[jennlin]

Jul 27, 2012 18:25:12 GMT -5 hallows said:

Jul 27, 2012 18:05:38 GMT -5 @amandasw said:

hi! feel free to join in any time!

Agreed! Hi!

hello!

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2012 18:28:16 GMT -5 jennlin said:

Jul 27, 2012 18:25:12 GMT -5 hallows said:

Agreed! Hi!

hello!

Hi!