Post by ChillyMcFreeze on Oct 1, 2014 8:25:58 GMT -5
Not that people who are gay can't be racist, but I'm not mad at her for wanting to spare her child the ridicule she's experienced. She had the opportunity to choose a donor, which she did deliberately. For it all to be left to chance after that is crazy. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her child, but she was screwed here.
I would have far more sympathy if they were a opposite sex white couple who didn't want to announce to the world that they'd grown their family through non-traditional means. But I admit to feeling some kind of way that a lesbian couple would be this cranky. This is probably flameworthy statement and I'm working on sorting it out.
Also, they are aware, yes that it's possible to get a biracial looking child with seemingly white genes, yes?
I think they are mad that they now have to confront their privilege. Their shitty racist ass neighborhood was totally a great place for them to settle and raise children . . . until they had a baby of color to raise.
Not that people who are gay can't be racist, but I'm not mad at her for wanting to spare her child the ridicule she's experienced. She had the opportunity to choose a donor, which she did deliberately. For it all to be left to chance after that is crazy. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her child, but she was screwed here.
She was screwed??
I need to walk away now because it's clear this thread is going no where good.
the sperm bank sent her a typed letter of apology along with a refund check for the six vials of incorrect sperm that were sent to her in September 2011.
That made me LOL. Oops! Our bad.
I had nightmares of embryo mixups. I would be so raging pissed if my clinic did that or screwed up donor sperm. I'm not mad at them for suing either, but I'll admit to side-eyeing a lot of this. That couple needed to move even before they had kids.
Post by Velar Fricative on Oct 1, 2014 8:33:05 GMT -5
I get suing the donor bank for making this mistake. She ordered one thing and got another. That was wrong of the bank to do.
However, I feel really icky about the rest of this article that mentions all the consequences of her delivering a mixed-race child. Lawyers, help - did they really have to go so deep regarding the consequences of what happened or could they have had a case if all they did was say "Hey donor bank, you fucked up and didn't give us what we paid for"?
Not that people who are gay can't be racist, but I'm not mad at her for wanting to spare her child the ridicule she's experienced. She had the opportunity to choose a donor, which she did deliberately. For it all to be left to chance after that is crazy. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her child, but she was screwed here.
She was screwed??
I need to walk away now because it's clear this thread is going no where good.
They apparently don't live in a place that they feel is a healthy environment for raising a child of color. So they decided not to. They had that choice. That choice was taken away from them because someone in a lab was careless. I see it as no different than when a doctor fails to inform a family about a genetic abnormality. The parents deserve the opportunity to prepare for any challenges, and as shitty as it is, they feel like the child's race in this environment will be challenging.*
To your previous post. we've talked endlessly about how hard it is for many people to relocate. They might not be able to just up and move to a more inclusive place.
*And you know I am not calling race an abnormality.
Post by ChillyMcFreeze on Oct 1, 2014 8:39:29 GMT -5
I do really side-eye her assertion that, unlike her sexuality, her child's race is "irrepressible." There seems to be some latent self-loathing here that she needs to address.
They apparently don't live in a place that they feel is a healthy environment for raising a child of color. So they decided not to. They had that choice. That choice was taken away from them because someone in a lab was careless. I see it as no different than when a doctor fails to inform a family about a genetic abnormality. The parents deserve the opportunity to prepare for any challenges, and as shitty as it is, they feel like the child's race in this environment will be challenging.*
To your previous post. we've talked endlessly about how hard it is for many people to relocate. They might not be able to just up and move to a more inclusive place.
*And you know I am not calling race an abnormality.
Okay one, I don't believe for a minute that they decided against some dark sperm because they thought they lived in a bad environment for raising a multiracial child. Plus, they live there. That is there community.
Secondly, they don't get to blather about how upper class their neighborhood is and then cry about the hardship of having to move.
Third, I doubt the whole community is racist. I think it's far more likely their friends and the people they interact with are.
Fourth, I'm with @bunnybean. There is no way this community is welcoming and open to gay couples but has a problem with children of color.
Fifth, I think it's awful damned rich for a gay couple to make a lot of noise about how they wanted to spare their child possible ridicule and thus, they didn't want no black babies.
I do think they should sue because they were not given what they were promised. At minimum, the clinic should suffer serious repercussions in order to make it clear that their policies and practices need to be tightened up like a motherfucker.
But all of this other shit? These people ain't right.
I am curious to know what they really want compensation for. Because you know, we talk about wrongful birth suits and how parents who do this want their special needs child to be cared for and they don't have the means to do so.
But the moving costs business? As a biracial woman myself I can tell you that changing neighborhoods is not some magic fix. There has never been a place I've lived where I've not been subject to some measure of ridicule for my race.
So I wonder if their motivation is shutting down the clinic or swaying them to change their practices. If this is the language they need to use to make that happen, it's still squicky but I kind of get it. However, idk. I'm not sure that is their motivation.
They apparently don't live in a place that they feel is a healthy environment for raising a child of color. So they decided not to. They had that choice. That choice was taken away from them because someone in a lab was careless. I see it as no different than when a doctor fails to inform a family about a genetic abnormality. The parents deserve the opportunity to prepare for any challenges, and as shitty as it is, they feel like the child's race in this environment will be challenging.*
To your previous post. we've talked endlessly about how hard it is for many people to relocate. They might not be able to just up and move to a more inclusive place.
*And you know I am not calling race an abnormality.
Okay one, I don't believe for a minute that they decided against some dark sperm because they thought they lived in a bad environment for raising a multiracial child. Plus, they live there. That is there community.
Secondly, they don't get to blather about how upper class their neighborhood is and then cry about the hardship of having to move.
Third, I doubt the whole community is racist. I think it's far more likely their friends and the people they interact with are.
Fourth, I'm with @bunnybean. There is no way this community is welcoming and open to gay couples but has a problem with children of color.
Fifth, I think it's awful damned rich for a gay couple to make a lot of noise about how they wanted to spare their child possible ridicule and thus, they didn't want no black babies.
I do think they should sue because they were not given what they were promised. At minimum, the clinic should suffer serious repercussions in order to make it clear that their policies and practices need to be tightened up like a motherfucker.
But all of this other shit? These people ain't right.
for some reason i can't bold but your second to last sentence is spot on, along with the rest. i have Z.E.R.O doubt that this would be my asshole neighbors if this happened to them. not because of the mixup but ZOMG I HAZ BLACK BABIES. they are racist as fuck but would never admit it while in the next breath calling someone an N-bomb.
As in their chose to move to lily-whiteville. It was a perfectly acceptable place for them to raise children, as a gay couple no less, and now no, can't raise kids here?
I guess that's a separate issue then, why you'd want to raise ANY children in an environment like that. Did they not realize it would be like that? Something about that neighborhood appealed to them.
I'm having feelings about this I can't articulate very well.
Sue away, and I hope they win. But if you are worried that your family and neighbourhood will not accept your child then you need a new family and new neighbourhood. Not a new child.
That said, even if they lived elsewhere it's not like certain areas are immune from being racist. Mixed race families do face struggles, and it seems like they were aware that they weren't up for it.
I understand suing for getting the wrong sperm. That was a huge mess up and and getting their money back and a letter of apology doesn't seem to be enough punishment or compensation for a mess up of this magnitude.
Is there a reason why they would need to note all this other stuff to win the lawsuit? Is this them trying to show the hardships and difficulties they have suffered because of the clinic's mistake? Do they need to do that to win their case?
I asked the same question above and Catlawdy said (paraphrasing) that if you're suing for damages, you would need to be as detailed as possible no matter how icky the details are.
I understand suing for getting the wrong sperm. That was a huge mess up and and getting their money back and a letter of apology doesn't seem to be enough punishment or compensation for a mess up of this magnitude.
Is there a reason why they would need to note all this other stuff to win the lawsuit? Is this them trying to show the hardships and difficulties they have suffered because of the clinic's mistake? Do they need to do that to win their case?
Raise her up and keep her hair combed is making me giggle. This from their filing however, is not:
When the receptionist returned for the second time, she asked Jennifer if she had requested an African American donor to which she replied, "No, why would I request that? My partner and I are Caucasian. You know that from our profiles."
Well, if the all-white community don't like black people and the black people are side-eyeing the white folks who don't like them when they come into the community to get the baby's hair combed, they can send fudge ripple to me here in DC and I'll raise her and keep her hair combed. Problem solved.
Raise her up and keep her hair combed is making me giggle. This from their filing however, is not:
When the receptionist returned for the second time, she asked Jennifer if she had requested an African American donor to which she replied, "No, why would I request that? My partner and I are Caucasian. You know that from our profiles."
I'm wondering if they would have sued if donor 330 had been white.
It didn't bother them to live in a racist neighborhood before they had kids. I understand the shock of not being prepared to deal with the realities of a mixed-race child and it's no small issue, but the complaint that they've suffered economic hardship because they now have a mixed-race child bothers me.
Raise her up and keep her hair combed is making me giggle. This from their filing however, is not:
When the receptionist returned for the second time, she asked Jennifer if she had requested an African American donor to which she replied, "No, why would I request that? My partner and I are Caucasian. You know that from our profiles."
I think this lady has a raging case of TMI. The correct answer here would have been, "No."
Raise her up and keep her hair combed is making me giggle. This from their filing however, is not:
When the receptionist returned for the second time, she asked Jennifer if she had requested an African American donor to which she replied, "No, why would I request that? My partner and I are Caucasian. You know that from our profiles."
Later in the filing, they detail how small town they grew up in, that they didn't meet people of color until they were in college (I'm sure there were a lot of lesbians though or something.) She goes on to say that their families are very intolerant and say things both about her sexuality and about people of other races.
And then later she says that they actually lived in a far more diverse area but moved to the white area because the schools were better and they wanted to be closer to family (the same racist and homophobic family they were just bitching about.)
So basically racism and intolerance and perfectly acceptable environments in which to raise white children but not black ones.
That being said, it also details that the sperm supplying place is incompetent as fuck. So
ETA: Both of the parents grew up in the same neighborhood, at least that's my understanding from the filing.
I get suing the donor bank for making this mistake. She ordered one thing and got another. That was wrong of the bank to do.
However, I feel really icky about the rest of this article that mentions all the consequences of her delivering a mixed-race child. Lawyers, help - did they really have to go so deep regarding the consequences of what happened or could they have had a case if all they did was say "Hey donor bank, you fucked up and didn't give us what we paid for"?
I do not know Ohio civil procedure, but generally speaking, you cannot sue if there is no injury. Buying one thing but receiving another is not always enough to have standing/state a claim. Typically, you need to detail what the injury to you is, and the type and size of the damages and remedies will deprnd almost entirely on what the injury you have pled is.
In other words, these allegations were likely very necessary for there to even be a lawsuit. There is no other way for the clinic to be held accountable but for them to detail their "injuries." Ohio likely has some significant tort reform statutes on their books, which may heighten the duties of the plaintiff to detail injuries so the suit doesnt get thrown out.
It is very rare for a purely retrubution type lawsuit, where consequences are assessed purely because the defendant screwed up without regard to the injury suffered by the plaintiff to survive the preliminary stages of a lawsuit, and courts can sanction or fine people just for filing them.