Thank you to everyone replying with words of advice. Yes, I have been upfront with my bad experiences with CrossFit. I knew I would take criticism posting all of this. I'm not sure what to do next but I want to try to make sure that they understand how bad their behavior was and that this doesn't happen to someone else. Speaking up is the only way to do this.
Thanks again for taking the time to give me advice:)
Huh? No one is criticizing you at all. You should absolutely tell them what they did is fucked up.
Let's take this out of the CFbox and say you were at a store picking out a dress. You wanted the red one. The sales person yells at you from across the department and say red looks terrible on you. You need the green one. She then comes over, rips the red one out of your hand, and shoves the green one in your face. If someone did that to you in a store, you'd complain to management and never go in there again.
This is TERRIBLE customer service. The best way to show them that you don't like them is to take your business elsewhere. Is there any other box near you? In my suburb there are *FIVE* boxes with in about 5 miles of my house. I would walk out of there and never go back. I'm with everyone else...is there a reason you just HAVE to stay there?
I think you should find another box - and if not (which seems to be what will happen), I would definitely outline your issues - that you *were* communicating the injury, that you were scaling, but that no one was actually listening to you. I would say that CF gets a bad rap because people get hurt - and you were following your doctor's advice in scaling and doing lighter weight, etc.
If and when you go back, I think you need to be more firm in what you can do and if you have to get bitchy, get bitchy. ESPECIALLY to someone adding weight to your bar. I mean, what the actual fuck? I would have had no problem saying something - as would half of my class on my half. I fear that things won't get better if some random asshole would think it was okay to: 1) notice that you were doing light weight, 2) SAY something to you (unless she was a friend, maybe) and 3) have the balls to add to it. I think that is telling to the kind of box this is, which sucks. Sorry.
Post by emilyinchile on Oct 6, 2014 3:03:53 GMT -5
enfuego23, I won't get into whatever is going on with your H, but please just reread this thread as many times as you need to in order to KNOW that you are right here, and you have a ton of people who support you and are worried about this box. If somehow when you take into account all the factors that we don't know, you (not your H, but you) think that staying is the best choice then I hope things improve, but if you would feel better trying somewhere new then you definitely have a ton of support here, whatever your H may think about it. ((hugs))
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I am appalled that you were treated that way by your coaches and other gym members. Appalled! I would die right there on the spot and feel all the same emotions that you are feeling. I am raging for you.
For whatever reasons, you do not want to quit this box. Do what is best for you, if it means staying it means staying and so be it, but I think the advice of the others here is great for crafting an appropriate email. If the coaches who emailed you about communication and who were the ones yelling are not the owners, I would CC them as well. Tell them you still want to come back but this is their last chance to keep you (and H! Double the loss for them!) and really emphasize how completely inappropriate they were. I hope, regardless of what you decide to do, you feel comfortable with your decision. xo.
Post by phoenixrising on Oct 6, 2014 8:07:29 GMT -5
So I am just a lurker and not a CFer (although I am in awe of those of you who are), but is the reason that you don't want to quit this box because there is not another one in your area? I live in a pretty built up (yet non-city) area, and there are probably four or five boxes that I could go to if I were to start CFing. But I can see how, if you do not have that option, it would be hard to quit this one.
Other than that, I have a long history of being a bit of a doormat, and I definitely get the feeling of not wanting to quit. However, I also know that no one deserves to be treated the way you have been. And I know that the GBCNers are here to support you in whatever way you need.
Post by bullygirl979 on Oct 6, 2014 8:31:53 GMT -5
I agree with PP, I would not return to that box and would find another.
I admit, I've added weights to a friend's bar when working out but 1) she is a friend. I would NEVER do that to a stranger 2) it is after she mentioned that it was a fairly easy weight and 3) I would NEVER do it if she said she was hurt, sore, etc.
If you do decide to stay, I would definitely send a strong email to the coaches and the owners telling them that what they did was totally unacceptable.
Post by katinthehat on Oct 6, 2014 10:38:12 GMT -5
How did you not pick up a weight and throw it at that chic's head? I would lay a beat down if some douche at the gym loaded my bar with more weight, just because it happened at CF doesn't mean it's okay at all.
I know this is exactly what you don't want to hear but I would absolutely quit this gym. This is NOT a healthy environment, mentally or physically. I would send an email to both of the coaches stating that you communicated quite clearly that you have an injury and that you have a plan in place to deal with it (approved by your DOCTORS) and that their ignoring that was wildly inappropriate. And furthermore, that regardless of injury, you are a grown ass adult who doesn't need to be chastised or berated or talked down to and that you will no longer be patronizing a business that refuses to offer you the barest minimum of personal respect.
This
This x100. Those trainers are assholes. I have never come across a trainer like this and their behavior is unacceptable and dangerous.
Post by Wines Not Whines on Oct 6, 2014 12:14:47 GMT -5
Is your husband worried that if you switch gyms, he has to switch, too? I don't know if that's a concern at all, but if so, maybe you can tell him he doesn't need to do that?
enfuego23, I'm not sure how I missed this yesterday but I'm so mad that happened to you. The behavior of that girl and the coaches was 100000% out of line and uncalled for on SO many levels, and the fact that the coaches 1. did not shut the girl down themselves and 2. continued to try to push you into something you had been explicitly clear you were not doing due to injury is IMO a huge red flag w/r/t the ability of these coaches to actually do their jobs well. CF boxes are a dime a dozen in our city, of which I know you're well aware. But if you are set on not leaving this box, I think a letter along the lines of what FMLB suggested is good. Keep us updated on their response. At this point, I think how they handle the situation will be a good indicator of whether they deserve to keep your business or not.
I'm a long time CrossFitter with a long time chronic injury requiring a lot of workout modifications. I completely understand the self consciousness and embarrassment that comes in a group setting when a coach is telling you to do something you either shouldn't do or can't do. It's frustrating and maddening and I've walked out of a gym crying, too. When I've walked out of gyms for treating me that way, I've not gone back. If I tell a coach about my hip injury and they tell me to squat lower, that tells me they're just another shitty CF coach who bought their certification, knows nothing about anatomy and biomechanics, and doesn't care about individual client needs. CrossFit costs too much. I refuse to pay for that level of "coaching". And you shouldn't be paying for crappy, abusive coaching either.
Is your husband worried that if you switch gyms, he has to switch, too? I don't know if that's a concern at all, but if so, maybe you can tell him he doesn't need to do that?
Better question is why would he want to continue giving money to people that treat his wife the way they did?
Is your husband worried that if you switch gyms, he has to switch, too? I don't know if that's a concern at all, but if so, maybe you can tell him he doesn't need to do that?
Better question is why would he want to continue giving money to people that treat his wife the way they did?
Yes, all of this.
Obviously there are two things going on here (which you admitted.) 1) You need to feel fucking supported by your DH.
2) This gym is a friggin nightmare. I don't even need to get into how insanely unprofessional they are. The first thing that jumps out at me is how everyone in this story is completely void of basic human decency. Nosy, pushy, no concept for boundaries or personal space bitch, needs to back right on up and focus on her own workout. I mean, wtf?! If I was able to restrain myself from putting her and the coaches in their place, I would then likely have to restrain my husband from opening his mouth. WTF does that?
Then your coaches (You can't even call them this, really) should not be speaking down to or yelling at ANYONE like that. I don't care who you are or what situation you're in. This does not sound like typical "Come on, you can do this, push harder" types of healthy encouragement. No one should make you feel like this. You should not tolerate anyone making you feel like this.
I know you want to address it and that's AWESOME. Seriously. But why you would want to keep going there is beyond me. I don't really know what advice to give for that.
Post by mollyrunner on Oct 6, 2014 15:12:24 GMT -5
Just wanted to come in to say that peer pressure like that sounds horrible. I would have cried too. I hope you are getting closer to a resolution. I love the camaraderie of Crossfit...not people being pressuring asshats.
But its not quitting. Your distancing yourself from a negative place that isn't good for you. You don't have to give up Crossfit or lifting. But, please don't see leaving this gym as quitting. No one should be made to feel the way you did there.
Post by ghostmonkey on Oct 6, 2014 19:35:38 GMT -5
I'm sorry you feel that way and more sorry you were put into a position where you feel the way you do. You aren't quitting if you leave that box. If you are going somewhere else that you feel comfortable and respected, that is not quitting.
It's not quitting. It's standing up for yourself and leaving an atmosphere that, based on what you've posted, is not healthy. There are so many other CF boxes here in town, I'm sure there's a better fit for you.
Look at it this way: If you had a friend leave an abusive relationship, would you tell her she was quitting? No. It's the same thing here. You'd be leaving a relationship that clearly doesn't have your best interests in mind, and going to find one that does.
I've been doing Crossfit for 10 months now. I've lost about 20 pounds and have probably another 80 to go. I'm on blood thinners (so no box jumps until I know for sure I can do them because if I bite, it'll be pretty bloody) and have knee, leg and back issues. With a few exceptions, I have to work with modifications and lighter weights that I really want to. And my coaches and the other box members are extremely supportive and motivating. I don't do well with the yelling either. I don't think most women do honestly. My HS soccer coach was a great mens coach but SUCKED coaching women because of his approach. I think your Crossfit "coach" is the same.
I'm sorry you're not getting the support from your H and your coaches as you should be.
Post by katinthehat on Oct 7, 2014 13:05:14 GMT -5
You aren't quitting. YOU AREN'T QUITTING! You're just refusing to pay anymore money to people who are being at the best unprofessional and at the worst (and probably in reality) abusive.
I am so sorry. These people were awful to you, and I'm kind of wtf'ing your DH for not supporting you. I would leave this gym in a hot minute. Have you heard back from them yet?