My 2 year old is broken

[game blouses]

They all go crazy at this age, right? (@cse1960)

He used to be very calm and cautious. Now he's impulsive and wild, and I know he's testing boundaries, but it is exhausting. He will declare "No throwing shoes!" as he throws shoes, and "Time for a timeout!" when he runs away from me in public. It's like he's making sure that every behavior results in the same consequence 100 times. He has no screen time, lots of protein, and no red food dye.

Yesterday I took him outside to run out some energy, and he picked up a big rock to throw it. I warned him not to do it, and he did, so I put him back inside with DH. He cried and pounded on the door - "Mama! I want to go outside! One more chance! Mama!" I opened the door, informed him that if he threw rocks again, he'd go back inside. So he came outside and immediately picked up the same rock and threw it.

When do they outgrow that impulsive stage?? I feel like I'm constantly coming down on him and I feel bad.

[stellas]

He's not being simply impulsive. He's being defiant. He wants to see if he can control you and/or wear you out to the point that you'll let him do whatever he wants. It's just part of them learning how to use their own minds.

My advice is consistency and picking your battles.

[game blouses]

Oct 20, 2014 15:00:00 GMT -5 stellas said:

He's not being simply impulsive. He's being defiant. He wants to see if he can control you and/or wear you out to the point that you'll let him do whatever he wants. It's just part of them learning how to use their own minds.

My advice is consistency and picking your battles.

He's absolutely being defiant. DH keeps trying to convince me that he's too young to be willfully defiant, but he is WRONG. That look he gets before he does something, man.

[youbetcha]

I think defiant is kind of strong. He's testing you certainly, but at his age, it's more about "what will happen if I do this again?" vs "I am going to piss my mom off by throwing this rock again." Don't lose your cool. Pick your battles, redirect most of the time and bring the hammer down when necessary.

[Deleted]

He's got your number with the "one more chance" thing. After the 2nd time he threw the rock did you take him inside for good? I kinda think 2.4 yrs. is too young for anything but redirection but if you're going to try to teach consequences, they have to be clear cut and rock (lol) solid. No second chances. You tell him not to throw the rock or he goes inside. He throws the rock. You take him inside. Period. Better yet, tell him if he throws the rock, he goes inside, in time out/peace chair/calm space wherever. Then put him there for 2 minutes (1 min for each year of age). After that, he can go outside again but with the same consequence if he throws the rock again. Rinse and repeat.

[game blouses]

Oct 20, 2014 15:41:49 GMT -5 @damnation said:

He's got your number with the "one more chance" thing. After the 2nd time he threw the rock did you take him inside for good? I kinda think 2.4 yrs. is too young for anything but redirection but if you're going to try to teach consequences, they have to be clear cut and rock (lol) solid. No second chances. You tell him not to throw the rock or he goes inside. He throws the rock. You take him inside. Period. Better yet, tell him if he throws the rock, he goes inside, in time out/peace chair/calm space wherever. Then put him there for 2 minutes (1 min for each year of age). After that, he can go outside again but with the same consequence if he throws the rock again. Rinse and repeat.

He did go inside for good after that. I don't think he understands time out yet; he does something that he knows we don't want him to do, like screaming at the top of his lungs, and then announce "Time out time!" When he is in time out, he makes it a game by getting up and running around and giggling. I put him down silently, he gets up again. We will do this for an hour, easily. 

[Deleted]

Oct 20, 2014 15:48:22 GMT -5 game blouses said:

Oct 20, 2014 15:41:49 GMT -5 @damnation said:

He's got your number with the "one more chance" thing. After the 2nd time he threw the rock did you take him inside for good? I kinda think 2.4 yrs. is too young for anything but redirection but if you're going to try to teach consequences, they have to be clear cut and rock (lol) solid. No second chances. You tell him not to throw the rock or he goes inside. He throws the rock. You take him inside. Period. Better yet, tell him if he throws the rock, he goes inside, in time out/peace chair/calm space wherever. Then put him there for 2 minutes (1 min for each year of age). After that, he can go outside again but with the same consequence if he throws the rock again. Rinse and repeat.

He did go inside for good after that. I don't think he understands time out yet; he does something that he knows we don't want him to do, like screaming at the top of his lungs, and then announce "Time out time!" When he is in time out, he makes it a game by getting up and running around and giggling. I put him down silently, he gets up again. We will do this for an hour, easily. 

Yep. Mine did that too. It took a while for me to find what worked for my DS. In the mean time I would kneel down, get eye-to-eye and say NO. THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Then remove him from the situation (redirect), like physically change his surroundings. He used to throw everything when he got mad or frustrated. I started taking the toy he threw and put it up on the fireplace mantle, where he could see it, and tell him he lost that toy for the time being. In the early years I gave it back to him a few hours later but now that he's 4 I don't give it back until the next day. Now it's a rare occurrence anymore but still a good reminder for him.

[game blouses]

Oct 20, 2014 15:53:17 GMT -5 @licia said:

Oct 20, 2014 15:48:22 GMT -5 game blouses said:

He did go inside for good after that. I don't think he understands time out yet; he does something that he knows we don't want him to do, like screaming at the top of his lungs, and then announce "Time out time!" When he is in time out, he makes it a game by getting up and running around and giggling. I put him down silently, he gets up again. We will do this for an hour, easily. 

Oh he understands time out. DD does the same sort of thing. We have a little chair that she now sits in and does a pretty good job staying in (she's on her way to 2, we put her there for biting/repeated hitting, other behaviors will become timeout worthy when she understands more). Before we had the chair, she would cry, wail, wiggle herself to a different spot in the room.

Fine. As long as you're sitting, away from whatever the situation is, we leave her be.

Just keep being consistent. That's all you can do.

ETA: And if you're doing time out and he gets up, I don't know that I would put him back silently. I take my cues from the Supernanny show, and for her, every infraction of leaving time out in the way you're describing gets a stern, "You are in time out for x behavior. You will sit in time out for 2 minutes." 

I also like to finish timeout with, "You were in time out for x behavior. Instead of x behavior, please to y (or listen or blah blah blah). Time out is all done. Let's go back to playing." I do that for my own good so I'm more cognizant of not letting bad things pile up on me, or else I would spend 99% of my time ticking off all the stuff my kid did that pissed me off all day long/all week long/all lifetime long.

This is really good advice. Right now we just use a carpet square, but a chair would be helpful. I just don't know what to do when a timeout seems like the desired outcome. Like, he's DELIGHTED to be in timeout because it means he can test even more boundaries!

[game blouses]

Oct 20, 2014 15:55:16 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Oct 20, 2014 15:48:22 GMT -5 game blouses said:

He did go inside for good after that. I don't think he understands time out yet; he does something that he knows we don't want him to do, like screaming at the top of his lungs, and then announce "Time out time!" When he is in time out, he makes it a game by getting up and running around and giggling. I put him down silently, he gets up again. We will do this for an hour, easily. 

Yep. Mine did that too. It took a while for me to find what worked for my DS. In the mean time I would kneel down, get eye-to-eye and say NO. THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Then remove him from the situation (redirect), like physically change his surroundings. He used to throw everything when he got mad or frustrated. I started taking the toy he threw and put it up on the fireplace mantle, where he could see it, and tell him he lost that toy for the time being. In the early years I gave it back to him a few hours later but now that he's 4 I don't give it back until the next day. Now it's a rare occurrence anymore but still a good reminder for him.

I've been playing with privileges lately. Like, I'll be a little more lenient when he's behaving well, so that I have something to take away when he's disobeying. He likes to eat his meals at his little table, but if he gets up and runs around during a meal, he has to go back into his high chair. Taking away "big boy things" or ending a play date early has been effective in the short term.

[karmasabiotch]

I fell for the testing his boundaries at that age, little did I know that he already had me figured out and he was winning.

[emoflamingo]

Oct 20, 2014 16:14:54 GMT -5 kooshball said:

It'll get better when he's in his 30s.

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUUUUEEEEEE.



My 2 year old hasn't figured this out either. It's the reason we're down 2 lamps and a lampshade in our house. I can't even say it ends because DS1 was definitely not as ornery as this.

[stellas]

Dd was a time out escaper. I had an epiphany one day and put her old space saver high chair with a lap belt in the time out spot.

Best day everrrr!

[8675309]

I have that 2yr old. Well, he's more than 2 1/2 really but yes he is testing the shit out of me lately. Timeout is burning me out man. He'll wiggle out of the corner or run away. I literally have to block him in with my body and the entire time I am repeating the same thing. "We do not hit sister. If you want to get out of time out to play you have to say sorry!" while he just yells and screams "Nooooooo!!!" over and over and over and over. It's mentally tolling.

My DD will be 5 in a couple months and she gets consequences a hell of a lot more than her little brother so I know it will get easier when I can start taking away his "currency" the way I do with her.

All that said, I feel you.