Post by kateausten on Oct 23, 2014 15:22:09 GMT -5
I took DD16 to her allergy doctor today for a check up and while we were there waiting for her flu shot she brought up wanting to start taking birth control pills to help regulate her period. Excuse me?? I tried not to make this face .
Funny timing since she has a new boyfriend and I was discussing with DH putting her on birth control "just in case" today.
She said it has nothing to do with having sex, she's just tired of having wonky periods. She's never brought it up to me that her cycles are so irregular so the timing seems suspicious.
I'm not really sure how I feel about it since she brought it up. Her BFF is on the pill for her cycles and it's really helped her. We had a long talk about not being on the pill to give her permission to sleep with her boyfriend. She says she's not ready for anything close to that.
Part of me believes her because she didn't seem like she was being untruthful but I can't help but feel she is looking for birth control. I'm all for her protecting herself but she's just not ready for sex.
I know I can't keep her from sleeping with her boyfriend but jeez this is all so hard!! We've met the boyfriend a couple times briefly and he seems really nice. I even had a long talk with his mom and she seems concerned that DD and I are comfortable with them hanging out.
Having a daughter is so different from having a son!!
It's a good thing that she brought it up first right?
I think it is great that she was comfortable asking you. It shows that she trusts you enough to ask. If it is strictly because she wants regular cycles then she will get that benefit. I can't say if this will make a difference in whether she sleeps with her boyfriend but it is better to be safe than sorry.
I am also unsure about my girls growing up. My girls are 5 and 2 and I think I might lock them in the basement during their teenage years. We don't have a basement but it might be worth digging one.
Post by tacosforlife on Oct 23, 2014 15:31:23 GMT -5
Deep breaths.
I would make her a doctor appointment (PCP or gyn) so she can discuss her options.
And remind her that if she does have sex, she should use a condom every time, regardless of being on the pill. I know you can't wait to have THAT conversation!
Oh man, that sounds tough! But I do think it's a great thing she brought it up. Better to be on BC than not.
I don't think anyone is "ready" for sex at 16, but realistically it's going to happen sometime in the near future (if not now, within a couple of years) so the best thing you can do is encourage open communication and being safe.
(I mean, I'm 32 with no kids, so take my advice with a grain of salt, lol)
I would make her a doctor appointment (PCP or gyn) so she can discuss her options.
And remind her that if she does have sex, she should use a condom every time, regardless of being on the pill. I know you can't wait to have THAT conversation!
This! Don't close the door on the conversation since she is wanting to have it. Her pediatrician or gyn will be able to help her (and you) decide what the best option is for her. I think the fact that she was comfortable bringing it up to you speaks very highly about how much she trusts you and values your opinion.
It is wonderful that she feels comfortable talking to you about it. I know it might be shocking but if you make a huge issue about it it will only make her think twice about coming to you in the future. I know I was uncomfortable talking to my mom about stuff like this a it led to some tough/close call situations.
I agree that it'd be a good idea to make her a gyn appointment, in the spirit of "I hear what you're saying, and I'm taking it seriously. It's a reasonable request that you should talk over with a doctor." I can totally get behind wanting to be on BCPs for the convenience/regularity, although I agree the timing of her request is suspicious. It'd be important to really emphasize that pregnancy isn't the only thing worth insisting on condoms to prevent.
She wasn't thinking her allergist would just write her a script, was she? That I wouldn't be down with. I'd want her to actually talk seriously to a gyn about what she wants, why, etc.
Well would you rather she be on the pill when she has sex or not? Cause either way it may happen and you giving her permission has zero impact on whether or not it will.
FWIW, I started BCP years before I started having sex.
And I'm really glad I did it in that order.
And I'm really really really glad that my mom suggested that I go on the pill "to control my acne" when she did so that we never had to have a conversation about the pill in relation to me having sex or not having sex with anyone I was dating at the time.
I would help her get on the pill and buy a whole bunch of condoms.
And did I understand correctly that you told her she doesn't have permission from you to have sex? That's .... awkward.
I don't remember how I exactly worded it but it something along the lines of not being ready and that I'm not saying it's ok for her to have sex. Does that make sense? Obviously she doesn't need my permission. lol
I agree that it'd be a good idea to make her a gyn appointment, in the spirit of "I hear what you're saying, and I'm taking it seriously. It's a reasonable request that you should talk over with a doctor." I can totally get behind wanting to be on BCPs for the convenience/regularity, although I agree the timing of her request is suspicious. It'd be important to really emphasize that pregnancy isn't the only thing worth insisting on condoms to prevent.
She wasn't thinking her allergist would just write her a script, was she? That I wouldn't be down with. I'd want her to actually talk seriously to a gyn about what she wants, why, etc.
I think she brought it up there because the allergist was prescribing something for her allergies and she (DD) wanted to make sure it wouldn't interfere with the pill. That right there makes me think it's more for birth control and not her cycle.
Sigh. I don't like them growing up! I'm glad she came to me though. My mom didn't talk about any of this stuff with me and I was an out of control teenager getting into all kinds of trouble. I had my DS at 18. My mom was "head in the sand" kinda mom when it came to anything like this.
Post by mrsjuleshs on Oct 23, 2014 16:28:51 GMT -5
We started DD (just turned 15 last month) on BCP this past week. Her periods are totally wonky. I know she didn't want them for sex even though she has been "dating" her BF for months, because she is extremely open with me about things. You definitely should consider taking her in and getting her on them.And you need to stay calm because you do NOT want that wall up between y'all.
I think it's great she asked you, and I think she's old enough that you need to start respecting her wishes WRT her body. Not saying you weren't, but it's probably good to get comfortable with this now, since in 2 years she's going to be 100% in charge.
I also agree with giving her condoms JUST IN CASE. She's 16...a looooot of 16 year olds are sexually active, so knowing she's got 100% support from her mom whatever she decides is great.
Post by kateausten on Oct 23, 2014 16:32:33 GMT -5
I know her coming to me was a good thing and I had planned on talking to her about birth control but it was just so shocking and out of left field when she brought it up. I wasn't expecting it at all.
The boyfriend came along very recently so I'm hoping she's not sleeping with him. It would be hard for them since she gets picked up right after school. Unless they are ditching class to go off somewhere....gahh!!!
Post by miniroller on Oct 23, 2014 16:38:23 GMT -5
Non-mom just FYI. So right, the fact that she brought it up to make sure her prescription wouldn't interfere w/ BCP is a definite clue that it's not solely for period regulation. HOWEVER, I'm impressed that your 16-yr-old daughter has the knowledge to seek this info! Scary for you, I can't imagine. But just wanted to pat your daughter on the back for being overly cautious regarding med interference that screw a lot of girls w/ BCP. Well done so far, mom
Time to get a box of condoms and let her know where they are. By 16, I was more than "ready" for sex physically. I get that a lot of people mean emotionally, but emotional immaturity isn't going to keep someone from doing stuff forever.
Doesn't anyone remember the rush from sexual contact in your teens? Holy hell. To have that kind of sex drive now...
lol yes, I would love that rush but I don't really need to think of my daughter having that rush.
I think we'll have another chat when I get her from school.
My 17 year old sister just told me she wants to go on it for her acne. Of course she brings it up to me because she doesn't want to be the one to ask my mom for it. I'm of the mind that it's good for her to get used to taking it - we've only got two years until she goes to college and at that point she'll be able to make those decisions (she goes to boarding school and I know if she really wanted to she could make them now).
The timing might be suspicious, but I think there's only so much you can do to stop them if they really want to do it. Worst case scenario, at least she's being responsible. I would make sure she has access to condoms as well if she needs them.
I would be delighted if my daughter asked me for BCP. She can get them without you; that conversation means she respects your opinion and she wants some guidance.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by nonsenseabound on Oct 23, 2014 20:53:33 GMT -5
dude, take her to an OBGYN and get her on bcp. Actually, I'd probably want something she couldn't screw up so I'd consider the shot or an IUD. And I'd probably give a demonstration on condoms. And then I'd say if you are too embarrassed to watch and ask questions then you are not ready for sex. And then I'd safe sex talk the bejesus out of her.
Aww I'm sure it's scary for you to think about your baby growing up. But yeah definitely take her to the ob/gyn so she can be presented with all the options and she can decide with her doctor what's the best option. It's great that she is so open with you!
Post by ellipses84 on Oct 23, 2014 21:48:58 GMT -5
I think you have to be supportive of it otherwise she will not be open with you in the future. I would definitely make an appt with a gyno for her and have them talk to her about it, how it's not 100% effective and doesn't protect against STDs, then I would reiterate that to her. I know you want to protect your daughter but having a teen pregnancy will ruin her hopes for the future a lot more than having (safe) sex will.
When I was 16 I went to the Dr with my mom. The Dr asked if I was sexually active and of course I said no in front of my mom. When I went to do a urine sample, the Dr caught me in the hall away from my mom and asked me again and told me to come back by myself if I wanted birth control. I'd actually had sex already but had broken up with that boyfriend and took a year break. When I got a new boyfriend I went and got birth control and I was so thankful for that Dr ( who gave me tons of free samples so it didn't show up on my mom's insurance). I really wanted to go to college and was terrified of getting pregnant or an STD so I always used condoms too. I think if my mom knew I was on birth control I would have held off longer on having sex.
Do it. Also discuss how the pill does not protect against STDs. I will also add, depending on what state you are in, she can go to her regular doctor and get put on the pill without you. My DD1's doctor told me in MD that at age 15, the state considered reproductive issues private and it's almost an emanicipated area with minors. I told the doctor I didn't have a problem and I was asking because I wanted her to know she could go ask questions and seek help if needed. She did come to me when she was ready and I am glad I was there to help her and really discuss just not the health effects but the emotional ones as well. You want to be there for her too.
That was why I asked for them Thankfully, my mom was smart enough that she also told me that even though sex wasn't acceptable for our family's belief system that I should know that 1., the pill isn't effective the first month and 2., because she knows some of my "friends" may not want to talk to their moms about this stuff, here's a huge thing of condoms. They're the only thing that will protect you from STIs.
I was 17 and has sex for the first time (with my boyfriend of 4 years) 34 days later.
She's opened the door for you, so, as uncomfortable as it is, use this time to talk about protecting herself in all ways.
How many of us here lost our virginity at/before 16? It's so, so normal.
I can't imagine how hard a pill it is for a mom to swallow (heh) but now is the time. Be cool about it and both you and her will be minimally traumatised by it.
Good on her for doing this. I didn't have the cojones at her age.
Post by polarbearfans on Oct 24, 2014 5:31:55 GMT -5
I has horrible periods in high school,like would have to stay home from school I was in so much pain and it was so heavy. From magazines I knew the pill could help me but there was nobody to ask to help me with that. Even when my doctor brought up the topic of bc, I was too shy and afraid to ask him. So the timing may be suspicious, but she really may want it to regulate her periods. Regardless it's great that she feels comfortable asking! Def have a talk about the pill not being 100% on preventing pregnancy and that they don't protect against STIs.