Choosing Joy Always?

[HoneySpider]

((jjwritergirl)) I'm sorry you're struggling, friend

I think it's ok to sometimes just let yourself acknowledge you're having a rough time and be down for a little bit. You have so much going on right now and it would be hard for anyone to handle that and always be positive. You know things will eventually get better but in this moment, let it all out.

The thing that usually helps me the most is getting out of my element and visiting with family or friends. Could you maybe go spend some time with travelbug?

[MrsMB]

MANY hugs my friend! I wish I could make all of this better for you! Like Honeyspider said...this is a rough time. If family and friends can help out for a bit to give you a breather....even for 15 minutes...that would be great. If they ask, I'd let them.

You have a LOT of change going on right now....more change than one can easily handle at one time. New baby...new surroundings.

[awick14]

((Hugs)) Can you get someone to watch the little one for an evening so you can just relax and maybe watch a movie or even nap with your H?

I wish we all lived closer so we could help each other in these situations.

[krystee]

The good news is that everyone else wants to see the baby at parties, so the parents almost never have to hold him/her!

I hope you get a little reprieve soon! Can you go out for a bit on your own tomorrow while your H is home? Would an in-law watch him so you could have a date, even if it's just a short coffee run?

[melsamoony]

((hugs))! I feel you friend. I have been riding an emotional roller coaster too and with all the changes you have gone through it is totally understandable.

My outlet is music. I put on some happy music and I dance around. When DS can't be put down I put him in a carrier and dance w him lol. It is silly and goofy but it helps me.

[estrellita]

I'm probably not the best person to answer this because I've been so crabby and stressed out lately, haha. I think one thing that can always put me in a good mood is good music. I like cheesy 90s or early 2000s music personally! The other thing that helps is spending time with friends. After a game night I'm usually in a good mood!

[melsamoony]

jjwritergirl also if DS won't sleep at the party maybe just keep him w you so you can at least socialize/have DH hold him so that you can have a break.

[travelbug]

Huge hugs my friend! What a tough situation and so draining. I agree with the other ladies maybe a quick coffee date for just you a hubby maybe one of the Sister-In-Laws could watch M for an hour or so. Or a quick outing or walk just you and your DH to have some alone bonding. I hope things start to feel more like home soon, being in a transition stinks and you had so many thrown at you all in a row. It's normal to feel discombobulated. I hope M sleeps at the party so you can hopefully enjoy yourself a little bit. I agree with HoneySpider come visit with me!

[melsamoony]

I think my response got eaten. jjwritergirl do you have any friends coming to the party? You should ask one of them to sit w you and DS.

Also if you have a good friend/family that you are comfortable w nearby go spend the day w them one day. Make sure it is somewhere you feel comfortable feeding. Spending the day somewhere else helps a lot! If it is a short distance away the drive may be more tolerable.

[zarapipe]

I'm sorry your struggling jj. Have you talked to your dr about pp depression? Baby blues that last past a month arENT normal and should be taken seriously but happens all the time. If you feel like you aren't yourself I would reach out for help. You deserve to be happy.

[mac08]

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time, jjwritergirl.  You have been through the two biggest changes/stressors that a person can experience within a very short time of each other, so it's no wonder your emotions are a roller coaster.  I am not a parent, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but is there anyone you trust that would be willing to watch him for just an hour on a regular basis so you can get out of the house and do something, or someone could take him out so you could rest? I know he might scream, but he would still be safe and you would be back with him in just an hour.  Just an idea anyway.  Hugs, and hang in there!

[wanderingenough]

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I'd agree with melsamoony. If you could just spend the day at a friend's house, maybe the change of scenery would help. You and that person could watch tv and chat, but you'd be in the comforts of a home when you need to feed/hold M.

[luv2rn4fun]

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time jjwritergirl. I agree with PP...have someone watch M (even if just for a little while) so you and your DH can have some alone time, get out with friends and family when you can, lean on your DH and let him know that you need his help in the evenings so you can have some alone time, etc. Good music also helps (I find on days when I WFH and am feeling isolated that turning on the radio really helps) and so does getting outside for a walk (this is something you can do with M during the day and you and your DH can do when he's home in the evening...even though M is with you you will still have a little bonding time). I also agree with zarapipe in talking to your doctor. Although your feelings are completely normal and understandable given all the changes, PPD might be playing a role and it's worth looking into. Sending you LOTS of ((hugs)) my friend.

As for choosing joy...sometimes life just sucks and even when you try your best it is what it is. There was a great sermon from one of our old pastors that talked about a verse in James (1:2-4). A lot of times we think that we are supposed to be joyful in our trials, especially as Christians. However, that's not what the verse intends or translates...it's how God uses these times to strengthen us and depend on Him. This sermon really helped me in the midst of 2013 (2 losses and my DH falling off our roof)...joy was very hard to come by most days but knowing that it was okay to let myself feel what I needed to feel was comforting. Hang in there- you are doing a great job mama!

[katiek]

Big hugs jjwritergirl. I hope you were able to have fun tonight! I'm feeling similarly, and I don't even have the stress of moving! Having a baby is so mentally and physically exhausting, and so is moving. You have to do both at once!

How hard have you tried giving a bottle? We've been working on it for a while now, and he cries and takes an hour, but he will eat from one now (he's not crying for an hour straight; we're not evil). It only works when H does it, and only while bouncing on the exercise ball. And I can't be in sight. Knowing that I can leave for longer is one of the best things to make me feel a little more normal, even though I haven't actually done it yet. I might try some more options (other nipples? different locations?) to see if that could work. If you tried a lot, ignore me!

Also, do you have a carrier you like? I love to put Milo in a carrier, put on some fun music, and dance us around. That helps me feel happier, and he doesn't cry while we're moving, so it's a win-win.

Anyway, I feel you. I'm really sorry you're feeling like this I don't have a lot of advice, but I really hope you start feeling better soon.

[bk1]

I am so sorry jjwritergirl. I have been in this thread half a dozen times and I can never think of anything to say. This is something I have been struggling with for a while too. I just want to give you so many ((hugs)). 

[katiek]

In hindsight, my paragraph about bottles seems preachy/know-it-all-ish. That wasn't my intention, but I'm sorry if it comes across like that! I was trying to say that there may still be hope for him taking a bottle, but then I started rambling. I apologize if I sounded obnoxious.

[travelbug]

I'm so glad and happy to read your update jjwritergirl <3 all of that sounds wonderful. I started my vitamin D a little bit ago. It's amazing how well it works!

[awick14]

I'm glad to read your update. It can't be fixed overnight but some small things will help.

[melsamoony]

I am happy to hear you are doing better. It will take time but it sounds like you are on the right track.

[MrsMB]

Yay for your update Sounds like some GOOD things are in place

[bk1]

So glad to hear this update!

[HoneySpider]

I'm glad you have some steps in place to start feeling better!

[luv2rn4fun]

Super happy to read your update! Glad you and your DH were able to talk and come up with some changes that will help you feel better!

[D2M]

I'm sorry you're having a rough go, JJ. The four-month mark was also really hard for me. You feel like you know what you're doing, you're in a good groove, and then everything hits the fan. For me, it also did not help that DD's sleep went to crap at this point and my H's job went insane (never home before 10 p.m.). I didn't have a bottle refuser, though, so I imagine that was a whole other layer of stress.

You've gotten a lot of good advice in this thread. One thing that I'd like to add is that please do NOT feel bad if the baby cries and you're worried about upsetting people around you. Also, allow yourself to be selfish. Take time to blow dry your hair or take that extra long shower or go shopping by yourself, even if it's just for an hour. I really like the suggestion of going to someone's home where you feel comfortable nursing. Just having your hands free for like 5 minutes while the other person holds your baby can be a game changer. (My inlaws were here last week and I realized how much my DD is attached to me 24/7. I love my kiddo, but man, it was amaaaaaaaaazing having some help!)